Posts By glazere

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The Lost Sister, Sister Episode Where They Drink Breast Milk

So Tia and Tamera Mowry are, like, bona fide reality stars now. They’re on TV again, and people are watching. So, okay, got it. The nineties are back, baby! or whatever.

Anyway, now that they’re not only on TV but are full-grown adults, they’re drinking breast milk, namely Tia’s. Tia made a baby, so now both Tia and Tamera are drinking the milk she pumps from her boob into bottles. On television.

Man, remember the days when the idea of a new mother feeding a child from her own body was not only fascinating, but moving, even? Us either. Thanks a lot, Sister, Sister!

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Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, and Nicki Minaj Say “Be Yourself” And Also Maybe Act Crazy, Too

Some might argue that since Lady Gaga is not as “traditionally attractive” as the pop tarts before her — like Britney Spears or The Pussycat Dolls — the sole purpose for her adopting an “avant-garde” look was so that we’d be too distracted by her elaborate costumes to pay attention to anything else. And that, some might claim, chronologically made sense for her to then paint herself as an outcast, claiming that she was finally freeing her inner spirit or whatever. And that’s what lead her to singing the praises of self-empowerment, telling all her Little Monsters they were “born this way.”

Hey, ain’t nothing wrong with spreading the good word of confidence and self-acceptance. But it’s a tad suspect when other pop stars — namely Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj (and Ke$ha and Taylor Swift) — are attributed with joining the parade. When does “being yourself” go from being a healthy message to a co-opted method for selling records?

No, we definitely shouldn’t resist the chance for a strong and crucial message of self-love to the kids who need to hear it, but maybe, like, without the whipped cream shooting from the boobs or giving Eminem the okay to use the word “faggot” in your song (Katy and Nicki, respectively)?

 

[via Stroller Derby]

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Which Stanza Actually Comes From Rosie O’Donnell’s Newest Poem?

Well, The Rosie Show started on OWN, and it’s…fine. It’s just…fine. It’s basically the same thing that The Rosie O’Donnell Show was a decade ago, except no John McD (remember John McD?). But the humor remains the same, which makes it feel a tad, er, creaky?

For example, she had Russell Brand on her inaugural show, which is a good decision since he is someone everyone knows about. But Rosie managed to make things weird when she called him — in a video package — her “new Tommy.” And it’s like, yyyyyyyeah, we’ve kind of done that already, Rosie. Ever since you came out as a loud and proud lez, shaved your head, and did everything but clobber Elisabeth Hasselbeck on The View (why didn’t you do it?), we realize New Rosie is the definitely not same Rosie who was once fielding softball interviews to Dennis Franz (remember the 90′s?).

So here are in 2011, and the question is: are we supposed to buy that she is, once again, “The Queen Of Nice”? That life is just all game shows and Ho-Ho’s, showtunes and pantsuits? It’s a valid question. But a more fun question is: Which of the following stanzas don’t come from Rosie’s first new blog post on Rosie.com?

A)

watching conan
who always makes me laugh
poker on ESPN next
i pray for a dance mom marathon

B)

eggs r hatching
everywhere
vulnerable exciting
alive

C)

tonight at GIBSONS steak house
i met a man named mo
who waits tables with such style and grace
survived a heart attack last year

Answer after the jump (AND VIDEO FROM THE PREMIERE):

Read more…

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Kanye West Interrupts No One At Occupy Wall Street

Just like those who came before him (Prime Minister Susan Sarandon and Governor Penn Padgley), Rabbi Kanye West stopped by the Occupy Wall Street protest to lend his voice to the crowd, to assert alongside his peers that the government is in disarray and that the corrupt injustice of class warfare has become too much to bear.

Actually — for the first time ever — he didn’t say anything. He was with his buddy, Speaker of the House Russell Simmons, who acted as his hyperactive publicist, saying, “[Kanye] doesn’t want to make a statement. He didn’t want to do any media at all, actually, but…he’s here.”

That he is. But is he…okay? Because he looks like he might be asleep with his eyes open.

 

[via Vulture]

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Kristin Cavallari At Her Most Fascinating

So you never thought reality villain (good occupation!) Kristin Cavallari could be anything but vapid, attention-hungry, and endlessly opportunistic? You never thought you’d see her in a light that made her actually appear complex and thought-provoking?

Think again, chum! Someone in an alligator mask stood next to her!

Who’s interesting now?

Yeah, you’re probably right, it’s the guy in the mask.

[via Splash News Online]

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This Dirty, Filthy American Life: Ira Glass’s Sex Tape

NPR Nerds, this is your sex tape.

Julian Joslin made a very funny parody of This American Life, the almost unbearably twee public radio show that was custom-made for the sushi-eating, Volvo-driving, NPR tote bag set. In it, host Ira Glass releases his sex tape, which eerily sounds almost exactly like an episode of TAL, but not without inside jokey references to Planet Money, WBEZ, and Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me.

Also, wow, that is Terry Gross saying “the crotch thing,” isn’t it? Good sport, that Gross.

[via The A.V. Club]

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What Is Arnold Schwarzenegger Thinking?


Arnold Schwarzenegger honored the winners at the Bodybuilding Congress in Madrid, Spain recently, and there were probably a lot of things going on inside his head. Things like:

“Man, the Spanish really know how to tan.”

The Situation looks terrible!”

“The peach-colored bikini really doesn’t do him any favors, huh?”

“Anybody need a governor?”

“To be fair, when you focus that much on the rest of your body, it must be easy to just let your teeth go.”

“How do you say ‘I Survived Maria‘ in Spanish?”

“I wonder where they keep the maids around here…”

“Sure, he’s already won the trophy, but wait until he gets a free copy Jingle All The Way.”

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The Piano-Playing Pug Everyone Is Talking About

Every now and then, a video comes along that changes the face of the internet as we know it. Everything you thought you knew about online culture has been blown to pieces, thanks to a new video that follows in the steps of iconic feline Keyboard Cat.

Today, we celebrate Piano Pug, a doe-eyed black canine whose undeniable ability to bang out a tune on a kiddie piano (all while wearing a bow tie and looking particularly defeated). For today is a day like no other, a wrinkle in time that will forever be remembered in its dutiful role as That Time We All Watched Piano Pug.

[via Rats Off]

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The Littlest Batman Flexes Muscles, Inadvertently Impersonates Bill Cosby

Teddy is, without exception, the cutest Batman ever. Dude’s all revved up for Halloween, naturally, and is prepared to clobber anyone who gets between him and his Fun Size treats (note: why anyone would call a tiny candy bar the “fun” size must be BONKERS).

Teddy also knows that, as Batman, he is expected to have muscles the size of boulders, so flexing for the camera is an easy request. The good news for us is not just that Teddy will make you run out and make a baby, but that it looks like someone’s been watching a tad too many back-to-back episodes of The Cosby Show because, man, this guy has his Cliff Huxtable impression down to a science!

Someone get this man a Jello Pudding Pop!

[via Buzzfeed]