Posts By AlexBlagg

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ICYMI: Never, Ever Piss Off David Letterman

If you guys didn’t catch The Late Show With David Letterman last night, you missed one of the most epic episodes of Letterman’s long-running late night TV career. John McCain just so happened to be scheduled to appear on the show prior to his abrupt decision to call “Game Off” on his whole presidential campaign after the poll numbers started looking like he was completely doomed. But in order for McCain’s claim that he’s “suspending his campaign” in the interest of rushing to Washington to fix the imploding economy (because what would Washington do without the economic expertise of John McCain!?!) to seem credible, he of course couldn’t be appearing on late night comedy shows. So he canceled on Dave at the last minute, which Dave really didn’t seem to appreciate. Especially since McCain couldn’t even feel confident enough in his running mate Sarah Palin to send her in his place. And especially when Dave discovered a live feed of McCain getting his make-up done before going on the air with Katie Couric, on Dave’s very own TV network. What ensued was one of the most unmerciful TV beatings of a lifetime that I’ve ever seen. Best part of the whole thing: Paul Shaffer.

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While You Were Suspending Your Disbelief

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  • Perez Hilton has released a song called “The Clap”. Listening to the song is kind of like having the clap, on top of a burning scab, in your ear, which is bleeding. Basically this is the most horrible thing you’ll ever hear in your life and you should only listen to it if you’re a cutter.
  • VH1 has made a list of the 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs of All Time, with “Fight The Power” taking the top spot. Luckily Flavor Flav was on hand to accept the award, and reaffirm his continued commitment to fighting said power by pretending to date crazy whores on his nightmare of a reality show.
  • Also putting in a late bid for the title of greatest rapper of all time: Ed McMahon.
  • Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are reportedly in couples counseling and considering the idea of getting back together. Now that she’s showed her vagina to the world, gone crazy on drugs, dated a paparazzo, ventured within an itch of total mental collapse and picked up a few VMA awards on the way back to sanity, I say why not?
  • John McCain spends more than $5,500 on the make-up that makes him look like a shriveled old albino prune.

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CAPTION THIS: “Greed Is…Not So Good?”

Michael Douglas at the UN yesterday, fielding questions about the financial crisis. Seriously. We’re just asking Gordon Gekko now.

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He went on to sum up the whole deal for us in a nice nutshell: “The richest one percent of this country owns half our country’s wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation. It’s bullshit. You got ninety percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal. The news, war, peace, famine, upheaval, the price per paper clip. We pick that rabbit out of the hat while everybody sits out there wondering how the hell we did it. Now you’re not naive enough to think we’re living in a democracy, are you buddy? It’s the free market. And you’re a part of it. You’ve got that killer instinct. Stick around pal, I’ve still got a lot to teach you. “

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ICYMI: We May Have Finally Found The Most Insane Thing On Television

Our old pal Rob Huebel pointed us in the direction of this clip from the Sci-Fi channel’s show Scare Tactics, which could only be described as what Punk’d might look like if Ashton Kutcher was a sociopathic Satan-worshiping psycho-killer. It’s literally a show about scaring the sh*t out of people in the most evil ways imaginable, and the following segment may be the most insane thing ever broadcast on television.

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While You Were Giving Up On Fringe

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  • Holy f*cking sh*t!
  • Nicole Kidman credits fertile Australian water for her pregnancy. Meanwhile her husband Keith Urban credits all the doing it they did.
  • When Rock of Love 2 contestant Angelique stopped by the offices of our Vh1 brethren at Scandalist, she went crazy for one of the guys in the office (who must have been wearing a bandanna, hair extensions and eyeliner) and repeatedly stated that she wanted to f*ck him. Yeah I’ll never forget the time Frank Stallone showed up at my own office and sent me a barrage of MySpace messages about wanting to “get wit me”.
  • Okay this nostalgic update of 90210 was one thing, but if anyone starts talking seriously about re-making Melrose Place, I’m literally going to blow up my television.
  • If you live in California and don’t vote NO on gay marriage-banning Proposition 8, Ellen Degeneres might have to return her new toaster.

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AD WIZARDS: The Dramatel Cell Phone Card Will Destroy Infidelity As We Know It

Even if this commercial were a joke, which I thought it was, it would be completely amazing. But the fact that Dramatel – a cell phone service that supposedly allows you to disguise your identity on caller ID, and your voice in phone conversation – appears to be 100% real is nothing short of mind-blowing. Are you trying to catch a cheating spouse? Someone who owes you money just won’t return your calls? Do you just like to trick and scare people? Then Dramatel may very well change your life. Dramatel: reach out and seriously f*ck with someone.

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ICYMI: Charlize Theron Exercises Her Freedom Of Speech To Make Startling Claim That The Hills Lacks Substance

While sitting down with MTV Movies during the press junket to promote her new film Battle In Seattle, perhaps seized by the spirit of protest, Charlize Theron invoked her freedom of speech to boldly proclaim her distaste for MTV’s pseudo-reality juggernaut The Hills, which Charlize feels lacks substance as it is “about nothing”. While this stunning act of civil disobedience (on MTV’s home turf nontheless!) was surely a brave one, Charlize did seem to be overly insecure about the possibility that she’s simply too old – or as she says, “a nana” – to possibly understand the deeper, richer nuances of a bunch of shiny LA brats pointlessly arguing with each other every week.