Posts By Mark Graham

by (@unclegrambo)

Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown: Deciphering The Bomb

Finally, the end is nigh! On last night’s Jersey Shore, we learned that next week’s episode is going to be the last of the season. Frankly, we can’t wait until an elite team from the CDC storms down to the Metropole in full HAZMAT regalia and burns that “herpes nest” to the ground. This season has been a frustrating one for the Macaroni Rascals and us as viewers, and there’s nary a person alive who can’t wait for the gang to get back to their Sleazeside Heights love shack. That said, there were a handful of genuinely entertaining moments in last night’s penultimate episode of Jersey Shore 2, so let’s get on with counting them down, shall we?
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by (@unclegrambo)

Five Other Movies That Eric Stoltz Got Fired From

Poor Eric Stoltz. Yesterday, for the first time in his long and illustrious career, he found himself as one of Twitter’s Trending Topics; sadly, all the hullabaloo was not to celebrate his skills as a thespian, but rather because embarrasingly awful footage of him as Marty McFly was released to the public for the very first time. Well, not to kick a guy when he’s down or anything, but we here at BWE.tv made some phone calls to the high powered studio executives we have in our Rolodex — we literally each have a huge, circular Rolodex sitting on our desks next to the Tandy 1000s that power this blog, thanks Viacom! — and found out that poor Eric Stoltz was cast in several other high-profile roles over the years, only to be replaced (again!) by more famous and better-looking actors.

DIE HARD (1988)

Bruce Willis had difficulty securing permission from the producers of Moonlighting to take time off from the TV show, so an eager John McTiernan decided to roll cameras with Stoltz playing the hard charging, tough talking New York City policeman John McClane. Sadly, even though Stoltz looked great in a tank top, it turns out he didn’t have any chemistry with Bonnie Bedelia.

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by (@unclegrambo)

The Mad Men Theme Song, As Interpreted By The Gorgeous Daughter Of Brian Williams

Allison WilliamsIs there anything that Brian Williams CAN’T do? He anchors NBC Nightly News, he hosts Saturday Night Live, he stalks Don Draper AND he produces ridiculously talented and good-looking offspring. Meet Allison Williams, BriWi’s daughter and recent Yale graduate. Apparently, she’s gotten quite popular on the YouTubes with her covers of Ke$ha’s “Tik Tok” (3.6 million+ views) and Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” (893,000+ views), but she didn’t catch our eye until our friends over at Gawker.tv posted this video this afternoon.

Allison sings lead in this stirring, one-shot mash-up between RJD2′s “A Beautiful Mine” (better known as the Mad Men theme song) and Eden Ahbez’s classic song, “Nature Boy” (which Baz Luhrman drew a lot of his Moulin Rouge inspiration from). As the Videos Recorded Live people mention on this video’s YouTube page, there’s no dubbing, no lip syncing and no Auto-Tune in this awesome video. Really, the only thing it’s missing is an Ida Blankenship cameo.

by (@unclegrambo)

Christina Aguilera’s Terrible Year Gets Worse: She And Her Husband Are Splitsville

56981764PG013_Agent_ProvocarnrnA few months ago, Christina Aguilera explained during a radio interview that she had become a “more sexual Christina” since giving birth to her son, Max. Sadly for her husband, Jordan Bratman, that ravenous sexual appetite apparently no longer applies to him: US Magazine is reporting this morning that Aguilera and Bratman have been “separated for a few months.” However, the two have yet to file any official paperwork that would land them an appointment in divorce court. rnrnThe year 2010 has not been kind to the Bionic bisexual, who has had to fight off charges that she’s a Lady Gaga copycat, cancel her tour due to a complete lack of public interest, and is poised to suffer a backlash of Mariah-circa-Glitter-esque proportions when her impending bomb Burlesque arrives in theaters this November. Even worse? No one has decided to devote an entire episode of Glee to her catalogue! Suffice to say, it looks as if the resulting stress from her career struggles have done some damage to her personal life. This one is, as they say, developing…rnrn[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

by (@unclegrambo)

Saturday Night Live Power Rankings: Wiig Is Back, But Is That A Good Thing?

How great is Jane Lynch? After bouncing around the supporting player circuit for the better part of the last 10 years, her portrayal of Sue Sylvester on Glee has finally earned her BOTH the respect of the mainstream and enough juice in the comedy community to host Saturday Night Live. Based on her outstanding work in Christopher Guest’s films and in the first season of the late, great Party Down, every indication pointed towards Lynch being the kind of host that Lorne could put on his short list of people who should host the show whenever they feel like it (think Baldwin, think Martin, think Hamm). And you know what? Lynch didn’t quite knock it out of the park, but she would easily find herself ranked in the top 20% of people who have hosted the show over the years. Definitely an excellent effort on her part. But what about the rest of the cast? Follow along to see how the Not Ready For Primetime Players performed on this week’s SNL Power Rankings.

