Posts By AlexBlagg

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Tabloids + Tats = Trouble

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Some dude tattooed Maddox Jolie Pitt onto his right arm.  People, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times – do not read "US Weekly" while under the influence of alcohol.  One minute you’re flipping pages and making catty remarks about people’s dresses, the next thing you know you’re pants are off, your house is on fire, someone has taken out a restraining order against you and you’ve got an adopted third-world child tattooed on your forearm.  I’ve seen it a million times. 

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CORN FLAKES: Your Essential Inessentials

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  • A fake Paris Hilton caused a major buzz at NY’s Fashion Week.  Apparently you can now become a celebrity by pretending to be a celebrity who became a celebrity by pretending to be a celebrity.
  • John Mayer says his next album won’t have the "pop sweetness" of current radio hits.  Instead, its gonna be all the hard-rocking, totally shredding metal badassedness that has become synonomous with "John Mayer".
  • Flavor Flav has a crush on Paris Hilton.  Someone please tell him that their coupling is an existential impossibility that would inevitably result in the immediate annihilation of all space and time as we know it. 
  • Nick Lachey speaks out against criticism that his new single "What’s Left of Me" is a cynical attempt to cash in on his highly-publicized split from ex-wife Jessica Simpson.  Lachey insists that the song just "sounded classier" than his other idea, "I f#cked Jessica Simpson and All I Got Was This Stupid Former Miss Kentucky".
  • King Kong star Jack Black claims to have grown up in a sex cult, which is pretty gross but explains a lot.
  • Brittany Murphy claims she didn’t kiss her fiance until after they went on 17 dates. Upon hearing the news, movie studios immediately greenlight new crappy Brittany Murphy movie titled "17 Dates."
  • Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley NUDE!!! That should help out our google referrals.
  • B.B. King will give you a signed guitar if you find his lost dog. He’ll also give you a signed guitar if you buy him a hot dog.
  • Gwenyth Paltrow wants Apple (the daughter, not the fruit) to have an American accent because she hates the way Brits pronounce "basil" and and "pasta." We, meanwhile, hate the way she pronounces Anthony.
  • Busta Rhymes may be questioned in relation to the shooting of his bodyguard. But don’t worry, he’s got us all in check.
  • Ashlee Simpson insists that her father is not a control freak. She then looks over her shoulder and mouths "Help me… please… he’s watching us."

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The BWE Guide to Great PR: Jacko Sings Catholic Praises

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Lesson #84: "Enlisting a Pop Singer to Create a More Positive Image For Scandal-Plagued Client"

Let’s say you’re a publicist.  And let’s say your client is the Roman Catholic Church.  You should be eating, sleeping and breathing new ways to deflect negative attention from the church’s recent string of sexual abuse scandals.  Your goal in life needs to be getting the church as far away from the "child molesters" stigma as possible. 

But there’s only so much a sincerely worded, heartfelt press release can do.  The Vatican can only make so many official statements condemning the actions of the offending clergy.  Sometimes you need to go the extra step.  Sometimes you just need a little more.  Sometimes…you need to get children’s rights advocate Michael Jackson to record the prayers of the church’s holiest leader

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Vote for Nacho

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Ain’t It Cool News has the exclusive online trailer for Nacho Libre, the new Jack Black comedy from the guy who did Napoleon Dynamite.  High School teachers across the country are already bracing themselves for the film’s inevitable plethora of catch phrases they’re going to be hearing constantly for the next two years.

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Penn Maims Another Cameraman

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Some paparazzo is trying to file charges after being attacked while shooting photos at Chris Penn’s funeral.

Showing up at Sean Penn’s brother’s funeral and trying to take paparazzi pics is pretty much like showing up at a Black Panther meeting in Klan Robes.  Sorta had it coming, bro.  Also, mental note – even though he may look all "indie and sensitive" you DO NOT f*ck with Mark Ruffalo