Tonight, Best Year Ever with Paul F. Tompkins premieres on Vh1 at 9 PM.
But what makes a year the “Best”, per se? Hard to tell. But one thing we CAN all agree on is that the year would have been a heck of a lot worse without the best television show of the new millennium: AMERICAN IDOL. And, more specifically, DAVID COOK.
So what good fortune that the following EXCLUSIVE PREVIEW of tonight’s hour-long special happens to feature both! Yes, David Cook stopped by the BWE studios to tell you why he, David Cook, should be voted as having the Best Year Ever! Listen to his plea, and watch tonight to see if it worked…
Will David Cook win? Or will it be the other hottie of 08: Cloris Leachman? Find out tonight at 9!
Dear Jennifer Aniston,
Years ago, in an America far, far away, you were our reigning Queen of Must See TV. Week in, week out, your portrayal of uptight retail buyer Rachel Green brought a smattering of happiness into our lives, as did your signature hairstyle. And while publicly we all rolled our eyes as to the obviousness of your ongoing on-and-off romance with your simian best friend Ross, privately, we all basked in the warmth of your glow. Even at $1 million per episode, you were worth it.
Then, in 2004, the cast of Friends decided they would be better off on the big screen. And so you went on to make a string of films that even your follicles couldn’t save: Derailed, Rumor Has It…, The Break-Up (which, to be fair, made good bank, but just sucked). And we thought that perhaps that would be the last of you.
And you’ve proved us wrong! Your failed marriage with Brad Pitt was splashed across the headlines after he left you for Angelina Jolie in 2005. We felt bad at the time… Really! We just wanted you to have babies and live your life and be happy.
But lately, we’re starting to maybe understand what drove you and Brad Pitt apart. And that would be this: Woman, you just don’t know what to shut your damn mouth.
In the past couple of months, it seems that every magazine cover and gossip column and trashy blog (THROAT CLEAR) is talking about you. Every day! Whether you’re constantly dishing about your new boy toy John Mayer, or talking to the press about how “over” Brad and Ange you are (hint: please get a therapist and keep me out of it), or posing naked on NUMEROUS magazine covers… it just reeks of desperation.
Get the kids out of the room and lock the door, because the following sentence (and video) are for your eyes and ears only. Sometimes, famous singers actually lip sync on live television. No, I know: You’re crushed. I was too. I. was. too.
Well prepare to be even MORE crushed. That’s because Enrique Iglesias, son of Julio and he of the invisipeen, was tricked into actually singing on live television when the microphone was accidentally left on. And, as the video will prove, it’s become quite clear now that Enrique Iglesias is deaf. For real. We wish he would be brave enough and just admit to the world that he has lost the ability to hear. Perhaps he could inspire thousands of secretly deaf folks to shed their insecurities and just be the non-hearing people they really are.
Oh, and if you think the beginning of this video is bad… give it the entire minute to get a real idea of just how deaf he is.
Enrique Iglesias Cant Sing – Watch more Entertainment
This week, the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences inducted one of the above FIERCE AS HALE women into their esteemed Hall of Fame. But rather than just TELL you who it was, we decided to turn this into a little game, a little fight to God’s pearly finish line, and ask you who you think deserves it more.
Hence, the following question (words we’ve always wanted to type):
Bea Arthur vs. Angela Lansbury. Who Ya Got?!
Find out who the lucky inductee is ahead.
Before we get to this amazing video, please read: Best Year Ever with Paul F. Tompkins premieres TONIGHT at 9 PM! This hour long special covers all of the highlights (and not a single lowlight) from 2008’s top entertainment, pop culture and news stories, and features a slew of celebrity cameos. If this glowing NY Post review is any indication (4 stars!), you will want to cancel all plans tonight, shred some Xanax on the kids’ SpeghettiOs, lock the dogs in the garage, throw your cell phones in the toilet, sit back, and just laugh for once, why don’t you?
This morning, we bring you an absolutely delicious sneak peak starring Star Jones’ former lover and current elegant man about town Al Reynolds, who sits down in the most expensive chair our office can afford and tells us about Al Reynolds’ Sexy, Sexy, Sexy Ladies of 2008. You know… we finally understand what Star saw in this guy.
Ladies, this might be NSFW, unless you work at a hose factory. Or an Ice Cold Shower plant. In which case, crank it up!
