Posts By garfinkn

Did you just read the headline for this blog post?  You did, didn’t you?  And probably it made you a little confused.  You might have read it and then by the end of the headline you were disoriented and maybe even a bit angry.  Well, that’s exactly how you would have felt if you read part of this Huffinton Post article (Bold lettering and the word “motherf**king” added for emphasis):

Producers say work on the next James Bond film has been halted indefinitely because of uncertainty about the future of distributor Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc. Producers Michael G. Wilson and [motherf**king] Barbara Broccoli say development of the movie was suspended after MGM failed to find a buyer.

And that’s about as far as it’s possible to get when you read that article because for the rest of all time ever you’re distracted by the idea that there is actually a woman named Barbara Broccoli.  Obviously “Broccoli” is a hilarious last name to have, but the alliteration with “Barbara” is just perfect.  Barbara Broccoli.

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So, we all like the Discovery Channel show, Mythbusters. Or maybe we don’t, but we at least we watch marathons of it when there’s nothing else on.  We’re all on the same page more or less.  Anyway.  Adam is goofy and Jamie looks like a walrus wearing a hat.  Therefore, this:

I have no idea who made this GIF or why they made it, but I am going to marry it.  And I am going to take its last name (so sick of this Garfinkel bulls**t).

Thanks, Reddit.

Another thing real quick:  That might not be a walrus.  But I don’t care and I’m not going to do the research to find out.

50 Cent is getting his tattoos removed.  Yayyyyy!!!!  Or Boooooo!!  I don’t know.  I’m sure some strong emotion is warranted; I just don’t know in which direction it should be manifested.

According to People.com he is trying to get into acting and feels that his tattoos are holding him back.  I feel like this is the story that never gets told to our inner-city youth.  “Before you start running around with a bad crowd and getting all tattooed up, just remember this: that could potentially keep you from costarring with Chase Crawford in the upcoming drama Twelve.”

(A note to the reader: 50 Cent will be costarring with Chase Crawford in the upcoming drama Twelve.  He got away with the tattoos this time.)

It’s hard to even imagine what 50 Cent would look like without tattoos though.  Wait hold on… Oh, okay.  I’m just getting word that we just got a hold of a picture of the newly tattoo-free 50 Cent.  Let’s take a look:

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Here’s a fun thing that is actually happening in the world.  The Pope is visiting Malta and a local mayor is now demanding that a huge phallic sculpture near the airport be taken down before the pontiff arrives.

You guys want to go on a terrible rapid fire joke spree?  No. Nobody does.  But that’s what we’re gonna do.  Here are some terrible jokes about this that not even I think are funny.

1.)  They’re actually just going to pour cold water on it until it shrinks so much nobody notices it.

2.)  I think that’s a Hell’s Angels Smurf’s penis.

3.)  That’s what a totum pole would look like if Native Americans just had sections of penises for their heads.

4.)  I think that’s Michelle “Bombshell” McGee’s penis.

5.)  (A guy on a boat scoops chum into the water.  He looks up and is startled by the statue.) “We’re gonna need a bigger prostitute.”

6.)  I think that’s Avatar’s Penis.

Okay, that’s all I’ve got.  You guys can play too in the comment section (please don’t).

Thanks, Huffington Post.