New York City is the perfect place to be in the fall. The leaves are changing, the weather is brisk and refreshing, and ho sh*t: Look at all those people running! This was my own reaction yesterday while walking along Central Park South during the ING 2011 NYC Marathon. There they were, those brave souls at the tail end of a 26 mile race. I had just come from Bloomingdale’s where I was purchasing a new foundation, which BELIEVE ME is exhausting enough what with both my pink and yellow undertones.
By the time I made my way across town, many marathoners had already finished, proudly sporting their gold medals while hobbling along 59th street like super fit Frankensteins. I smiled and even teared up at the stamina these folks had while taking hearty bites out of a giant soft pretzel I had strapped to my face with a feedbag. What amazing athletes!!
But my own private internal dance party for the marathoners can’t compare to what happened downtown, as a gigantic group of marathon supporters broke out into what has to be the world’s largest Electric Slide Marathon. As the saying goes:
ONLY IN NEW YORK!
[Doree Shafrir's Tumblr via Lauren Deiman!]
Big big day in the VH1 offices today. There I was, just hanging around in people’s offices eating all their Starburst (a euphemism for how I’m going to get diabetes), when all of a sudden, my eyes shot open, my head cocked to its side, and I had my first real life Long Island Medium moment: Stephen Dorff was in the building.
He was here to make an appearance on Big Morning Buzz Live to promote his new movie Immortals. But the real buzz going around the office was that Stephen Dorff looked better than ever. Very little had changed since SFW. I started to panic. What would happen if I got Dorff’d in my very own office hallway? What would I say? Would I tell him how I once bought The Power of One soundtrack on cassette at a museum gift shop while on a school field trip? (Thus referencing my once friendless childhood?) Would I ask him what it was like playing Jimmy Meltrigger on Roseanne? Or the irony that he once played a character named Pete in a movie called I Know My First Name Is Steven? Maybe I should take the coquettish route, dropping a pencil in front of his greenroom and then saying “Stephen Dorff, would you mind picking this up for me?” so that I could shamelessly witness a Dorff-squat?
What ended up actually happening was this: I saw him in my hallway with an attractive entourage, panicked, and skated back to my office on anxiety-blades. But according to every single person he crossed paths with during his brief stay at VH1, he was hands down the most charming Dorff to ever Dorff our premises.
Here are some exclusive pics of Dorff on VH1, just hanging around and playing our VH1 Tumblr game “Pass The Bowl,” and generally just effortlessly proving that he the best.
**WE BEG YOU TO WATCH THIS VIDEO BECAUSE
IT’S THE BEST THING YOU WILL EVER SEE**
Whoooo lawwwwd I knew it would take til Friday of this long ass week to deliver a gift sent from God, a video so perfect in every way that you just wanna TGIF in your Elmo shirt while drinking Oreo Speedwagons on the highway. This is that video. A man in an Elmo shirt and purple hoodie throws MAJOR SHADE at a
police officer a reporter* who pulls him over for driving in the car pool lane illegally. Meanwhile the entire thing is being recorded for KRON 4 News.
And then, said man in Elmo shirt unleashes a barrage of fat lazy insults on this cop that is worthy of any vintage MTV Yo Momma episodes. What you will learn is that calling a reporter a “Fat Ass” and “Lazy” and “1-800-GET THIN Chubby butt” does make for great television.
These words are unnecessary. Just watch this. Now.
Him + Antoine Dodson = VH1 TALK SHOW COME ON MY NETWORK MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
*Apparently he’s calling a reporter a fat ass and not the cop. But it’s a close call. I am a journalist and here to report the truth.
(via 96.1 Kiss and FS Bob)
Halloween has all but passed in makeup-smeared hungover coma. But that doesn’t mean we can’t torture some mostly sweet, possibly diabetic school children! That’s exactly what (dare I say new late night King?) Jimmy Kimmel has done when he asked parents to videotape themselves telling their innocent, starving children that they ate all their Halloween candy.
