Message to Lindsay Lohan: We are on to you and your “heat exhaustion.” (Picture a giant making sarcasm quotes on that one.) So says James Robinson, CEO of Morgan Creek Productions, the company producing Lohan’s latest cinematic venturing Georgia Rule. In an official looking letter (complete with Times New Roman font and company letterhead), Robinson calls Lohan “discourteous”, “unprofessional”, and a “spoiled child”. (Click thumbnail to read.) But most importantly, he says what’s been on the world’s mind for days: Enough with the heat exhaustion b.s. already — STOP PARTYING. PUT. THE STRAW. DOWN. UNSEAL YOUR LIPS FROM YOUR GOLDEN FLASK. You are about to be fired, which is big people talk for you are about to lose a lot of money. Most importantly, they have video of you going down on some dude! And you wouldn’t want that to ruin your reputation, would you, babygirl?
Faster than a coked-up starlet, skinnier than a malmnourished broomstick, it’s West Hollywood’s favorite crimefighter, Fatless Girl!
Click here to read more about Nicole Richie’s wild night. Then, it’s your turn — take a crack at the caption in the comments!
Is Thom Yorke, the fair-voiced lead singer of Radiohead, taking tips on how to emote from Britney Spears? Yorke, whose solo album The Eraser debuted earlier this month, has written a poem composed of lines and snippets pulled from various bad reviews of the CD. The poem is strangely reminiscent of one of the tiger-obsessed ballads penned by Britney Spears on her personal website. And now that we take a closer look, Yorke’s lines look like they were written for K-Fed himself! Check it out:
lacks motivation. full of own self importance.
always shooting his mouth off.
tends to stray from the path…
never will be again.
the only way is down.
so now ambels around aimlessly.
If you’re one of T-Yo’s robot pals, bring him a cup of hot chocolate, mechanically stroke his back, and keep repeating all that jazz about him being a legend and stuff.
It’s summertime, which means the only television I can rely on is Project Runway and The Office reruns. Then it occurred to me: I miss Being Bobby Brown, the Bravo reality series that followed the crazed antics of Whitney Houston and hubby Bobby. For those of you like me, or those with 19 seconds of company time on your hands, check out this Greatest Hits reel. Sing along to her classic tracks “Hell To The No”, “Aw Hell No”, “Oh Hell– Hell No!”, and her #1 hit single “I Am Not Doing This With Him Todaaaaaay.” (Link via Popsugar)
British tabloid The Mirror has gotten an exclusive picture of the young lover Simon Cowell has grasped in his vulture talons while his nearly ancient 32-year-old girlfriend is away. The world may pretend to act shocked, but camman, you knew it all along.
In all seriousness, her name is Jasmine Lennard, the 21-year-old the daughter of an ex-Bond girl who has spent nearly the last 20 years of her life in rehab. The article goes into randy detail of Lennard’s coke-addled, orgy-prone teen years, along with a heebie-jeebie inducing account of Cowell’s moves in the bedroom. It’s a little NSFW, if your coworkers could see your thoughts. Oh, and she’s bisexual, which would probably explain the attraction. Have you seen the rack that guy is sporting?
This summer, some unexpected acts from yesteryear have literally banded together to tour the U.S. Some of them we are welcoming back with open arms (UPGRADE) and others give music a bad name (DOWNGRADE).
Tell us which bands you’re happy to have back, and which should be sent to their permanent retirement homes.
If there’s one thing we’re still not sick of, it’s Borat, the racist, woman-hating Kazakhstani reporter played by Sasha Baron Cohen (better known as Ali G.) Borat stops by Comic-Con to promote his upcoming movie, reportedly so funny that Seinfeld creator Larry David left a private screening midway through, as he couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard. This segment isn’t half as funny as most of Borat’s dealings, but his description of Kazakhstan’s most famous superhero, Astounding Woman, makes it required viewing.
Our favorite source for underage nudity, the New York Post, reports this morning that Daniel Radcliffe, better known to millions of youngsters as Harry Potter, will be “waving his other wand” in a new stage production of the Peter Shaffer play Equus. I know that’s a lot to absorb, so take your time. Harry Potter will play “an emotionally disturbed boy who takes off his clothes and blinds horses,” which is now officially the greatest thing we’ve ever heard. It will also make a nice transition for little Radcliffe into the world of more adult roles involving horse-blinding and nude-prancing. First Dakota Fanning getting raped, now this… what could possibly be next?
We did, however, get a good laugh out of this eerily similar Onion headline: Second-Graders Wow Audience With School Production Of Equus