Posts By BobCastrone

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MASH-UP: It’s Shooter’s Tour

You know what Marky Mark Wahlberg’s new movie Shooter was missing? Simple. It was missing Shooter McGavin, obviously. Check out this hilarious mash-up via Gorillamask that combines Shooter with Happy Gilmore. You may never look at Adam Sandler the same way again.

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SIZZLER: LC vs. Perez– Who Do You Believe?

lauren conrad jason.jpgAccording to Perez Hilton, Lauren Conrad (LC for short) from The Hills and her ex-boyfriend Jason Wahler made a sex tape that’s on the verge of being released. According to LC, this is bulls**t. We don’t know which diva to believe. From LC’s official site:

“I am posting this note on my website regarding the reports that have circulated on the internet this morning. Jason and I would like to make it clear that we did not make a tape with us having sex. Jason and I are both shocked and hurt that people would say such horrible things about us. I can’t believe that somebody would go to such great lengths to try to damage my reputation. I feel very grateful and blessed to have friends and family to support me at this time. I would especially like to thank all my fans for standing by me.”

So who do you believe? On the one side you have a blonde reality TV star– a species known for making & releasing sex tapes. On the other side you have a gossip blogger who loves outing celebrities and adding words like “whore” and “slut” to paparazzi photos. It’s so hard to choose!

As a Laguna Beach Season 1 fan, I’m hoping LC is telling the truth. I wouldn’t want to see a sex tape with her and Jason… I’d want it to be with her and Stephen. You know, for old times’ sake.

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Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due- This Is Funny

If you’re a frequent reader of Page 6 like I am (don’t judge me, it’s a vice) you’ve probably been rolling your eyes and groaning at cartoonist Sean Delonas’ lame cartoons for years. Generally, they tend to be cheap, homophobic, poorly drawn, and worst of all- not funny. Until today. Believe it or not, Delonas’ cartoon in Page 6 today is kind of clever and– dare I say– somewhat amusing. Seriously. I smiled. That’s a big step. Check it out. If your expectations are low enough, you might even find it funny too.

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See? Keith Richards snorting Anna Nicole Smith? Not bad, huh? Way to go, Sean; keep up the slightly better than not-bad work!

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ICYMI: Two Loud Old Men Yell At Each Other on TV

Finger pointing. Shouting. Accusations. A mustache. It’s exactly what you’d expect from Geraldo visiting The O’Reilly Factor. Last night the two basic cable hot heads were at each others’ throats arguing about illegal aliens and it was intense. You just know they had the best make-up sex after the show. You just know it.

Wow, that was great. You know who I think won? America.

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IN ODDER NEWS: San Fran Blows

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  • The mayor of San Francisco is catching heat for simulating oral sex on a microphone. On the bright side, I think that’s the only thing he can catch from a microphone.
  • An online Christian ministry has begun a Porn & Pancakes program for men to discuss how pornography has negatively affected their lives. And when they’re done with that, to exchange porn site passwords and masturbation tips.
  • A woman’s house was ransacked after a fake craigslist ad invited people to come over and take whatever they want. Luckily the ad didn’t attract any of the “Casual Encounter” perverts, or the lady could’ve lost a whole lot more than just her belongings.
  • MTV has announced that The Hills will return for a third season. And sadly, viewers probably will too.
  • Disney is worried that Keith Richards‘ joke (?) about snorting his father’s ashes will hurt the new Pirates of the Caribbean film that he has a cameo in. Because Pirates are supposed to just rape & pillage, not snort people. That’s just gross.

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UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK: Quiznos’ New Mascot

Yesterday we told you about a coyote that walked off the street and into a Chicago Quiznos (and didn’t even have the nerve to order anything. What an assh*le). Well, today we have video from a couple of different newscasts. If Quiznos is smart they’ll build a whole ad campaign around this thing, like “Quiznos is so good, even wild animals love it!” or something corny like that. I don’t know. I’m no ad wizard. Make it happen, guys.

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VIDEO HITS ONE: Don’t F With Carrie Underwood

Cheating on your girlfriend/wife is never a good idea (unless you know you won’t get caught, of course). But cheating on Carrie Underwood is more than just a bad idea– it’s downright costly. In her video for “Before He Cheats” Carrie advises the women of the world to take their broken hearts and destroy their man’s car as a means of therapy… before he cheats. Before? C’mon Carrie, at least give the guy a chance to get something good out of the whole thing. Anyway, while Idolator’s IdoLawyer examined the legal implications of Carrie’s actions today, we just wondered who the hell would ever cheat on her– she’s hot! Check out the video and let us know if you think she’s overreacting just a little bit.

Video via Idolator

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Britney Spears Currently Making Out With Crappy Singer/Songwriter Who Once Played In My College Cafeteria During Lunch

howie day1.jpgHowie Day, the singer/songwriter best known by some for his tender love songs, by others for the time he locked a fan in a bathroom on his tour bus after she refused his sexual advances, and by me for playing the Towson University cafeteria while I ate a turkey BLT in 2002 is rumored to be Britney Spears’ newest rehab love interest. According to Life & Style (via MSNBC):

Spears met Day while the two were at rehabbing at Promises in Malibu “and fell hard for him” reports the mag, which claims that she’s going to bring him as her date when she attends her cousin Erin’s wedding on June 2.

“Britney just lights up and seems back to her old self when she talks to Howie or tells people about him,” an “insider” tells the mag. “She thinks he’s very talented — and says he’s the best kisser ever!”

It seems oddly appropriate that Howie Day (a poor man’s John Mayer) would hook up with the 2007 version of Britney Spears (a broke man’s Jessica Simpson). I really hope these two can make their rehab love last… for Britney’s sake. The last thing that girl needs is to be locked in a bathroom right now. Best of luck you two!

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s lunchtime, and I’m really in the mood for a turkey BLT for some reason.

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ICYMI: Quentin Tarantino Has A Lot To Say

There are three things we’ve come to expect from a Quentin Tarantino movie release. 1) You know it’s going to be good, 2) You know it’s going to violent, and 3) You know he’s going to go on every possible talk show, talk a mile a minute, and promote the ever-loving hell out of it. This clip from the Opie & Anthony Show is a must watch for Tarantino fans. In it, he talks about Grindhouse, Natural Born Killers, and the John Travolta/ Michael Madsen Vega Brothers movie he never got around to making (note: they were brothers!?!?) Check it out.

Vid via Horny Oyster

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ICYMI: You Were Thinking It, Jerry Seinfeld Said It

If you have HBO On Demand, do yourself a favor and go home right now to watch Jerry Seinfeld: The Comedian Award. Your boss will understand. And honestly, if your boss is going to fire you because you snuck out for an hour to watch Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Garry Shandling, Robert Klein and Anderson Cooper sitting around on a stage cracking jokes, then you don’t want to work for that masochist anyway. Here’s a clip of Jerry’s acceptance speech where he tears apart actors and award shows. And he’s just getting started. Seriously, go home.