Posts By garfinkn

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Ryan Phillippe Trying To Act Like He’ll Stop Acting

OK Magazine is reporting that Ryan Phillippe has expressed interest in ending his acting career.

“It’s so hard to go out in L.A. I’m going to move,” Ryan told The New York Post’s Page Six. “I’m going to spend a third of my year in New York.” The star of The Bang Bang Club says he’s been looking at places in SoHo. “I think I’m going to end my acting career,” he added. “I’m so introverted. I’m ready to be behind the scenes. I’m 36, but I’ve been doing this for 20 years.”

Yes, correct. If you want to have a lower public profile, you move to SoHo. Everyone one knows that. Manhattan: The Introvert’s Paradise.

But, as for the acting thing… Ryan Phillippe, what are you talking about? You’re honestly planning to work much harder and make much less money?

Why do actor’s always pretend they’re going to do this? I don’t know much about Ryan Phillippe other than that he’s dating that Las Vegas tiger magician, Amanda Siegfried, and that he had two kids with his ex, John Witherspoon. But if he wants to continue that kind of lifestyle, it seems like he should stick with acting.

You don’t get to hang around with large predatory cats and the dad from Friday when you’re not a Hollywood actor. Ryan Phillipe, you’re not quitting and you know it. Now get back to work on Cruelest-er Intentions.

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2 Dogs 1 Tiger

This video is basically the opposite of 2 Girls 1 Cup. Instead of women ingesting feces, there are two dogs playing with a tiger because they are all friends.

Why are we all so fascinated with animals of different species interacting? Well, as explained by behavioral expert Dr. Tyler Faltreau*, it’s because two dissimilar animals engaging in what humans interpret as fun is “all like YAAAAY, I wanna have one, look at them!”

Well, of course. Of course the guy who owns a tiger also owns a Hummer. But let’s just not focus on that, okay?

Thanks, Reddit.

*Not at all a real guy.

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Liam Gallagher Still Sings Like He’s Making Fun Of Liam Gallagher

If you try to imagine Liam Gallagher singing, you probably picture him with his hands behind his back, knees bent, and head tilted upward so that his mouth meets a slightly downward slanting microphone. But if you think about it a little longer, you suddenly start wondering if maybe you’re just thinking of your friend’s crappy Oasis impression — if perhaps Liam Gallagher doesn’t in reality sing like that at all. It’s sort of like trying to do an impression of George H.W. Bush. You end up basically just doing an impression of Dana Carvey‘s impression. Don’t worry though. You’re not screwing this up. You’re imagining Liam Gallagher 100% accurately.

This is Liam Gallagher singing with his new band, Beady Eye, in Wales. And he’s really sticking to that performance posture.

Read more…

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Being Almost Named Sheryl Crow Proves Difficult For Cheryl Cole

There is a British band called Girls Aloud, and their singer is a lady named Cheryl Cole, which, as you might have noticed from looking at the letters, is almost like but not exactly the same as Sheryl Crow.

From NME.com:

Cheryl Cole’s bid to get a spot on the judging panel of the US version of The X Factor has apparently hit the skids – as Americans are regularly confusing her with Sheryl Crow. The Girls Aloud singer is looking to land a spot on the TV talent show when it launches in the States next year, despite not having a profile in the country. However, The Sun reports that Cole is regularly being confused with the ‘Soak Up The Sun’ singer.

When asked about Cole, actress and singer Jennifer Hudson told the red top: “Sheryl Crow? No, I’m not familiar with her.”

And that is, to date, the best Jennifer Hudson quote of all time.

Thanks to Sarah Walker for her first post-blog tip.

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World’s Most Impressive Rube Goldberg Machine Explains World’s History

With 244 steps, this Rube Goldberg machine broke the world record. It also won a Rube Goldberg competition at Purdue University. It’s the best dorkiest thing you will see during this or any other April. You’re about to be astounded that somehow a Rube Goldberg machine can make you afraid for a second that we might not win World War II, but then make you feel comforted that there will be life after the Apocalypse.

That machine should also win a Pulitzer Prize. Can’t believe they skipped over the pog craze of the mid 90′s though. As if that wasn’t the biggest deal.

