Recently, I have self-diagnosed myself with vocal polyps following a few singing related incidents. It all started about 2 weeks ago, while on vacation in my hometown of Miami, when me and a few friends found ourselves stuck in standstill traffic with nothing more than a live Elton John concert on 101.5 Lite FM. Down the windows of my father’s sensible sedan went, as we serenaded passerby from a nearby Heat game to a whiff of our “Philadelphia Freedom.” That night was vocal mistake #1.
Mistake #2 came a few days later when I sang Billy Joel’s “Honesty” alone to myself in my car, and I swear to God, nailed it. Sorry American Idol‘s Hollie Cavanagh, but you have nothing on the brilliance that sailed out of my mouth in my Mercury Milan.
In short: I am now like a much less famous Adele when it comes to polyps and polyps only (and eyeliner).
These opening paragraphs about my personal life have veerrrrrrry little to do with this week’s American Idol theme of Billy Joel. Sadly, Billy himself wasn’t there to help mentor our young contestants, but thankfully, producers went with the next logical choice: Puff Daddy and Motown legend Tommy Hilfiger.
We’re down to 10 contestants this week, and Tommy was on hand to give everyone makeovers!!! And by everyone, I mean Tommy was on hand to give Erika Van Pelt a makeover. Seriously. She was the only contestant who got any sort of makeover at all, the only one shown at the salon. Great for her self-esteem I’m sure. The result?
She’s Kris Jenner now. Despite the fact that she was morphed into the post-menopausal mother of the Kardashian Krew, she actually did look better. Great job Tommy Hilfiger!
The episode was sort of disappointing, mainly because of song choice. I mean Billy has uh-soooo many amazing songs, and somehow, these contestants went out of their way to pick some of my least faves. I mean, no Leningrad? No Downeaster Alexa??? 9-year-old me won’t have it.
Let’s quickly go over the performances, shall we? Note that I only truly care about two of the contestants, Jessica Sanchez and Joshua Ledet, who, in a perfect world, would have a small ethnically ambiguous baby who cries like this.
1. DeAndre Brackensick “Only The Good Die Young.” For starters, this is my first time every typing out the kid’s full name, and I hate to say it, but Brackensick, you’re not gonna take the competition with a stage name like that. (Might I suggest this as a replacement name.) He’s a sweet kid with a good heart but I’m kind of over the whole hair down Carlton dance move, which funny enough, is his only move. Also it’s very hard for me to take any man who bears a resemblance to Rebecca Gayheart seriously. Overall, he’ll stay til next week, and I really hope he brings some church back into his songs Ledet style.