Posts By garfinkn

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Always Keep Your Credit Score High Or You’ll Have To See The Special Man

This video will leave you with a lot of questions.  Like, “Is the special man a finance expert or just a punishment?”  And, “If you don’t have any money, why would a furniture store punish you with a special man instead of just not selling you furniture.”  And, “Is the special man also just saying ‘no problem?’”

Another question:  Did the special man play “the gimp” in Pulp Fiction?

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Let’s All Discuss How This Video Makes Us Feel

Every once in a while, I like to search YouTube for random things and see what pops up.  Today I chose to search for “Grown Men Crying.”  Fun times!  I found one video that was pretty great, but it was just too long.  So what I’ve done here is captured the video and edited it down to 29 watchable seconds.  I like to call this video….Al Dante.  I like to call it that because it is really great to imagine that this guy’s name is Al Dante.  Let’s see how you feel after a viewing.

Well, how are you doing?  Did you laugh?  Did you cry with this man?  Do you think his name is Al Dante?  What’s going on in that head of yours?

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Times Square Car Bomber Looks Astoundingly Like Every A**hole From College

We got him!  A few hours ago, the man believed to be behind the attempted car bombing in Times Square was taken into custody.  He is a man named Faisal Shahzad and he looks like this:

Awesome beard that doesn’t connect to your mustache, bro.  Based on his appearance, it is no surprise whatsoever that he is an a**hole.  Like, obviously he’s an a**hole.  But what is surprising is which kind of a**hole he turned out to be.  He seems way less terrorism a**holey and way more won’t-stop-talking-about-beer-pong a**holey.  This guy got his a**holes confused!

Anyway, nice car bomb, a**hole.  Have fun in jail.

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Best Internet Ad Of The Day And Also A Poem

I had no idea I wanted this until I saw an ad for it.

Yup, that sounds great.  Put me down for as many audio books as you can fit in my apartment.

Here’s my problem, though. For a few minutes, I for some reason or another thought Dustin Hoffman‘s name was Dennis Hoffman.  I don’t know why it happened.  It just happened; there was nothing I could do about it.  And during those minutes, those weird, weird minutes, I wrote a really perfect Dr. Seuss style poem about Dustin Hoffman reading Dr. Seuss.  But, it makes no sense because I kept calling Dustin Hoffman Dennis Hoffman.  I am, however, proud of the poem to the point where I will post it anyway despite it not at all being a thing.  So, here it is.  My Dennis Hoffman poem:

That Hoffmany Dennis, on a dot com called audible,

Reads Dr. Seuss, and that no doubt is laudable.

On a traditional scale I will use to rate Dennis,

If a six is not adequate, surely a ten is.

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Looks Like Mickey Rourke Got A Little Bit Of Arm To Go With That Face

Last week I explained how porn star Jenna Jameson and martial artist Tito Ortiz broke up by writing out what your half of the conversation would have sounded like if you were told about the break up on the phone.  I will now use that same method to reveal what your half of the conversation would sound like if you were told on the phone about Mickey Rourke‘s torn arm ligament.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

YOU:  Hello, this is my telephone.

Muffled phone voice, muffled phone voice, muffled phone voice.

YOU:  Oh my, that’s terrible.

Muffled phone voice, muffled phone voice.

YOU:  Ew.

Muffled phone voice.

YOU:  Ew.

Muffled phone voice, muffled phone voice, muffled phone voice, muffled phone voice.

YOU:  Ew.

Muffled phone voice, muffled phone voice.

YOU:  Ha, like his face!

That was you finding out that Mickey Rourke tore a ligament in his arm while arm wrestling a bunch of men from a rugby team in London.  And then you were told that the ligament was entirely separated from the bone.  Then you were told his whole arm turned black the next day.  Then you found out he waited 6 months to go to the doctor and get surgery.  And finally were you told that the surgery was unsuccessful and that Rourke says his arm “looks a little retarded.”

Thanks, Contact Music.

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With Friends Like These… The George Lopez Edition

This is a big week for me in the finding-out-new-things-about-Sandra-Bullock arena.  But this isn’t a post about Sandra Bullock.  No way.  This is a post about George Lopez.  But first I have to start with Sandra Bullock

Earlier in the week, I learned Sandra Bullock had a baby, and then I learned the baby had a Jewish circumcision, and today I learned from People Magazine that the baby’s uncle is George Lopez.  Wait, what?  No, you read that right.  George Lopez and Sandra Bullock are such good friends, apparently, that George Lopez has declared himself a “proud uncle” of Sandra Bullock’s new adopted baby.  I didn’t know you could do that — just declare yourself an uncle.  But, anyway,  the most impressive part of the article was not so much that George Lopez is friends with Sandra Bullock or that he has uncle declaration powers.   The most impressive part was that George Lopez had so many other famous friends.  Apparently when he answered questions for People Magazine, he was playing golf and was “joined at the golf outing by celebrity friends including Samuel L. Jackson, Tim Allen, Don Cheadle and Hilary Duff .”

Wow.  Quite an eclectic assortment of friends.  How did Geroge Lopez pick his friends?  Was somebody like, “Quick, George Lopez, name four random celebrity now!”  And he was like, “Uhhhh, Samuel L. Jackson….Don Cheadle….Tim The-Tool-Man Taylor… and that girl from the show about Jerry Maguire’s daughter or whatever.”  And then, because the person asking the question was actually a magical curse genie, all those people became his friends.

The moral of the story is this:  when a genie asks you to name 4 random celebrities, be careful.  They might all end up being your golf buddies.

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Fun With M&M’s

You can, right now, at this very moment, go to the M&M’s web site and order M&M’s that have your own message written on the blank side.  I think I really nailed this one.

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White House Correspondents’ Dinner Post #3: BWE.TV Makes An Appearance

A little over a month ago, the health care bill finally passed and President Obama gave a press conference. I, of course, was watching because I never don’t have the news on in my apartment. During that press conference, a man accidently walked out behind Obama and it cracked me up. I assumed a clip of that would be everywhere the following day. But then it wasn’t. I had to take things into my own hands. I captured it and put it up on bwe.tv and it became the 304th (guess) most successful viral video of the past 2 years.

Then, this past Saturday night, it got shown at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner by Jay Leno of all people. So here it is, everyone: Jay Leno showing the video that BestWeekEver.tv made happen.

We’re in the big leagues now. And Jay Leno owes me a “Thanks, here’s a million dollars.”

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Blue Collar Internet Disaster

Do you want to see the saddest ever screen shot of a web page?  Okay, but I’m warning you.  It’s from Jeff Foxworthy’s website.

No Redneck Joke of the Day.  Because of Win32 Error Code = 50.  What’s really interesting is that Win32 Error Codes one through forty nine actually still lead to hilarious redneck jokes.  But Win32 Error Code = 50….Jeez Louise.  Not funny at all.   Just a major failure to execute CGI.

Next week on this blog:  Why the guy in the Jeff Foxworthy logo has an ass for a belly.  (Spoiler alert:  He ate an ass.)

P.S.  The error code has been up for about a year – Jeff Foxworthy’s Web Site