There’s one thing you learn when you live in New York: When hipsters fight, nobody wins.
When the lead singer of The Killers decided to start trashing The Bravery a couple of weeks back, I immediately thought, "Oh no, this is going to get ugly." Now, I didn’t mean ugly in a Biggie-Tupac way, or in a Jon Stewart-Tucker Carlson way. No. I meant the other kind of ugly. The kind of ugly that leaves you utterly embarrassed for everyone involved.
See, it all started when Brandon Flowers (of The Killers) said, "Look at a band like the Bravery. They’re signed because we’re a band." He then revealed that some members of the Bravery were once in a band called Skabba The Hut. Okay, say it with me:
WORST BAND NAME EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you’re trying to appeal to the "too cool for school" hipster crowd, the only thing worse than being connected to a ska band is probably being connected to a ska band named after a Star Wars character! Ouch.
Now, if the guys in the Bravery knew what was best for them, they should have probably left it at that. But did they? Of course not. Sam Endicott, the lead singer, had this to say about his new enemy Brandon Flowers: "The poor little guy, he’s very scared. I mean I feel bad talking bad about him because it’s like hitting a girl. It’s like picking on a kid in a wheelchair because he has no sense of humor at all."
Alright, not bad. That was a pretty good diss there. But unfortunately he didn’t stop talking. "There’s the one guy [in The Killers] whose like nine feet tall. He looks like a little Dutch girl with a beard… but like a nine foot tall Dutch girl like a mutant radioactive."
Nice save there, buddy. Is the lead singer of the Bravery Chris Farley? Was his next line, "Shut up Richard." It’s like his mind stopped working but his mouth just kept on moving. "He’s a little dutch girl but he’s a nine foot tall Dutch girl with a beard but he’s a little girl and…. mutant radioactive… um… gah, I have no idea what’s going on right now."
Now I understand why most people prefer rap music. It’s much, much less embarrassing.
Nobody’s going to come out of this looking cool. The Killers and The Bravery are both in trouble. We need a new hipster band to emerge with no ska-history that can keep their damn mouths shut. Yes, I’m looking at you, Kaiser Chiefs. Please don’t let us down.