And now, a rare BestWeekEver.tv Blind Item:
Which reality show star was spotted acting erratically on a recent flight from New York to LAX? Yes, this person made at least 20 visits to the bathroom on this nearly 6 hours flight, and our spy says that during one of those visits, was spotted reaching into the back of his pants and pulling something out before fully closing the door. And in between these visits? Well our star was just chatting everybody up: From fellow first-class passengers, even making his way past the fabled curtain to shmooze the plebes sitting in coach. Nope, no naps for this guy. Just an apparent bladder problem and lots of talking. He also apparently kept throwing napkins into the aisle, which were quickly cleared by the patient flight attendants.
Feel free to place your guesses as to which reality star is either hiding something in his actual ass or in between a bonus pair of underwear in the comments. What is he keeping back there?!?! Probably Bye.
There are two things on Earth that terrify me more than any other: Roaches and lightning. My fear of lightning stems from mainly being taller than everyone else. Let’s face it: If I’m standing with friends in the rain, there’s only one person that lightning is coming after, and it’s me. I will crab walk from the mall to my car during the rain to avoid such an occurrence.
Perhaps if I had known about Licthenberg figures, I’d be more “large and in charge” (muhliterally) while sashaying back to my sensible sedan in a storm. That’s right: Lightning scars look like awesome tree branch tattoos. Makes the whole “turning your body into a living pork rind” concept a little easier to swallow.
Koalas sleep 22 hours a day. When they’re awake, they eat leaves that make them high. Animal Planet does not air a show called Koala Intervention, but it really should, because a show where a koala shows up to a hotel conference room in flip-flops holding her cell phone only to find her koala mom and dad sitting there and her koala aunt sobbing is something I would gladly watch.
Where was I? Yes. My job. Here is a video of a koala running down a hallway towards a camera. I have watched hundreds of hours of koala footage and have never seen anything quite like this.
It’s almost terrifying? But like a serial killer I want to cuddle with:
Yesterday, the collective reproductive systems of the world ground to a halt when we learned that Snooki from the Jersey Shore might be harboring a smoked gouda nutlog in the space where a baby grows. That’s right, Nicole Polizzi is pregnant, presumably with boyfriend Jionni’s baby, and not a hairnet full of margarita salt. But just what, exactly, is growing inside of Snooki? Well now we know. Brace yourselves: Here’s a photo of her first sonogram!
Hmm… maybe she’s… Not the mama?
Related: 15 Photos Of What Snooki’s Baby Will Probably Look Like (For Real This Time)
Alternate Post Title: “Adrienne Maloof Sits Aloofly With Her Hoofs And Woofs.”
(Click To Enlarge… trust me)
Yes, guys, we paid cold hard cash to be able to bring you this nothing-short-of amazing photo of Real Housewife of Beverly Hills Adrienne Maloof posing ever so
footless comfortably with a pile of her own shoes thrown on the ground, and her two dogs. The photo is an attempt to promote her shoe brand, not called The Maloof Hoof.
But look closely… Her two dogs who, while adorable, have no shadows, and also do they exist? I mean, that German Shepard is like JCVD-sized.
Look at this very scientific diagram we’ve made of Maloof vs. Dog Heads
Forget shoes! I want to purchase a SADDLE and ride that dog to the PROM.
[Photo: Splash News]
This gentleman was spotted taking his dog to the Mt. Nittany Veterinary Hospital in State College, PA. Yes, that is his dog, and not some sort of Star Wars extra, you see babying himself on his owner’s chest like a gigantic furry Baby Björn. The photo is already a viral hit on Facebook, but we’d be remiss not to share it with you here. Mainly because I would put that dog in a sailor suit, hot glue a giant lollipop in his paw, and make NO EYE CONTACT with anyone on the streets.
Ed. Note: Exactly one month ago, rumors abounded that Snooki was pregnant. Upon hearing the news, my uterus grew small brown legs and stormed out of my body. I then immediately “took to the nets!” as my mother would never say, and put together the following list: 15 Photos Of What Snooki’s Baby Will Probably Look Like. Then, minutes later, turns out Snooki’s womb was not occupied by a pizza-flavored almond, and our lives resumed their usual purpose (to keep living).
