Posts By Michelle COLLINS

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Try Beating This, All Pet Owners Everywhere

Well, shut the polling booths down, because I can almost guarantee that no one is going beat these two cats. On the right, a little guy dressed as Christian Bale’s Batman and on the left, perhaps cruelly, a cat version of Heath Ledger’s The Joker. There’s nothing I can possibly say to make this any better, so I’m just going to slowly back out of this post while you e-mail it to everyone you know. So long.

(via ONTD)

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Meet My New Delicious Chicken Wing Necklace

Check out what I got in the mail today. That’s right. It’s a hot pink chicken wing necklace, courtesy of the genius known as Onch and his jewelry company Onch Movement. Now I can’t tell you what costume I need it for, but I CAN tell you everyone is going to think I’m a drag queen. The end.

Also this necklace is actually nice in real life and I might just wear it all the time. Buy it here. It’s only $80 and it’s worth at LEAST $200 (no really).

Follow Onch on Twitter here.

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Jenna Bush Debuts Handsome New Unibrow

Say what you will about her father, but I kind of love Jenna Bush. She don’t give a SH*T and seems kind of hilarious. I mean, would you ever see Chelsea Clinton walk the red carpet as Frida Kahlo? Ehhniiewwww you wouldn’t. Jenna debuted her costume at the 2nd Annual UNICEF Masquerade Ball in New York last night.

My only issue with this costume is that I have a feeling Jenna Bush doesn’t know a thing about Frida Kahlo apart from the single Bert-brow. Like she probably has no idea that her real first name was Magdalena, that in 1925 she was in a near-fatal trolley accident, and that she was the first woman on the moon. And for that, I feel sorry for her.

Full Frida body shot ahead.

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Apocalypse Sign #285: Regis Philbin Strips For Snooki

Today isn’t the first day we’ve talked about what a bangin’ body Regis Philbin has. But today is the first time we can watch video of Regis Philbin willfully stripping while giving Snooki a lapdance.

I said… the first time we can watch video of Regis Philbin willfully stripping while giving Snooki a lapdance.

Yes, this is something that actually happened. Snooki, looking slim and non-human colored, holds a giant gold shopping bag full — actually, I don’t know what’s in there. Money? Australian Gold? WHO CARES? Regis gets naked. And then hugs Snooks, who then screams. Hashtag Can’t Blame Her.

(via Huffington Post)

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The Only Henry Cavill GIF You’ll Ever Need

Meet your new Superman, Henry Cavill, formerly of Tudors fame, who has spent the last year or so eating old timey dumbells in an effort to buff up for the role as the Man of Steel himself. Judging by the above photo, Cavill put on about a pec-tacular amount of muscle and is taking a cue from the Jon Hamm School of Body Hair, not a joke but an actual school where men walk around shirtless and talk about cheating on their wives.

While we don’t know much about the upcoming superhero flick Superman: Man of Steel, there is one thing we do know: Henry Cavill has a woman assigned to him to assure that he will be appropriately grimy and covered in grease. And for that alone, I will see it. Enjoy this GIF, and a BONUS GIF ahead.

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Let’s Interview Some Dogs In Halloween Costumes, Shall We?

By now, we’ve made no secret about heading over to the 21st Annual Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade. Hell, we already wrote a whole post about it. But what you probably didn’t guess is that we also toted along a giant video camera and microphone to get EXCLUSIVE, NEVER-BEFORE-SEEN interviews with some of our favorite entrants into the parade, including the one and only Dog Draper.

Take a look, and see if you can recognize some stand-out favorites: Princess Beatrice, Runaway Bride, and my personal favorite….

GANDHI.

Enjoy!

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Gigantic Balls Are Having The Best Week Ever!

This has been quite the month for humongous elephant scrotal sacs. Who can forget the poor soul Wesley Warren Jr., the man with 100 lb. testicles who needs a million dollars to get those puppies (St. Bernards) removed. No one can forget him, because his swollen image is permanently laser etched into each of our reproductive systems.

Well today our collective balls are going to get even bigger! That’s because the electronic musical act Duck Soup have released their latest music video for “Big Bad Wolf.” It’s about a couple of dudes trying to pick up ladies while not wearing pants. Intriguing? Sure. Especially when you consider the junk they’re working with has its own FACE.

If you’re someone who is squeamish about crotches with eyes, this video may not be for you. For the rest of us, sit back, put your best ermine thong on, and enjoy.

Might be too early to call it, but I’m fairly sure Scrotums are having the BEST WEEK EVER!

[Gawker via Rolling Stone]

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9 Animals Carving Their Jack O’ Lanterns For Zoo Halloween

What’s better than seasonal pumpkin-themed coffees, beers, and pastries all put together? How about pumpkin-themed ZOOS??

The London Zoo spruced up some of their animal enclosures this week by adding pumpkins so the animals could kind of curiously nudge them and eat them and make us laugh GET THEIR JACK O’ LANTERNS READY FOR HALLOWEEN!

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The 7 Most Hilarious Pictures Of Chris Bosh And His Tiny Wife

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Last week, I brought to you an expose of a dating phenomenon I’ve dubbed “Tally-Smallies,” where an extremely tall man, or “gi-gi,” dates someone who is “tine-tine.” That article presented some examples — Tom and Katie, Mick Jagger and Cruella, etc. — but sadly forgot a twosome who sky-rocketed to the top of my Tally-Smally list.

Here is Miami Heat basketball player Chris Bosh and his wife Adrienne Bosh, who, if the photos are to be believed, is 48 months old. I mean seriously howwww do these two carry on a conversation? And not to be crass — because lord knows Patti Stanger has made me aware of “spinners” — but seriously the sex. The sex. It’s gotta be like half the length of her body right??? I need Science Channel to give these two an entire hour of “How Do They Do It?”

Here are 7 6 hilarious photos of Chris and his wife that will have you scratching your heads in bewilderment. The first photo will also reveal to you that Terminator is a midget.

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FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: The 21st Annual Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade

Yesterday, the New York’s East Village was crawling with dogs in Halloween costumes and their dedicated owners for the 21st Annual Tompkins Square Halloween Parade. BWE Photographer and GIF-ographer Lauren Deiman snapped photos of some of the best costumes at the parade (you’ll find her own dog Dakota below wearing a giant banana costume). Which left us no choice but to bring you this epic, dog-costume-fueled Special Sunday For Your Consideration: The 21st Annual Tompkins Square Halloween Dog Parade.

Update: Check out this video of me interviewing some of the best dogs at the parade! The For Your Consideration post continued underneath…

BEST REASON TO IGNORE CHILD LABOR LAWS



TIME FOR HER ROYAL NAP

Princess Beatrice and Friend

MOST LIKELY TO REMEMBER STONEWALL


STILL ON VADA SULTENFUSS’ SH*TLIST



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