Posts By ganjamit

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Which Would You Rather: Pilot With A Fake License Or Kids Working Air Traffic Control?

It’s been quite a week for the aviation industry. On the heels of the greatest pilot of all time retiring, there are two separate stories coming out about airline negligence that may keep you away from airports all together (unless it is just to get a Cinnabon of course).

First, it came out that an air traffic controller at New York’s JFK Airport let his kids talk to pilots and clear them for takeoff. Whoops. Now I’m not a parent, but I’m guessing one of the first things the doctor tells you when he hands you that baby is, “Don’t drop it, and don’t leave it in charge of the safety of a commercial aircraft.” Though, it’s not like he let the kids FLY the planes (that we know about).

Which brings me to the next,  potentially more frightening story that broke today:

A Swedish pilot without a valid licence to fly has been arrested at Amsterdam as he was about to fly a jet with 101 passengers to Turkey, Dutch police say.

The 41-year-old man said he had been flying for European airlines for 13 years and had logged 10,000 hours.

Police said he once had a licence to fly small planes but it had expired and it did not allow him to fly large jets.

Reports say the man was relieved his long deception was uncovered and tore off his pilot’s stripes in the cockpit.

I give credit to the guy for ripping off his own pilot’s stripes right there in the cockpit at least.  The man appreciates a grand dramatic gesture, but it’s not like he could have said “Too bad! I still have my stripes!” and then just took off.

Either way, I think I will be traveling by blimp from now on. You never hear stories of ignorance or deception in the world of blimp travel.

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Grizz From 30 Rock Will Singlehandedly Drive The Dow Up A Bazillion Points Or So

Call your brokers, everyone! Grizz Chapman from 30 Rock rang the New York Stock Exchange opening bell this morning along with members of the National Kidney Foundation. This is a sign. Based on my advanced market analysis, when someone this cool rings the opening bell, the Dow Jones should close just north of the 82,000,000,000 mark. Being that it opened at 10,396, that’s a pretty significant gain. Trust my investing advice here, people*.

*Do not, under any circumstances, trust my investing advice. Don’t even trust my advice about buying vests.

After the jump, see Grizz dumping his shares of Shinehardt Universal. I would invest with Grizz over the Etrade baby any day. [photos via Getty Images]

Read more…

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This Ke$ha-$tar War$ Video Is Our Only Hope

Did you see the video for Ke$ha‘s “Tik Tok” and think, “This video is just not nearly nerdy enough for my liking”? I know I did.

Fear not, because the internet came through and provided us with the dose of Star Wars we crave in the music of our troubled pop stars. This video is a complete win:

I love that they got the authentic costumes for almost everyone and built some crazy sets, and then just went budget with the C3PO costume. Still, excellent work gang.

[via The Daily What]

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Turns Out Megan Fox’s On Set Chemistry With Optimus Prime Never Went Anywhere

In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar, actress Megan Fox divulged all the dirty details of her sex life. Dim the lights and put on some smooth jazz, because it is about to get HOT:

“I’ve only been with two men my entire life. My childhood sweetheart and Brian. I can never have sex with someone that I don’t love, ever. The idea makes me sick. I’ve never even come close to having a one-night stand.”

Only two guys? Megan, between you and the now celibate Lady Gaga, this decade’s sexpots are really letting everyone down.

Also, I’m pretty sure Megan is actually mistaken. I was at a friend’s party once and this awesome guy was telling everyone how he totally got with that Megan Fox chick one time when he saw her at a bar with his old fraternity buddies and she was like totally in to him and then he never called her after. He said it was sweet, bro.

That guy couldn’t have been lying. There’s no way. His parents have a boat.

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Pour Out A Travel Sized Bottle Of Vodka For Captain Sully Today

America’s hero pilot Captain Sully Sullenberger announced he is retiring from conquering the skies today. I, for one, teared up a bit upon hearing this news. I spent the last four months playing a game I made up called “Sully Roulette” where I would fly a random U.S. Airways flight in hopes I would have the legendary pilot in the cockpit. It never worked out for me, and now I’m like $68,000 in the hole. I did, however, rack up enough frequent flyer points to buy this bookcase in the shape of King Tut’s sarcophagus from Sky Mall.

