Posts By Best Week Ever

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Gayest Idol Ever

Seacrest_1Have you ever watched American Idol and thought, "Hmm, I really love this show. But the only thing it’s missing is some hardcore gay sex!" Well, apparently the makers of American Porn Star did.

Yes, now there’s an American Porn Star, a gay porn rip-off of the popular Fox show. American Porn Star is similar to Idol in several ways (and no, they both don’t feature Clay Aiken.) Porn Star is a "talent competition" however there isn’t any singing going on. Oh, the contestants are still using their mouths, but not to belt out songs.

American Porn Star is hosted by Jason Sechrest, who looks just like Ryan Seacrest. The biggest difference is one of them acts gay, while the other one is Ryan Seacrest.

The attorney who represents American Idol said, "The value of the American Idol look is something that we cannot allow to get tarnished." And then added, "That’s why we fired Brian Dunkleman."

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Salma Wantsa Osca

Salma Hayek is set to play a fat, sex-mad, psychopathic serial killer in a new movie, "Lonely Hearts."

Salma

Why don’t they just send Salma the Best Actress Oscar now? This has all the makings of a shoo-in.   

  • Overweight
  • Serial Killer
  • Based on a true story

The only way Salma could be a bigger lock was if she could somehow find a way to make her character mentally retarded as well. Do you think when Charlize Theron found out about this she just stood up and yelled, "Oh, that’s BS! That’s not even original! I hope she doesn’t look uglier than I did in my overweight serial killer role!"

I really don’t like this trend. Charlize Theron won for being scary looking. Hilary Swank won and she is scary looking… can’t we just start awarding actresses for looking hot? Why not? Academy Award Winner Elisha Cuthbert has a nice ring to it, no?

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Comedy Central Presents…

Christian

Before BWE tonight, check out Comedy Central Presents Christian Finnegan on…. well, Comedy Central obviously. 10 p.m.

And then when you’re done laughing, turn back to VH1 for even more Finnegan action on Best Week Ever at 11.  What a night!

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Federline = Toxic

Kevin Federline’s ex-wife thinks he stinks. Like literally. He smells like sh*t.

Kevin_federline_1

Amy Woody (that’s the ex-wife) said K-Fed didn’t wash for days on end when they were together. He wouldn’t shower and he wouldn’t brush his teeth.   He also wasn’t able to say her last name without laughing like a child, but that had nothing to do with his stench.

Of course, i’m sure he doesn’t stink anymore. Back when Amy was married to him he was running around and dancing all the time.  Now, all he does is… well, nothing.  Britney is one lucky woman.

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Possible Reasons why MJ was Late for Court Today

Michael_jackson_2

  1. He couldn’t find his *favorite* blue pajama pants
  2. Because Just One of the Guys was on Comedy Central again
  3. He wanted to spend some time working on new "Got milk?" jokes
  4. His personal umbrella holder’s arm fell asleep
  5. Because he hasn’t done anything crazy in weeks!
  6. There was a long line at the Taco Bell drive-thru, but he’s gots to gets his Baja Steak Chalupas before a long day of court
  7. Misplaced his nose
  8. Had a hard time deciding which pair of sandals makes him look "less pedophile-y"
  9. He got caught up watching his TIVO’d E! re-enactments of his trial
  10. It’s easier to oversleep when there aren’t any little kids waking you up every five minutes

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Die Hard with a Lohan

Lindsay_lohan

From Page 6:

ACTION hero Bruce Willis got some action of a different kind after the screening of his new blood-and-guts flick, "Hostage." At an after-after-party at the Peninsula Hotel early yesterday, Willis, who turns 50 this month, and teen queen Lindsay Lohan, 18, enjoyed a mutual gropefest. "At one point, Bruce had Lindsay’s pants down far enough to reveal a tattoo that said ‘La Bella Vista’ (The Beautiful View) on her right cheek," says our spywitness. Eventually, Willis and a few friends, including Lohan, took the party upstairs to his suite.

I’d like to officially go on record with this well thought out prepared statement I spent all morning working on….

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

Thank you.

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Transcript from the 50 Cent / Game Press Conference

50_cent_and_the_game

The Game: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?

50 Cent: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?

The Game: Well, you go first

50 Cent: I don’t know. Maybe I felt a little threatened or something because your career is just kind of blossoming and mine is kind of winding down or whatever.

The Game: And I felt like this guy is really hurting me. And it hurt.

