Okay, so Whitney Houston didn’t “kill it,” per se. She did that thing where she warbles out notes now that are sadly reminiscent of the days when she could kill it. If you liked her last album, you shouldn’t feel bad. It was good enough for a singer of her caliber, which is now “okay, but also really sad,” considering she lost her voice in whatever the eff went on in her Hoarders-like domicile that reeked of booze, crack spoons, and KY (just a guess, if you watched her terrifying interview with Oprah).
It’s a sad time to be alerted to a video of Whitney singing “Tell Me Something Good” with Chaka Khan at a Prince concert on the very same day that it’s announced that she’s returning to rehab for drugs and alcohol. But, whatever, it’s good to know she was having fun. So thanks, Chaka Khan, for making a recovering addict feel welcome (and perhaps realizing that it’s time she clean up her act).
Do you guys think Chaka Khan is an angel?
– Eliot Glazer
The Lonely Island premiered a new digital short (which should stop being called “Digital Shorts” because, c’mon, let’s be honest, guys: these aren’t scrappy little shorts of yesteryear) on Saturday Night Live this weekend that featured Michael Bolton, best known for apparently defining what “sexy” looked like in the early nineties (read: bald head, long mullet and earring, or the “Newly-divorced Dad”).
Laugh as we may have at Michael Bolton, the guy obviously has an enviable sense of humor about himself, which is why his appearance in their new song, “Jack Sparrow,” is an excellent career move, considering his duet with Lady Gaga didn’t necessarily slaughter the competition (Peabo Bryson‘s duet with Ke$ha) (JK JK JK). Michael Bolton really likes Pirates Of The Caribbean, as it turns out. Oh, and drag. He also likes dressing up like a woman, and it’s terrifying.
You know what they say: if you want to go viral, dress up like a pirate. Or like Forrest Gump, if Forrest Gump were secretly a transvestite.
[via Viral Video Vault]
— Eliot Glazer
This weekend was the Kentucky Derby, which apparently means it’s an excuse for white people to wear big hats like awesome, elderly Black ladies do to church on Sundays in my hyper-generalized imagination. Lucky for us, Kate Gosselin wore a crazy hat, which leads us to ask ourselves: Who is Kate Gosselin?
Oh, right. She was on a reality show that exploited her thirty-seven children and led to her divorce. Oh, and she was on Dancing With The Stars, which is where people who want more attention go to get more attention. And Kate Gosselin still wants attention, so she wore big hats and people took pictures, because that’s how things work now.
Hi, Kate Gosselin! Did you hire a babysitter so you could wear your hat? Good, because you should take it easy! Cool hat, BTW!
— Eliot Glazer
As someone who knows every line of dialogue from The Golden Girls (particularly Bea Arthur’s, whose visage is permanently inked on my left arm because I’m — full-knowingly — out of my mind), it breaks my heart to see Betty White sh*t-talk Bea on The Joy Behar Show.
Look, I love Betty. As an American, that is simply the law. And as Rose Nylund on The Golden Girls, she was phenomenal. That’s why she won an Emmy, and that’s why, at 89 years old, her career was deservedly rejuvenated when she began stealing scenes in movies and killed it as host of Saturday Night Live. But while she’s always remained rather mum on the rumors that she and Bea Arthur didn’t get along, apparently now that Bea is six feet under, it’s okay to rehash the details of an one-sided feud, in which Bea apparently begrudged Betty for no good reason.
I’m not saying Betty White is a bad person, I’m just saying she’s got the advantage here because Bea Arthur isn’t alive to defend herself.
Not cool, Betty. Not cool.
— Eliot Glazer
According to Wikipedia, Anna Dello Russo is currently the Editor At Large and creative consultant for Vogue Japan, which came her role as Fashion Editor for both Vogue Italia and L’Uomo Vogue. She is only 49 years old, and in that span of time, she has played important roles in the world of fashion, but none so important as the one she played at the Strongbow Gold Experience Party in Milan last weekend: Nightmare Machine.
When Lady Gaga wears teflon dresses and cataract sunglasses, she’s “making a statement.” When Anna Dello Russo does it, it’s weird. It’s not only weird because it’s like, Cool it, lady, but also because we’ve seen it before. Who would have imagined we’d get to a point in which a middle-aged woman dressed like a really edgy bat mitzvah card would be tired?
Nevertheless, it is. Anna Dello Russo is so two-thousand-and-late, right? Work, work, fashion, baby! (All I know about fashion I learned from Lady Gaga videos.)
Not to be a CREEP OR WHATEVER (I just got here!), but how awesome are kids, right? Although I’m barren 4 lyfe (JK JK JK), I have to hand it to kids: they are often very, very cool. Like the way they sometimes say things that human adult grown-ups cannot, you know? And they manage to simplify big ideas by just kind of laying sh*t out on the line with more courage than someone twice their age because they haven’t yet been tainted by the perils of self-consciousness (although that inevitably comes with the weird smells and upper lip hair of junior high).
Internet funny people The Fine Brothers took a somewhat serious turn (albeit still funny and engaging) by asking kids to react to the death of Osama Bin Laden. Don’t get me wrong: it is awesome that the guy is dead, but the question of whether the celebration of death — even when the victim is literally The Worst — is always warranted is an interesting issue, and one that these kids tackle with a surprising amount of poise.*
*When I was thirteen, I would wipe boogers on the other people, so hats off to these kids for having it together more than I ever did.
– Eliot Glazer
The internet: it is so big!
When I first started using the internet in the late nineties, my family was somehow always three eons behind whichever version of America Online the rest of my friends were using. So I would sign on, and our modem was about as fast as Dom DeLuise/Paul Prudhomme (SAME) in a potato sack race, leaving me with an internet connection so painfully slow that pictures literally didn’t load. All I had was the warm welcome from AOL guy and a handwritten buddy list, from which I would send pre-written Instant Messages to one person after another, hoping that someone would be online at the same time to be on the receiving end. Mr. Joe Cool Guy over here, riiiiight?
Fast forward three hundred years, and here I am, a grown adult human being with an apartment, a dog, a blog, a seldom-updated Twitter account, a book (KA-CHING!), and a new job blogging for Best Week Ever. I’ve made it, you guys! Like Simon Van Kempen says, I AM REAL. In fact, I’ve been featured on Best Week Ever before, as a conduit for all things f*cked up, like the fat lady who wants to explode, Trenita: my dream date, and my gorgeous, idiotic tattoo.
But now I’m going to be here every single day, just like Michelle and Dan. Coming from Buzzfeed and Urlesque (R.I.P.), I can guarantee you that I will bring you VERY IMPORTANT NEWS about VERY IMPORTANT THINGS that occupy my brain, like eccentric health guru Susan Powter, audible animal farts, and the secret passages Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman built in their house for their kids (confirmed to me by Danny, via Twitter).
In other words:
— Eliot Glazer