Posts By AlexBlagg

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AD WIZARDS: The Most Effective Political Ad Of The Campaign Season

You know, as this landmark presidential race has heated up, with both camps desperate to edge out the their opponents, we’ve already seen some dirty campaign ads from both candidates (though mostly McCain). Which is why I’m glad to see this spot, found on FunnyOrDie of all places, which finally speaks to the real problems – the crucial issues – that are facing this country today. Let’s keep it green, guys.

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While You Were Wondering If There’s Anyone The Dutchess Isn’t Boning

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  • Jenna Jameson announced on her Myspace that she is pregnant with twins. Delivery should be a breeze, because something tells me this won’t be her first 3-way.
  • Dear Kim Kardashian: the only thing sadder than being on Dancing With the Stars is actively campaigning to win Dancing With the Stars.
  • Steven Spielberg has donated $100,000 to stop Proposition 8, which would seek to ban same-sex marriages in the state of California. He should also add that if the gays can’t get married, no one can watch E.T. again, ever.
  • 90210 has been picked up for a full season because it is an amazing television show with the greatest writers in the world.
  • OMG you guys, some paparazzi caught up with Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson buying make-up and they were totally cuddling!

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CAPTION THIS: In The Name Of Not Throwing Up Our Linguine Carbonara

I think I speak for us all when I say the last thing anyone wants to see when they have a stomach full of gnocchi and lardo bruschetta is Bono planting a big sloppy kiss on superchef Mario Batali’s giant orange face. Both the kid and the lady in the background are only seconds away from covering these two lovebirds with barely-digested cannoli. Though I will say, I bet Batali’s lips taste delicious.

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(via BuzzFoto)

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CAPTION THIS: The Dutch Version Of “Hustler”?

I was recently going through some of the pictures I took on my trip to Europe this summer and came across this shot of Paris Hilton on the cover of Miljonair Magazine, which I found in the Amsterdam airport. Needless to say I am now a lifetime subscriber to Miljonair, which I’ve come to realize is the preeminent financial publication of our time.

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ICYMI: Clark Duke and Seth Green Heal The Wounds Of My Broken Heart

Ever since me and The Beef Who Shall Not Be Named had our big breakup, I’ve remained resolutely silent on the matter of my poisoned feelings about this man who once enjoyed my greatest admiration. And in that silence, I’ve often hoped that someone else might come along and vocalize the feelings of frustration and disappointment I felt about the Jerkburger the Beef had become. So I can’t tell you what great pleasure I took in watching Clark Duke and Seth Green – two very talented young comedians I just so happened to meet in a Sunset Strip liquor store during my trip to the VMA’s – joyously ridicule His Beefyness during a recent press junket for their new film Sex Drive. I am clearly not the first bespectacled beard enthusiast whose heart was ripped to shreds by The LaBeouf.

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While You Were Making A Note To Finally Start Watching Mad Men

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  • Heather Mills has donated 1 million dollars (of Paul McCartney’s money’s) worth of vegan food to the Bronx. Said the Bronx: “Go f*ck yourself, you gold-digging hippie granola bar.”
  • DJ AM and Travis Barker were critically injured in a tragic plane crash over the weekend, with both performers sustaining major burns. But the saddest part is what the tabloid media is inevitably planning to pay for the first picture of those burns.
  • MTV is premiering a new show one week from tonight called Sex…with Mom and Dad, in which teenagers will be forced to sit and endure the torture of talking about sex with their parents and Dr. Drew. The show will be followed directly by Teenager Suicide Hotline…with Dr. Drew.
  • After blowhard-ing about how all hackers should be sent to prison in the wake of the leaked Sarah Palin e-mails, Bill O’Reilly’s website was hacked.
  • Pamela Anderson appears to be the dating the giant Michael Jackson robot from Moonwalker.

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ICYMI: The World Air Sex Championships Somehow Manages To Be Even Worse Than It Sounds

According to Spout Blog, after a screening of Kevin Smith’s new movie Zach & Miri Make A Porno, the famed Alamo Drafthouse movie theater recently hosted the World Air Sex Championships, which is sort of like air guitar, but with people doing it. While the very thought of a group of lonely people simulating the act of coitus with the air on a stage might be both awful and terrifying, actually seeing video footage of the event turns out to be profoundly disturbing in ways you have likely never imagined. Let’s just say it culminates with boots pretending to be knocked by two people dressed as John McCain and Sarah Palin, along with what appears to be a giant moose man. Needless to say, this is not safe for anything.