Posts By Michelle COLLINS

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Allison Iraheta Already Voted Mexico’s Best Slutty Underaged Singer on Telemundo

Yet another American Idol controversy is Jim Brewin, this time involving the seemingly innocent 16 year old contestant Allison Iraheta. While on stage Allison appears shellshocked by the attention being lavished on her by the AI judges and fans, it looks like it’s all just an act. Allison has actually already participated in a megahit televised singing competition at the age of 15, on, of all networks, Telemundo.

So why the controversy? Well sweet, awkward Allison actually won the competition, and along with the title and $50,000, she also got a recording contract. Now people are accusing Idol producers of planting her on the show, and some want her disqualified.

Wanna know what we think? We think she sorta sucked back then. Like really sucked. And we think she’s good now. We also think she’s a fine actress and feel duped by her sorta-aspergeryness. Here is Allison butchering Total Eclipse of the Heart during the show’s finale:

Raise your hand if you feel duped!

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Now You Too Can Look Like the Devil of Jersey!

Lindsay Lohan’s new spray tan line is apparently reason enough to roll out the red carpet (oh, the innuendo!), as Sephora debuted the product with “adequit” fanfare yesterday. And you know? For those of you interested in resembling Lindsay Lohan or The Trashy Devil, this spray tan looks like it delivers:

Lindsay Lohan Tan Spray 1.jpg

Or you could just smear some clay all over your body and hit the clubs Apocalypto-style.

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Ask Melora Hardin a Question!

JAN LEVINSON GOULD 1.JPGHi Guys,

This week, I’m sitting down for an interview with actress of the stage and screen Melora Hardin, better known as Jan Levinson-Gould, to chat about all the amazing projects she’s working on — including her directorial debut, a movie called You.

We know how many of you out there are fans of Melora’s, so we figured we’d open up the floor and accept your questions. So… what would you like to ask Melora?? Send your questions to tips@bwe.tv, and you might make it into the interview!

Until then, check out the website for Melora’s film, You. But keep the tissues handy. It’s a good way to test if your ducts are working properly.

Michelle

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Cuchini, The Camel Toe Eraser: Taking the Wind Out of Your Vaginal Sails

CUCHINI-1.jpgJust when we thought it would be another slow news day, the following product came to our attention via the good people over at Pophangover. It’s called the “The Cuchini Pad”, and it bills itself as “a comfortable, light-weight material that smoothes the ridges of a woman’s mons pubis area, eliminating what is commonly known as Camel Toe.” And if you love seeing camels wearing makeup and bikinis, let us assure you The Cuchini website has a little something for everyone — even a celebrity cameltoe gallery (really Cuchini? That’s low, even for you, a cameltoe eraser). A camel even blows you a kiss!

CUCHINI 2.JPG Cuchini claims to do so many things:

1. Smoothes the ridges of a woman’s mons pubis area.
2. Keeps undergarments clean.
3. Can be used with or without underwear.

First of all, maybe Congress should start worrying less about swine flu and the economy and start focusing more on banning the term “mons pubis”, because seriously, even Latin sex ed teachers can’t spit that one out. But also, #3. #3…. WHY WOULD YOU WEAR SOMETHING LIKE THIS WITHOUT UNDERWEAR? Just pop it into a pair of jeans and hope it doesn’t slip down the leg during your average work day? And what if you’re out at a club, wearing your best polyester fringe pants with nary a camel’s toe in sight, and some gentleman caller comes back to your house with you to pay you for sex. What the AITCH is he going to think when the pants come off and he’s staring at some sort of castrated Ken crotch? WHAT THEN?

Even worse? It costs $15. $15! To erase a cameltoe, which some people would call priceless! Let’s be honest here: If you really wanted to get rid of a little harmless c-toe, you could put plenty of things in your underwear to block its appearance. Toss a Lands End catalog in your p’s; throw a couple of socks down there; use an old flip-flop or pair of Adidas shower shoes; even better? Drop an old cell phone in front of your beefseat for two. All of these common household items will easily blog c-toe, not to mention save you money better spent on hand-beaded thongs.

CUCHINI 3.JPGBut you know, we don’t want to put an end to Cuchini’s soon-to-be-bustling business. We fully support the idea of all cameltoes being erased, especially if Cuchini would be willing to shell out some vagbucks and put out a late night infomercial to promote its product. Picture it: “Does this ever happen to you?” (Cut to a woman losing her keys inside of her cavernous cameltoe, and then blowing the bangs out of her eyes.) “Do you ever find yourself doing this?” (Woman tries to open can using cameltoe, but it barely works and she gets baked bean juice all over her pants. She then blows the bangs out of her eyes.) Well then you need “CUCHINI!” (Cut to woman finding her keys on her lap and opening the can of beans A-OK.)

I’d plunk down $15 if it meant I could open a can of beans with my chatch, I’m not gonna lie to ya. And be honest: How many of you are busy ordering this right now?

