Posts By garfinkn


This Video Of An Egg Will Be The Most Exciting Thing You See All Day

“Oh, big deal. It’s a really large egg. Who cares? Honestly. Can you answer that question for me? Who actually cares about this? Why would somebody put this on the internet, and then why would you take this stupid thing they put on in internet and try to put it in my eyes? I can’t believe you have so little respect for me and value my time to such a small degree that you would… OH SH*T LOOK AT THAT!! WHAT THE F********CKKKKKK?!?!? Hahaha. Those Japanese people are reacting quite appropriately.” – You watching this video.


Aside from a live baby dinosaur jumping out, that was the best thing that could have possibly happened.

Thanks, Buzzfeed.


A Very Caucasian Cover Of A Chris Brown/Busta Rhymes/Lil Wayne Song

Let’s all acknowledge right off the bat that this has been done before — the thing where white people very enthusiastically cover a song that is distinctively un-white white in its original conceit. It’s well worn territory. That being said… this is very well done. The girl sells it, the guy sells it, they keep the rhythm. You might not like what these two were trying to accomplish, but you can’t deny that they accomplished it.

Below is Karmin covering Look At Me Now by Chris Brown feat. Lil Wayne and Busta Rhymes.

See? It’s so much better than a grandmother doing that same thing in a preview for a terrible movie.

Thanks, The High Definite. You are a good blog.


Jake Gyllenhaal On Shalom Sesame

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Shalom Sesame (most of you), it was a version of Sesame Street produced in the 80’s and 90’s that was meant to introduce little PBS watching Jewish kids to Israel. Just like the real Sesame Street, it had Big Bird and Burt and Ernie, but Burt only spoke Hebrew, and instead of Big Bird being the main character, the lead was a huge pink porcupine named Kippy (see right). It was seriously weird. And then there would be celebrities like Itzhak Pearlman (KIDS LOVE ITZHAK PEARLMAN!!) and Ben from Growing Pains as guest stars. The show was all over the place in the Jewiest way possible.

In this previous post, there was a brief mention of Shalom Sesame with a link to its theme song. It was by searching for the theme song on YouTube that led us to the following video. Apparently Shalome Sesame IS BACK!!! They started making new episodes in October of 2010 and Jake Gyllenhaal is one of the new guest stars that makes so sense.

And guess what Jake Gyllenhaal did? He hid the afikoman.

Read more…


Justin Bieber’s Meeting Gets Cancelled Because Of Centuries Old Middle East Conflict

Justin Bieber is visiting Israel this week and was scheduled to meet with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. So, already… “Hahaha, okay.” But then the meeting got cancelled because, well, you know, everything in that part of the world is generally on the edge of disaster.

From the Huffington Post:

JERUSALEM — Justin Beiber’s trip to Israel is off to a rocky start – tentative plans to meet the prime minister have fallen through under contentious circumstances, and the teen heartthrob says he has holed himself up in his hotel to escape the country’s notoriously aggressive paparazzi… Officials in [Netanyahu’s] office said the Israeli leader had hoped to meet the singer, but hinted that Mideast politics had scuttled the visit.

Now, the purpose of mentioning this is not to make fun of Justin Bieber. Justin Bieber’s got enough on his being-made-fun-of-plate already. (Quick side note: I know we’re not all fans of the word “baby” being launched into our ears at a high pitch, but maybe we can all try to relax a little bit on account that he is a child. Remember when he said he thought he was going to be the next Kurt Cobain and everyone freaked out? Calm down, everyone. You know who else thinks they’re going to be the next Kurt Cobain? Every child.) The purpose of this, instead, is to express awe at how weird this whole thing is. A 16 year old self made millionaire just had his day ruined because a world leader suddenly remembered that his country is sitting in the middle of about 165 different armed conflicts that have been going on since the dawn of civilization. It’s weird. I hope Justin writes a song about this whole experience orders room service and watches Shalom Sesame.


You And This Russian Cat Do NOT Want To Wake Up

At around the age of 11 or 12, we all start realizing what a nightmare waking up in the morning is. When you’re 10, you don’t give a sh*t. If something trips your awake switch at 6:30 in the morning, you are up and ready to jump on your parents bed until you all go to the rodeo. Or something. Probably not the rodeo. But, the point is that by 11, you start every day for the rest of your life upset at the fact that it’s morning.

