Posts By AlexBlagg

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AD WIZARDS: What Kind Of Computer Do You Self-Identify With?

Guys, this whole Apple vs. PC thing is turning as ugly as the East Coast/West Coast gangster rap rivalries of the nineties, only dorkier and even less necessary. Can’t we all just use computers and get along? How many more ads like this until Bill Gates is gunned down in the streets by The Mac Guy, leading to the retribution slaying of Steve Jobs at the hands of a Zune? I don’t know, but does what kind of computer we’re using to watch and judge these increasingly ridiculous commercials really matter?

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8 Ways To Continue The Beverly Hills Chihuahua Franchise

You guys, I’ve been hearing the buzz surrounding this Beverly Hills Chihuahua movie, and let me tell you – it’s deafening. We may in fact be standing at the dawn of a new cinematic epoch. Mark my words, this time six months from now – Chihuahuas are going to be everywhere. Chihuahuas are HOT, I’m here to tell you! In an attempt to capitalize on this coming culture buzz, I’ve already begun putting together a list of potential spec screenplay ideas for the next installment of the Beverly Hills Chihuahua franchise. Here’s what I’m thinking:

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Beverly Hills Chihuahua Ninja – Basically the idea is to stay with what works. It’s a chihuahua, in Beverly Hills (which is crazy!), but who is ALSO a deadly ninja. They’ve already done both of these movies separately – and they’re making a Beverly Hills Ninja sequel with David Hasselhoff (seriously) – so this really seems like a no-brainer.

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The Chihuahua and the Furious: Tokyo Drift – When a roving gang of street chihuahuas find themselves in Tokyo’s intense and sexual underworld of street drifting, they must rely on their driving skills and each other to bring down a dangerous mob boss.

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No Country For Little Chihuahuas – A sadistic sociopathic chihuahua wanders around a Texas wasteland, killing people indiscriminately with a high-pressure air gun, looking for the loser who stole his money.

Read the rest, after the jump!

Read more…

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ICYMI: Barack Obama Releases Most Boringly Coherent Campaign Ad Of All Time

So I just watched this new campaign ad from Barack Obama, and I’m here to tell you – it’s just two long, boring minutes of him sitting there and speaking plainly, all “specific ways to address real problems” this and “reasonable, rational solutions” that. How can these people possibly expect us to pay attention for TWO WHOLE MINUTES without even so much as a sensationalized rhetorical accusation with only the most tenuous connection to the truth!?! He doesn’t even bother to take anything out of context to baselessly assault the character and competence of John McCain! Ugh, this is like the political ad equivalent of reading the f*cking newspaper. F all this “actual plan” jazz and tell us more about how Sarah Palin is the matriarch of a rural clan of moose-slaying sex addicts who get high on pills all the time because they’re nothing to do or care about in their tiny backwoods village in Alaska!

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Be Careful What You Make A Wish For

Something tells me that none of these poor kids made a wish for a bunch of grinning plastic fame-whoring reality stars to show up and use them as photo-op props. As if sick children aren’t already suffering enough, now they have to be subjected to this? This probably isn’t what they meant when they said they wanted to meet Dopey and Goofy.

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(via Gossip Girls, via ONTD)

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Kanye’s “Love Lockdown” Do-Over

11r8w0p.pngIt’s not often that an artist will listen to fan criticism of their work, then change the work to address that criticism – but Kanye West is clearly not the typical recording artist. After debuting his new song “Love Lockdown” at the VMAs, Kanye released a mastered studio version of that song on his blog. But when commenters and bloggers expressed their disappointment about the track not capturing quite the same energy as the live performance – particularly in the drums and vocals – Kanye went back into the lab, re-recorded the song to address those issues, then re-released it on his blog, all in the span of only a few days. While certainly not the most traditional creative process, it’s certainly an interesting one. It sort of makes me wonder what Mozart’s music would have sounded like if he had the whole Internet standing over his shoulder going “That concerto sounds totally GHEY!!!” Speaking of, what do you guys think I should change about this post?

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CAPTION THIS: Pac-Man Debuts Spring Collection

After carefully reviewing all the new looks and styles from Fashion Week, I’ve come to the conclusion that “ridiculousness” and “hilarity” are SO HOT RIGHT NOW. Take this amazing masterwork by designer Giles, who apparently thinks people should look like Blinky the Ghost from Pac-Man. Personally, I’d rather look like Clyde.

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(via AP)

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WILLED INTO EXISTENCE BY THE INTENET: Drunk Man Trying To Make Love To An SUV

Having spent the past 5 years living in San Francisco and New York City, I’ve seen a lot of lunatics doing a lot of crazy sh*t in broad daylight. But I don’t know if I’ve yet seen anything quite so awesome as some wasted dude in a jean jacket with his pants down around his ankles, giving the front end of a Toyota Forerunner the humping of a lifetime. And to whoever the voyeuristic auteur was who captured this glorious display on film and added creative sound cues, well bravo, for you have made an Insane Internet Video masterpiece.

(via Asylum)