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While You Were Shaking Your Fists at those Manipulative Idol Producers

HEIDI AND SPENCER FACEMASKS.jpg

  • Heidi and Spencer ended their Mexican Honeymoon wearing facemasks in the airport to avoid getting swine flu. Strangely, pigs were seen wearing facemasks in Mexico because these two parasites were in town.
  • Robin Wright Penn has filed for separation from husband Sean Penn after 13 years of marriage. Good news for some other lucky lady, who might be the next woman Sean will leave out of every single acceptance speech.
  • People Magazine has released their list of 2009′s 100 Most Beautiful People, with Christina Applegate gracing the cover. Crying himself to sleep this week? An “extremely hurt” David Faustino.
  • The Sun nails it, so to speak, with this HILARIOUS headline regarding Susan Boyle’s feet… Britain’s Got Talons. Make sure to have two grapefruit spoons handy to gouge your own eyes out with.
  • I’m not quite sure what this “gigapixel photography” is all about, but man, is that an adorable name or what?
  • Ed. Note: We’ve had some comment moderation issues with our Blingee post from yesterday. If you notice that your Blingee was deleted, please repost it in the comments or send it along to tips@bwe.tv. Thanks (we’re trying to resolve the issue in the meantime… our apologies!)

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BLINGEE WEDNESDAY: Walken Gets a Mullet Surprise

Walken

Christopher Walken is an international treasure, meaning he can pretty much do whatever he wants and we’ll still love him. Whatever he wants, including dance with tranny Travolta in Hairspray, fashioning his hair into a mullet, and be on a boat with Natalie Wood the night she went overboard. Which is why we think the man deserves his own day of Blingees.

Ahead, we’ve posted photos of C-Walkz and his new do. Use one provided for you or supply your own (the opportunities here are endless, people) then, head over to Blingee.com, create your masterpiece, and post the link in the comments. On Friday, we’ll post our favorites. GET TO WURQ.

(Photos via The Fab Life)

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AMERICAN IDOL RECAP: Let’s Be Frank, Sinatra*

AI TROMBONE MAN6.jpgThis is a recap for The Top 5 contestants on American Idol Season 8, theme: Rat Pack. You can see the performances here. (*Internal boo for title choice this week.)

Let’s kick this recap off with an apology… to, of all people, Jamie Foxx. I doubted Jamie’s ability to properly mentor the five remaining American Idol contestants for this week’s theme, “The Rat Pack.” But, surprisingly, Jamie delivered. Not only did he (swallowing pride points) look adorable, he was also hilarious, charming, and engaging. Though the show’s explanation for why he was there left a lot to be desired: “Like the Rat Pack, Jaime was able to transcend the boundaries of the entertainment industry.” — Ryan Searest. Weak, but we’ll blame it on the p-p-p-p-p-p-producers.

Also, WTF is Paula wearing? Did she gets lost in the Christmas aisle at McFrugal’s? On with the recap!

Kris Allen “The Way You Look Tonight”: I think Jamie Foxx put it best when he said Kris was “not trying to sing the Throat Olympics.” Mmm. Indeed. Ol’ Krooky Jaws looked good in his suit — a marked improvement from last week’s human bindle sack — but once again, Kris failed to impress me. The more I see him croon into the camera, the more he reminds me of this:

AI KRIS ALLEN BULLDOG 1.jpg

AI TROMBONE MAN8.jpg Best performance to date, eh Randy? How do you live with yourself, man? Listening to these judges, its like I’m watching Netherlander Idol or something — Kris is so f**king boring, are these judges deaf and blind? Only Simon nails it, calling it a “wet” performance, much like Kris’ crease-less exposatongue. RATING 3/10 (“oh, snap” – internal monologue.)

Allison Iraheta “Someone to Watch Over Me”: For the first time in weeks, Allison enters the Idol arena not looking like a Russian child bride purchased on the Internyet. The hair was tames, the dress was only mildly shredded — it’s an improvement. Leave it to Jamie Foxx to still sort of hit on her. This happens AI TROMBONE MAN9.jpgto be one of my favorite songs, but this wasn’t one of my favorite versions ever. For the first time, I found Allison’s voice a little annoying and strained. It reminded me of my childhood summers spent in Tel Aviv, where every night as I would fall asleep, I would listen to the sound of cats getting raped in the back alleys of Israel. Allison sounded like cat rape tonight, America. Really cute cats, but feline rape nonetheless. But I like Allison, and I want her to make it through. Who knows… maybe America will fulfill my dream and vote Kara off. RATING 6/10

Matt Giraud “My Funny Valentine”: From the very first “My” that escaped Hatty McWarterson’s lips, I said out loud, in my room, to myself: “This is the worst.” Honestly, I couldn’t even understand the words he was saying. “Sweet commie valentine”? Wait, let me rewind… He literally said “Sweet Commie Valentine”. Mmmmmlike this?:

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