Posts By Michelle COLLINS

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ICYMI: The Real Jerri Blank

jerriblank.jpgFans of Strangers With Candy might wonder where wacky genius Amy Sedaris came up with the ex-prostitute, ex-druggy character that is Jerri Blank. Those of you assuming Jerri was born out of sheer creative brilliance might be a little surprised to see real-life ex-prosty/druggy Florrie Fisher. In the following vintage clip, Florrie lectures high school students on the dangers of LSD, including the time she was flung off a horse and needed an emergency laminectomy, and the startling tale of a “straight-B” student nearly plunging to her death. It must be seen multiple times to be believed.

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From the Dept. of Trailer Mashups: 8 1/2 Mile

The fine folks over at the AV Club give us a glimpse into the hard knock life of Marcello Mastroianni in their mash-up trailer for 8 1/2 Mile. Frankly, you could put Eminem‘s “Lose Yourself” over live footage of flies banging and we’d still be motivated for an intense Reebok Slide class, but still… this is pretty hilare.

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Project Runway: The Copycat Is Out of the Designer Bag!

Fans of Project Runway and bitchy gay guys, brace yourselves: Season 3 contestant Keith Michael, he of the face like a bird (fine, a cute bird), may have cheated on his Project Runway application. A sharp eye over at Television Without Pity notes the similarities between many of Keith’s portfolio designs compared with those of some major designers, such as Lacoste and Marni. Keith, who fulfills my longtime fantasy of Jude Law and Greg Kinnear making delicious manlove and then producing a skinny, elf-like child, won last week’s challenge with a pretty halter dress stitched out of some blue bedsheets. But according to last week’s previews, we know something major goes down on Wednesday night’s episode, as Tim Gunn‘s brows appear to knit a 13-ply cashmere cardi. (i.e. He looks pissed.) Look at these pics, then decide:

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Left: Keith, Right: Giambattista Valli Spring 2006

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Left: Keith, Right:Lacoste Spring 2006

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Left: Keith, Right: Marni Spring 2006

And you thought Alien Basket Hats would be the highlight of the season! So whaddya think: Will Keith be “Auf’d” from this week’s episode?

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Sizzler: Superman Sick of Looking Like Woman

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Before Superman Returns was released a few weeks ago, star Brandon Routh was a bit of a mystery, known to most people only by his eyebrows and ginormous, unforgiving bulge. But the more we read and see about the guy, the more it becomes clear… that Brandon Routh is a Class One, Grade A, Top of the Line Super-Sissy.

Routh threw a fit at a London press conference on Wednesday when he complained that his makeup made him look “wimpy“, and that co-star Kate “The Breastplate” Bosworth looked more “sun-kissed and natural” (Ed. Note: Kate Bosworth is a woman.) Normally, we would be happy to put down any man complaining of not looking “sun-kissed” enough, but in Routh’s case, we’re going to give him a break. Why? Because he looks like a re-animated wax museum version of a real person, that’s why. And frankly, if a little bronzer is gonna inject even an ounce of personality into the guy, then by all means, turn his pretty little mug into a baby shoe for all we care.

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Lock Your Doors: Shannen Doherty Wants to Break-Up With You

shannen2.jpgGod bless the fine people over at the Oxygen Network. They’re giving Shannen Doherty a 17th chance at fame with a new show entitled “Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty.” The show will consist of Doherty giving advice on breaking things off with your lover, friend or the entire cast of your hit 90′s television show. And if there’s anyone stable enough to dole out solid, concrete relationship advice, it’s a twice married, drunk-driving, Playboy-posing former child star notorious for her abusive streak.

We here at BWE have gotten our hands on a list of “Shannen Doherty’s Top 8 Ways of Breaking Up with Somebody“, and, to our surprise, she offers up some really promising constructive advice. Take a look…
Read more…

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While You Were Busy Cancelling Your Vacation to Beirut…

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  • Lindsay Lohan claims that “redheads are great in bed.” Listen, Lindsay, we get it, you have flames shooting out of your crotch, ok? Enough, already, we’ve all got our party tricks.
  • Chevy Chase calls Vince Vaughn a “refrigerator repairman“. Vince Vaughn tips Chevy Chase $100 for cleaning his windshield.
  • Jewel admits a debilitating addiction… to drug stores. Probably because it’s the only place she can still hear her music played.
  • Paris Hilton Craves Children“. OMG, it’s gonna be soooo hot when she eats her own young, you guys.
  • Astronauts next week will debut a new NASA device that turns urine into breathable air. And R. Kelly just announced that he is to become the first rapper in space.

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Jeff Goldblum: Putting the “Camp” in “Concentation Camp”

goldblum.JPGIn a completely unprecedented move, casting directors have chosen Jeff Goldblum to play a Jewish man. Adam Resurrected, directed by American Gigolo auteur Paul Schrader, has Goldblum playing a circus clown sent to a Nazi prison camp, and kept alive thanks to his hilarious barrack antics. Goldblum will have a lot to starve up to, following Roberto Benigni‘s Oscar-winning turn in Life Is Beautiful, as a father who uses humor to protect his son, even though Benigni ends up (spoiler alert!) dying anyway. Not to sound too callous regarding this project, but camman… Jeff Goldblum? Really, it’s insulting. It would be so nice if Hollywood could stop for a second, think outside of the lox, and choose an actor who doesn’t evoke a season’s worth of Seinfeld neuroses in a single, quickly exhaled sigh.

No word if Goldblum’s current squeeze Nicole Richie will be appearing as one of the prisoners.

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Sunni Days, Keeping the Sand Away…

elmo.jpgSesame Street is well-known for covering issues parents may find difficult to discuss with children. New siblings, the death of a loved one, Mommy’s drinking problem… no issue is too sensitive. Now, a Sesame Street DVD being distributed to military families next month will try to answer the difficult questions kids often ask during wartime, such as, “How long will Daddy be gone?” and “How come gas costs $6.50 a gallon?”

The DVD will revolve around Elmo‘s father being deployed to a mysterious, unknown place (presumably not the Springfield of The Simpsons fame) and will focus on Elmo’s feelings throughout the ordeal. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to be a muppet in Iraq? Your fur constantly matted, no lids to keep the sand out of your humongous, googly eyes, your body temp climbing to upwards of 155 degrees? It must be nice to get out of your cushy, tree-lined neighborhood every now and again, but the Middle East? One thing we know for sure: Neither Bert nor Ernie will be joining the military anytime soon.