Posts By Michelle COLLINS

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DIET SODA CAT IS BACK!

Sure, we may have hinted as to Diet Soda Cat’s return in yesterday’s Of the Days, but seeing as nothing says the holidays like chubby cat legs sticking out of a cardboard soda container, we just had to bring it to you again. With thanks to Lindsay at Videogum, BWE.tv presents:

Diet Soda Cat II: I’ll Find You Invisible Bastards:

I want to throw his hind legs into a split pea soup and eat it for the rest of eternity. Creepy? Yes. Delicious? Yesssss.

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WALLPAPERS FROM HELL: Mexico’s Clown Pilgrimage

Here is a tradition I wish I’d never known about/seen: Each year in Mexico, hundreds of clowns make a religious pilgrimage to Guadalupe Basilica to cleanse their masked souls. Those of you seeking a computer wallpaper from Dante’s 9th level of hell… behold the following group photo:

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Let’s play a game: Can you guess which of the above clowns will be featured in a starring role in tonight’s exclusive nightmare where I am strangled from behind with a telephone wire?

Answer ahead (seriously, click.)

Read more…

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Let’s Play “Cast The Fake Batman Movie”!

EDDIE MURPHY RIDDLER.jpgIt has been reported by the bastion of all things true and totally not rumored The Sun that Eddie Murphy has been slated to play The Riddler in the upcoming Batman movie. As proof of this claim, the paper put together a 10-second photoshop of Eddie wearing The Riddler’s Matthew Lesko-esh get-up, replete with white hands and MS Paint eyemakeup. The image alone was enough to convince us, but then again, we comb our hair using an old rake we found behind a gas station.

The paper also claims that Batman’s not-gay boy (space) friend Robin will be portrayed by 22-year-old bad boy Shia LaBeouf, and that Rachel Weisz had been pegged to play Catwoman.

Of course, it seems none of these rumors are actually true. In fact, despite the convincing image, Ain’t It Cool news reports:

I’m being inundated with bullsh*t rumors from sites that are just attempting to pad their numbers with created and made up rumors that would cause spikes in traffic because they surround a new BATMAN film.

There is not one shred of reality in any of these rumors…

If ANY OF YOU believe any of this bullshit, you have found some crazy awesome drugs and I would like to have some of what you’re having.

siren.gifSpikes in traffic, eh?

(throat clear)

Bestweekever.tv has some breaking news! We’ve just received EXCLUSIVE word from CHRISTOPHER NOLAN HIMSELF regarding some recently cast parts in the upcoming Batman sequel. And those parts go as follows:

POISON IVY will be played by:

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…OF THE DAY

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  • HOW RUDE: A judge has ordered that former Full House actress Jodie Sweetin will only be allowed to see her children with supervision, after she drove drunk with them in the car. Sigh… remember the good ol’ days, when she was just getting implants and addicted to meth? It’s a real shame. (TMZ)
  • PERSON OF THE YEAR: Almost President Barack Obama has been named Time’s Person of the Year. And once again, Susan Lucci is ignored for an honor she so desperately deserves. (Time Magazine)
  • PLEASE TELL US THIS IS THE COVER: (BoingBoing)
  • BALL TWO: Alex Rodriguez was scene catching two balls at a recent Yankees practice. Only, they were the kind that are attached to him, and also his testicles. (Jezebel)
  • GUESS WHO IS BACK: You probably didn’t guess this guy… but you definitely missed him. (Videogum)
  • THE BIGGEST WINNER: Congratulations to the beautiful Michelle, who took home the $250,000 on The Biggest Loser finale last night. She was quoted as saying she finally feels “at peace”, and followed up by saying “speaking of peace, anyone up for $250,000 worth of pecan pie? Just me? If you insist!” (Us Magazine)

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What Your Celebrity Lunchbox Says About You

Every year, the fabulous organization The Lunchbox Fund asks celebrities to custom-make lunchboxes for auction, proceeds which go towards feeding poor children in South Africa. This year, they’ve rounded up some Hollywood A-Listers to design their specialty lunchboxes (auctions of which end tomorrow!). Some of the designs are astoundingly creative… and some, well, some leave us longing for the Good Ol’ Days of our purple Popple Box n’ Thermos set.

So now, we’d like to take you through some of our favorites, in a little segment we like to call “What Your Celebrity Lunchbox Says About You”:

GWYNETH PALTROW
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“I have no idea what children find fun. Also, I have no idea what goes inside of these things.”

EMERIL LAGASSE
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“Bam!” (Sounds of the final bullet Emeril puts through his own head.)

Read more…

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How Quickly Things on A&E’s Intervention Can Take a Turn for the Tragic

JANET LOL2.jpgIt’s no secret that we at the BWE.tv offices are big fans of A&E’s Intervention. No other candid reality show on television can simultaneously make us feel so good about ourselves while also making us feel blessed about our lives. Because if there’s one thing that can make you feel better about your own troubles, it’s watching a meth addict fall asleep in a dirty swamp halfpipe while pantsless.

