Would you believe it? The MTV Movie Awards are a little over a month away, which means that the hilarious promotional cogs are already being greased to gear the country up for Andy Samberg‘s hosting debut. And it wouldn’t be Andy Samberg related if it didn’t involve blatant homosexual undertones. Take this first promo, for example, where new parents Jack Black and Michael Cera just could not be prouder of their son, Andy:
Aww. Michael Cera seems like a really sweet mom.
So, how will Samberg be as host? Well if he looks half as adorable as he does in the above promo, he’ll probably be pretty good. Make sure to tune in to the MTV Movie Awards LIVE Sunday, May 31 @ 9 PM.
This is a recap for The Top 7 (Again) on American Idol Season 8, theme: Disco. You can see the performances here. Remember, due to the judges saving of Matt Giraud last Wedneday, two contestants will be going home this week.
Lil Rounds “I’m Every Woman”: Week in, week out, Lil’s voice is simply all over the place. I half-expected a feral cat to mount her halfway through the performance. (OMG how adorable would half-cat/half-Lil babies be?) You always know a contestant is in trouble when they try to distract people from their singing by walking around the judges, waving their arms in the air, throwing out a couple of “come on!”‘s and “Hey!”‘s, and making sure their cameltoe is front and center. You could just see the desperation in Lil’s eyes, and in our ears. In fact, this was the first time in Idol history that, while listening to the main performer, I started thinking about how pissed off the actually talented back-up singers must be. RATING 3/10
Kris Allen “She Works Hard for the Money”: “It’s actually the story about a woman… and she’s working hard for the money” — Kris Allen. Good ol’ Busker Keaton pulled out the gee-tar and some congo players to disembowel easily my favorite “Dance When Nobodies Looking” tune. This week, I opted not to look at Kris while listening to him, because I find that I’m so distracted by his raptor jaw that it tends to ruin the song itself for me. That being said… I still thought he was “Meh”-Cauley Suckin!! (Ed. Note: I’m high on Lithium right now. JK?) But, because I know a lot of you folks would gladly work hard for Kris’ money, I’ll bump up his score a bit. And then immediately bump it down because Kara sorta overdid it in her review. RATING 5/10
Danny Gokey “September”: Earth, Wind and Fire. I f*cking love Earth, Wind and Fire. In fact, I just decided I’m going to name my first four children “Earth”, “Wind”, “And”, & “Fire”, then line them up and teach them how to melt hearts and play horn. So it might not be surprising to hear that, for maybe the first time ever, I didn’t not completely despise Gokey. This might have been one of the only Danny Gokey performances I ever enjoyed. Sure, it sounded like all other Gokey performances, only this time he added in the elements of sweet 70s autumnal lovemaking. Admit it: If you were on a cruise, a little tipsy, and Gokey busted out on stage singing this number, you would be braless in 4 seconds flat (that goes for you too, fellas.) RATING 8/10
Take a couple of minutes to think of the scariest toilet imaginable. Have something in mind? Great. Now, does it contain an “adjustable, self-cleaning arm that extends from beneath the toilet seat and administers a steady, constant stream of warm water into the anal cavity”? No? Well, clearly you’ve never seen the almost borderline erotic ad for the PureStream Lotus Seat Toilet, the only toilet that will shoot a laser beam of H20 into your ass to ensure smooth BMs.
And once again, jobs will be lost, as those poor folks responsible for giving old people enemas are being replaced by robots. Ass cleaning robots.
Oh, here’s another one if you speak Japanese.
(Thanks to Ed Halter for the tip!)
Hugh Jackman has become the latest of celebrities to be honored with his own cement paw prints in front of LA’s famous Grauman’s Chinese Theatre. But just how hard is it to settle those crazy jazz hands into 2 inches of wet cement? If his face in the following photo is any indication, it’s quite the strain:
In today’s round of BWE’s most favoritest game, “What the F*ck Am I Looking At?”, we bring you one of a series of photographs of what appears to be a tiny robot with abs being abused by a much larger, scarier woman:
Want to know what the f*ck you’re looking at? Great! Click ahead for many, many more pictures that you will see in your eyelids before falling asleep tonight:
Our thanks go out to Buzzfeed/Urlesque‘s Eliot Glazer, who first introduced us to our favorite person who has ever existed on the internet: Trenita. Trenita appeared on the Dating on Demand channel in an effort to find the love of her life — and her requirements are simple: You can’t be laid back, you must love freebies, and let’s just say anything Nine Inch Nails related will cause you to OD on armfuls of Trenita in the morning iffff you get what we’re saying. (Ed. Note: She’ll sleep with you.)
Trenita is a rare specimen: Someone who is totally herself, completely un-self-conscience, fun as hell, and, frankly, adorable. WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE DATE HER AND THEN TELL US HOW IT WENT??? Because if spending 2 minutes with her in the following video is this enjoyable, imagine spending the whole night.
How amazing is she?
Say what you will about The Real Housewives of New York: Bethenny‘s funny and skinny; Ramona might be a lithium addict; the Countess Luanne sh*ts diamonds; and Jill loves fabric (even though her house is a Liberace nightmare). But for all of their faults, perhaps no Housewife is more hated, more reviled, than Kelly Kiloren Bensimon, former model and current divorcee, who picked a fight with Bethenny, one of the only redeeming people on the entire series.
The good news? Looks like her own siliconbags are looking to fly the coop:
As Ben at B-Side Blog put it: “This picture really brings new meaning to Kelly’s signature put-down ‘I’m up here, and you’re down here.’ (I could not improve upon perfection in this case.)
Ahead, Kelly proves that the Devil was born nipple-free:
Last week, when word broke that a fat British middle-aged version with the voice of an angel had sung Les Miserables on Britain’s Got Talent, my inbox flooded with Youtube links and Facebook wall postings, with friends assuring me that I would “love her.” Her, in this case, was Susan Boyle, who, thanks to the unstoppable media machine, is now a household name in even the smallest of Panamanian huts. Boyle used her own outwardly appearance to defy expectation, and proudly announced that she would never change for nobody. This is all well and good for Susan Boyle, but bad news for me, who from the get go couldn’t buy into her story. She was great the first time I saw it. By the time my Great-Grandmother emailed it to me from the grave, I was over it.
This is not the case with the latest viral video star born from Simon Cowell’s womb, 12 year old singer Shaheen Jafargholi. I could watch Shaheen and his adorable little doll face belt out Michael Jackson all the live long day. In fact, if we’re really going to be honest with each other… I even got a little teary eyed. So you can keep your Susan Boyle, world, because I’ve got a much more adorable virgin to get worked up about… and dare I say, more talented:
Word of advice — he should just go ahead and change his name to “Shaheen”. It’s an elegant and apropos stage name.
Yesterday, on 4/20 as it were, Madame Touusaud’s Las Vegas revealed their latest waxy creation: A nearly identical facsimile of Cordozar Calvin Broadus, Jr., better known to most people as the marijuana-loving rapper by the name of Snoop Dogg (or, as we like to call him, “Cord-Brodes”). And we have to hand it to the brilliant artists there, because Wax Snoop Dogg is roughly exactly as high as the man himself. So much so… that we actually can’t tell the difference between the two of them:
In fact, Wax Snoop Dogg is so close to the real thing, that even Snoop doesn’t realize he’s not alive, as evidenced by the following photo of Snoop trying to dance with his own likeness: