God bless the fine people over at the Oxygen Network. They’re giving Shannen Doherty a 17th chance at fame with a new show entitled “Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty.” The show will consist of Doherty giving advice on breaking things off with your lover, friend or the entire cast of your hit 90′s television show. And if there’s anyone stable enough to dole out solid, concrete relationship advice, it’s a twice married, drunk-driving, Playboy-posing former child star notorious for her abusive streak.
We here at BWE have gotten our hands on a list of “Shannen Doherty’s Top 8 Ways of Breaking Up with Somebody“, and, to our surprise, she offers up some really promising constructive advice. Take a look…
In a completely unprecedented move, casting directors have chosen Jeff Goldblum to play a Jewish man. Adam Resurrected, directed by American Gigolo auteur Paul Schrader, has Goldblum playing a circus clown sent to a Nazi prison camp, and kept alive thanks to his hilarious barrack antics. Goldblum will have a lot to starve up to, following Roberto Benigni‘s Oscar-winning turn in Life Is Beautiful, as a father who uses humor to protect his son, even though Benigni ends up (spoiler alert!) dying anyway. Not to sound too callous regarding this project, but camman… Jeff Goldblum? Really, it’s insulting. It would be so nice if Hollywood could stop for a second, think outside of the lox, and choose an actor who doesn’t evoke a season’s worth of Seinfeld neuroses in a single, quickly exhaled sigh.
No word if Goldblum’s current squeeze Nicole Richie will be appearing as one of the prisoners.
Sesame Street is well-known for covering issues parents may find difficult to discuss with children. New siblings, the death of a loved one, Mommy’s drinking problem… no issue is too sensitive. Now, a Sesame Street DVD being distributed to military families next month will try to answer the difficult questions kids often ask during wartime, such as, “How long will Daddy be gone?” and “How come gas costs $6.50 a gallon?”
The DVD will revolve around Elmo‘s father being deployed to a mysterious, unknown place (presumably not the Springfield of The Simpsons fame) and will focus on Elmo’s feelings throughout the ordeal. Can you imagine how frustrating it would be to be a muppet in Iraq? Your fur constantly matted, no lids to keep the sand out of your humongous, googly eyes, your body temp climbing to upwards of 155 degrees? It must be nice to get out of your cushy, tree-lined neighborhood every now and again, but the Middle East? One thing we know for sure: Neither Bert nor Ernie will be joining the military anytime soon.