Posts By garfinkn


New Trailer For Final Harry Potter Movie

This is the last time you will ever get to see the first trailer for a new Harry Potter movie.

Here’s a fun game you can play while watching it: Look for how many times the no-nose bad guy dude sounds like he’s yelling “Yeaaaaaaaaah!” when he’s in all likelihood supposed to be upset.

The Harry Potter And The Deathy Hollows Part II Trailer:

Harry Potter: Let’s finish this the way we started it: Togethah!
Voldemort: Yeaaaaaaaaaah!

These guys are super pumped to finish this together.

Anyway, the answer is Four. Four times it sounds like Voldemort is yelling “Yeaaaaaaaaah!” Maybe he had a high-school-girl-in-an-audience spell put on him. “Excite-iarmus Teenagegirlious!”


Paraplegic Bunny Gets Prosthetic Wheel Legs

We’ve all seen animals with missing legs, but you don’t normally get an opportunity to see one that has legs that just don’t work. Well, good bad news! You’re about to see that now. And it’s very sad. But then this little kid named Liam is all like, “No bunny’s gonna just drag around limp bunny legs on my watch!” and he designs a little rabbit leg chariot so the thing can walk around. The kid is like a tiny animal activist Thomas Edison. But, you know, not a big assh*le. (Thomas Edison was a big assh*le.)


Dreamworks and Pixar about to get in a fist fight over this.

Thanks, The Daily What.


Never Forget: Baby Talk Was A Sitcom On Television

Just in case you were about to forget, there was a sitcom from 1991-1992 in which Tony Danza did the voice of a baby. Amid the backdrop of the Look Who’s Talking craze in the early 90’s (Craze? Uh huh, craze.), ABC put Baby Talk on real television that was capable of beaming into your living room. Also, Scott Baio was in it.

Everything still checks out and makes sense in regards to the show’s opening sequence.

So, yeah, those kids in the beginning part are old enough to actually talk themselves. And they probably sound nothing like Tony Danza. But, let’s not worry about that right now. Let’s just remember that this was a thing and it happened.


These Carvings Are Bananas

So, here are a lot of carved Bananas. Splash News explains:

These a-peeling sculptures are sure to make you go bananas – with the faces of Elvis and Davey Jones from Pirates of The Caribbean. The detailed works of fruity art are carved with a toothpick and a spoon. Each piece is completed fast, before the bananas start to rot.

First off, two word plays in one sentence… nice. And, seemingly, you guys are among a very select group of people who get to see these pictures because they came with the very clear instructions, “Usage: NO AUSTRALIA, BELGIUM, CHINA, DENMARK, ESTONIA, FINLAND, FRANCE, GERMANY, HUNGARY, ITALY, POLAND, PORTUGAL, ROMANIA, RUSSIA, SPAIN, SWEDEN, UKRAINE, UNITED KINGDOM.” Hahaha, Europe is so screwed, you guys!

If you’re worried that there might not be a whole ton of these, you can seriously relax. We’ve got 13 to go after this one.

Even the peel looks like an actual thing Elvis would wear.

Read more…


Heavy Metal Tribute To Wham’s Careless Whisper

There used to be this busking duo on the New York City subway that would play Wham‘s Careless Whisper on a guitar and violin. It was an amazing subway thing bested only by the lady who used to smile and tell everybody to “sing while you are young.” If it was Sunday, she would add, “…and try to go to church today.” But she never asked for money, so everyone’s subway charity proceeds went to the Careless Whisper guys who we can all assume made one million dollars and have since retired.

This man, Eric Calderone, however, might have just done a better version of Careless Whisper on metal guitar. It is really great.

Long Black Hair: Check

Black Guitar: Check

Black Tee shirt: Check

Wham Song: Yes, sure, nobody can think of a reason why not.

Pre-Song Wink: Frankly, we can do without it.

Thanks, The High Definite.


