Posts By Michelle COLLINS

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SHOW ALERT: “How Dare You? with Michelle Collins” Now a Reality

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(Above, me laying a dinosaur egg in The Real World: Brooklyn phone room. Not the Mama?)

If you happen to be in or around the New York area next Wednesday, December 10, perhaps you’ll want to drop by the UCB Theater at around 8. Because it is then that I will make my live talk show debut, as the host of “How Dare You? with Michelle Collins.” And, if you can believe it, I’ve convinced ACTUAL CELEBRITIES to be my guests! Those celebrities include:

The always delightful and endlessly charming Julia Stiles, who has agreed to reveal things that might not even be true (I just made this up, but I’m sure she’ll reveal things if prodded)… and

Stephen Baldwin! Professional actor, Apprentice star and all-around nice guy, Stephen is the youngest of the esteemed “Baldwin Brothers” clan. You might remember us from The Mike and Juliet Show a couple of weeks ago. We had so much fun the first time around, we figured “Let’s take it to the big stage!” And here we are.

Please come! All people and agents and managers are invited. It will be fun. I “promise”. Info:

UCB THEATER
307 W. 26th Street
btwn. 8th & 9th Ave.


Wednesday, 12/10
8 PM

TICKETS ARE ONLY $5!!! Reserve them here!

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THIEVES: Company Ganks Tim Gunn’s Manx

MANX TIM GUNN.jpgA few weeks ago, we told you a little known secret about America’s most beloved best dressed male Tim Gunn. One of his many unfulfilled dreams in life was to create Manx, a male version of the body slenderizing Spanx products for women. Whereas Spanx reshape a lumpy derrier and smooth out any and all bellyfolds, Manx would flatten any visible moob and, hopefully, pump up the groinroom. Good ol’ Tim was looking out for his fellow species; and it seems that somebody was listening.

BECAUSE NOW MANX IS REAL.

Meet Equmen’s core precision undershirt, a product being billed as Spanx for Men. For about $100, you too can look a little slimmer, though by the author’s own account, is seems that Spanx for Men are wayyyy more painful than the female version:

I manage to plunge myself into its flapping mouth. Several moments of flailing, grunting and yelping, and I’m in. Actually, no, not quite. Wrinkles of fabric are twisting up my arms, there are air pockets of fabric below my armpits and I’m trying not to fart. Which isn’t surprising, for where’s my stomach meant to go? My breathing is rapid and short, like a hunted creature’s. I’ve pulled on a size large, but according to the Equmen fitting table, I could equally have gone for a medium, my actual size, to “maximise results”. What, total asphyxiation?

Who knew men wearing Spanx needed a safe word?

So a tip to you, young readers: If you see some fine guy who just happens to pass out at a bar, chances are he is wearing a girdle. Here is a photo of the product:

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GUESS WHO: Name The Last Person You Would Expect to See at a Grace Jones Concert.

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Last night, as part of the swanky Art Basel festivities in my hometown of Miami Beach, Florida, Audi sponsored a concert headlined by the inimitable Grace Jones (as in literally, no one can imitate her.) Jones was up to her typical corseted, masked antics. But in the audience, someone we would NEVER expect to see at a Grace Jones concert.

Can you guess who?

Answer after the jump.

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DISCOVERY: Goats Sound Surprisingly Like Your Grandfather on the Telephone

Our fellow goat lover in crime Stephen Lenz over at Urlesque manages to brighten my life each day with various goat videos found all over the web. For God’s sake, there’s an actual goat tag on this very blog with more than one entry.

I’ve long been obsessed with goat teeth, which look almost exactly like human dentures. But little did I know that goats also SOUND like people. “Bleeting” is in fact code for “nagging old man.” Check out the following video of a confused goat, whose goat balls cause the filmmaker to lose her composure, leaving the goat confused and curious. The sounds that come out of his mouth will one day come out of your own mouth (once they put the catheter in)(spit three times)(but seriously).

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While You Were Feeling Like the Honorary 9th Member of “The Real World: Brooklyn” House

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  • Lil Wayne leads off the Grammy nominations with 8 noms, while Coldplay is following close behind with 7. On the brighter side, Grammy voters finally get it right and award Katy Perry zero one nomination. Congrats to her and her fans (seen in today’s comments section)
  • Anne Heche is pregnant. As always with Anne Heche, news that would have been a million times more exciting if she was still with Ellen.
  • Jennifer Aniston has stated that she “longs” to have a baby. Note to Jennifer Aniston: The world “longs” for you to just shut up already.
  • Heidi Montag’s mother has given her marriage to Spencer Pratt six months tops. Which leads me to wonder if this woman deserves to be a member of Obama’s cabinet.
  • And in depressing news, Mark Ruffalo’s brother Scott was shot in Beverly Hills this week. No words.

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While You Were Making Mutton Chops Feel Left Out

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WALLPAPER 4 LYF: Anderson Cooper In a Pool

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On Sunday, Anderson Cooper decided to show Michael Phelps what a real, non-semi-retarded man looks like, took his shirt off, jumped into a pool, and raced Phelps in a pool. It then became clear why Anderson was assigned to interview Phelps: So that he could grace our television screens in all his hot, pasty, ripped, to die for glory.

After the jump, we’ve got two more (blurryish) screen caps. But for those of you that missed the original video, Defamer’s strung together all the best Andersoon bits (well, OK, not the BEST bits) for your perusing pleasure.

Oh, and if you missed the interview, thank us for not bringing you the clip of Phelps dozing off next to Anderson in an SUV, slackjaw nearly hitting the ground. It makes Faceless Cat look like a cold beer on a hot day.

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