rnrnWell, that certainly didn’t take long! Mere hours after it was reported that Kim Kardashian dumped her latest football-playing squeeze, Miles Austin, rumors have begun to circulate that the purse-a-holic has found herself a new man. According to the highly-trafficked (but not always highly-reliable) gossip blog MediaTakeOut.com, Kim Kardashian is “dating” Chris Brown, the scumbag poster child for violence against women. rnrnNow, before you prepare to write nasty things on Kim Kardashian’s Facebook wall, here’s what’s up: According to MTO’s “snitch,” Brown hit up Kim’s little brother, Rob, for his big sister’s digits. Rob provided them, and ever since, Kardashian and Brown have been texting (sexting?) ever since. Since Kim is physically incapable of leaving her home without informing the paparazzi of her whereabouts, we are almost 100% certain that the two haven’t gone out on what any of us would call a date, let alone getting to the point where they enter the Bone Zone; if they had, we would’ve seen the pictures. Still, a rumor is a rumor is a rumor, and since rumormongering is one of our favorite pasttimes here at TheFABLife, we thought we’d pass this juicy goss your way.rnrnSo, readers, now’s your chance to weigh in. What do you think of this unholy union? If the rumors were confirmed, would you be so upset that you would stop watching Kim’s show? Or is it time to forgive Chris Brown and move on with our lives? Be sure and let us know what you think in the comment section below! [Photo Credit: Getty Images, Splash News]
Posts By Mark Graham
Bruno Mars Busted For Cocaine Possession In Las Vegas
At this point, Bruno Mars is probably best known as the singer of the hook on on B.o.B’s huge hit, “Nothin’ On You.” Well, sadly for him, the Las Vegas Police Department found something on him (get it?) at the Hard Rock Hotel early on Sunday morning. After performing a gig in the hotel, police confronted Mars — real name: Peter Gene Hernandez — in the bathroom and found him in possession of cocaine. And not just a bump or two, either; police claim Mars had 2.6 grams (!) of Bolivian marching powder on his person, more than three times the amount that Paris Hilton was busted with. Judging by the amount of sweat dripping off his forehead in the mugshot above, it seems as if Mars put a pretty good dent in an 8-Ball in a stall before getting pinched by the po-po. Whoops!
We’ll have to wait and see if the Las Vegas court system is as lenient with Mars as they were with the large-footed heiress, but you can bet that his record company is sweating the fallout: Mars was just named as the musical guest for the October 9 episode of Saturday Night Live earlier this morning. Developing!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Let’s Make A Toast For The Douchebags, A-Holes and Scumbags
Ever since the VMAs aired on Sunday night, everyone here at TheFABLife has been beyond obsessed with Kanye West‘s new song, “Runaway.” In particular, the song’s chorus of “Let’s make a toast for the douchebags / Let’s have a toast for the a-holes / Let’s have a toast for the scumbags / Every one of them that I know” has been ringing through our hallways all week long. This zeitgeist-grabbing chorus got us thinking about who are today’s biggest d-bags, a-holes and scumbags; so, of course, we compiled a list of the people that we would toast … with a giant mug of Haterade, of course! Below, you’ll find our Top Ten lists of celebrities whose boorish and obnoxious behavior landed them in one of these three groupings (and that includes you, Kanye!). Who did we miss?
DOUCHEBAGS: Michael Phelps / Jon Gosselin / Brandon Davis / Jared Leto / Dustin Diamond / Criss Angel / Christian Audigier / Brody Jenner / Dane Cook / Spencer Pratt
A-HOLES: Glenn Beck / Ashton Kutcher / Michael Bay / Gordon Ramsey / Sean Penn / Rush Limbaugh / Jay Leno / Chris Brown / John Mayer / Kanye West
SCUMBAGS: Steve-O / Tiki Barber / Joe Francis / Billy Crudup / Jesse James / Ben Roethlisberger / John Edwards / Tiger Woods / Mel Gibson / O.J. Simpson
There Wasn’t A New Jersey Shore Last Night, But This Oughta Tide You Over
Sadly, the reality television gods were not smiling down on us last night. Instead of showing a new episode of Jersey Shore, MTV decided to repeat the same show that they ran before the VMAs on Sunday (which we already recapped here, if you missed it). That said, your buddy Juice Springsteen has no plans to let you down.
For those of you starving for something, anything guido-related, the new(ish) video above of DJ Pauly D, Vinny Watermelon and Captain Smush beating up the beat in their hotel room to Yolanda Be Cool’s “We Speak No Americano” will certainly satiate your ravenous appetite for all things Sleazeside. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for a Sammi Sweetheart cameo! Speaking of which, if you are of the mindset that our girl Sammi may have gotten some pre-VMA work done, cruise on over to TheFABLife for our exhaustive investigation into the matter.
Until next week!
—Juice Springsteen
Sammi Sweetheart Looked Great At The VMAs, But Did She Look Too Great?
