Vice President Dick "Buckshot" Cheney kept his word to the inmates at California’s maximum security Folsom State Prison. He played a one hour set with his band "Dickie and The Trigger Happy Birdie Killers". The set received a luke warm reception until Cheney launched into his new, as yet unreleased, single "Go F***Yourself". During the guitar solo the Vice President thrilled the assembled audience by producing a rifle and opening fire. "He seems angry. Very angry" one inmate said "I mean, I always thought that the American people didn’t like to vote for angry people but…Man, that dude is angry!" I managed to obtain a tape of the performance and am proud to present it here….
Okay, I realize I’ve posted a lot about Dick Cheney this week… some might say I’ve made more bad Dick jokes than Jay Leno… but cut me some slack, it’s not every day the Vice President shoots a man in the face. At least, I don’t think it is. We’ll never really know.
Well, this is my last Dick Cheney post, I promise. It’s a good one. Click the link and listen to the song.
REASON TO ASSUME THAT J.J. ABRAMS IS CRAZY: He doesn’t think Tom Cruise is crazy (SciFiWire)
REASONS NOT TO SMOKE: Employers hit smokers in the wallet (CNN); California city passes no smoking outside (The Acorn)
REASON NOT TO WATCH PORN: Kid Rock & Scott Stapp… together at last (The Bastardly)
REASON FOR GEEKS TO PICK UP THE NEW MAXIM: Veronica Mars, naturally (Maxim Online)
ANOTHER REASON TO LOVE JILL SOBULE BESIDES THE FACT SHE ‘KISSED A GIRL': Her Dick Cheney hunting song (The Huffington Post)
Chinese Democracy! It’s finally spreading!!!
After over ten years of waiting for the next Guns N’ Roses album, it’s impossible to hear the words "Chinese Democracy" without thinking about Chinese Democracy. And without thinking about how bat-s*** crazy Axl has gone, and without thinking about that dude who joined the band that wore a KFC Bucket of chicken on his head.
But anyway, all signs are pointing to Axl Rose FINALLY unleashing Chinese Democracy onto the general (American) public. First up there was a rumor that it was going to be released this spring. Nobody got too excited though, because just like leap year that rumor pops up once every four years. No big deal. But then today… today we took another step closer to Democracy. Two previously unreleased tracks leaked onto the internet today, one of which you can find HERE (for the time being, at least).
Download it and let me know what you think. Are you glad they’re back, or would you have been content just listening to the new Velvet Revolver?
It couldn’t just be a hunting accident, could it? Of course not! Check this out:
Sirius radio’s Alex Bennett just broke a rumor that the delay in
reporting the news that Cheney shot an old man in the heart was due to
an effort to hide or spin Cheney’s female companion.
Bob Cesca takes it a step further by asking: Was Cheney Hiding His Lewinsky? To that, I have just one thing to say– STOP IT! Dick Cheney is 65-Years-Old! The woman in question looks like my grandmother! The last thing I want to think about today is the Ambassador to Switzerland giving the Vice President of the United States a mouth hug. Sorry. It’s a little too much to take (no pun intended.)
In other news, Steve Martin reports: Cheney Shoots Three Presidents In Oval Office Mishap. I find that less disturbing.
The nominees for the 2006 Juno Awards– Canada’s version of the Grammys– were announced today, and as usual, they were the funniest thing to come out of Canada since Jim Carrey.
There’s been a lot of talk over the past couple of years about the Montreal music scene. Bands like the like the Arcade Fire, The Stills, Stars, and Wolf Parade put the city on the map (that’s a metaphor. To the best of my knowledge, at press time there are still no actual maps of Canada.) Anyway, when the Juno Awards were announced I kind of expected that the new, hip Canadian acts that dominated college radio would be well represented. Well, they weren’t. Instead, the band who earned the most nominations was… Nickelback.
It gets worse…
QUOTE: "I’m the guy who pulled the trigger and shot my friend." – Dick Cheney (CNN)
BWE PANELIST INTERVIEW (TIE): Greg Fitzsimmons (The Cheap Pop) & Aziz Ansari (WWJB?)
OLD WWF STORYLINE PLAYING OUT IN REAL LIFE: Canada and USA Locked In War of Words (Breitbart)
INTERVIEW: Tom Cruise on Oprah- Remix (BWE)
BOBBLEHEAD DOLL PETITION FORM: Dwight from the Office (Sign the Petition Here)
VIDEO GAME BABE THAT’LL MAKE YOU FEEL DIRTY ABOUT PLAYING VIDEO GAMES: The new Lara Croft (Hollywood Tuna)
Further proof that Oprah always gets the last laugh. (Thanks to Michael Colton & John Aboud for the concept)
Dick Cheney admitted to drinking one beer "hours before" he went hunting with a couple of friends and proceeded to shoot one of them in the face.
Now, generally one beer doesn’t do much to most people. However, anybody who’s ever attended a sorority mixer, drank with a bunch of high school kids, or funneled a beer in high altitudes while hanging upside down by their ankles off a deck KNOWS that different people handle various amounts of liquor differently. If you’re a 65-year-old man with a history of heart problems who probably takes more pills daily than Barry Bonds does over the course of his Spring Training regimen, then I’d say you probably shouldn’t risk it. Well, Dick did. And look what happened.
I think we should all breathe a sigh of relief that Mr. Cheney stopped at just one. If you use the formula One Beer = Shoot a Guy In The Face, things get pretty hairy when you extrapolate that to a night out drinking. Don’t believe me? Just check this out:
The sixth season of America’s Next Top Model starts in a couple of weeks (March 8), but Just Jared has already posted a whole slew of photgraphs of the new contestants. (click the thumbnail to enlarge)
You can start doing your homework on these girls at the official UPN site too.
So, who’s your early favorite? Is it Nnenna with the 4 "n’s" in her name? Is it the pouty 6’1" giant Sara? Is it Leslie, who lists "Asian" as her favorite food? Or how about Jade, the girl who admits that Martin is her favorite TV show?
I don’t know who it’s going to be, but I can’t wait to watch these girls battle it out. (For the record, I think I’ll be rooting for Gina, but only because her favorite movie is Schindler’s List.)