Take a couple of minutes to think of the scariest toilet imaginable. Have something in mind? Great. Now, does it contain an “adjustable, self-cleaning arm that extends from beneath the toilet seat and administers a steady, constant stream of warm water into the anal cavity”? No? Well, clearly you’ve never seen the almost borderline erotic ad for the PureStream Lotus Seat Toilet, the only toilet that will shoot a laser beam of H20 into your ass to ensure smooth BMs.
And once again, jobs will be lost, as those poor folks responsible for giving old people enemas are being replaced by robots. Ass cleaning robots.
Oh, here’s another one if you speak Japanese.
(Thanks to Ed Halter for the tip!)
Hugh Jackman has become the latest of celebrities to be honored with his own cement paw prints in front of LA’s famous Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. But just how hard is it to settle those crazy jazz hands into 2 inches of wet cement? If his face in the following photo is any indication, it’s quite the strain:
In today’s round of BWE’s most favoritest game, “What the F*ck Am I Looking At?”, we bring you one of a series of photographs of what appears to be a tiny robot with abs being abused by a much larger, scarier woman:
Want to know what the f*ck you’re looking at? Great! Click ahead for many, many more pictures that you will see in your eyelids before falling asleep tonight:
Our thanks go out to Buzzfeed/Urlesque‘s Eliot Glazer, who first introduced us to our favorite person who has ever existed on the internet: Trenita. Trenita appeared on the Dating on Demand channel in an effort to find the love of her life — and her requirements are simple: You can’t be laid back, you must love freebies, and let’s just say anything Nine Inch Nails related will cause you to OD on armfuls of Trenita in the morning iffff you get what we’re saying. (Ed. Note: She’ll sleep with you.)
Trenita is a rare specimen: Someone who is totally herself, completely un-self-conscience, fun as hell, and, frankly, adorable. WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE DATE HER AND THEN TELL US HOW IT WENT??? Because if spending 2 minutes with her in the following video is this enjoyable, imagine spending the whole night.
How amazing is she?
Say what you will about The Real Housewives of New York: Bethenny‘s funny and skinny; Ramona might be a lithium addict; the Countess Luanne sh*ts diamonds; and Jill loves fabric (even though her house is a Liberace nightmare). But for all of their faults, perhaps no Housewife is more hated, more reviled, than Kelly Kiloren Bensimon, former model and current divorcee, who picked a fight with Bethenny, one of the only redeeming people on the entire series.
The good news? Looks like her own siliconbags are looking to fly the coop:
As Ben at B-Side Blog put it: “This picture really brings new meaning to Kelly’s signature put-down ‘I’m up here, and you’re down here.’ (I could not improve upon perfection in this case.)
Ahead, Kelly proves that the Devil was born nipple-free:
Last week, when word broke that a fat British middle-aged version with the voice of an angel had sung Les Miserables on Britain’s Got Talent, my inbox flooded with Youtube links and Facebook wall postings, with friends assuring me that I would “love her.” Her, in this case, was Susan Boyle, who, thanks to the unstoppable media machine, is now a household name in even the smallest of Panamanian huts. Boyle used her own outwardly appearance to defy expectation, and proudly announced that she would never change for nobody. This is all well and good for Susan Boyle, but bad news for me, who from the get go couldn’t buy into her story. She was great the first time I saw it. By the time my Great-Grandmother emailed it to me from the grave, I was over it.
This is not the case with the latest viral video star born from Simon Cowell’s womb, 12 year old singer Shaheen Jafargholi. I could watch Shaheen and his adorable little doll face belt out Michael Jackson all the live long day. In fact, if we’re really going to be honest with each other… I even got a little teary eyed. So you can keep your Susan Boyle, world, because I’ve got a much more adorable virgin to get worked up about… and dare I say, more talented:
Word of advice — he should just go ahead and change his name to “Shaheen”. It’s an elegant and apropos stage name.
Yesterday, on 4/20 as it were, Madame Touusaud’s Las Vegas revealed their latest waxy creation: A nearly identical facsimile of Cordozar Calvin Broadus, Jr., better known to most people as the marijuana-loving rapper by the name of Snoop Dogg (or, as we like to call him, “Cord-Brodes”). And we have to hand it to the brilliant artists there, because Wax Snoop Dogg is roughly exactly as high as the man himself. So much so… that we actually can’t tell the difference between the two of them:
In fact, Wax Snoop Dogg is so close to the real thing, that even Snoop doesn’t realize he’s not alive, as evidenced by the following photo of Snoop trying to dance with his own likeness:
The 14th season of The Amazing Race is dwindling down to the final remaining teams, and as tensions grow, so do the assy tendencies of Luke, the show’s first deaf contestant and seventeenth intolerable one. Throughout the season, Luke has been less than sportsmanlike (U-turning a team when not necessary, smack talking other teams, just being generally hyper-competitive), causing nice-guy contestant Mike White to label him “The Sinister Deaf Kid.”
Sinister is a nice way of putting it. On last night’s episode, Margie and Luke got into a heated argument with sister team Keisha and Jen after Luke body-checked Jen by a clue box, throwing a decidedly flamboyant elbow into the poor girl’s face. Jen, in response, called him a “bitch.” Worse words have clearly been said about Luke; frankly, “Bitch” was putting it nicely. But before you can sign “You are team number… 1″ with your hypnotically expressive eyebrows, Luke attacks Jen yet again by another clue box! This time pushing her directly into the box itself. And then… the the following pit stop argument took place. Infuriating is putting it lightly:
Ahead, my take on the situation…