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by (@unclegrambo)

Banksy’s Simpsons Couch Gag Ups The Ante For Primetime Subversiveness

When the clock strikes 8pm on Sunday nights, chances are your friendly BWE editors are glued to CBS and the Amazing Race. Last night, however, the football game between the Dallas Cowboys and the Tennessee Titans ran over by almost an hour, which necessitated us flipping the channel over to Fox to catch the sabremetrics-focused episode of The Simpsons. Mere seconds into the program, we knew we were in for a delicious treat when the camera panned over the city of Springfield and a huge Banksy tag appeared on the Krusty billboard. However, we were not prepared for the harrowing direction the credits took when it came time for the show’s patented couch gag.

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by (@unclegrambo)

This Guy Is REALLY Into Saturday Night Live

Some say too into Saturday Night Live. Youtube user crgmorgan has been making his own personal series of SNL lip dub videos for a few months now, but he hadn’t tasted the sweet nectar of viral video success until his imitation of Kristin Wiig’s perpetually surprised character Sue was uploaded yesterday (for those of you not familiar with the sketch he’s reprising, look no further). While we hope that crgmorgan is enjoying this time that he gets to bask in the warming rays of viral video glory — 50K views and climbing! — we highly suggest that he takes a few moments out of his day, puts his shirt on and backs up his videos onto his local hard drive. After all, as anyone who has tried in vain to search for SNL clips on Youtube will attest, NBC/Universal is crazy vigilant about keeping their prized content off of any video sharing site that doesn’t have Hulu or NBC in its URL.

Want more crgmorgan? We’ve got his impression of Stefon below.
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by (@unclegrambo)

I See Your Slutty Cookie Monster And Raise You A Slutty Wookie

Slutty Chewbacca

A few weeks back, our own Dan Hopper turned his critical eye to the numerous ethical issues that are likely to be raised this Halloween when millions* of women dress up as a Slutty Cookie Monster. Well, in the spirit of iconic childhood figures suddenly becoming sexualized by calorie-craving candy fiends, we thought we’d call your attention to this Slutty Wookie (or, as it’s described by the lawsuit-cognizant copywriters over at Yandy.com, “Sci-Fi Furry Costume”) costume. Make no mistake, this is NOT a Slutty Chewbacca costume; everyone knows that Chewie is a dude! Rather, this classily dressed lady is clearly impersonating a female Wookie, albeit one with substantially less hair than George Lucas likely envisioned. We think that’s a good thing.

If this Slutty Wookie costume is too wholesome for you — we know a lot of you BWE readers are drawn to the Dark Side — there’s always this Slutty Darth Vaderette get-up to assist you with getting your Force on. However, regardless of what you dress up as some 24 days from now, though, there’s one thing we implore you to remember: No matter how drunk you get, don’t hook up with a Slutty Ewok. As everyone who ever saw Return Of The Jedi can tell you, that will only lead to disappointment.

[Thanks, The Daily What!]

*Well, maybe not millions, but surely dozens of people will have to deal with these issues.

by (@unclegrambo)

We Want A Pitcher, Not A Belly Itcher!

bellyitchers-550

While most of us would agree that it’s a stretch to still describe baseball as being Our National Pastimeā„¢, there’s little sense denying that every playoff baseball game played during the month of October is laden with the kind of dramatic tension that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention. This post, however, is not really about celebrating the magic and mystery of America’s most revered professional sport. Rather, it’s about the celebrities who trot themselves out to the pitcher’s mound before games to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.

First, the facts: Every single Major League Baseball team plays 81 home games during the course of the season. This means that the poor public relations department of each team has to come up with 81 different ways to get the crowd excited before a game. In some of baseball’s larger markets, teams draw upon their access to a range of different celebrities, a list that runs the gamut from Hollywood’s A-List to downtrodden reality television flameouts, to get their fans excited over a long and often monotonous season. So we here at TheFABLife thought you would get a kick out of seeing celebs of all magnitudes — most of whom are not exactly known for their athletic abilities — attempting to throw a baseball sixty feet and six inches. So, if you pardon the expression, who throws like a girl and who throws like someone who could be called up to The Show? Now’s the time to find out. Play ball!

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by (@unclegrambo)

Some Dreams Are Best Left Unrealized

Every child who has ever spent any time on a swing set has, at one point or another, thought to themselves, “Hmmm, I wonder if I could swing myself so hard that I’ll be able to flip over the bar?” Most of us never pursued that thought any further, and instead went along to tackle something else playground-related (like playing hopscotch or a game of horseshoes) during recess. However, this brave soul enlisted a few of his buddies to help him conquer the what most astrophysicists consider to be the Final Frontier: a full 360° rotation on a swing set. Needless to say, it could’ve gone better.

[Thanks, Buzzfeed!]