Posts By Michelle COLLINS

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GIF OF THE DAY: Spartacus The Bulldog Waves Goodbye

This is Ice-T and Coco’s bulldog Spartacus. He is built like a little doggie brick house, and I think we can all agree, the exact dog that Ice-T and Coco should own. And in today’s GIF of the Day, we have little Spartacus waving goodbye to a handful of paparazzi with the saddest damn look on his face I’ve ever seen. I mean really, look at this sorry son of a bitch.

Looks like someone got into Ice’s medical marijuana stash again.

[Photos: Splash]

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HAPPY HOUR: Let’s Have A Margarita With Jason Mraz

When I found out that Mr. A to Z himself Jason Mraz would be sitting down with me to discuss his latest album over margaritas, a few thoughts popped into my head. Namely: Am I going to have to wear a hat?

Yes, Jason Mraz is known for many things. Poppy songs, brilliant lyrics, and hats. In fact, one of the first questions on my torah-scroll of “things to ask” was to be if he ever had to take his hat off to be recognized. (You can find the answer out below.) So it was of the highest importance that we talk about them. For example, is his new long hair just a wig attached to a ski cap? (Fear not, ladies, his hair is allll reallll.)

But hair aside, what about the man’s real talent: His music? Mraz’s new album, Love Is A Four Letter Word, will hit the shelves on April 17, and you can already check out the video for his new single “I Won’t Give Up” here.

We cover all this and more — avocados, bible camp, and his online screen name — in this installment of Happy Hour brought to you by Chili’s. Get your margaritas chilled, salt those rims, and check out the interview below!

Watch Part II Of The Interview Here!

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NEW DREAM: Be The Meat In A Danny Devito & Lorax Sandwich

I know we’re all kind of sick and tired of these Lorax pics, but think about it. Danny Devito on one side, The Lorax on the other… candy coated body fluid being exchanged. Safe to say I would have no idea what was happening because I am over 6 feet tall and they are only slightly bigger than the blades of grass in Honey, I Shrunk The Kids, but still. Those hobbit feet, that highly-flammable mustache.. I don’t think any woman could resist.

[Splash]

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Prince Harry Super Excited To Win Gold At The Fake Olympics

Prince Harry is in Jamaica, and while there, visited the Usain Bolt Track at the University of the West Indies. And even though 3-time Olympic gold medalist Usain Bolt was standing mere feet away, that didn’t stop Harry from competing against himself in a fake Olympic race and, of course, taking home the gold for England.

Of course, being a PRINCE, nobody had the heart to tell him that there was no race, he competed alone, and he ran a 9 minute mile. Nope, instead, he spent the next 20 minutes just pointing to the sky thanking God with Usain.

[Photo: Splash]

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I Can’t Stop Watching This GIF Of Jason Biggs Eating A Chili Dog

Jason Biggs helped himself to a heaping chili dog (in a bagel I think) in Sydney, Australia yesterday while in town for an American Pie reunion. And, guys, is he OK? Is this how Jason Biggs chews things? Because I don’t want to speak to soon, but I don’t doubt for a second that I could stare at this GIF all day.

Then again, part of me almost wonders if he’s choking. Is he choking??

Tara Reid, are you going to do anything to help him?

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Snooki Is Engaged, Shows Off Ring, While I Stare At College Diploma And Question My Life Choices

For starters, I’m not sure this photo of Snooki really is her. It kind of looks like a little Indian man with a 5 o’clock shadow, though then again that could also be the result of Snooki’s new beauty line of fake brown beards. Anyway did you hear? Snooki from Jersey Shore got engaged. Yes, this little Ikea 99 cent meatball who often can be seen publicly urinating or Commando Jersey Turnpiking has somehow landed herself a man. A man who is not even the worst looking and who has working sperm (she’s pregnant btw) and who PUT A RING ON IT.

Which is why I’d like to address America’s young ladies: Forget college. Don’t try to get a job. Say goodbye to grad school. You don’t need em. Just learn how to open a bottle of Corona using your crotch, practice kickboxing bitches in the face, and get out there. If Snooki is any indication, you will be richer, more married, and pregnanter than many young women who spent 6 figures on a 4 year college that left their womb a veritable 28 Days Later. (Speaking for a friend.)

GUYS HER RING ISN’T EVEN BAD:

Reupping the service on my middle school beeper and getting to work.
[Photo: Splash]

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Adrienne Maloof: Pea Head? Or Monster Dog?

Alternate Post Title: “Adrienne Maloof Sits Aloofly With Her Hoofs And Woofs.”

(Click To Enlarge… trust me)

Yes, guys, we paid cold hard cash to be able to bring you this nothing-short-of amazing photo of Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Adrienne Maloof posing ever so footless comfortably with a pile of her own shoes thrown on the ground, and her two dogs. The photo is an attempt to promote her shoe brand, not called The Maloof Hoof.

But look closely… Her two dogs who, while adorable, have no shadows, and also do they exist? I mean, that German Shepard is like JCVD-sized.

Look at this very scientific diagram we’ve made of Maloof vs. Dog Heads

Forget shoes! I want to purchase a SADDLE and ride that dog to the PROM.

[Photo: Splash News]

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Matt Lauer Says The Word “Condom” To Zac Efron’s Face; We All Die

Last week, Zac Efron reached into his pocket and pulled out a blinding beam of light reflecting off of a gold condom wrapper that fell to the floor while walking the red carpet for THE LORAX. It was the kind of glorious life moment people who spend their lives on the internet could only dream of. (Me.) Efron appeared on The Today Show this morning to promote the film, and sat across from my other m-bayshy fantasy Matt Lauer, whose chest I had tattooed to my own chest. Matt’s never struck me as someone uncomfortable talking about sex, but I guess if you’re asking Zac Efron about a condom he dropped, well, really, anyone would armadillo themselves into a shameball and roll on out of the room.

If you enjoy your awkward moments SUPER SEXY then this clip is for YOU. (at 2:20)

(via Today)

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The 25 Most Random Celebrities At The Same Party Ever

Norby Walters is not necessarily someone I would want to be friends with. For starters, he’s a sports agent. Despite my raging “Plantar fasciitis,” I am no athlete. Back in 1988, Norby was convicted of fraud and racketeering after he signed college players to professional sports teams before it was legally allowed. Despite my penchant for Scorcese crime flicks and a dude I once made out with who just got out of Rikers, I don’t often associate with criminals. He also kind of looks like my cousin Edith who passed away years ago. I loved Edith but there’s only room for one in my heart.

And yet, taking allll of these things into consideration, my mind is made up: I want to be friends with Norby Walters. Why, you ask? Simple. Judging by the characters who attended his 22nd Annual Night Of 100 Stars Oscar Viewing Party, he seems to be basically the best dude. If you need more proof, I’d like to present 25 reasons why Norby Walter’s Oscar Viewing Party is HANDS DOWN the best Oscar Viewing Party out there.

Sorry, Vanity Fair, but until you put a man who has walked on the moon AND Rose from Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead in the same room, your party is meaningless.

1.

Yakov Smirnoff2.

Dolph Lundgren

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