Posts By Michelle COLLINS


Dong Draper Takes Manhattan

The past 17 months have been a difficult time. 17 whole months of sitting in my living room with the lights dimmed, sipping a sidecar while staring at the giant black screen of my LCD television, a silent ritual dedicated to the one hour Mad Men usually aired. (In reality, I was eating Pinkberry while watching The Amazing Race, but let’s keep the tone dark in this one.) Now, Sunday, March 25, that darkness will be lifted, and once again, the crazy coocoo kids of Mad Men will return to AMC, which loosely translates to we will once again be privy to Don Draper’s protection-free sexcapades for another 12 or so weeks. Don’t you see? This is a time to celebrate.

We had some good times last season. And to ramp up our appetites for Sunday night’s premiere, Flavorwire’s brilliant Jesse Pynigar has compiled a video of every single woman Don Draper hooked up with in Season 4. Set to Jack White’s “Love Interruption,” we relive them all: That weird hippie teacher, Dr. Faye, his secretary’s teeth… they’re all in there.

All of Don’s Ladies from Flavorwire on Vimeo.

Be sure to check back here Monday, March 26 for a ton of post Mad Men premiere coverage!


NSFW: Geometry Porn Still Pretty Fappable

It’s a rare day that we get to talk about FREE PORNOGRAPHY here at (pausing to let Google Search Result Big Bucks start rolling in), but it seems that we’ve finally found a middle ground between “porn” and “thing that will not arouse you.” It’s Geometry Porn, and as reported by Gizmodo, it’s an iPhone app created by artist Luciano Foglia that has been banned by Apple for being too pornographic.

Now I’d like us to all take a moment to pause and imagine our middle geometry teachers masturbating.

Where was I? Yes. Geometry porn. So this app takes various pink colored shapes (which is racist yes), and puts things into action in a not really sexy but sort of beautifully artsy way. It’s not safe for work but like your wife wouldn’t get mad if she found it on your phone, get me? If you can find a way to fap to this, you are probably to very likely a madman and/or Max Headroom.

I’m putting my blogging life on the line by posting two videos of this geometry porn ahead. Close the shades, get your protractors out, and turn all those framed photos of your family upside down. NSFW!

Read more…


Newborn Puppy Born Barely Bigger Than A Sneeze

(I think it’s alive.)

When a puppy flies out of his mother’s canal at 88 nanometers per second and is the same size as a half dollar, well, you better believe you’re gonna name that son of a bitch Miracle. (If this were my puppy, I’d then put him in a tiiiiiiiny skating rink and call it the Miracle on Ice! But I am an idiot and also digress.)

Miracle is half Jack Russell, half Chihuahua, and allllll electron-sized, as he weighed only 1.5 ounces when born and measured 3 inches. For comparison’s sake, he is the exact size and weight of a jalapeño popper. And he can barely stand upright because he is negative years old!

Put your heart in a styrofoam cooler and keep reading:

Read more…


Can We Talk About The Movie “Salmon Fishing In The Yemen”?

No? Understood.

But seriously. What is this? Every time the ad comes on I’m like “Oh! Ewan McGregor” and then I’m like it’s Salmon Fishing In The Yemen. I swear I’ve seen the trailer 20 times and all I can figure out about it is that it’s kind of like The English Patient in that a guy wears a turban and there’s a hot Brit starring in it. But ughhh the romance between Ewan and Emily Blunt looks about as exciting as watching two albino flies f*ck, and I still don’t know… Do they actually go salmon fishing?!?! I am honestly debating live-tweeting from the theater along with the dozen or so other people who also couldn’t score Hunger Games tickets.

Thanks for listening guys.


7 Photos Of Hamsters Living As Small Furry People

Victoria Belanger is a visionary and a genius. Not only is she responsible for the world’s only Jello cookbook Hello Jell-O, she also has a pet hamster named Zoey whom is living your typical Brooklyn lifestyle. (Making Jello and riding on the train, on a loop, forever.) Sure, if this were a real Brooklyn hamster there would be a small baby hamster all slung up in a hamster baby bjorn in a small knit hat of yet another hamster. But still, I think you’ll be preeeeetty pleased with these photos of her hamster living a typical domestic single gal city life.

(Also want to take this post to remind you guys about the time someone was walking by an Au Bon Pain on 49th street in Manhattan and saw a rat tap dancing across a pan of blueberry muffins. Not to mention the time they were spotted in the West Village conga lining under a drumstick at a KFC. Be careful where you eat folks.)



Read more…


Snooki’s Baby Already Given Juiced Up Google Chrome Commercial

Snooki is only a few months pregnant with the clump of Corona bottlecaps that have collected in her womb, and all we can do, the American public, is wait, patiently, flushing ourselves out with our newly purchased Purell bidet, and praying. Praying that Snooki’s child is born in the exact likeness of her mother, ie, a Louis Vuitton clutch dipped in jam and then rolled around on the floor in Supercuts.

Anyway, the fine people at College Humor have gotten their hands on Google Chrome’s exclusive Snooki Jr. ad. It’s everything and more. Also if The Situation IS indeed the father, he should probably extend his rehab stay for a few extra years.

(via College Humor)


This Mitt Romney Eminem Mash-Up Will Blow Your F*cking Mind

I don’t pretend to know anything about politics, especially this year’s election, which I think is about Beyaz prescriptions? But what I DO know is that this mash-up of Mitt Romney singing Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady” is pretty much the best thing you’ll see on the internet this week. So insert some super smart political opinions that you totally agree with here and then watch.

Video ahead.

Read more…


5 Things Wrong With This Photo Of Hugh Jackman As Jean Valjean

5. The Star Wars Attire. Obi-Wan Day More Kenobi over here.

4. The Location Of The Dog Waste Bin. Hugh Jackman is arguably the biggest star this movie has, now that Taylor Swift is out of the picture. (lol?) So excuse me if I seem inappropriately outraged but HOW DARE THEY put the doggie sh*t basket so close to the door of our dear Hugh? I had to huff these photos of Hugh walking his dog in an argyle sweater to CTFO.

3. Uggs. Now, I’m no Les Mis expert (I am) but, if memory serves, I don’t belieeeeve Jean Valjean’s feet have ever know the sheepskin luxury that is the inside of a man’s Ugg boot. Am I wrong? Because if I am, and he does show up on stage to face off with Javert while looking like a University of Arizona sophomore, then by all means, let me know.

2. The Hair. Very Arcade Fire. Not the mangled homeless hay patch it should be.

1. The Coffee. If only the real fictional Jean Valjean could have dipped even just a piece of his stale stolen bread in a Starbucks skim cappu, the story would have been completely different. (“I Creamed A Cream,” “Bring Him Foam,” etc.)

All this being said, I have already started camping out for the 3D Imax Les Mis Premiere. It goes without saying I will make a much more convincing Jean Valjean come showtime.

[Photo: Splash]


Katie Holmes: So In Love!

Here is America’s Katie Holmes heading to lunch in New York City today, and wow, does she look absolutely radiant. And so happy!! My goodness, have you ever seen a woman so happy and in love? It’s like her smile is saying “Tom’s the one” while the whites of her eyes are saying “The day the moon and pluto align is the day I make my escape.”

Just how happy is Katie? Let’s take a closer look ahead:

Read more…