Posts By Michelle COLLINS

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Is The “Thank You For Being A Friend” Necklace The Best Christmas Gift Since Christ Was Born?

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There’s not much more to say about the above Golden Girls themed trinket, formally called the “Thank You For Being A Friend Necklace.” (Even the boys at Urlesque were left speechless.)

Then again, there is a lot to say. For example: At only $20, is this the best bargain on the internet? Clearly. What better way to show your hilarious elderly pride than by dangling the severed heads of Bea, Betty, Rue and the recently departed Estelle across your decolletage?

In fact, I felt so strongly about the nuances and meaning of this necklace, that I went ahead and purchased one for my best friend in the whole world…

MYSELF.

For real. I posted the receipt ahead. Bad news however: it seems that I’ve purchased the last one (PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME.), I demand that you all head over to this company’s Etsy page and send them angry e-mails demanding they create hundreds of thousands of these necklaces for mass consumption.

Proof of purchase ahead (with address blacked out, you sickos.) Plus, some commenter bait!

Read more…

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Australia’s Zac Efron Makes America’s Zac Efron Look Positively Butch

Not too much is known about Chris Durling, the man hired to play the Zac Efron part in Australia’s High School Musical: Live! Judging by the following photo, however, a few things become wildly obvious:

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1. He works out.
2. He is adorable.
3. HE LOVES TO DANCE!

Seriously, if you ever questioned the chemistry between Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens, check these two out:

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It’s kind of like a child finding an old homecoming picture of his parents while cleaning out the attic because his father is moving out because his father is actually gay. Even Zefron’s ponytail is no match for this man’s face.

In other words: This musical is probably amazing!

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…OF THE DAY

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  • IT’S OFFICE-AL: Following the Superbowl this year, the Office will air a super-sized celebrity-packed special, with appearance by Jack Black and Jessica Alba. No word yet if Garbage will make an appearance, which would be the ultimate Hollywood trifecta. (Ausiello Files)
  • LET YOUR BODY AWKWARDLY GROOVE WITH THE MUSIC: Have you noticed that at least 50 percent of the Vogue covers from 2008 have been, for lack of a better word, terribly retarded? Well the good people at Scandalist have, and they bring you those covers for your perusing displeasure. At right, a stille from Anne Hathaway‘s latest film, The Dutch Ovens. (Scandalist)
  • CHRISTMAS JIRACLE: Doctors have decided not to perform surgery on Rachael Ray‘s vocal chords this Christmas. In a related story, Extra Virgin Olive Oil just committed suicide. (People Magazine)
  • PUT UP YOUR BABY-FISTED DUKES: Verne Troyer has started a feud with Gabe over at Videogum.com. I’d be careful if I were him, lest Verne visit him in the middle of the night, nude and on a rascal, and pees all over him. Unless he’s into the sort of thing, in which case *luck!* (Videogum)
  • PORN TO PARTY: Jenna Jameson is now 5 months pregnant with twins, ensuring her family’s future in the porn empire for at least 30 more years. (ONTD)

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THE PRICE IS EXACTLY RIGHT: Local Man Wins Both Showcases, Makes Game Show History

I’ve been watching The Price is Right since the time my eyeholes were developed enough to take images in — but on today’s episode, I witnessed an absolute first in my own Price is Right viewing history: A man guessed his Showcase Showdown dollar amount EXACTLY right. Yes — on the nose. And it’s not like the prize package was worth $25,000 or something equally as even-keeled and reasonabe: This is truly a one-in-a-million moment.

According to an almost tragically blase Drew Carey, the last time someone guessed their Showcase Showdown bid exactly right was in 1972. Merely 36 years later, it is our sincere pleasure to bring you this most unusual TPIR moment:

Raise your hand if you got chills?

And it’s a good thing Bob Barker wasn’t there — lest he have a shock heart attack and drop d on pre-taped television.

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2008: The Year In Movies (in 8 Words or Less)

Was 2008 the Best Year Ever? For one year olds and under, definitely. But for the film industry, it’s been a up-and-down rollercoaster of record-breaking smash hits and surprising flops. Resident BWE movie reviewer Doug Benson has taken the time to bring us his scathing and sometimes inspiring “8 Second Reviews” for some of the years most talked about flicks: High School Musical 3, Quantum of Solace, Wall-E, and The Dark Knight. And who doesn’t have 32 seconds to spare for Doug Benson? I definitely do.

