I pretty much never watch Dancing With The Stars as I already have enough unnecessarily long reality shows set to DVR. (Celebrity Apprentice, Bachelor, etc.) But I might reconsider for this upcoming season simply for one reason and one reason only…
URKEL IS ON IT
Yes, Jaleel White is joining a slew of other people who recently fake died on Twitter… and in case you don’t think Urkel is going to be much of a threat, I beg to differ.
DID I DANCE THAT?
Season 14 of Dancing With The Stars starts on Monday, March 19 at 8:00 PM ET, and yes, it’s two hours long.
Jason Biggs helped himself to a heaping chili dog (in a bagel I think) in Sydney, Australia yesterday while in town for an American Pie reunion. And, guys, is he OK? Is this how Jason Biggs chews things? Because I don’t want to speak to soon, but I don’t doubt for a second that I could stare at this GIF all day.
Then again, part of me almost wonders if he’s choking. Is he choking??
Tara Reid, are you going to do anything to help him?
Awwww you guyzzz. Hollywood’s greatest couple ever Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson were caught on the Kiss Cam while attending an LA Kings Hockey Game. I mean can you even get enough of these two? Married 24 years, parents of two children, Chet (we’ll get to that) and Truman, years of participating in the world’s most blood-sucking industry have not tainted their love for one another. Genuinely, this is so sweet!! The pop up around :50, but really, the whole video is presh, specifically old people kissing:
Whooooo girrrrrrl I know Rita ain’t young, but she should realllllly try reproducing as much as possible before the inevitable change. Because the world cannot have too many CHET HAZES:
Yup, this is the son of TOM HANKS and RITA WILSON. Rapper Chet Haze tweeted these photos of himself in character as Calogero in A Bronx Tale along with his tattoo which translates into “Cancun Mistake.” I don’t know how genetics play into two seemingly lovely people making this thing, but I gotta say we don’t have enough of them. Get to work Rita and Tom.
Another pic ahead.
For starters, I’m not sure this photo of Snooki really is her. It kind of looks like a little Indian man with a 5 o’clock shadow, though then again that could also be the result of Snooki’s new beauty line of fake brown beards. Anyway did you hear? Snooki from Jersey Shore got engaged. Yes, this little Ikea 99 cent meatball who often can be seen publicly urinating or Commando Jersey Turnpiking has somehow landed herself a man. A man who is not even the worst looking and who has working sperm (she’s pregnant btw) and who PUT A RING ON IT.
Which is why I’d like to address America’s young ladies: Forget college. Don’t try to get a job. Say goodbye to grad school. You don’t need em. Just learn how to open a bottle of Corona using your crotch, practice kickboxing bitches in the face, and get out there. If Snooki is any indication, you will be richer, more married, and pregnanter than many young women who spent 6 figures on a 4 year college that left their womb a veritable 28 Days Later. (Speaking for a friend.)
GUYS HER RING ISN’T EVEN BAD:
Reupping the service on my middle school beeper and getting to work.
(Click To Enlarge)
Our friend and blogger Julie Gerstein was browsing the latest offerings on Netflix streaming, only to see that a documentary called Auschwitz: Inside The Nazi State was categorized as a “Campy” movie. Definitely the perfect Mommie Dearest chaser if I’ve ever seen one.
(via Ex-Unicorner, Follow Julie on Twitter here.)
We’ve long known Amber Tamblyn to be both an actress as well as the little spoon to comedian David Cross. But this weekend revealed a new side of Tamblyn, one that is not only hilarious, but that also drops sick beats.
It all began one sunny afternoon when male model Tyrese Gibson committed an internet sin. On an e-mail with a non-bcc’d list of celebrity e-mail addresses, he saw the name “Amber Rose,” and assuming it was musician/Wiz Khalifa’s fiance Actual Amber Rose, thought it wise to e-mail her with a request to work together on some tracks. Well, it turns out his e-mail was instead sent to actress Amber Tamblyn, whose middle name is Rose.