Elementary School Music Consultant Still Super Pumped

Sometimes, when elementary or middle schools put on plays, they will hire some theater-y non-teacher person to come in as some sort of child drama consultant. The guy they usually bring in is… this guy. This is the guy that came into all of our schools to teach us to step and spin like candy canes or trees or dreidels or whatever weird thing your play was halfway about. Those plays never even made sense — just a bunch of characters and songs with no narrative structure. And for some reason you weren’t supposed to sing r’s? “Fish and chips and vinegah! Vinegah! Vinegah!” What was THAT?! Nothing about these things was a thing. But at least they looked GOOD. And that’s because this guy was there making sure they looked good.

Guys, it’s Double Dream Feet.

Obviously, Rubber Legs was and still is great. But the guy waited for us all to graduate before he started teaching the Carlton Dance. Come on, guy. Double Disappointed Face over here.

Thanks, The Daily What.


Today Is They Might Be Giants Appreciation Day

They Might Be Giants has announced today that today is They Might Be Giants Appreciation Day. Is this wholly self serving? Yes, it is. But it’s meant to be, and there’s got to be some sort of allowance for that when you produce mostly informative pop music about the make up of the sun and geography.

There is an upcoming TMBG (not Teenage Mutant Binja Gurtles) album to be released soon, and today four tracks have become available for download on iTunes. So go download those. Or don’t download those. But at least remember when Tiny Toons used to do their own music videos for They Might Be Giants, and how, for those few minutes, you would like Tiny Toons as much as Animaniacs.

Oh, and real quick, there should be an all girl band like the Indigo Girls that sings about this kind of stuff, and they should be called They Might Be ‘Ginas. Sorry. Here’s a song about the sun that TMBG did for Nickelodeon.

Read more…


Weekly Alligator Story: Lady Finds 7 Foot Alligator In Bathroom

Just about every week, there is another story about alligators in places they’re not supposed to be. In living rooms, under cars, in elevators — they’re everywhere. But they have at least always managed to stay out of our bathrooms. Until now.

I think we all used to be under the impression that bathrooms were reserved for rats and snakes that climb up through the toilet. Those days of presumed safety are over. MSNBC just did a story on a Florida woman, Alexis Dunbar, who arrived home to find a 7 foot alligator in — as you’ve surely guessed by now — her bathroom


So here’s a question: What’s up with using the table to keep the alligator cordoned off? There is a door literally attached to the bathroom. Doors are better alligator blockers than tables. I know the door opens inward and you’d have to reach in to close it. But still. That’s a bridge table. Sometimes those aren’t even effective as snack holders.

Thanks, Huffpost Green Section.


Ryan Phillippe Trying To Act Like He’ll Stop Acting

OK Magazine is reporting that Ryan Phillippe has expressed interest in ending his acting career.

“It’s so hard to go out in L.A. I’m going to move,” Ryan told The New York Post’s Page Six. “I’m going to spend a third of my year in New York.” The star of The Bang Bang Club says he’s been looking at places in SoHo. “I think I’m going to end my acting career,” he added. “I’m so introverted. I’m ready to be behind the scenes. I’m 36, but I’ve been doing this for 20 years.”

Yes, correct. If you want to have a lower public profile, you move to SoHo. Everyone one knows that. Manhattan: The Introvert’s Paradise.

But, as for the acting thing… Ryan Phillippe, what are you talking about? You’re honestly planning to work much harder and make much less money?

Why do actor’s always pretend they’re going to do this? I don’t know much about Ryan Phillippe other than that he’s dating that Las Vegas tiger magician, Amanda Siegfried, and that he had two kids with his ex, John Witherspoon. But if he wants to continue that kind of lifestyle, it seems like he should stick with acting.

You don’t get to hang around with large predatory cats and the dad from Friday when you’re not a Hollywood actor. Ryan Phillipe, you’re not quitting and you know it. Now get back to work on Cruelest-er Intentions.