Agree or disagree? And don’t forget: If you missed Best Year Ever last week, it will reair on VH1 for the rest of the month! Tonight at 11 PM for example! And tomorrow at 4! Check your local listings.

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“I’m Dreaming Of A Green Christmas” Is One-Way Ticket to Ruined Christmasville

If there is one thing we hate, it’s sh*tty white rap/Panic at the Disco-esque choruses. If there are two things we hate, it’s people who manage to turn every. single. issue. into something relating to the environment. But man oh man, if there are THREE THINGS WE HATE, it’s people who combine the previously mentioned two things we hate into an animated short video that pretty much ruins Christmas.

Let’s face it: The holidays this year are pretty much ruined as it is, thanks to the state of our economy. So what’s the last thing children want to watch after they’ve opened up a wrapped box of oatmeal left under the tree? An animated short telling them that if they don’t start caring about the environment, Santa will have to SURF his way out of the North Pole.

I MEAN WHO THE HELL WANTS 11 BRITTA FILTERS FOR CHRISTMAS???

Don’t let the pool of jellybeans still fool you: Watching this video might very well ruin Christmas… and your love for God’s green earth.

Seriously, if I ever got an Inconvenient Truth DVD for Christmas, I would fly to the Arctic and slap a polar bear in the face. AND I LOVE POLAR BEARS, PEOPLE.

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10 Suggested Hairstyles for Mad Men‘s Jon Hamm

JON HAMM NORMAL2.jpgIf most women were forced to rank the “Top 3 Things We Would Like To Run Our Hands Through”, surely “Jon Hamm’s Hair” would fall somewhere in between “George Clooney‘s Ass Cheeks” and “Piles of Unmarked Bills.” So would you believe it? Turns out Jon Hamm hates his hairand calls it the “bane of his existence”:

Jon Hamm has a confession to make: He hates his hair.

That may come as a surprise to fans of the actor, whose slick-backed hair is part of his signature look on “Mad Men“…

In the new movie “The Day the Earth Stood Still,” Hamm sports a slightly different ‘do, with his bangs combed rakishly over one eye. It was in the context of promoting the sci-fi remake that Hamm revealed his tonsorial frustration. (Ed. Note: Looks like someone’s retaking their SATs…)

“It’s the bane of my existence. Goofy hair,” he said in a self-deprecating interview with CNN. “It never looks good … It’s a pain.

Listen, Jon Hamm — we LOVE your hair. It’s part of what makes Don Draper Don MOTHERF*CKING Draper. However, we also want you to be happy. Which is why we’d like to offer you these 10 other possible hairstyles that might make you a little more comfortable.

We begin with something simple: Our canvas, if you will… “The Bald”. Readers, feel free to grab a copy, photoshop your own suggested ‘do onto it, and link to it in our comments section. Let’s get started:

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9 More Looks Ahead! Including Union Soldier, David Beckham, Leather Daddy and a certain tonsorially challenged Illinois Guv. And leave us your photoshops in the comments section.

Read more…

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Tom Cruise on Today in 60 Seconds

It was almost three and a half years ago that Tom Cruise made his infamously glib appearance on The Today Show, sparring with the permanently handsome co-host Matt Lauer over things like psychiatry and Ritalin. (For a brief reminder of that historic event, please check out this transcript replete with appropriate photographs of Tom, Matt, and yawning dogs.)

Today, Matt braved yet another live meeting with Cruise, there to promote his new film Valkyrie. And while Cruise was certainly more subdued than 3 and a half years ago, he still had a mischievous sparkle in his charming crazy-eyed stare.

We bring you that interview… in 60 Seconds.

Say what you will about the man, but he looked DAMN GOOD this morning. He also has super sperm that makes the best looking Chinese children we’ve ever laid epicanthic eyes on.

Now is the time we’ll remind you of Dan Hopper’s latest essay on language, to “Cruise-ify.” Consider this blog “fans.”