Interventions are usually heart-wrenching, sometimes soul-crushing/rebuilding, and often tear-inducing and inspiring. But every now and again, an episode will come along that is — simply — hilarious. Perhaps the most famous of these rare Intervention episodes was Allison, a former medical student who became addicted to inhaling air from COMPUTER DUST-OFF CANS. If you’ve never seen her cotton-mouth tell you she’s “Walkin’ on Sunshine“, than you truly haven’t lived. She’s like the Jim Carrey of addicts.

Last night, while catching up on this week’s episode via my DVR, my heart started to race. It seemed this week’s episode, featuring a woman named Janet, was going to stack up to a 43-minute long laugh riot. I tuned into the show about 30 seconds too late. Still, without hesitation, I immediately sent the following e-mails to my friend Mike, a fellow Intervention addict. And they read:

1 AM:
Dear Mike,
Did you see the Intervention about the sex addict? It just started but I already LOLed 2x. (Ed. Note: Yes, I talk like an assh*le in real life.) The woman was PANTING!! Write back soon.
Yours,
Michelle

1:01 AM:
Mike,

Errr uh oh she’s also a serious alky. Errrrm but still… lol?
Collar pull,
Michelle

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Is The “Thank You For Being A Friend” Necklace The Best Christmas Gift Since Christ Was Born?

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There’s not much more to say about the above Golden Girls themed trinket, formally called the “Thank You For Being A Friend Necklace.” (Even the boys at Urlesque were left speechless.)

Then again, there is a lot to say. For example: At only $20, is this the best bargain on the internet? Clearly. What better way to show your hilarious elderly pride than by dangling the severed heads of Bea, Betty, Rue and the recently departed Estelle across your decolletage?

In fact, I felt so strongly about the nuances and meaning of this necklace, that I went ahead and purchased one for my best friend in the whole world…

MYSELF.

For real. I posted the receipt ahead. Bad news however: it seems that I’ve purchased the last one (PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME.), I demand that you all head over to this company’s Etsy page and send them angry e-mails demanding they create hundreds of thousands of these necklaces for mass consumption.

Proof of purchase ahead (with address blacked out, you sickos.) Plus, some commenter bait!

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Australia’s Zac Efron Makes America’s Zac Efron Look Positively Butch

Not too much is known about Chris Durling, the man hired to play the Zac Efron part in Australia’s High School Musical: Live! Judging by the following photo, however, a few things become wildly obvious:

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1. He works out.
2. He is adorable.
3. HE LOVES TO DANCE!

Seriously, if you ever questioned the chemistry between Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, check these two out:

AUSTRALIA ZAC EFRON2.jpg

It’s kind of like a child finding an old homecoming picture of his parents while cleaning out the attic because his father is moving out because his father is actually gay. Even Zefron’s ponytail is no match for this man’s face.

In other words: This musical is probably amazing!

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…OF THE DAY

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  • IT’S OFFICE-AL: Following the Superbowl this year, the Office will air a super-sized celebrity-packed special, with appearance by Jack Black and Jessica Alba. No word yet if Garbage will make an appearance, which would be the ultimate Hollywood trifecta. (Ausiello Files)
  • LET YOUR BODY AWKWARDLY GROOVE WITH THE MUSIC: Have you noticed that at least 50 percent of the Vogue covers from 2008 have been, for lack of a better word, terribly retarded? Well the good people at Scandalist have, and they bring you those covers for your perusing displeasure. At right, a stille from Anne Hathaway‘s latest film, The Dutch Ovens. (Scandalist)
  • CHRISTMAS JIRACLE: Doctors have decided not to perform surgery on Rachael Ray‘s vocal chords this Christmas. In a related story, Extra Virgin Olive Oil just committed suicide. (People Magazine)
  • PUT UP YOUR BABY-FISTED DUKES: Verne Troyer has started a feud with Gabe over at Videogum.com. I’d be careful if I were him, lest Verne visit him in the middle of the night, nude and on a rascal, and pees all over him. Unless he’s into the sort of thing, in which case *luck!* (Videogum)
  • PORN TO PARTY: Jenna Jameson is now 5 months pregnant with twins, ensuring her family’s future in the porn empire for at least 30 more years. (ONTD)

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THE PRICE IS EXACTLY RIGHT: Local Man Wins Both Showcases, Makes Game Show History

I’ve been watching The Price is Right since the time my eyeholes were developed enough to take images in — but on today’s episode, I witnessed an absolute first in my own Price is Right viewing history: A man guessed his Showcase Showdown dollar amount EXACTLY right. Yes — on the nose. And it’s not like the prize package was worth $25,000 or something equally as even-keeled and reasonabe: This is truly a one-in-a-million moment.

According to an almost tragically blase Drew Carey, the last time someone guessed their Showcase Showdown bid exactly right was in 1972. Merely 36 years later, it is our sincere pleasure to bring you this most unusual TPIR moment:

Raise your hand if you got chills?

And it’s a good thing Bob Barker wasn’t there — lest he have a shock heart attack and drop d on pre-taped television.