Posts By garfinkn


The Kitten Or The Puppy: Which Would You Save?

Here is a video of a puppy and a kitten licking each other.  Oh boy, it is fun to watch.  But there is a fundamental problem with the video in that there is no narrative structure.  It lacks conflict, and therefore, has no internal force driving any sort of drama.  So let’s add some drama force!  I want you to pretend that as soon as that video ends, you have to pick either the kitten or the puppy.  Whichever one you don’t pick…DIES!  What are you going to do?  Who are you going to save, the kitten or the puppy?  No cop outs.  You have to make a choice.

Well, who’d you choose?  Either way, you’re a murderer.  Have fun at work today!

Thanks, TheDailyWh.At.


Nightmare Childrens Televsion Show Available On Netflix

Last night I was looking through all the TV shows you can watch instantly by way of Netflix.  I came across this.

Listen, Netflix.  I had bedbugs.  It was one of the worst things to ever happen to me.  I was covered in enormous burgundy colored bites that a doctor thought were hives for 5 weeks, and then when I figured out they were, in fact, bedbug bites, I had to move out of my apartment and throw away everything I own except my lap top, my iPod, and two garbage bags full of clothes I washed in antiseptic and then shrank with super high heat in an industrial drier.  So how about let’s not make a kids show about bedbugs.  I think a buddy cop show starring cancer and arsonists would be slightly more appropriate.

In this installment of “Bug Ventures,” Woozy and Toofy are terrified about going to the dentist until Gooby helps ease their minds by explaining why taking care of your teeth is so important.



GIF Of The Week: Elevator Body Slam

Some times, you have to read the whole internet to find something interesting enough to post on the internet.  It’s a paradox annoying.  And sometimes, even after you’ve read the whole internet, you still have nothing.  Luckily for you guys, I double checked the internet today and finally came across this.  I’m not saying it’s the best thing there ever was.  I’m just saying that this woman totally body slams this guy.

“And THAT’S why you dont’ steal purses in an elevator.”  = That woman.


Jesse James: The Interview: The Preview

So, Jesse James gave his first interview since his cheating scandal to ABC.  It actually seems like a pretty good interview.  I think, based on these clips, that he explained his actions pretty well, and maybe he’s not the terrible person we’ve all made him out to be.  He comes off as a regular guy who made some mistakes, and he’s obviously regretful of them and ready to move on and grow as a person. He’s such a d***************ck!

“I think it’s ‘Most Hated Man in the World’ now.”  LOL!!  Good joke, Jesse!  Here’s my impression of me after watching that preview:  “Let me take a break for a second.”  And then I got up and cried.


Liza Minnelli Is An Embarrassing Family Member

Apparently, the movie Sex and the City 2 includes Liza Minnelli doing a cover of Beyonce’s All the Single Ladies. You are about to hear exactly what it would sound like if you took your great aunt to a Karaoke bar and she got drunk embarrassing-family-member-style. From Edith Zimmerman over at the Vulture blog by New York Magazine:

“Yes, Liza, you sounded great.  Now put down your gimlet and let’s get you home.”


Kevin Jonas Isn’t Doing Himself Any Rumor Favors

I don’t know much about the Jonas Brothers.  In fact, I only know one thing about each of them.  I know Nick started a solo career, Joe was in a viral video where he dances to that Beyonce song, and Kevin is rumored to be gay.  I’m not saying Kevin is gay.  I’m just saying that literally the only thing I know about him is that he is rumored to be gay.

So here is my advice to Kevin Jonas:  If you are often mistaken for being gay despite your very heterosexual marriage to your wife who is a female person with lady parts, probably the best thing to do is NOT tell everyone that you don’t sleep with your wife.  From In Touch magazine:

They’ve only been married for five months, but Kevin Jonas and his wife, Danielle Deleasa, are already sleeping in separate beds. According to a friend of the couple’s, when it comes to their sleeping arrangements, the honeymoon is over. But it’s not what you think — the problem is that Kevin, 22, snores like a freight train!

