Posts By garfinkn

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Try To Go To Brooklyn, Get Attacked By Taxi Driver

If you live in New York, you know that sometimes cab drivers just really don’t want to go to Brooklyn. They don’t like the idea of getting stuck in bridge traffic, and they’re always afraid they might not catch a fare back to Manhattan. Also they are maniacs. They are insane people on a power trip because the simple fact is this: You need a ride and they have a car. This isn’t to say they are always unpleasant. Sometimes a heavily accented conspiracy theorist will say you look hungry and demand (DEMAND) that you eat the banana he brought for his lunch. But, either way, they want to go to Brooklyn.

Below are two women who learned this lesson.

Thanks, Buzzfeed.

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So Here’s What Raven Symone Looks Like Now

Is this a “Congratulations!” thing or an “Are you okay?!” thing? Here is Raven Symone on a catwalk at the 18th Annual Race to Erase MS event.

Perhaps a cautious kudos is in order. Good for her! Unless this is something we should be concerned about! This is getting uncomfortable. How about a really quick dumb joke thing?

Read more…

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Kids React: A Retrospective On Keyboard Cat

The Reacting Kids what react to internet videos are back! And in this installment, they break down what’s going on with the long-on-the-internet keyboard cat. Also, a little girl who wants to dress up the cat in a “summery dress” fully acknowledges that “cats don’t like dresses.” You don’t often see such an advanced understanding of clothed animals in a child.

Now, I know it seems a little macabre, but how great would it be if they made a Kids React To Osama Bin Laden’s Death video? What do kids think about Osama Bin Laden dying?! Did they also leave their place at midnight to grab snacks and liquor? We all want to know.

Thanks, the Fine Brothers.

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Good Morning And Also Bin Laden Is Dead

Remember last night when Osama Bin Laden got killed? That was crazy. You heard about this already, right? Because learning about this for the first time on the Best Week Ever blog would be the weirdest way to learn about this.

Anyway, this is probably the only time in your life when it will be socially acceptable to unabashedly celebrate someone’s grisly death, so try to really enjoy it. Also enjoy this internety thing someone made within 2 hours of Obama‘s speech ending.

Thanks, The Daily What.

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New Trailer For Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

Did anyone else watch the cartoon as a kid and wonder what exactly “meatsie-i” was and then not learn until you were about 15 that it’s “more than meets the eye? No? Alriiiiiight.

So that’s the trailer for that movie! It seems a whole lot like the first one but with a little bit of moon at the beginning. Also, “Dark of The Moon?” Guys, you can say “side.” Just call it Dark Side Of The Moon. No one is going to confuse a Michael Bay movie with a Pink Floyd album. One of them is something stoned teenagers want to “experience,” and the other… Wait, no that makes sense. Good call removing “side,” movie guys.

Thanks, Video Gum.

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VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE

Lots of people don’t like lots of things. If you are a person who doesn’t like things, this is a very important message for you.

(Slightly not safe for work.)

This video is likely to solve all types of problems. Bullying, hate crimes, domestic abuse, nonconstructive criticism — all problems soon to be in the past. They should play this in schools every morning.

All I really need to know I learned from a 16 second internet video.

Thanks, The Daily What.

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Donald Trump’s New Oil Slogan: “You’re Not Gonna Raise That F*CKIN’ PRICE!”

Rising oil prices are a huge problem. There is no obvious and immediate solution though. It’s a complicated issue that involves not only simple supply and demand, but also speculation about what supply and demand will be in the future. Right? Nope. Not at all. Donald Trump says that what we really need to stabilize the petroleum market is to have one of those lame-os in Washington finally stand up and say out loud, “YOU’RE NOT GONNA RAISE THAT F*CKIN’ PRICE, YOU UNDERSTAND? ME!”

Not safe for work or big oil.

Sounds like a good plan! I’m pretty sure Donald Trump saying that is why the Coke machines at the VH1 offices on Hudson still cost only 50 cents. So it should totally work on oil. All anyone has to do is tell… well, he doesn’t specify who exactly you tell this to. Josh Opec maybe. That’s probably an important oil guy.

Josh Opec: I’m gonna raise that f*ckin’ price. What are your thoughts on that?

Donald Trump: You’re not gonna raise that f*ckin’ price, you understand me?!

Josh Opec: Oh. Wow. Yes! I do understand you.

So, that’s how that would probably go. Oh also, this speech took place at the Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas, so let’s all take this very seriously please.

There just aren’t enough positive tags you could attach to this post.

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10 Things You Would Rather Watch At 4 AM Than The Royal Wedding

Tomorrow, all across the world, people will be watching the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton. If you live in the United States and want to catch all the pre-game stuff, that means waking up at sometime around 4:00 in the morning. Most of us, however, will not be waking up to watch British strangers exchange vows because even if our own brother got married at 4 AM, we’d tell him to f*ck off.

But if, by chance, you have some other reason to be awake at 4 AM on Friday morning, there are many other other things you can watch on TV. A quick look through your cable guide menu will reveal a whole ton of stuff you’d way rather see at that hour than a royal wedding.

1.

Because “shafts” isn’t capitalized, we can assume this isn’t about a bunch of dudes actually dressed like Shaft. And that’s a bit disappointing. But still… way better than a wedding.

Read more…

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So Karl Lagerfeld Has A Big Chocolate Sculpture Of His Boyfriend

Computers should come with a backspace that works on Karl Lagerfield‘s life.

From Gawker:

Fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld doesn’t go anywhere without his traveling companion and muse Baptiste Giabiconi. Now he’s reserved a very interesting honor for the comely young man: Uncle Karl has sculpted the boy in chocolate… The work debuted today in Paris, where Karl is hoping to promote ice cream brand Magnum.

On a gayness scale, a life-size chocolate sculpture of your model boy toy might actually fall below naming your ice cream brand after condoms for enormous penises. But it’s a very close gay call.

I can’t even imagine what a straight version of this would be. Maybe a sculpture of Jessica Biel made out of steak to promote a restaurant called Computer Porn? But that’s actually a little reminiscent of Lady Gaga‘s meat dress which is just gay all over again. We need to get a think tank working on this.

Thanks for the heads up, Sarah Walker.