Thanks, Urlesque.

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Even Dog Knows Baby Shouldn’t Eat Dog Food

The parents shooting this video know that their kid shouldn’t eat dog food. But they also know that if the kid has three kibbles, it’s not going to kill him and they’ll be able to get a YouTube video out of it. It is for this reason that the responsibility of keeping the kid from eating dog food falls squarely on the dog’s shoulders.

Cool Dog. He’s probably the one who is going to have to give this kid the sex talk in 11 years.

Thanks, Space Ghetto. (Visit site at your own risk (so many pictures of dead bodies).)

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BREAKING NEWS: Rupert Grint Is Totally Chill

UPDATE: Turns out this is a fake. That isn’t Rupert Grint. Read about the whole thing here. The guy in this picture is apparently some other totally chill dude.

Rupert Grint is the child/currently young adult actor who played Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter movies. And according to this picture that begun making it’s way around the internet last night… he’s, like, all chill and sh*t.

Chill Quality Count Off:

1.) Sitting Indian style.

2.) Wearing a sleeveless shirt.

3.) Using a match instead of lighter.

4.) Wearing a stocking cap.

5.) Despite the insane media storm that comes along with being a young celebrity who gets photographed smoking pot and then the supremely insincere and embarrassing forced apology that must come after, not caring that a picture is being taken while using the most comically obvious and cartoonish kind of smoking apparatus.

Thanks, The Daily What.

Disclaimer: Dope is for dopes.

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Trailer For Disney Nature’s Chimpanzee Almost Too Effective

Well, I guess we’re all going to go see this together. It’s Disney Nature’s movie about a baby chimp who gets adopted by an adult chimp and also it is not a cartoon as is real and whoops we’re all hugging.

How nuts is it that Disney can’t even manage to do a movie not about parental death even when filming actual apes in an actual jungle? And why are all their TV shows about whole families while all their movies are about half to mostly dead families? “We’ve got a dead mom in this one, so it looks like we’re gonna have to make it feature length.” – Walt Disney

Nonetheless, this is the first movie I’ve ever wanted to see whose trailer uses the voiceover guy from the ABC Family Channel. This is going to be so great. Unless Oscar dies at the end. Oh, man. Wait. Does Oscar die at the end? He can’t. I’m NERVOUS.

Thanks so much, Videogum.

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New BO.LT Tool Will Change Internet Joke Landscape Forever

Oh, boy. We’re about to start seeing so many parody websites. It’s inevitable. The cyber avalanche cannot be stopped.

From the Huffington Post Tech Page:

BO.LT is a web-based tool that enables people to quickly, without code, remix the content presented on a website, from changing images and editing text to swapping headlines and deleting entire parts of the page.

Users enter the URL of a website into BO.LT, then BO.LT quickly creates a complete copy of the page, duplicating every detail down to the ads that appear and the links to the brand’s Facebook page.

Well right off the bat I would suggest that somebody make “Blessed Week Ever” and have it be only stories about famous people thanking Jesus after winning awards/sportsgames. And then I would strongly recommend that no one make “Amyzon.com” which would be a site that only sold books by people named Amy. Nobody make that one; it’s pointless. Also, nobody make “Fingerbook.com” which would be an online community in which you only friend request people that you’ve fingered. That is so gross. If you’ve even briefly considered making that fake site, you have serious issues.

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Guy Irons In Middle Of Highway, British Newscaster Stays Professional

Yes, there is a man ironing while in a bathrobe in the middle of a closed down highway in England. But that’s not what we’re going to focus on here. We are instead going to focus on the professionalism of the reporter who covered this story for the news. You are about to hear a British woman explain in the most neutral of tones that “It’s all part of an extreme sport known as Extreme Ironing — or E.I. It sees people take an ironing board to a remote location and iron articles of clothing. According to the official website, Extreme Ironing is the latest danger sport that combines that combines the thrills of an extreme outdoor activity with the satisfaction of a well pressed shirt.”

It feels so much less offensive when the British news covers YouTube videos than when CNN does it. Is that racist?

Thanks, UPI.