Some things just boggle the mind. Like for instance, how that Nicolas Cage movie beat that Julia Roberts/Clive Owen movie AND Watchmen AND I Love You, Man at the box office last weekend. Sometimes we just don’t get people’s taste. Right now, we are questioning how America could put Matt Giraud in the bottom two last night and didn’t automatically eliminate Megan Joy or Scott MacIntyre. Enough is enough, people! We’re stunned. Luckily, Matt was safe and the Texas oil-rigger with a hard candy shell but a soft center, Michael Sarver, went home. (But we don’t have to cry about it, all these people are going on tour this summer, let’s not forget that.) Here are our favorite moments from the show:
5. Smokey Robinson’s Anti-Aging Miracles
Yesterday a friend asked us where Smokey Robinson gets his youth serum and after last night, we’re starting to wonder too, the man is just not aging. Plus he acts like he’s one of the kids — the way he performed with Joss Stone made it look like the two were besties who were going to get a beer after the show. He was a great mentor this week who seemed genuinely interested in each contestant and we love him even more now than we did before.
On the graph of Denise Richards‘ life, her popularity has been in steady decline since she was a Bond Girl in 1999′s The World Is Not Enough. Nowadays she’s most famous for playing herself — first as the wife of Charlie Sheen, then as the estranged ex-wife of Charlie Sheen, then as the star of her own reality show that helped her move on from Charlie Sheen, and now as that lady on Dancing With The Stars who’s only a “star” because of all that business with Charlie Sheen.
If it wasn’t rough enough that Richards got booted from the dancing competition this week (even though she scored higher than her danceoff-competitor, Holly Madison), it turns out that some people — namely Charlie Sheen’s new wife and her friends — were actively rooting against her. Brooke Mueller, mother to Sheen’s brand new twin boys, had led a relatively quiet existence compared to Richards, but her friends still loathe Denise. A source says that “[Brooke's] friends were having viewing parties just waiting for (Richards’ expulsion) to happen. They’re tired of (Richards) doing anything for attention.” And here we thought stalking our ex’s new girlfriend on Facebook was sketchy. [Source: MSN; Photo: ]
Uh-oh. Is the marriage between Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz in trouble? A source told Page Six that “Ashlee and Pete are on the rocks. He is going out all the time and she’s stuck at home. It’s just not working.” Sounds like a case of the here’s-what-happens-when-you-have-an-unexpected-kid-too-young-itis. Another symptom of that is naming your kid Bronx Mowgli.
Seems like being stuck at home with 4-month-old Bronx tethered to the boob isn’t fun anymore, especially while Pete gets to go hang with his friends — or maybe Ashlee has just grown tired of helping to brush Pete’s hair forward into that spiky asymmetrical look he’s honed all these years. Reps deny that there’s trouble in paradise, but the couple is currently vacationing, sans baby. Perhaps they’re trying to revive that dying spark. They were married last May. [Photo: WireImage]
Every time we watch Inside The Actor’s Studio and James Lipton asks someone “what profession would you never want to have?,” the answer is usually garbage collector, the world’s most universally reviled job. Turns out though, the real worst job ever is being Kobe Bryant‘s maid.
Bryant and his wife Vanessa are being sued by their former housekeeper Maria Jimenez for wrongful discharge, invasion of privacy and emotional distress and unpaid wages. Jimenez claims that, among other things, Vanessa made her reach her hand in a bag of dog poop to find a price tag for a shirt. Jimenez had put the shirt in the washing machine when she wasn’t supposed to and Vanessa made her retrieve the tag so that she would know how much Jimenez would owe her for the damages. Jimenez also claims that Vanessa called her “lazy, slow, dumb, a f*cking liar, and f*cking sh*t.” It’s kind of all coming together now why Kobe cheated on this woman.
The Bryant’s lawyers released a statement denying the charges, saying “The Bryants intend to vigorously defend against these untruthful allegations and are confident that the baseless nature of the allegations will be proven.” But it might be hard to prove any of this – we know that if we had to stick our hand in a bag of poop, we would have scrubbed all the evidence away with steel wool until no traces remained. [Source: TMZ; Photo: WireImage]
Every week, the musical genre is supposed to “belong” to one or two specific contestants. Last week people figured Michael Sarver and his Texan oil-rigging ways would kill the country genre, but his performance was a barely intelligible, only just-good-enough performance. This week was Motown week with special mentor Smokey Robinson, and Kara DioGuardi said to Lil Rounds, “This was your week – if you don’t nail it, well, I don’t know.” Sure, plenty of stereotypes play into these assumptions (“Lil, you’re black, please represent Motown”), but the interesting thing is that they haven’t proven to be true yet and there’s always a surprising outcome and elimination as a result. We always figured Allison Iraheta would be a likely candidate to win heavy metal week, but who knew Motown would be her thing? Her performance was one of the best moments of the night, here are the rest (plus photos).
