Posts By Best Week Ever

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Ligers and Tigons and Bears, oh my

Napoleon_dynamite

Ligers are so 2k4, Napoleon.  Welcome to the future. Allow me to introduce you to…

Tigon

Tigons!

They’re the opposite of ligers — they have tiger fathers and lioness mothers — and they’re very rare. Now THAT is Sweet.

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Grammer Goes Down (Periscope)!

Down_periscope_1 Kelsey Grammer (a.k.a. "Frasier" a.k.a. "The executive producer of UPN’s ‘Girlfriends‘") fell on his ass while delivering a speech at the Disneyland 50th Anniversary celebration last week. Unfortunately his massive head didn’t break his fall. Fortunately it was caught on tape.

Check out the video here.

On a personal note, I probably enjoy this video more than anybody else since Kelsey Grammer did make fun of me on national TV when I was 13 years-old. You can click here for the full story.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch that video over and over and over again.  Hey Kelsey, it’s great to see you back on the FALL schedule! yes!

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the bronze father of soul

The Godfather of Soul James Brown was honored this past weekend when his hometown erected a life sized bronze statue in his honor.

James_brown_statue

The statue shows him smiling widely and wearing a cape. Thankfully for James, they went with that famous image over this one:

James_brown

To be honest, I think that Brown’s mugshot would have made a MUCH better statue.  I could guarantee it would have been the cleanest statue in the world, because a life size replica of that head would surely scare the crap out of pigeons everywhere. Figuratively, of course.

Well, now that that’s all said and done I’m holding out hope that if Nick Nolte ever gets a statue erected in his honor they go with this shot:

Nick_nolte_1

Keep your fingers crossed.

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Paula on SNL?

Paula_abdul

Paula Abdul is going to make an appearance on SNL this weekend. What, was Pat O’Brien unavailable?

The question on everybody’s mind: Who is Paula going to hook up with? My money is on Horatio Sanz. I think she’s going to take him under her wing, help him choose what skits to select, and eventually leave him provocative phone messages.

Either that, or she’ll team up with System of a Down to perform an updated version of "Opposites Attract." Now THAT would be some quality programming.

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spider man-boobs

From Page 6

May 5, 2005 JESSICA Alba (above) and her pals were hanging out at the Coldplay concert at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas the other night when Toby Maguire, who looks a lot bigger than he did in "Spider-Man" or "Seabiscuit," approached. The two exchanged pleasantries. But after the lardy leading man left, Alba said to one girlfriend, "He’s [bleep]ing huge!" — sending both of them into hysterical laughter.

Right now when you do a Google Image Search for Tobey, this is the first picture that pops up:

Tobey_maguire_ripped

However, if he’s not careful, it’s only a matter of time before this one is:

Fat_boys

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star wars for dummies

Guess what. I’ve never seen any of the original Star Wars movies. There, I admitted it.

Star_warsIt’s true. Somehow I was able to avoid Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of The Jedi growing up in the 80′s. I’m not sure how I did it, but I did.

In college a couple of friends dragged me to see Episode 1: The Phantom Menace starring Jar Jar Binks, which I think explains why I never had any desire to see Episode 2. In fact, Episode 1 caused me to loudly declare that I’d spend the rest of my life actively avoiding all things Star Wars, which I’ve actually done a pretty good job with. Until now.

Episode III looks awesome! Kevin Smith, director of "Jersey Girl" and "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" said it’s amazing. Some people are calling it the best one yet. And my girlfriend, who’s a big fan, said she’d break up with me if I didn’t see it. So I think it’s in my best interest to go.

I’m probably not going to have enough time to catch up and watch the 4 Stars Wars flicks I’ve missed before Episode III comes out, but that’s not going to stop me from learning the things I need to know. I’m picking up the necessary knowledge another way: from commercials. Here’s what I’ve figured out so far.

Darth Vader - He’s the bad guy. Despite being bad, though, he loves Slurpees. "Darth Dew Slurpees" to be exact. He also has the ability to make your tongue turn "Darth Vader Black" when you eat Twisted Cheetos. Currently, he can be seen fighting a boy with a spoon-light saber on the cover of select Kellogg cereal boxes.

Yoda - He’s a good guy, even though he has trouble structuring sentences properly. Loves Diet Pepsi more than anything. And, even though he’s good, that won’t stop him from turning your tongue "Yoda Green" when you eat Twisted Cheetos.

Chewbacca - He’s very hairy and inarticulate, but that doesn’t stop him from somehow earning a living recording ring tones for Cingular Wireless. You have to respect that.

R2-D2 & C-3P0 - They also enjoy recording ring tones, but they take a backseat to the hairy dude. Maybe because they’re robots and robots don’t have souls. That’s my theory, at least.

Mm

M2-D2 & M-3P0 - Okay, I really don’t understand these guys. They appear to be M&M versions of the robots I just mentioned. I’m not sure if they’re good or evil, and I’m also not sure if they melt in your mouth and not in your hands. I assume they’ll answer those questions in Episode III.

Obi-Wan Kenobi - I haven’t seen him pitch anything big, so I’m assuming he’s just a supporting character or something.

Finally, the last thing I’ve learned. A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, everybody LOVED Burger King. Now off to Revenge of the Sith I go! Wish me luck!

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something to watch, something to (not) laugh at

something to check out

Bright_eyes

Did anybody catch Leno last night?* Well, everybody’s favorite emo-wonderkid Coner Oberst (a.k.a. Bright Eyes) performed a song called "When The President Talks To God" which was probably the most offensive thing to happen on The Tonight Show since Johnny named Jay as his successor. The only difference being, this was great. Check out the performance here.

something to (not) laugh at

Rosie_odonnell

Okay, you probably already started laughing, didn’t you?

So did anybody see the CBS movie "Riding The Bus With My Sister" on Sunday night? In case you couldn’t tell by the picture, Rosie O’Donnell plays a "developmentally disabled" woman (as indicated by her mismatched shoes & socks) who spends her days riding a bus. Luckily, the fine folks at TVGasm liveblogged the whole thing just in case you forgot to Tivo it.  And if that’s not enough for you, you can watch clips here at the CBS site. Not surprisingly, it’s listed in the "specials" section.

Right now I’m trying to figure out what’s worse: Rosie’s performance, or this poll on the site. It’s your call:

Poll_2

*Editor’s Note: I promise I’ll never write that sentence ever again.

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eva long-oria

We get it Eva, you like to get it on.

Eva

First you tell the press that the best sex you ever had was with your vibrator…

Then you walk around wearing a T-shirt that says "I’ll have your baby, Brad"…

Then you describe a girl-on-girl kiss to Esquire magazine…

Now, you reveal in an interview that you didn’t have your first orgasm until you were 26.

Note to Eva: You don’t have to tell us everything about your sex life. Some stuff is better left to the imagination. And believe me, when it comes to thinking about you, guys LOVE imagining things. Trust me.

But who am I to complain? I’m just grateful that Felicity Huffman isn’t the one talking about her sex life. I know all I need to know about her husband William H. Macy thanks to his full frontal scene in "The Cooler."  Definitely not hot. Get it?