Posts By BobCastrone

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Today In Celebrity Conception

Scarykelly

Twenty-two  years ago today, Ozzy Osbourne took a break from urinating on historic monuments and biting the heads off of helpless animals to do what he does best: get down and dirty with his wife Sharon. The result? Daughter Kelly, born October 27, 1984.

Maybe it was the thought of a little groundhog emerging from a hole that turned the Ozzman on. Or maybe it was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s rippling muscles in The Terminator, the number one movie that weekend. Or maybe… just maybe… the Prince of Darkness had a soft spot for Billy Ocean’s hit single "Caribbean Queen" and just couldn’t contain himself when it came on the radio.

Well, whatever the case may be, Mr. & Mrs. Osbourne got the ball rolling on giving baby Jack a little sister today. The worlds of reality TV and really bad pop music should take a moment to say ‘thanks.’

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Sex, Drugs, Cocoa Puffs and Football

Ck When you combine sporting events with entertainers/comedians/writers who aren’t sports people, one of two things can happen: It’ll either end up like the Dennis Miller mess on Monday Night Football, or like this.

What does the Super Bowl represent to Chuck Klosterman, a random writer you have never met and (in all likelihood) have never even heard of? That is the quandary that has America talking. And that is the quandary I will attempt to answer through this sporadically updated weblog, a process Arctic Monkeys fans like to call "blogging."

Chuck is blogging about the Superbowl from Detroit all week long. Even if you don’t care about who wins the big game– or who’s playing in the big game– this is a must read. If nothing else, I guarantee that this is the only Superbowl Blog you’re going to find that references Soundgarden, Tawny Kitaen and Robert Altman. Read it all here.

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For Sale: Charlotte’s Vagina

Kristin_davis

The Sex and the City original painting "Charlotte’s Vagina" is up for auction on eBay. As I’m writing this, the reserve has yet to be met, and the top bid is only $305. In case you were wondering, it’s 54 inches by 96 inches. The painting. Not the vagina.

So there you have it. If you want, you can buy Charlotte’s vagina on eBay. Meanwhile, Samantha just keeps giving hers away. Oh no I din’t! I went there!

Thanks to BWE fave CityRag for the link.

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Best Summer Ever?

What do Matt LeBlanc and BWE’s Modern Humorists have in common? They were both captured on tape by this screaming tourist.

Well, that, and they both love the movie Ed. But seriously, who doesn’t?

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Corn Flakes: Your Essential Inessentials

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  • Marilyn Manson is set to play Alice in Wonderland author Lewis Carroll in an upcoming movie. It’ll be the first time Manson ventures through the looking glass as opposed to just snorting rails off it.
  • Lucy Liu is touring Pakistan. Specifically areas of the country that were shaken like a polaroid picture.
  • Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas is set to star as herself in the upcoming film Poseidon. No word yet on whether her lovely lady lumps will make a cameo.
  • Katie Holmes fears for her unborn baby, proving that maybe… just maybe… there’s hope for her yet.
  • Prince Harry will be sent to Iraq next year as a troop commander. Let’s just hope he packs the right uniform.
  • Destiny’s Child reunites! Ladies, how are we supposed to miss you if you don’t go away?
  • Brad Pitt wants a gay movie role. Actually, wait. Brad Pitt starred in Meet Joe Black. That should read "Brad Pitt wants another gay movie role."

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I’m Sarah Silverman, B*tch!

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Sarah Silverman is tapped to fill the Dave Chappelle sized hole in Comedy Central’s heart. According to Reuters, the show is called The Sarah Silverman program and will premiere in the summer. Also, she will play a “character — also named Sarah Silverman — whose absurd daily life will be told through an array of scripted comedic scenes and songs.” Joe Franklin can’t like this development.

(Go here for other developments…)

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Say It Isn’t Not So!

Laguna_kids

We’re not stupid. We know that reality TV distorts reality to tell good stories. Please, I think VH1 alone has dedicated at least three days worth of Awesomely Bad programming to the matter. We get it, and we tolerate it. However. Today. Today I hit my breaking point.

Read more…