Posts By glazere

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The Only Celine Dion Gif You’ll Ever Need

You have so many gifs to choose from in reading Rich Juzwiak’s epic recap of the new Celine Dion docuspecial thingy, Céline: 3 Boys and a New Show, which aired on Oprah’s network this weekend.

There is a lot of talking about a lot of things: diaper bags, Michael Jackson, dueting with herself (believe it!), but it all boils down to a gif of Celine doing her best Chicago audition.

More of this, please.

[via FourFour]

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David Hasselhoff Rides A Pony In The Sky, And The Internet Is Done

Siamese sheep twins! Ponies in the sky! David Hasselhoff!

No, it’s not the result of your scarfing down a jar of peanut butter right before you hit the hay last night, although it may very well be.

It’s actually crucial elements to a campaign from Air New Zealand, where their marketing team is actually a bunch of geniuses who, unlike most brands, actually understand the internet. Adults in sheep costumes? The star of Baywatch being a weirdo? Backlit clouds and a pony? It’s like these guys found the key to the internet and unlocked our hearts and minds.

Good job, Air New Zealand. And you, too, Hoff.

 

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Nancy Grace Slow Dances In Cowboy Boots, Might Be Dead?

Ohhhh, so this is what it’s like to practice with Nancy Grace for Dancing With The Stars. When you are her partner, Tristan MacManus, and you’re practicing for this week’s waltz, you and Nancy suit up in your leisure-wear, and you find a nice, cold tile floor, where Nancy’s ankle-length cowboy boots quietly drag across the floor, interrupting the otherwise-eerie sound of cold, dead silence, which is fitting since somebody is filming you on their phone and no one bothered to turn the lights on.

Suddenly, things just went very dark Weekend At Bernie’s. Can someone check on Nancy?

[via Wet Paint]

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Benching A Kid Who’s Amazing At Football Sounds Like A Bad Idea, Right?

I don’t know much about many things, like origami, gynecology, and ham. But two things I definitely know nothing about are child-rearing and sports. Granted, I have an inkling about how both things should work, like how you should probably reward a kid who excels at something and remains dutifully humble about it.

Which is why I’m left with those cartoon birds swirling around my head after having learned about 11-year old Demias Jimerson, a running back in Arkansas who’s been benched for scoring too many touchdowns. It’s kind of like The Blind Side, except not deep-seeded in such raw White Guilt, just Dumb Rules. (Although, honestly, the kid at the center of the argument seems much more interested in honoring The Big Guy Upstairs, which is just adorable. This guy!!!)

DEMIAS JIMERSON FOR PRESIDENT!!!

 

[via With Leather]

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“Bones Boning” Signals 28 Days Until Halloween


Sculptor Jean-Marc Laroche is bringing his installation, “Lovers from the Hereafter,” to New York’s Museum Of Sex beginning this Wednesday. Technically, the skeletons having sex that we’re all looking at in collective horror are actually made of “varnished resin and jointed with an invisible steel framework,” which creates a very lifelike illusion that, if nothing else, will remind you that it’s time to get to work on that Zombie Amy Winehouse costume.

Oh, also, it should be noted that Laroche says of his sculpture: “They are themselves quite joyful and they thumb their noses at death and present the afterlife as a roll in the hay.” In the words of Chandler Bing, could he be any more French? Non!

[Pas Un Autre via ANIMAL]

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Deaf Woman Hears Her Voice For The First Time, And We All Cry Together

29-year-old Sloan Churman was born deaf, relying on hearing aids and lip-reading for her whole life.

But times, they are a’changing, and technology now has the power to help the hearing-impaired. Sloan received something called the Esteem Implant, which utilizes ear drum vibrations to bring hearing back to its users.

Sloan’s husband filmed the momentous occasion, and it’s a perfect slice of life that will bring joy to your soul and tears to your eyes because HOORAY FOR SLOAN and AWESOME JOB to Envoy Medical, who made the implant that changed her life!

It’s days like these when a YouTube video can lift your spirits if, just for a second, you manage to forget about the other parts of the internet that are terrible. Not today, Anthony Weiner and Chris Crocker! Today belongs to Sloan!

[via Mashable]

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This Is Just A Good Bull Penis Walking Cane To Buy

Here are parts of the description of this BULL PENIS CANE on eBay, presented without comment:

  • This cane was made from a bull penis, shaped with curved handle, cured and given a hard epoxy finish for years for durability.
  • My father has made these for many years and given them to friends.
  • This cane measures 33 inches tall with black non-slip tip. A very nice example.
  • The shaft of this cane has an attractive twisting shaft.
  • Any blemishes or discoloration are part of the natural markings.
  • These canes should not be used for support that is required for medical reasons. They are good for hiking, walking, etc for the average person.

So, in closing, now you have THE PERFECT GIFT for the person in your life who prefers to walk at a moderate pace with support from an enormous, possibly-blemished frozen bull boner that was, at one point, one in a series of gifts between friends.

Christmas can’t come soon enough!

[via eBay]

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Taylor Lautner Looks Like A Crazy Person, A Gorgeous, Jacked Crazy Person

Yesterday, Taylor Lautner appeared on a television show in Madrid called El Hormiguero, where he was promoting his new movie, Abduction.

While there, Taylor Lautner turned into a crazy person. Because these photos are all real, and he looks like a crazy person in each one.

Not that we’d kick a crazy person out of bed if he looked like Taylor Lautner. Just sayin’…

Read more…

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Daily News: Governor Chris Christie Is Just Like Other Fat Guy!


Always churning out top-notch journalistic standards, The New York Daily News just published a piece on New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, whom many Republicans are hoping will suddenly dive in as the GOP’s presidential candidate for 2012.

It’s probably not going to happen, since — of all people — Christie, himself, has made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want to run. Despite the growing push to throw his weight (*AHEM*) into the ring, it remains unlikely, but that hasn’t deterred attention away from the guy just yet. In fact, the Daily News mocked up a photo in which Christie — who is, by all accounts, a very big man (dude makes William Howard Taft look like Leann Rimes) (JK NOT EVEN SURE WHAT THAT MEANS) — is swapped for Jackie Gleason in an iconic still from The Honeymooners.

Because, you know, fat guys all look the same? Imagine if they’d slapped a picture of President Obama on Levar Burton‘s face from the Star Trek era? Or J.J. Evans on Good Times? Basically any skinny Black guy ever? Bad idea, Daily News. It’s 2011. Fat is the new black (but not like that) (oh brother).

[New York Daily News via Blogging Via Typewriter]

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How To Poop, According To A Kid Made Up Like A Cat

Some call the internet “The Great Leveler” in that it all brings us back to one place, one screen, and one opportunity to unite as a global community under the blanket of technology, allowing us the opportunity to communicate with our brothers and sisters worldwide in an age during which understanding thy neighbor is as easy as ever.

And then, sometimes, kids put on cat makeup and shoot videos about “how to poop.” And then they put in on YouTube, the internet gets even dumber, and we all have a very fun lunch break.

WE ARE THE WORLD, WE ARE THE POOP…CATS…

 

[via 0 Views]