A couple of weeks ago, I slapped together a highly unprofessional letter to Sir Donald Trump, ordering him to return the 2 hours of my life spent watching his reality show The Celebrity Apprentice back after what amounted to a bullsh*t elimination. That week, The Donald fired T-Boz Watkins and Khloe Kardashian for reasons having nothing to do with the 2 hour task at hand.
Still, I gave Trumpy another chance because — let’s face it — I’m obsessed with Joan Rivers and would never dream of missing an episode. But last night was what expert’s refer to as “Michelle’s Final Straw”. That’s because, after sitting through an excruciatingly boring challenge involving a Right Guard ad in Sports Illustrated, once again America was GYPPED (sorry, gypsies, but even you know it’s true) in the boardroom.
You see, Playboy Playmate Brandy and Poker Player/Himmler impersonator Annie were left on a team with Melissa Rivers, who has really proven herself to be useful throughout the season. But because Melissa wasn’t in their clique, she was left out in the cold, forced to fend for herself in the hopes of not being eliminated at the end of the night. Brandy gave Annie all the responsibility; Annie screwed everything up; Melissa was along for the ride.
It was pretty clear to most everyone (in my family at least) that Brandy deserved the gold plated boot for being, simply put, mildly retarded. The only problem being… Donald Trump has almost definitely put his penis inside of her at some point in time. So, rather than it coming down to who made the biggest mistakes during the challenge, it ended up coming down to who could raise the most money during the finale.
Which leads me to ask: Why isn’t this garbage show called “The Celebrity Fundraiser”?