Most of the kids cry; some of the portlier children even get violent. All will one day seek the help of mental health doctors. But nothing compares to the two little boys at the end, who are what I imagine my own sons to one day hopefully be like: F*CKING AMAZING. Don’t touch that kids peanut butter cups evvvverrrrr.
UPDATED TO ADD THIS GENIUS GIF:
Y’all KNOW I love MS Paint. How much?
Well some genius has start a channel on Youtube with my name poorly scrawled in spray paint all over it: LiteralMSPaint. This genius takes songs with inane lyrics and then turns them into MOMA-worthy masterpieces.
And he’s really risking twitterly injury with the following Literal MS Paint version of Chris Brown’s “Look At Me Now.” This video is fresh out of the NO FLOPPING ZONE which will make perfect sense once you watch it. For every minute that I hate the internet, there are like 5 minutes that I thank my God for it. (Language NFSW)
Ahead, another Literal MS Paint music video for “Like a G6″… so THAT’s what getting slizzered means. (Wait I still don’t really get it.)
Justin Bieber stopped by The Tonight Show last night for a few reasons. Firstly, he has a Christmas album coming out today called “Under The Mistletoe,” which is full of songs talking about how Santa watched him get to first base with Selena Gomez (or so I imagine it to be). The second reason is to show the world his latest haircut, which is not so much Softball World Series as it is hopeful Sarah Lawrence applicant.
Yes, it’s the oldest joke in the book, but it’s not really a joke at all because it’s TRUE.
More photos ahead! He’s wearing a leather necktie, like a formal Eddie Murphy Raw…
This little French bulldog has been dressed up in his delicious best for Halloween, but who is the owner who put this little guy in a taco?? Here are some hints:
- His owner was on Saved By The Bell
- His owner is of Spanish descent.
- His owner is Mario Lopez.
Place your guesses in the comments! And click ahead for some more clues. The little hat really seals this deal…
Shocking news out of Hollywood today, as news has broken that Kim Kardashian is getting divorced from brand new husband Kris Humphries despite their $10 Million wedding and $2 Million “Every Kiss Begins With K” ring. The two were married a little over 2 months ago in a wedding paid for by neither of them.
Given that their marital problems has been covering the tabloid pages since the day Ryan Seacrest officiated the ceremony (he did right?) and that Kim managed to survive that chimp attack and get an entirely new face attached to her skull, it’s not a total shock that these two didn’t work out. For God’s sake, this GIF taken from Keeping Up With The Kardashians should have given it away months ago…
What kind of assh*le throws a woman into the ocean? Fine, she’s completely buoyant, but still.
(GIF via ONTD)
“Our Hit Parade” is a monthly New York City staple show hosted by Kenny Mellman, Bridget Everett, and Neal Medlyn, where artists gather and recreate the current Top 10 songs on the charts. And while each singer brings something unique to the table with their performance, nothing could possibly match the heights of cuteness that this video reaches.
Here is a little boy named Tenzin singing Adele’s “Someone Like You” while sprawled across a piano like The Fabulous Baby Boys. We know poor Adele has been battling some throat problems, so perhaps Tenzin can be her miniature replacement until the Diva herself recovers…
Til then, you will love this.
Between this kid and the baby dressed up like Wilson, my costume tonight might be “Getting Pregnant Behind The Middle School.”
(via The Beastie Boys Blog)
VH1 Blogger Liz Black is many things: A comedian. A tastemaker. A Basketball Wives recapper. She is also a Halloween visionary, taking one of the finest photographs of recent memory and turning it into what we are deeming The Most Culturally Relevant Costume Of 2011.
Yes, that is Liz as Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler After The Fall that took out his tooth and forehead. Replete with Terminator eyebrow, tasteful goatee, and a chocolate candy corn blacked out tooth. The crazy eyes… well, you can’t just buy those kids.
More brilliant pics of Liz ahead. We should give her a prize!! Everyone follow her on Twitter.