Well we started the week by totally tricking you guys into thinking Kanye West would spend his Labor Day guest-blogging for us, and we’re going to conclude the week with my live reports all this weekend from the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards, at which Kanye will be performing. It’s the circle of blog-life, and here’s everything that happened in between:
Guys, I’m gonna need you to take a quick gander at this infomercial for Mr. T’s revolutionary new home appliance, the Flavorwave Turbo. First of all, that is hands down the greatest name of a product probably ever. Secondly, the contraption looks sort of like a Foreman Grill in some kind of futuristic crock pot with a bicycle helmet on top of it that the Ghostbusters would use to dispose of ectoplasm. I pity the fool who doesn’t want to do all their cooking in this revolutionary device. Also, it uses three kinds of cutting edge, highly scientific heat sources – one of which is generated directly from Mr. T’s muscles – to cook your meat with 75% less fat. This is truly the A-Team of kitchen appliances.
Britney’s opening the show, Kanye’s closing it, those adorable Jonas Brothers are going to be there and so am I! So don’t just watch the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards this Sunday night – instead share the experience, here, with me (and with our friends over at Buzzworthy)! I’ll be hitting some of the big parties and trying to chat up all the celebs. Mostly I’ll just be trying check out Russell Brand to see if he’s worthy of being my new mancrush, and also looking to meet Michael Phelps in person so I can finally confirm my suspicions once and for all (and hope he doesn’t get too handsy with me in the process). I’m also hoping to liveblog the big event from the event, bringing you the blow by blow on whatever Britney ultimately has in store for us. It should be fun, but it will definitely be something, so I hope that you’ll join me.
Here’s super-champion Michael Phelps (via our friends at Radar) using his fins to feel all over the ass of some Vegas chick with a tramp stamp. Entourage cameos, endorsing anything for anyone who asks, and now this – he’s inching closer and closer to fulfilling the prophecy.
It’s Friday, so you know what that means – our trusty DVD connoiseuir Michael Cyril Creighton is back to file another report from the front lines of his adventures in home theater-going with I Like To Watch! This week he’s exploring themes of matrimony and make-believe (they often go hand in hand!) by taking a look at What Happens In Vegas, Married Life and Son of Rambow. Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Cyril “Sexman” Creighton’s “Rambow” Review!
I know a summer without new episodes of Best Week Ever has been hard for you. It’s hard for our panelists, too. But a few of them decided to pass the time by putting together this funny trailer spoof for The Sisterhood of the Traveling Bra. I know this is supposed to be a joke, but I’d way rather pay to see a movie a bra being shared by Jessica St. Clair, Frangela and Melissa Rauch. Also watch out for some sweet cameo-action from Nick Kroll, Mike Britt and Tig Notaro!
MTV has officially announced that Britney Spears will open the 2008 Video Music Awards only two days shy of the one-year anniversary of the tragic events of 9-9-07 (never forget). And guess what? We’re going to be there when she does! While I certainly won’t be able to get a wink of sleep until I see exactly what Brit has in store for us, I’ve decided to pass the time by speculating on a few ideas about what Britney might do to open the show:
- Lead a candlelight memorial ceremony where the stage from the 2007 VMA’s is symbolically demolished and set on fire, save for a plaque placed on one of those giant moon men in remembrance of what we all lost that day.
- A campy encore of “Gimme More” performed by Britney, Perez Hilton and a bunch of trannies from Reseda who call themselves The Pussycat Dudes (there’s no way this will happen – MTV hasn’t been that cool in years).
- A giant 4-way make-out sesh with Britney and all the dudes from Human Giant.
- Ask Russell Brand to check yes or no about if he wants to get her pregnant.
- Rebel against her handlers by just going ahead and busting out an impromptu performance of “This Little Light of Mine”.
- A serious, sober political plea in which Britney expresses her support for Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin and all her little babies, but then gets pimp-handed by P. Diddy.
- Some pills.
- Have some kind of relapse freakout and just start showing off her junk to any camera that happens to be pointed at her.
- Seize the high-profile opportunity to have a frank discussion with K-Fed about their future as parents.
- Do some kind of sh*tty sketch with Mike Meyers (as Austin Powers) trying to find the lighter side of the fact that she spent the better part of the past 12 months acting like an unhinged lunatic.
- Shock the world by behaving in a sane, lucid, reasonable manner.
To find out what DOES happen, and what we have to say about it, be sure to check into BWE.tv all day this Sunday, September 7th, when yours truly will be bringing you live blog reports from the field at the VMA’s in LA.
No matter what you thought about Sarah Palin’s dramatic speech at the Republican National Convention last night (for the record, I thought it was great for a work of fiction), I think we can all agree that little Piper Palin licking her palm, then inexplicably using her saliva to pat down baby brother Trig’s hair was far and away the most adorable of the many, many moments in which we were treated to the wacky Alaskan antics of the Palin clan. All my cynicism and moral outrage at the words her mother was saying just melted away when I saw this, and I was reduced to babbling “Ohmygosh isn’t she just the sweetest wittle thing” in baby-talk. The Republicans haven’t been this cute since Dan Quayle.