Oh, boy.  Now, once again, I don’t know if Kevin is actually gay.  I have no idea, and I don’t care.  But when I read that, my immediate thought was, “Right.  Snoring.  Sure.” (I was being sarcastic in my head.)

Come on, Kevin.  Let’s think before we magazine interview.


People Are Upset At CBS About S**t

As many of you probably know already, CBS is introducing a show this season called S**t My Dad Says, based off the popular Twitter account.  And it will star William Shatner.  And some people are really mad about it.  “But whyyyyyyyy,” you might whine (you’re such a whiner, ugh).  Well, according to the Huffington Post, this is why:

A parents group is threatening CBS affiliates with challenges to their broadcast licenses if they air the network’s new comedy with a title that alludes to an obscenity.The Parents Television Council, which monitors decency issues, criticized CBS for picking up a comedy series called “(Bleep) My Dad Says” that is based on a popular Twitter feed. Instead of the word, the CBS title uses a series of symbols.

People are mad that the title alludes to an obscenity.  Just alluding to curse words is upsetting people?  I suppose people are affraid children might see the word “(bleep)”  and then start….saying “bleep” all the time?  What?  What is this?  Calm down, parents.  Those kids are making you crazy.


Here’s A Picture Of A Public Restroom In Germany

There is a man named Dave Hill.  He is a comedian who you have heard on This American Life and a musician in a band called Valled Lodge.  Right now he is in Germany, and he posted this picture to his Twitter.

I know there’s probably a few of you who have been to Germany before, and right now you’re being all like, “Dude, they have signs like that all over the place over there. Get over it.”  Yeah?  Well, I’ve never been there and it has the word “fahrt” in it, so it gets posted.


Chris Klein’s Mamma Mia Audition Tape

The following video is a real live video of Chris Klein auditioning for the film, Mama Mia.  Before I say anymore about this video let me say this:

I have no negative feelings whatsoever about homosexuality.  My roommate is gay, some of my family members are gay, my favorite bartender is gay, and I literally blog for  Our background is a giant rainbow.  I support same sex marriages, I believe gay people should be able to serve openly in the military, and I pray that if I ever have children, they will grow up in a world where gay couples can be affectionate in public without drawing the ire of ignorant people.

That being said, THIS VIDEO IS THE GAYEST SH*T I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!! Good god in heaven, this is gay.  It’s, like, carnival gay.

I sincerely hope you watched that whole thing.  If you didn’t, please go back and watch it in it’s entirety.  Chris Klein stops singing, goes into dialogue, and then goes right back into singing.  It is amazing.

Thank you so, so much, Buzzfeed.


Tokio Hotel Guitarist’s Viagra Story Makes No Sense

The guitarist for Tokio Hotel, Tom Kaulitz, recently relayed a story about how he overdosed on Viagra.

“I first asked the seller ‘Do I look like someone who needs help with that?'” Tom told the German newspaper Bild. “He said ‘no’–but that I should nevertheless try it out. I popped one in.”

“I popped a few more pills, probably too many,” he said. “The next morning my head was pounding and everything in front of my eyes was blurry. It wasn’t fun any more. It was pretty bad.”

Yeahhhhhh.  So he’s claiming that upon being offered Viagra, he immediately was defensive with some do-I-look-like-I-need-Viagra bravado.  But then, with even the slightest bit of further prodding, he proceeded to take A WHOLE HANDFUL of erection pills.

Tom, just admit you were looking for Viagra because you wanted Viagra.  It’s fine.   You don’t have to try to play it off like you take truck loads of penis strengtheners at the suggestion of passers by.  That’s a weird way to play it off.

In fairness to Tom, however, he is correct.  He does not look like a person who needs Viagra.  But that is mostly because he looks like a nine year old girl.*

Thanks, HuffPo.

*Nine year old girls do not need Viagra.