Posts By glazere

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The Least Offensive Homemade Occupy Wall Street Poster You’ll Ever See, Anywhere!

Everywhere you look on the internet, people are taking self-portraits with homemade posters like the ones seen at Occupy Wall Street protests, where protestors are opining about being part of the 99% of the population that doesn’t, like, eat caviar-flavored Pop Tarts or something?

But in lieu of stoking the political fire, we’re going to remain knowingly stupid around here, choosing instead to give you the silliest poster yet. Seriously, it’s the best poster throughout the entire internet AND including all the actual posters at the protests. SRSLY! This just wins:

Milk: it’s f’ing FUNNY.

[via Slacktory]

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An Adorable Boy Loves His Loyal Dog, Or: CAT PEOPLE LOSE

Cole Massie is a really cute kid from California. He has cerebral palsy, but he’s battling tooth and nail to walk, even undergoing intense treatment to make that happen. You probably already knew this, but he’s awesome.

Possibly more excellent? His trusty dog, Ilia, the 2008 ASPCA DOG OF THE YEAR!!! Not only has Ilia not left Cole’s his side, but he even dressed up like a pirate once (see picture, right).

The moral of the story? CATS: 0, DOGS: 1. CASE CLOSED!

(Actually, it’s that miracles happen everywhere, all the time, even in the form of a four-legged Black Lab.)

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Anderson Cooper Picks Up Part Time Work At Boston Market

Anderson Cooper, increasingly shedding all his dignity (as one is wont to do when they host a talk show called Anderson), has taken to serving customers at Boston Market.

Normally, we’d be kinda bummed that he’s being relegated to such silly a ratings ploy, but, um, have you guys ever had Boston Market? Because it’s huh-maa-zeeng!

Imagine your cheesy fusilli, creamy spinach, and piping hot cornbread served with the soft caress of Anderson’s silky smooth, well-moisturized hands, met with a twinkling¬† gleam in his eyes and the glimmer of his silver head of hair? That’s not comfort food, that’s LOVE food.

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Professor Victoria Jackson Visits Occupy Wall Street, Talks “Good Looks And Smart Brains”

Former Saturday Night Live cast member-turned-Tea Party activist/Professor Emeritus Victoria Jackson brought her signature baby voice and extensive vocabulary to the Occupy Wall Street protests, where she grilled the protesters hellbent on bringing social change to a crooked government they believe favors the class warfare that keeps the rich rich and the poor poor.

Unfortunately, Victoria might also be a racist baby, because she said — into her shaky handheld camera — a lot of things that could have easily been muttered by a third grader who is just beginning to understand how the world works, but that’s okay, because she’s, like, eight years old. Victoria Jackson is 52 years old, and these are actual things that she said out loud:

The Twin Towers [stood] right about there that some Muslims crashed into.

I have a picture of Obama with the Black Panthers. It’s on YouTube.

Aren’t the rich people the ones who create all the jobs?

Oprah Winfrey had nothing. Now she’s a billionaire. That’s capitalism.

How are you going to make everyone equal in good looks and smart brains?

Come 2012, think of Victoria Jackson when you cast your ballot, and ask yourself: How are we going to make everyone equal in good looks and smart brains? Because that’s an America we all can believe in.

 

[via Hollywood Reporter]

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Betty White Continues Her Role As “Old Ke$ha” In New Video

When we brought you the news that Betty White was rapping now, you were probably like, Enough already with the Betty White! She’s ancient history!

JK JK JK you weren’t like that AT ALL because if you’ve logged onto the internet since 2008, you’re well aware that the last thing forever Golden Girl Betty White is is unlikable. She can do no wrong, and that’s why she’s just ten years shy of 100, and doesn’t look a day over 70. Karma’s a bitch, unless you’re Betty White.

Also, she loves animals, so much so that proceeds from the remix of Luciana’s song “I’m Still Hot” — featuring the Bettster herself (ew, “Bettster”), NOW IN VIDEO FORM — benefit the L.A. Zoo. See? She’s PERFECT!!!

 

[via Billboard]

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Someone At The Globe And Mail Is A SRS H8R Right Now

Forget EVERYTHING YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW about Canadians!

A staffer at The Globe And Mail is apparently having a bad week or something, because s/he went on the offensive, adding captions to otherwise-dull pictures of dull celebrities that are zestier than a homemade jar of jalapeno-infused maple syrup.

Well, basically, that’s usually the case, but this week, s/he took the position of bashing the rich and famous within the context of the Occupy Wall Streets protest. Granted, it’s not really a fair jab to make at people like Jeremy Piven and Lauren Conrad who were just posing for pictures, but #whatever. We’re just showing ‘em to you before they get removed from the Globe & Mail site.

Don’t shoot the messenger! We actually think Lauren Conrad is a literary genius with a heart of gold! Because, y’know, she’s pretty!!!

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Your Other Favorite Mad Men Character Loves Games

Who’s your favorite male character on Mad Men? Don Draper? Roger Sterling? Paul Kinsey? Pete Campbell? Harry Crane? Good choice. Harry Crane is endlessly charming, impossibly adorable, and just the guy you’d want to invite to your viewing party, although that would be weird because imagine watching Mad Men with a Mad Man? Psychedelic, dude.

In real life, Rich Sommer seems just as fun. Aside from the fact that he’s carved The Office and Curb Your Enthusiasm into his resume, he’s also a gaming nerd! And, like us, he thinks bored games are more like bo-ring games, which is why he visited Attack Of The Show with some insightful suggestions for what to do when you fall asleep during the first round of Monopoly.

[via Dave Holmes]

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Disney Princess Star Wars Cake Looks Delicious, Hardcore

The world can always use a new kickass superhero lady. The world can also always use DELICIOUS CAKE.

Good thing this dude enlisted Trisha Patterson to make a cake for his daughter. In fact, he said:

My daughter really enjoys Star Wars. Like many other little five year old girls my daughter also likes Disney Princesses. As parents, my wife and I like to encourage both. So when it came to planning a birthday we opted to try a little combination. Why not? Nothing says that a Disney Princess can’t get along with a Jedi or a princess from a galaxy far, far away.

Father of the Year? Definitely. Baker of the decade? Absolutely. GIRL POWER! (Also, FROSTING!!!)

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Mischa Barton Put Actual Food On Her Face, Almost In Her Mouth

Celebrity photographer Tyler Shields likes to take stupid photos of famous people (as long as he can be in one of the photos) (SO HOLLYWOOD!). Remember when he made Hayden Panna Cotta Panettiere look like a violent gymnast and Heather Morris like a domestic abuse victim? That’s just his thing, I guess?

Anyway, actress and sometimes waif Mischa Barton decided to basically fart in the face of PETA and let raw meat be draped across her pretty face, all for the sake of #art. Very deep stuff.

Granted, it ain’t no meat dress, but kudos to Mischa Barton for really taking a stand and telling the world, “I LIKE TO EAT! EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T GET TO SEE MY EAT,¬† YOU WILL SEE THAT I AM COMFORTABLE WITH LAYING COLD FOOD ACROSS MY EYELIDS! UNITED WE STAND!”

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