50 Cent: And I felt like when you told me to, "Dere-lick my balls" that really hurt.

The Game: Maybe I was scared man. You’re 50 Cent. Yeah, you’re 50 Cent. Do you know what it’s like to be another rapper and be in 50 Cent’s shadow? You want to hear something crazy? Your work in the ’95 International Male catalog made me want to be a rapper. I freaking worship you man!

50 Cent: I’m sorry I was whack.

The Game: I was whack

50 Cent: I was whack.

Truly beautiful stuff. Let’s just hope these two don’t regress and settle their differences the old fashioned way– Breakdance Fighting.

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Shannon Elizabeth, enough already

Shannon_elizabethHave you ever noticed how eerily similar Denise Richards and Shannon Elizabeth are? I mean, I can barely tell the two apart. Sure they physically look a little different, but there’s just something about their generic-ness that makes them virtually indistiguishable from one another. It’s kind of like trying to figure out the difference between Wifeswap and Trading Spouses– sure they vary in some ways, but it’s essentially the same crap.

But back to Denise and Shannon. Today when I read that Shannon Elizabeth was separating from her husband, the first thing I thought was, "Umm, didn’t she dump Charlie Sheen last week?" Ahhh, no, that was the other one. Dammit!

You really can’t blame me for having a hard time telling them apart. Check this out:

  • Denise_richards_4Denise Richards starred in Scary Movie 3
  • Shannon Elizabeth starred in Scary Movie
  • Denise Richards appeared in Love Actually as "Carla, the real friendly one"
  • Shannon Elizabeth appeared in Love Actually as "Harriet, the sexy one"
  • Denise Richards revealed her huge breasts in Wild Things
  • Shannon Elizabeth revealed her huge breasts in American Pie
  • Denise Richards was the token white woman in Undercover Brother
  • Shannon Elizabeth was the token white woman in Johnson Family Vacation
  • Denise Richards was in a James Bond movie
  • Shannon Elizabeth provided a voice for a James Bond video game
  • Denise Richards married a famous actor… Charlie Sheen
  • Shannon Elizabeth… married an actor too
  • Denise Richards gets rid of her famous husband
  • Shannon Elizabeth also gets rid of her… husband

The similarities are shocking! And, with the sole exception of Scary Movie, Shannon is doing everything AFTER Denise does it. So that begs us to ask the question: Do we really need both of them? Are two hot actresses better than one? And most importantly, are four tremendous breasts better than two? Hmm. That’s a tough one. I think I’ll let you answer that question on your own.

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Monday’s Big Question

Okay, which is more surprising?

Adam_duritz_1

That this guy (Adam Duritz, lead singer of the Counting Crows) has dated Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Nicole Kidman, Monica Potter, and Mandy Moore

Wilmer_valderamma_1

Or that this guy (Wilmer Valderrama, ‘Fez’ from That 70′s Show) has dated Lindsay Lohan, Eva Longoria, Jessica Alba, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and Mandy Moore?

I think the most surprising thing might be that Mandy Moore has dated both of them! Seriously, somebody should sit this girl down and ask her what she’s doing.

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Going Up for the Rebound

Katie_holmes

  • Name: Katie Holmes
  • Previous Relationship: Engaged to Chris Klein
  • Possible Rebound Pickup Line: "Katie, I don’t want to wait for this life to be over, I want to know right now what will it be?"

Rebecca_romijn

  • Name: Rebecca Romijn
  • Previous Relationship: Married to John Stamos
  • Possible Rebound Pickup Lines: "Hi, how are you? I was never a member of the Beach Boys." or "Baby, you need a real man… a real man who isn’t friends with Bob Saget."  or "I’m glad you lost the Stamos… from your name, that is."

Denise_richards

  • Name: Denise Richards
  • Previous Relationship: Married to Charlie Sheen
  • Possible Rebound Pickup Lines: "What has two thumbs and doesn’t pay prostitutes for sex? This guy!" or "I never saw your husband’s TV show, but I hear he plays 1/2 a man. Well, I’m all man, baby." or "I loved you in ‘Starship Troopers.’"

Jennifer_aniston

  • Name: Jennifer Aniston
  • Previous Relationship: Married to Brad Pitt
  • Possible Rebound Pickup Line: "I don’t even think Angelina Jolie is the least bit attractive. I know some guys are into big pouty lips, beautiful seductive eyes, and a tight curvy body, but… wait, I’m sorry, what were talking about again?