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5. The One Trick Ponies
Ever since “Mandolin Rain,” our problem with Scott MacIntyre is that he seems to Bruce Hornsbify all his songs. He has talent, yet somehow all his songs take on a bland, generic feeling. By contrast, Megan Joy was a fruit basket short of getting a job at the Copacabana last night – she was dressed somewhere between a Delia’s catalog model and Carmen Miranda, and despite that, her looks were the only thing the judges could compliment her on. When Paula Abdul told her, “Megan, your stunning beauty takes my breath away,” Simon Cowell retorted “It’s not Top Model.” Megan’s warble did no favors to Stevie Wonder’s “For Once In My Life” and Randy Jackson even went to far as to call it a trainwreck. It’s clear by now that Megan and Scott can’t win this competition because each of them is a one-trick pony. While Scott’s trick is being inoffensive and soft-rock-y, Megan’s is that she makes us wish our hearing would disappear.
Right about now on the set of the second Twilight film, New Moon, staffers are finding new and inventive ways to hold their noses — seems there’s a foul odor wafting around the set, and it belongs to Robert Pattinson.
Apparently Pattinson has taken to not showering so much these days. “He stinks. I mean, it’s awful. He never showers, and it drives people on the set crazy,” a source on-set told E! Pattinson does seem to shun the typical L.A. scene and doesn’t care about his image (his brooding, thick-eyebrowed, sexy image…), but for the love of all that’s Downy fresh, we think he owes it to his co-workers to show up semi-groomed.
More pics (not scratch-and-sniff, thankfully) of Robert below…
Some news from the “Really? Seriously??” department: Simon Cowell claims that President Obama invited him to dinner but Simon’s schedule was so darn hectic that he had to turn the Commander In Chief down. Honestly, Simon? You’ll keep Bikini Girl around for a few extra weeks but you didn’t have time for the President? Now we’re really starting to wonder about you …
Cowell was a guest on the Tonight Show earlier in the week and told host Jay Leno that Obama called him while he was visiting L.A. and wanted to have dinner. Says Cowell, “He wanted to do 8, I was free at 9 and we just didn’t quite connect,” to which Leno responded, “What were you doing, getting your teeth whitened?”
We have to say, we’re curious what Cowell’s plans were, too. It seems like a personal phone call to hang out with the President should kinda preempt your previous plans. Last week on Obama’s visit to the Tonight Show he likened his critics in Washington to Cowell, so maybe Obama just wanted to be berated by the real thing to toughen himself up.
TMZ is reporting that Christopher Walker, an employee who works for Detail, Akon‘s producer, had an unpleasant night last night when his home was robbed by five armed men who work for Suge Knight.
The men claimed they were there to collect a debt that Detail owed Knight, and poor Walker’s house got ransacked as a result. Between $200,000 and $300,000 worth of merchandise was taken, including $170,000 worth of jewelry, the keys to a Mercedes, and a 130-pound safe.
The longstanding feud between Akon and Suge came to a head last February at NBA All-Star weekend when a man from Akon’s camp, Robert Carnes, Jr., punched Suge in the face because of the debt. Do Akon and his people know that you don’t mess with Suge? Doesn’t everyone remember the Vanilla IceBehind The Music, where Vanilla described being hung out a hotel window with Suge holding him by the ankles? And that was just Vanilla Ice! Clearly if you owe the man money, and you’re as big as Akon, you shouldn’t keep having your people punch him in the head.
Detectives are currently at the scene of the crime in Van Nuys, CA but we’re wondering how much there is to detect when your thieves tell the victim why they’re there and who they’re collecting a debt for. [Photos: WireImage, Getty Images]
Being 43 years old isn’t considered that old anymore, especially in Hollywood. As Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock put it, “Rich 50 is middle class 38,” which basically means celebs can get away with a lot more, for a lot longer these days. Cindy Crawford is 43 and is proudly showing herself off in the month’s Allure Magazine.
In one shot, she looks amazing and super hot, dressed in a black bathing suit (and tearing apart a loaf of bread, of course), but then there’s the Varsity-Blues-strategic-shaving-cream-placement shot that’s kind of insane and makes us think maybe there are limits to what you should do when you’re the mother of two.
We’re not trying to put the woman down, she looks amazing in every shot in the magazine – but a) think of the children (yours) and b) we kind of can’t tell where your ass cheek ends and your lady bits begin, Cindy, and that’s our biggest problem. We especially love the irony of the Allure sub-header “Looking good and feeling powerful at any age requires subtlety”. Indeed. [Photo: Allure Magazine]
When you’re famous for having a sex tape and an ass so big and round that it has it’s own moons orbiting it, it’s not so far fetched to have porn movies named in your honor — just ask Kim Kardashian. Hustler has just announced that they are releasing Keeping It Up For The KardASSians. Nothing wrong with a porn movie based entirely on one family, right? (Gross!)
The film promises three-way action, we assume between the three sisters, and there’s no word on whether there will be cameos from mom Kris Jenner and face-implanted stepdad Bruce Jenner or if there will be any Bromance action between step-brother Brody Jenner and his man-friends. We enjoy a good porn title as much as the next person (even though it’s not the most clever — Juranal Park still holds a place in our heart), so even though we don’t plan to see this film that’s sure to become a classic, we applaud that they went above and beyond, making good puns out of every part of the title.