This Russian cat feels the same way about mornings that you do.

Just give him another half hour. He’ll be good. He swears. Please, just… he’s so tired.

Thanks, The Daily What.


6 Minutes Of Wildy Impressive Animatronics

There is a man named John Nolan. He is and animatronics expert and has worked on many movies including a couple of Harry Potters and Where the Wild Things Are. Below is a reel of some of his creations in various stages of development. Here are four thoughts you might have while watching it:

1.) That robot baby looks way too much like a real baby.

2.) Those double butt mouths look way too much like double butt mouths.

3.) When can I get some big robot hands?

4.) Is the guy with the belly an animatronics thing or a weird porn thing I’m not ready for?

Thanks, The Daily What.


Girls With Steve Buscemi Eyes Are Totally Your Type

Let’s face it, as a man, you’ve always been a little afraid to talk about this. Like, you’re not gay or anything (relax!), you just happen to find Steve Buscemi‘s eyes very arousing. And it’s fine. Nobody is judging you. You’re into what you’re into, and can’t no one gonna tell you what your heart ain’t right, know what I’m sayin’? Yeah, you get why other guys find Scarlett Johansson attractive. You really do get it. It’s just not your thing. You know, cause of the eyes.

Well, the new one-theme tumblr, Chicks With Steve Buscemeyes, just solved every problem you’ve ever had.

And you know how you used to think there was something a little off about Ke$ha? Well, that’s certainly no longer an issue!

Read more…


Not A Mad Lib: Deer Guards Goose Nest At Buffalo Cemetary

This sounds like somebody just threw a bunch or random words together and then made up a news story about it, but apparently, a deer actually is standing guard and protecting a goose and her nest at a Buffalo, New York cometary. Millard Filmore and Rick James are also somehow characters in this psilocybin soaked woodlands tale.

For at least four days, the buck stood guard near the nest of a Canada goose as she sits on her eggs inside a large urn at Forest Lawn cemetery, home to the remains of President Millard Fillmore and rock icon Rick James.

“He does appear to be guarding the goose, as it were,” Erie County SPCA Wildlife Administrator Joel Thomas said. “He’s within touching distance of her — there’s no doubt what’s going on.”

Employees at the cemetery were alerted to the situation after the animal positioned itself between the bird and an employee of a company that traps and relocates geese, which Thomas said have become a messy problem in large numbers.

“When he approached the bird with a net, the deer puts itself between him and the bird, and he’s repeated that behavior for some time,” he said.

Animals, you guys! This will obviously be a fully illustrated children’s book in about four months. Parents are going to have to start preparing themselves to explain who Millard Fillmore and Rick James are at the same time.

Thanks, Reuters.


The “Kids React” Kids Feel The Same Way About Rebecca Black As You Do

“It was entertaining because it was terrible.”

“Horrible. It shouldn’t even be on YouTube, and that’s just sad because some people post some really weird stuff on YouTube.”

(exasperated “They play it on Friday at my school!”

These are all things kids — or as you might know them, “baby adults” — said in response to Rebecca Black‘s Friday.  They’re just like you and me, these kids! I mean, they don’t play that song on Friday at our grown up adult schools (work), but we sure would complain about it exasperatedly if they did.

And guess what, the kids don’t ONLY make fun of her. By the end, they feel bad for her. JUST LIKE FULL GROWN US DO! These “Kids React” videos really are good for society in that they help combat whatever the child-disliking equivalent of racism is called. Kidsogyny maybe. Perhaps” babyhatin” in The South.

But as a counterpoint, I will refer you back to this.

Thanks again to the Fine Brothers.


Aflac Duck Voice Auditions: Everyone No One Is A Winner!

I think we can all agree that it is okay for news organizations to sometimes cover soft news. Lighter personal interest stories have their place in informative broadcasting. But, CNN should really put a different logo up for stuff like this:

Hahaha, Gilbert Gottfried must be rolling over in his Camry. (We all just assume he has a Camry, right? What’s he going to drive, an Escalade? Get out of town.)

Now, let’s take a moment to offer some constructive criticism for all those who tried out:

Read more…