Posts By Michelle COLLINS

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ICYMI: Houston, Having a Problem

It’s summertime, which means the only television I can rely on is Project Runway and The Office reruns. Then it occurred to me: I miss Being Bobby Brown, the Bravo reality series that followed the crazed antics of Whitney Houston and hubby Bobby. For those of you like me, or those with 19 seconds of company time on your hands, check out this Greatest Hits reel. Sing along to her classic tracks “Hell To The No”, “Aw Hell No”, “Oh Hell– Hell No!”, and her #1 hit single “I Am Not Doing This With Him Todaaaaaay.” (Link via Popsugar)

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SIZZLER: Simon Cowell’s Lover, Revealed!

cowell.JPGBritish tabloid The Mirror has gotten an exclusive picture of the young lover Simon Cowell has grasped in his vulture talons while his nearly ancient 32-year-old girlfriend is away. The world may pretend to act shocked, but camman, you knew it all along.

In all seriousness, her name is Jasmine Lennard, the 21-year-old the daughter of an ex-Bond girl who has spent nearly the last 20 years of her life in rehab. The article goes into randy detail of Lennard’s coke-addled, orgy-prone teen years, along with a heebie-jeebie inducing account of Cowell’s moves in the bedroom. It’s a little NSFW, if your coworkers could see your thoughts. Oh, and she’s bisexual, which would probably explain the attraction. Have you seen the rack that guy is sporting?

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UPGRADE/DOWNGRADE: Reunited, And It Feels So Weird

BonJovi.jpgThis summer, some unexpected acts from yesteryear have literally banded together to tour the U.S. Some of them we are welcoming back with open arms (UPGRADE) and others give music a bad name (DOWNGRADE).

Tell us which bands you’re happy to have back, and which should be sent to their permanent retirement homes.

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ICYMI: Borat Joins Other Aliens at Comic-Con

If there’s one thing we’re still not sick of, it’s Borat, the racist, woman-hating Kazakhstani reporter played by Sasha Baron Cohen (better known as Ali G.) Borat stops by Comic-Con to promote his upcoming movie, reportedly so funny that Seinfeld creator Larry David left a private screening midway through, as he couldn’t breathe from laughing so hard. This segment isn’t half as funny as most of Borat’s dealings, but his description of Kazakhstan’s most famous superhero, Astounding Woman, makes it required viewing.

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SIZZLER: Harry Potter Going Nude on London Stage

Potter.jpgOur favorite source for underage nudity, the New York Post, reports this morning that Daniel Radcliffe, better known to millions of youngsters as Harry Potter, will be “waving his other wand” in a new stage production of the Peter Shaffer play Equus. I know that’s a lot to absorb, so take your time. Harry Potter will play “an emotionally disturbed boy who takes off his clothes and blinds horses,” which is now officially the greatest thing we’ve ever heard. It will also make a nice transition for little Radcliffe into the world of more adult roles involving horse-blinding and nude-prancing. First Dakota Fanning getting raped, now this… what could possibly be next?

We did, however, get a good laugh out of this eerily similar Onion headline: Second-Graders Wow Audience With School Production Of Equus

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While You Were Debating O-Town’s Sexuality…

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…OF THE DAY

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  • SELF-PROMOTING LIST: Rolling Stone ranks the Top 500 songs of All-Time, putting Bob Dylan‘s “Like a Rolling Stone” and the Rolling Stones’ “Satisfaction” as numbers 1 and 2. Ranked third? Little known band Oversized Magazine‘s song “Rolly, the Stone that Rolled.”

  • McMIRACLE: Katherine McPhee beats her medically diagnosed McLaryngitis and returns to the American Idol tour. 11-year-old girls and 45-year-old men sigh in relief.
  • REASON TO BUY TIVO: Rosie O’Donnell‘s debut on The View is set for Sept. 5, and her first guest will be Jessica Simpson. You know the poor thing is gonna run off the set in terry-cloth daisy dukes and tears. Jessica that is, not Rosie… we hope.
  • POONMAN: Soundgarden has been slated to write the theme song to the new James Bond thriller, Casino Royale. The song is called “You Know My Name”, and if it’s anything like their anthem “Black Hole Sun”, we’ll be 13, awkward-looking, and friendless.
  • CRINGE-INDUCING PHOTOMONTAGE: The latest issue of Details features a photo-quiz comparing faces of Food Network chefs enjoying a meal to porno stars in the throes of ecstasy. Seeing Rachel Ray make her “O” face is like being groped by a drunk uncle… try to avoid it if you can.

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BWE Exclusive: Lance Bass Acting Gay Way Back in 2001!

Breaking! Check out this prophetic McDonald’s commercial from 2001. It features a fresh-faced and still closeted Lance Bass playing “Spin the Bottle” with the rest of N’Sync squad, plus a surprisingly well-kempt Britney Spears. The result of Lance’s over-eager bottle twirl is… well… the final expression should sum it up nicely.

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PROPPED: Project Runway Drinking Game!

ProjRunway.JPGWhat are you doing tonight at 10 pm? If you had any sense, you’d be curled up on your couch with a diamond studded pashmina at your feet, watching the third installment of Project Runway. Props to reader stilettoxmafia who dropped a thorough and fun Project Runway Drinking Game! We’ve tacked on some extra things to watch/sip out for tonight.

  • One for Time Gunn saying either “make it work” or “carry on.”
  • One for a product placement references. Example, “Send your models to the Tresemee hair salor and use the Macy’s accessory wall.”
  • Read more…

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SIZZLER: Tori $pelling Officially Not Rich Up The A$$

ToriCover.JPGArbitor of Truth © US Magazine reports that Tori Spelling will only be receiving .16 percent of her father’s multi-million dollar fortune, as a result of a falling out with mother Candy Spelling. Estimations report that Spelling will only reap a measly $800,000 out of the death-pact, which as any ex-alum of 90210 knows, is barely enough to pay the help (read: Brian Austin-Green). It’s gonna be a tough life for Tori Spelling, but we believe that with enough miserly know-how and financial smarts, she can still live a pretty good life. Here are a few tips to help Tori save/earn some cash:

1. Melt down your 24K gold toilet and sell it for cash. Then, crap into Ziplock bags.

2. Remove your breast implants and use the saline as contact lens solution.

Read more…