But instead of alerting Tyrese to the mix-up, Tamblyn decided to play along and see if in fact they could really make beautiful music together. She went so far as to record 4 DEMO TRACKS for the prank, including the best one… DANCEFLOOR ETIQUETTE:
You guys… she’s not that bad.
The result ends up being a hilariously confusing e-mail exchange between Amber Tamblyn and Tyrese, who remains yours, Repectfully.
First, let Amber tell it in her own words. From her Facebook page:
Medium? Medium rare?
I don’t really know what sort of odd kitchen contraption this corgi has fallen asleep in… so I turned to Google to help me. Turns out, it’s an Electric Teppan Yaki Cooktop. And considering the cooktop this corgi has taken a nap in is on, I really hope we’re not watching a “teppan yaki” in the making. Because it would probably be delicious and I might even have a bite based on the tenderness of the paws alone.
[Source: Obsessive Corgi Disorder]
Dance Moms might be the most painfully addictive show on television after My Strange Addiction (just caught the woman addicted to sniffing Pine Sol episode… we should probably tweet about that at some point). The show features a woman named Abby Lee Miller who has never danced a day in her life save for pirouetting around the buffet at Souplantation.
if you’ve never seen the show, a summary: Abby Lee Miller berates a small group of talented young dancers while their mothers berate each other and Abby but for some reason let the abuse continue. What makes the show so lovable is that a. the girls are very sweet and quite talented and b. for the most part, the mothers are great (save for Jill). Abby is the one cancer that permeates the entire show with hatred, which I think is why we keep coming back? I’m not actually sure. All I know is, watching the female Louis Anderson scream at young skinny gals for barely making mistakes on the dance floor gives me a sort of perverse pleasure that, in short, is clearly what is wrong with our society.
Abby appeared on Access Hollywood Live (another guilty pleasure) to defend her slothy actions with the girls. And to make fatters worse, she’s nearly lost her voice, making her extra demony. She blames it on some sort of mold issue, when clearly she’s just been eating dirt from the garden again. Anyway, watch as she tries to defend herself to Holly Robinson Peete, who is having none of it. (Also I barely made it through the whole thing because of the voice.)
This is a chicken named Popples, who shocked her owner (I think this small girl) when she busted a softball-shaped egg out one sleepy afternoon and seemingly became the squalk of the town (a town used to average-sized eggs.) Her owner is a little girl named Harriet Whitaker, who won’t understand the pain this chicken underwent to become a Daily Mail story until many, many years from now.
This was Harriet’s face when she saw the egg:
And this was her response:
This is Beth. Beth lives in Toronto, Canada, and when she’s not teaching or life coaching, she likes to make internet videos of herself hysterically laughing and post them on her blog, Laugh Practice. Beth is a firm believer that laughter is the best medicine, and there’s no subject too serious for a quick bout of laughter: From grading papers to Hurrican Katrina, preeeetttty sure Beth has all her bases covered.
The videos, sent to me by comedian Joe Mande who watched them all before bedtime, are a MOMA-worthy journey into the mind of a woman who just wants to watch you while you sleep. Nearly every laugh is represented below: Ice Cube Laugh, German Laugh, Las Vegas Laugh, Pencils Laugh, Katrina Laugh (exactly what you think of it), no “Leaf Laugh” is left unlaughed.
As I myself have watched every single one of Beth’s laughs, I highly recommend you do the same. Mind you, I hae watched all of these videos at full volume, and no, my neighbors never went quite so far as to call the police. Insert Confusing Explanation To Officer Laugh here!
And now, let’s get started on this journey together. The 36 Laughs Of Beth, Professional Laughing Expert:
36. Leaf Laugh: This is the leaf. And this is the laugh.
35. Katrina Laugh: Her thoughts and prayers and hysterical laughter are with everyone who was devastated by Hurricane Katrina.