See this fabulous clip and more tonight, VH1, 9 PM: BEST YEAR EVER!
“Yes, yes, yes, fabulous job today ladies. What a performance! You must be absolutely knackered. You know… you there… in the ermine hat. You remind me of someone! I can’t quite put my finger on it. What did you say your name was, darling? Hortensia? Mmmnnno, I don’t have any recollection of our meeting, and yet… (pause) I’m sorry, I do believe I was just lost in your eyes. They’re so… familiar. But from where? From… how?”
“Oh wait… just a moment. (laughing) Are you Hortensia, Great Granddaughter of William Lamb the 2nd Viscount of Melbourne? That’s it! We’re cousins, my dear! Isn’t that splendid?? Related! You know what gave it away? You look exactly like every single woman I’m related to. And dare I say… (whispered) you are quite breathtaking.”
“Well, I must be going. If Camilla sees me talking to you gorgeous lot she might fly off the handle, as she is so prone to do. Not a very charming woman, is she? Mmmyes, well. See you at the family picnic in June. And try to wear something equally as charming, yes? I might be taken with you yet, my dear cousin.”
(cue constipation like noises) “Mmmmmmyeeeeswellllllguuuuuhdbbhaiiiiiye.”
— Prince Charles meets performers backstage at the annual Royal Variety Performance.
There’s really nothing else to say, is there?
Off to store my breastmilk for the winter… PAAAYCE!
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my GREAT PLEASURE to bring to you the following infomercial sent to us by reader Greg E.: “Cheers to You!”, a CD of straight-up applause and praise. For the low, low price of $24.95, just pop this CD in, put your headphones on, sit back in your jizz-stained La-z-Boy, and pretend it’s YOU hitting that homerun out of the Yankee Stadium; pretend it’s YOU winning the Best Actor Oscar; pretend it’s YOU finally earning the love and respect of your father, who never once said “I love you, son.”
At first, I was all “25 bucks for a CD? No thank you.” But then I was all “Oh snap! That sh*t comes with affirmity tokens?!?!? Yes, hello, operator? I’ll take three, yo!”
That, or I’ll just play this video from :25-:28 on loop FOREVER.
PLEASE WATCH THIS.
You wanna know the honest truth? If I WAS on the verge of suicide, I actually think this CD would pull me through my darkest hour. In fact, next time a friend threatens to kill him or herself, tell them they need the help of a suicide specialist, and give them this number: 888-924-3379. Yup: That’s the number for The Good Cheer Company. They will thank you (possibly from the afterlife, but still.)
The following CBS Cares Public Service Announcement actually aired on live television today. First, take 15 seconds out of your day to watch this:
Yes, this PSA is encouraging you to buy (or perform) a prostate exam for your Jewish loved one as a Hanukkah gift. Which, let’s face it, is a very practical and yid appropriate gift. As a Jew myself, I just don’t know how to feel. On the one ball, it’s great that they’re getting prostate awareness out there to the public.
On the other ball, why’s it gotta be a Jewish prostate? There are plenty of unhealthy gentile prostates to go around as well. This might be the first time in my life that I might actually believe in some sort of Jewish conspiracy. And you know what? My people want no part of it. Let us ALL check the prostates of our loved ones this holiday season.
To be fair, I hope they run a companion PSA in a week’s time starring Taint Nicholas. Or maybe CBS could just sponsor a mass mailing of my favorite Christmas tree ornament ever.
In our latest series of posts that will brighten your Mother’s (and frankly, anyone’s) day, we are pleased to bring you these photos of THIRTEEN (!) baby pandas just hangin’ around their play pen at the China Giant Panda Protection and Research Center (i.e. your ideal work place.) These little guys are something of a miracle pandas, as they are the first pandas born since the devastating earthquake that ravaged the Sichuan province in China on May 12.
As though that’s not already enough to tug at mother’s heartstrings, JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE THEIR FACES. And FEET.
Remember how every now and again on the hit show ALF, they’d actually pan out and show you a body shot of the ALF puppet walking? And even though secretly you knew there was a little dwarf inside, the site of his furry legs was enough to keep you glowing for days? Well, something about this little guy has me not-so-convinced that it’s actually just a dwarf in a baby panda costume. FUR PANTS.
If ever my eyes were to be scratched out by a deadly bear, let it be this one.