Posts By Best Week Ever

by

Morning Quick Hits: Clones and Chicken Curry

20040728_scarlet_01
Jennifer Ainston
has replaced all her lingerie that remind her of Brad. New love life – new underwear. I see nothing strange about this article other than this fact made the headlines this morning.

Scarlett Johansson wants to clone herself. You heard me. She wants to clone herself a new best friend: "It would be my special friend. It would also be great because I could send it to the gym instead of me." Sssh. Scarlet, you had us at "special friend".  All we wanted to hear after those words are something to the extent of  "I would totally place mirrors around my bedroom and make out with myself."

Sylvester Stallone is coming back to a theater and in what some might say is his best role ever, Rambo IV. It’s a good way to kill time until Rocky VI.

Kevin Spacey is set to get his reality tv on. They’ve officially run out of amateur creepy people, so it was time to go with a pro.

Bo Bice is beating Carrie Underwood in pre-order debut album sales. In other news, there are pre-order album charts?

Miss Beyonce Knowles has been banned from eating chicken curries by her personal trainer. I wasn’t aware you could do that…ban people from food. Well at least not in North America anyway…

Call me crazy but I thought that once you get married and you say your vows it’s pretty much a done deal. Once again, I have been proved wrong as Jessica Simpson and that husband of hers who used to be in that boy band or reality TV show (or something like that) are renewing their wedding vows.

Halle Berry pretends to still ponder her options concerning Hugh Hefner $10 Million dollar Playboy photo-shoot offer. Who can blame her, there are so many questions she would have to ask herself. Like, "would this be as bad for my career as Die Another Day was for meCatwoman    or…or that time I did Gothika?"

by

Gallery of the Absurd

The "Gallery Of The Absurd" is a new celebrity based art blog that should become one of your daily net visits. Be sure to catch up on the archives.

Olsen_monkeys_1

The little Olsen Twins swing gleefully among the branches of their money tree, picking leaves whenever they feel like it, and spending it all on fancy New York apartments, baggy wardrobes and popcorn bucket-sized cups of coffee from Starbucks. What a life.

by

Afternoon Quick Links – Witches, Time Travelers, Silk Panties…Oh My!

Madonnanewtour

Wiccans protest "Samantha Statue" in Salem because they believe that both the show "Bewitched" and the main character mock their existence. I don’t know about you guys but if some "witches" started making threats to me, I’d do whatever they told me too. I mean, have you SEEN the movie "The Craft"?

Brad Pitt desires time travel which leads me to believe that this Angelina Jolie love affair is a rumor because no man in their right mind would insinuate that he should go back to Jennifer Aniston. Unless of course he wants to travel back in time to be with Angelina over and over and over again. That makes more sense.

Michael Jackson thinks people want his money...and yeah, he’s pretty much right. I also want one of his llamas… and a ride on his ferris wheel.

Madonna loses her panties? Quite honestly I’m not sure what this link is about. I just saw the words "Madonna" then "Panties" followed by "1998" and "Private Eyes" and threw up a little bit in my mouth.

by

Shaq Diesel: On Patrol

Steel

Even though his new team is in the thick of the play-offs, Shaq recently spent several hours with Miami Beach investigators assisting them with cases. [link]

Yep that’s right. America’s most recognizable basketball player, Shaquille O’Neal, has been helping out the Miami Police Department… they even have him doing undercover work.

That makes perfect sense to me because no one will ever spot the world’s most powerful, 7-foot-1, 325 pound genie .

by

Morning Quick Hits: Bow down before the one you serve. You’re going to get what you deserve

Burger_hilton

Don’t like Paris Hilton’s Carl’s Jr. Ad ? Well fine, I suppose you and your burger hating self can sign this petition to Carl Karcher Enterprises to stop airing it. Apparently it was started by someone named N. Richie.  Hmm…. I wonder…. In other Paris related news, she would just like everyone to know that she is not a "spoilt brat", so step off.

George Lucas
finds himself a script for Indiana Jones 4. I’m so excited! I wonder how Lucas is going to find a way to ruin another amazing movie franchise from my childhood!!! I can hardly wait to see!

Lindsay Lohan’s fender bender
with the paparazzi leaves her unharmed and slightly rattled. Herbie unavailable for comment.

In more interesting news Lohan’s boobie shrinkage couldn’t have had… like…. anything to… like… do with natural body fat loss or like…anything.

Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails is almost $3 Million dollars richer today after winning a court case against his ex-manager, John Malm. Reznor plans on using the money to find new ways to alienate himself from people.

The Daily Dish is all about the heartbreak today, folks. Let’s see, we got Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt staying in separate hotels, a Hilton/Lohan/Richie tug of war,  and Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are laughing at us.
P_diddy
Cashing in on those awkward teenage years is getting easier. Case in point: P Diddy making $3 Million dollars off of his bad acne. That’s the most money anybody’s made off of acne since Zack Morris sold bogus pimple cream to all of Bayside in Saved by The Bell.

Will  Smith and his wife Jada Pinket Smith believe the key to a happy marriage is having sexual relations with whoever you fancy, because you shouldn’t avoid "what’s natural". Right. Got it. Having sex with your co-workers is totally natural. It’s all coming together now… too bad Jennifer Aniston didn’t get the memo.

Meanwhile, Eva Longoria and her boxes and boxes of vibrators are doing just fine without the Smith’s advice.

by

Win a “Dream Date” with Carmen Electra

05_2

Not to be upstaged by her ex-husband, the wife-carrying Dennis Rodman, Carmen Electra has put herself up for auction on Ebay. Turns out you can buy hot, married, high profile women on the Internet. Real ones!

Unfortunately, bidding has ended, and Carmen sold for $407,500.00. That’s honestly not that bad of a deal. If you broke her down to parts she’d probably sell for much, much more than that.

by

Ladies Love Cool Hoff

David Hasselhoff said that he’s tempted to have an affair on a daily basis.

David_hasselhoff

Looking at that picture, now I am too.

In a recent interview, Hasselhoff said, "You can be a diabetic and look at a cake, can’t you? You just can’t eat it." — Which is true. You also can’t f*** it.

He went on. "I’m tempted to stray every day. Come on. I’ve met people and said to them: ‘In a different place, in a different time… I just want you to know that.’ There are so many people in this world you could hook up with."

ESPECIALLY when you’re big in Germany.

David should have stopped talking right after the cake metaphor. Haven’t all the years lifeguarding and driving around in talking cars taught him anything? His wife is going to kill him.

Good thing he’s not diabetic. This man is going to need some cake, pronto.