But guess what: NOW SHE REALLY IS PREGNANT. So please re-read this list with a new sense of excitement and holy-sh*tness, because it’s real now, and it’s happening. Here we go:
Nicole Elizabeth “Snooki” Polizzi is the 24 year old (pause for heart to stop because I thought she was 30 OK it’s beating again let’s move on) star of Jersey Shore. If you didn’t already know that, then this next sentence won’t phase you at all: This morning, the world thought she was pregnant. No. I know. I also thought smearing self-tanner all over your “smush room” (vagina) acted as some sort of guido spermicide but I guess I was wrong.
For hours, it was as if we were ALL waiting in that Chili’s handicapped stall with Snooki for that first response stick to give her the big news. Alas, it seems that Gianni and Snooki will not be the World’s Greatest
Melanoma Carriers Parents just yet! Snooki reports that her womb is still empty, save for some Corona bottle caps she put up there “as a joke.”
But we can’t help but think back to those wonderful few hours where we thought that Snooki would give birth to a small baby/clump of sprayed hair. Can you imagine??? Snooki’s baby would kind of be the cutest!!! Using some of her own baby photos and some that we found on our own, here are 15 Photos of What Snooki’s Baby Will Probably Look Like, though we all know the answer is clearly: #1.
Again, #1 = The winner. Clicky Clickardo.
Mr. Amber Rose and rapper Wiz Khalifa tweeted this photo of himself at a recording studio. Nothing wrong with that. But wait. Yes, that is his mother sitting on his lap. And yup, they’re, um, kissing, on the lips. He tweeted it with the caption “I Love My Mommy.”
The point of us bringing this to your attention is not to force you to Kool-Aid Man through your front door, fill your pockets with stones and Woolf yourself in the nearest ravine. It’s really to ask: Is this a normal thing people do? Give their mothers lap rides and kissing them on the mouth? Because seriously, I really really hate it. Especially the idea that they had to hold it for a few seconds in order to score the photograph. But I’m open to listening to any and all of you defending it.
15 MINUTES LATER HILARIOUS UPDATE: Apparently the real Wiz Khalifa news today is not that he plants one on his mother’s lips, but rather that this act did not deter girlfriend Amber Rose from agreeing to MARRY HIM! That’s right: Wiz and Amber are engaged, told to the world through this photo and the caption “She Said Yes!”
Last week, Zac Efron reached into his pocket and pulled out a blinding beam of light reflecting off of a gold condom wrapper that fell to the floor while walking the red carpet for THE LORAX. It was the kind of glorious life moment people who spend their lives on the internet could only dream of. (Me.) Efron appeared on The Today Show this morning to promote the film, and sat across from my other m-bayshy fantasy Matt Lauer, whose chest I had tattooed to my own chest. Matt’s never struck me as someone uncomfortable talking about sex, but I guess if you’re asking Zac Efron about a condom he dropped, well, really, anyone would armadillo themselves into a shameball and roll on out of the room.
If you enjoy your awkward moments SUPER SEXY then this clip is for YOU. (at 2:20)
This Saturday is a real turning point for the career of Lindsay Lohan. The actress, who swears she’s sober, will be hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend, with [INSERT RANDOM INTERNET CELEBRITY] as the musical guest. The country will be tuning in for a few reasons: To relive the good ol’ days of Lindsay as a great SNL host, and to wait for that inevitable moment where she screws up so that we can all point our fingers at our screens and scream “DRUGGY!!!”
Now, personally, I’ll be rooting for LiLo this Saturday, because I don’t have a black soul that thrives on hatred. (LOL I do though.) But if these candid photos from last night reveal anything, it’s that homegirl is revving up for her biggest part yet! Staring directly into and then past your soul. Seriously, keep the bloodstain away from the girl.
More photos with light, meaningless commentary ahead.