Posts By Michelle COLLINS

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This Valentine’s Day, Celebrate With The C-Word You Love

This Valentine’s Day, make sure to tell someone you love them. And according to the high end UK department store Waitrose, you might consider doing this by saying “You C*nt.” That’s exactly what their Valentine’s Day window sign says to do, anyway. Due to a hilariously placed pillar in the way, the words “You Count” have been live-action CGI’d into the worst curse word ever unless you are Jane Fonda on The Today Show or a little girl on The Today Show.

[Photo: Splash]

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EWE OUTTA KNOW: Hot Pink Sheep Created For Breast Cancer Awareness Week

This is a hot pink sheep. Before you grab your pitchforks and torches and book a one way ticket to New Zealand where these sheep live, a few things you should know. These are not naturally occurring hot pink sheep. No some genius in New Zealand decided to dye a flock of them hot pink, so that when people see them, their first thought is “I should probably get a mammogram” and not “we need to burn these devil animals down to the ground.”

Those of you wishing to pet and hug each of these sheep individually (really, only me), you’re in luck: They live at a sheep amusement park called SHEEPWORLD. A real place. Sheepworld. I think you know and I know where I’ll be spending my summer internship this year, because I am merely an innocent college student with a love for farm animals.

Ahead, exclusive photos of what my first few moments at Sheepworld will feel like.

Read more…

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Chickachikowww: Ferris Bueller Is BACK

Ferris Bueller’s Mid-Life Crisis Off is probably what the movie would be called if it were remade today, starring Matthew Broderick at a healthy 49 years of age. Well, there is good news for you Ferris-philes out there still waiting for a sequel to the 1986 classic comedy…

HE’S BACK.

Yes, in this all-too-brief teaser clip, it seems that Ferris Bueller will be joining us again, however briefly, in what will probably be one of the most hyped Superbowl ads to air next weekend. And, like, for good reason? Hello, Matthew Broderick still looks great, and while he’s giving off more Jim McAllister than Ferris Bueller in this clip, it doesn’t matter. THE MUSIC. THE ROBE. ONE CAN ONLY HOPE A MOHAWKED SHOWER SCENE. Good job, whatever company this is for, I will likely buy a lot of your product. Especially if it’s for Swiffer. I love Swiffer! Wait, is it Swiffer? Well, sh*t, I’ll just go buy a bunch of Swiffer right now before it SELLS OUT.

I just hope they didn’t bring Mr. Rooney back

UPDATE: It’s a Honda ad!

(via Flavorwire)

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Cat Wearing Necktie Jams On A Meowing Keyboard

So, so much to love about this video: A delightfully miserable flat-faced cat (official Purina breed name), wearing a neck tie two sizes too small, while playing a gigantic keyboard, which is actually just a huge orange smiling cat face with Looney Tunes piano keys for teeth.

But the BESSSST part about this is that it’s not just any ol’ cat faced keyboard found at your local Single Lady Emporium. Because instead of playing regular keyboard notes, this little amazing thing meows. Yup. It’s a cat, in a necktie, playing a keyboard, that meows, while smiling in an almost threatening manner.

I don’t want to say that it’s videos like this that keep me loving the internet — because clearly, porn — but camman. It’s pretty close.

Of course, this video has nothing on our favorite keyboard playing cat of all time. No, it’s not Keyboard Cat… but you’re close…

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50 Reasons The Oscars Don’t Matter Anymore

The Academy Award nominations were announced yesterday, and we couldn’t help but notice an extreme oversight: No mention of Michael Fassbender’s penis’ amazing work in the sex-fueled thriller Shame. Now if you know me, and your name is Michael Fassbender, than this is a dream and I should probably gather my things and leave before he wakes up. If this is real life, however, then you know that my love for Faszy (Hungarian for “penisy”) is as infinite as his icy blue gaze. And his penis’ star turn in Shame should have easily nabbed him a nomination, if only for the benefit of Billy Crystal’s team of jokewriters.

But alas, Fassbender was left out in the cold, his abs just shivering, his penis… still probably pretty big, as he feels what it’s like to be out of Hollywood’s glow. It is because of this snub that it hit us… The Oscars have lost their meaning. And here are 50 Reasons Why. And Fassy, if you’re reading this, I’m just making coffee in the other room. Be back in a second baaabe. *leaves rose on pillow*

50.

49.

48.

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And This Little Piggy Hates Bacon

Anyone who knows me knows I enjoy a spot of bacon now and again. From when I put my bra on in the morning to when I fall asleep at night, I sometimes wonder if anything can be improved with just a little bit of that familiar smoky bacon flavor. Like a chopped salad, a soup, my taxes, etc.

But on the other mud-clumped hoof, sometimes I come across a photo so sweet, so precious, I think HOW COULD I POSSIBLY PUT THIS THING IN MY MOUTH? Meet this miniature tiny little pig:

Hey PETA, remember when we thought a piglet in boots would be an effective way to stop the bacon industry? We lied. It’s a pig the size of a Wilson tennis ball. I definitely would not want Roger Federer to backhand this little sucker into my next Cobb salad.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to finish up my adoption papers for my future dream sons.

(via Reddit)

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Ultimate Close-Up Cat Is The New Best Internet Cat

Former American Idol Kellie Pickler showed up at the the ASPCA Adoption Center in New York to help promote a Fresh Step limited-edition cat sweater (which of course now I want because 1. cat sweater and 2. limited-edition cat sweater.) Kellie seems please as she walks the “cat carpet” with a cute little kitten in tow.

But it was while touring the Adoption Center facilities that Ms. Pickler ran into greatness. That’s because she had the honor of meeting this guy, who we are dubbing “The New Best Internet Cat.” This little guy was put on Earth to pose for the cameras. It doesn’t matter what angle he’s snapped at… he always looks hilarious.

Hence it is our great pleasure to bring you Ultimate Close-Ups of the New Best Internet Cat. It is safe to say that I 100 percent guarantee you will enjoy scrolling through this post. I mean, look at this little fat bastard here:

SMILING THE DAY AWAY

Let’s take a closer look.

Closer…

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Just Try NOT Shocking This Koala

We dare you not to shock this Koala, a photo of whom ended up on Reddit and now is officially “The Internet’s Baby” until another one comes along… (See Puppy Bowl post, above.)

But until then…. oh my goddduh. The mouth. And the belly… I’d cup this koala’s ass all day long.

Safe to say, the following GIF is something that need to exist on the internet. It features another famous internet koala you all know and love dearly:

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Katy Perry Has Already Found Herself A New Man

The corpse of Katy Perry’s marriage to Russell Brand isn’t even cold yet, and it looks like blue-haired homegirl has already got herself a new man. In Indonesia of all places. As these photos will show you, Katy picked a lucky fan out of the audience whose shirt is made out of Jakartan air.

And Katy knows how to get what she wants. As the following photos will prove, they each score, and he even mentally wills her tit to pop out of her dress. It’s all very magical.

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Lindsay Lohan Goes To Court Wearing My Usual “Pizza Delivery At The Door” Outfit

You guys know the drill: Hungover, no food in the house, so you order some pizza. Door to door service. But before you know it, that hot pie is at your door and good God, you’re in your brother’s Bar Mitzvah t-shirt and nothing else. So, you grab the nearest pair of pants (Cavariccis, if you’re me) maybe throw on a robe if you’re a girl of a certain bust size (I am), take your bangs out of the unicorn ponytail they’ve been in, and answer the door. We’ve all been there right?

Well Lindsay Lohan wore that exact same outfit to court yesterday:

[Photo: Splash]