So what will Sully do next? Let’s hope his first move isn’t Dancing With The Stars like fellow American hero Buzz Aldrin. He should just star in the movie version of his book Highest Duty. I already designed the poster for it, as you’ll see on the right. Most likely, though, he will just sit back, sip some ice cold lemonade, and have some afternoon “rockstar sex” with the Mrs. He’s earned it.

Sully, we’re sad to see you go. I’m guessing there are some geese in the NY metro area high-fiving today. Forget them. Godspeed, captain.

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How To Lose At The Oscars In One Easy Step: The Hurt Locker Method

With the Oscars almost upon us and the chances of G.I. Joe sneaking in as an 11th hour 11th Best Picture nominee looking bleak, it seems that only The Hurt Locker has a shot at taking down Avatar. Well, it did… until one of the producers may have had a little too much boxed wine one night and started emailing Oscar voters and lobbying them to vote for his film. For some reason, the Academy frowns upon this type of thing:

A producer of the war story “The Hurt Locker” will not be allowed to attend Sunday’s Academy Awards because of e-mails he sent urging academy members to vote for his movie, Oscar overseers said Tuesday.

But Nicolas Chartier will receive an Oscar at a later date if “The Hurt Locker” wins best picture.

The executive committee of the producers branch of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences imposed the penalty on Chartier, who violated Oscar rules that prohibit mailings promoting a film and disparaging another.

Chartier sent an e-mail Feb. 19 to some academy members asking for their support for “The Hurt Locker,” “not a “$500 million film” — an obvious reference to blockbuster best-picture contender “Avatar.”

Whoops. I’m sure Chartier meant well, but things got out of hand when he started sending Evites to a “Dress as your least favorite character from Avatar (hint: all of them)” jungle mixer party and suggesting his friends join his new Facebook group “I lost my cell phone, so please send me your number and also vote for the Hurt Locker and not Avatar.”

The Academy shouldn’t ban Chartier. In fact, they should sit him right next to James Cameron for the entire broadcast so we get to see him squirm in his chair and pull out his collar and say “Uhhhhgggguuuhhhh.” If The Hurt Locker does win they should make Chartier deliver his speech while wearing that bomb defusing suit from the movie and jump on a trampoline for twelve minutes. Only then can he have his Oscar.

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The SNL Presidents Reunite To Talk About Financial Reform And Reagan’s Balls

Look, we’ve devoted enough time on this blog already to debating politics of creating the Consumer Financial Protection Agency (are they who I contact about getting a picture of a monkey riding a Segway on my debit card?). Just pretend you’re Canadian for five minutes and laugh at this Funny or Die all-star SNL reunion of Will Ferrell, Dana Carvey, Darrell Hammond, Dan Aykroyd, Chevy Chase, Maya Rudolph, and Fred Armisen.

Also Jim Carrey plays ghost Reagan. You remember that classic SNL character of his, right? Sure you do.

Hey Ron Howard, you couldn’t fit in Jason SudeikisJoe Biden? Now I am REALLY outraged!

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Kristen Stewart Dons Her Crazy Stalker Girlfriend Best To The Remember Me Premiere

Robert Pattinson charmed photographers at the New York premiere of Remember Me last night along with costar Emillie De Raven. However, Kristen Stewart showed up to remind her Twilight costar and alleged boyfriend of the sexy American bombshell he was missing at home.

Don’t worry, Kristen. I’m sure Robert would much rather be stuck on the Lost island with you than Emillie, especially when you show up looking like Edward Furlong in Terminator 2 wearing his Aunt Mildred’s pants. You’ve got nothing to worry about here.

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OK Go Just Won The Internet Again

When military scientists invented the internet back in the 1950′s, this is what they had in mind. Behold, the video for OK Go‘s “This Too Shall Pass”:

I can’t tell if this video makes me feel sickeningly lazy or like an actually somewhat productive human being. This is the type of thing I would inadvertently get carried away with some Saturday in my apartment before realizing I was supposed to pick up my grandmother at the airport seven hours ago. Either way, just give all the awards we have left in the world to OK Go. And some towels.