Posts By BobCastrone

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Development Watch: What’s on Your TV in 2-6 Months

In this weekly feature, we give you the lowdown on upcoming TV shows still in development

Reality: Mark Burnett teaming with AOL to create Gold Rush!, a reality treasure hunt featuring contestants searching for hidden riches across the United States, aided by clues placed throughout the AOL network on sites including Moviefone.com, MapQuest.com and AIM.com. Translation: Amazing Race with Even More Product Placements

Variety: Comedy Central has ordered six episodes of The Sarah Silverman Program, with an air date set for this summer.  Silverman’s character life is told thru a series of scripted scenes and songs. Comedy Central has ordered six episodes. Translation: The Dave Chapelle Show re-imagined with a white Jewish girl

Drama: ABC is looking at a project which would be the episodic version of the film Mr. and Mrs. Smith, from Regency TV.  The film, of course, starred Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who were both assassins. The pilot will be written by Simon Kinberg, who also wrote the film. Translation:  Canceled after Jill Henessey and Grant Show are cast as leads.

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We Get It: Random Facts Are Funny

Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he does not push himself up. He pushes the Earth down.

Chuck_norris_againBy now, everybody’s either seen or heard about the Chuck Norris random fact generator. Go to the site and keep on refreshing your browser and you’ll be presented with a seemingly neverending flow of "facts" about your favorite Texas Ranger (named Walker.) It’s hilarious. Look at it now. I just did, and I spit out my coffee when I read "Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the f*** he wants." That’s good comedy.

But here’s the thing: it’s been done before. Back in April we posted the Vin Diesel random fact generator here on the BWE blog, and at the time I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. I mean "Vin Diesel is the only man to run around the Earth at the equator and kill a wolverine in the same day" made me laugh harder than The Chronicles of Riddick– and that’s saying something.

Read more…

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How To Sleep In College

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BWE’s Pete Holmes is all about helping out. He’s that kind of guy. So if you’re in college and you have trouble sleeping, this is for you.

The most important thing I learned in college was how to sleep. I’m not even sure what my major was, but the sleeping skills I learned living in the dorms will stay with me forever.

Read the whole thing here. Hopefully Pete’s next column will focus on how to sleep with somebody in college. Just a thought Pete, just a thought. We’re listening.

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In Case You Missed It: My Doorbell Remix

Little_jack

I’m not a guy who likes cutesy things. I’m sorry, I’m not. When I see little Anne Geddes babies dressed up like flowers I don’t go "awwwwww." I run away. They freak me out.

Okay, now that that’s established I just have to say I’m sorry… but this is too cute. It made me smile, and I’m sure it’ll make you smile too. If it doesn’t, it can only mean one thing: You hate children.

Thanks to The Modern Age for the link. And to Little Jack’s parents for introducing the kid to The White Stripes at such a young age.

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Sizzler: F-U Bono!

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Ted Leo of Ted Leo & The Pharmacists fame is good at saying what’s on his mind. I mean, go listen to Shake The Sheets, the whole thing is a big F-U to our president (Mr. Leo isn’t a fan, naturally.) Well, today on his website, Ted turns his attention to a new enemy: Bono.

This is gonna be bad karma for me, so I’ll probably delete it soon, but I have to vent to somebody… So, I’m a fan of everything before "Rattle & Hum," and I’m a BIG fan of "The Unforgettable Fire." But I’m sitting here on the train watching "The New Order Story," from the DVD box set Santa brought me for Christmas, and there are a few moments of commentary from Señor Vox that I’ll refrain from chategorizing, lest I "lose my s***." But anyway, in one of them, he says "Ahh — the legendary voice! Ian Curtis!" Would have been embarrassing enough in an "obviuosness grasping at hipness" kind of way, but he has to go that one step further, HE ALWAYS HAS TO GO THAT ONE STEP FURTHER!!, and he starts singing "Love Will Tear us Apart"… WRONG. He sings:
Love, love will tear us apart…
Somedaaaay

Someday?
F*** you, Bono.

You hear that Bono, Ted Leo don’t like you! Fat chance he’ll let U2 open up for him on his next tour. Sorry buddy.

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This Day Last Year

Tara_reid_07

This day last year, January 27th, 2005

Paris Hilton decided that her chihuahua just didn’t do it for her anymore, so the hotel heiress adopted a rottweiler. Meanwhile, a still-imprisoned Martha Stewart started taking line-dancing lessons and Star Jones had all of her shameless plugs edited out of InStyle’s Celebrity Weddings special on ABC. Also, on January 27, 2005 Tara Reid told the NY Post "I’m a very smart girl. People don’t realize that." One year later, thanks to Taradise and a bunch of other poor decisions, sadly people still don’t realize that.

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Clay Achin’

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Today’s blind item: Which American Idol star is being accused of having unprotected gay sex with a former Army Ranger? Here’s a hint: His screen name is "valleyprettyboy." Here’s another hint: there’s a picture of him right there.

You can find more clues here. Happy investigating!

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Have You Seen Me Lately?

Mikey

Then: Max Battimo played the role of Zack Morris’ best friend Mikey on the Saved by the Bell prequel (sorta), "Good Morning Miss Bliss." When Zack, Lisa, and Screech graduated junior high and inexplicably moved to Bayside, California together, Mikey was left behind. He hasn’t been heard from since.

Now: According to imdb.com, Max is a hockey ref for the ECHL and his nickname is Italy Max. He also stereotypically owns an Italian food chain. Below is an artist’s rendition of what Max "Mikey" Battimo probably looks like today.

Super_mario_bros

Our work here is done. Who else do you want us to locate? No ex-celebrity is too obscure… we’ll get ‘em!

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Finally, Irrefutable Proof There’s a God

Naturally, it comes from Star magazine. Where else?

Jenniferlovehewittbikini03HEWITT’S READY FOR HER PLAYBOY CENTERFOLD!

"She told me that maybe a sexy magazine layout with her showing her assets might give her a little edgier image and she might be considered for a femme fatale role. She knows she can pull it off, but she thinks casting directors aren’t so sure." – A "friend"

Okay, so it’s far from conclusive… but still. You gotta believe. You just gotta.

In the meantime, Egotastic has a bunch of pictures of J-Love in a bikini to tide you over. They sure beat sitting through The Ghost Whisperer.