Yes yes, we know, we’re just as sick of talking about the 2010 Video Music Awards as you are. THAT SAID! We were watching the show again last night — clearly, we’re gluttons for punishment — and noticed something that we didn’t initially process on Sunday night. Namely, that Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola of Jersey Shore fame looked, to quote Zoolander, “really, really, ridiculously good looking.” But did she look too good-looking?
We’re not sure if it was the lighting, her makeup, or the particular blend of her spray tan that night, but there was definitely something different about the Jersey Shore cast member. Considering that cameras have been filming everyone’s favorite guidos since February pretty much non-stop, we can’t (and won’t!) say with any certainty that Sammi has had work done (though commenters on both Television Without Pity and Long Island Families aren’t exactly holding back their opinions). Instead, we’ve put together a few snaps of Sammi that range from the glorious day that that the Jersey Shore cast members were first introduced until the present day. What conclusions do YOU draw?
Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown: The Ho Equation
After a triumphant, transcendant, and tranny-free episode of Jersey Shore aired on Thursday night — some say the best episode of the show’s relatively lackluster second season — we found ourselves once again watching our fair guidos stumbling in their attempts to conquer M.I.A. last night. With the exception of Angelina and DJ Pauly D, everyone seems to be down on their luck: After failing to convert in the bedroom, The Situation was left in the unenviable position of eating an early morning egg sandwich while watching Pauly D romp in the sack not five feet away from him; Snooki got bonked in the schnozz with an errant volleyball; the Vin Man got stood up; Sammi Sweetheart, Ron Ron and J-WOWW barely left their bedrooms. Fortunately, Vinny’s Uncle Nino showed up on the scene to contribute some My Blue Heaven-esque nyuk nyuk moments, so all was not lost. So, fellow juiceheads, please follow along as we count down this week’s Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown.
Catching Up With Katie Holmes At The Premiere Of The Romantics
Tired of being disappointed by big-budget box office bombs? If so, consider trying an indie movie on for size the next time you get a hankering to catch a movie. If that sort of mood washes over you anytime soon, might we suggest looking up show times of The Romantics at a theater near you courtesy of your Samsung Epic™ 4G? Speaking of which, our own Janell Snowden caught up with the film’s stars Katie Holmes — she’s tall! — and Malin Akerman earlier this week at the film’s New York City premiere. Check out what they had to say to us below!
ICYMI: It Looks Like The Spider-Man Musical Is Actually Going To Happen
You guys like Broadway, don’t you? Wait, what’s that? The last thing you saw on Broadway was Cats? For shame! Well, the visionary (and quite divatastic) creative mastermind Julie Taymor is hoping all that will change when her troubled production of Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark opens up later this year (fingers crossed)! This ambitious and wildly expensive show has been delayed more times than we can count — we only have so many fingers and toes, you know — but the appearance of star Reeve Carney on Good Morning America this morning has got to be some sort of positive indication that this thing is actually going to happen someday, right?
So, why would you go see Spiderman on Broadway versus any of the other numerous movie-to-musical translations clogging up the Great White Way these days? Well, producers are betting that an original score co-written by Bono and The Edge will get people excited. The aforementioned Carney performed one of these bombastic new songs, “Boy Falls From the Sky,” this morning. As Vulture astutely pointed out earlier, the guitar riff that anchors the song sounds suspiciously like the riff from “Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me”, U2′s contribution to the Batman Forever soundtrack. That said, this song shows promise and, surprisingly, is nowhere near as disastrous as the whispers tipped it to be. As long as Taymor doesn’t decide to incorporate a number based on Tobey Maguire’s jazzbo freakout from Spiderman 3 into the production, we’re pretty confident that Spider-Man will turn out to be nowhere near as embarrassing as American Idiot!
Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown: Like Firecrackers In A Dumpster
Okay, legitimate Jersey Shore related question for you, the listening reading audience: What differences, if any, are there between the action verbs smush, smash and smoosh? We have watched — with intense focus and passion, mind you — every single episode of this wonderous gift from the reality television gods and we are still not entirely sure what context calls for the usage of “smash” versus one for “smoosh.” We are nothing if not cultural anthropologists, so if anyone is reading who hails from the Garden State can rectify, we would be most appreciative. Related: We are also curious as to why the phrase “pound out” — one of the staples of Season One — has been ditched from the guido lexicon, and also when the right situation is for saying “Getting it in” versus smush/smash/smoosh. If you can help, please do so in the comments.
Now, on with the show! The Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown, as always, lies below…
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME POLITICS?!?
Politics, man. So boring, right? WRONG! Meet Phil Davison, resident of Stark County, OH, and prospective Republican nominee for Treasurer of said county. While most local politicians ascend to government office based on a combination of experience, connections and good fortune, our new hero Phil Davison attempted to win over the voters of Stark County the old-fashioned way; namely, by penning a speech so moving, so powerful, so full of oratory grace that Patrick Henry himself would rise from the grave, initiate a slow clap to end all slow claps, then cast a ballot for Davison before crumbling into a jealous pile of dust.
Sadly for Davison (but happily for us!), in order to overcome his somewhat shaky command of his talking points and general nervousness at the podium, he decided to give his speech while SPEAKING AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE, like some sort of unholy offspring of the Ultimate Warrior and Inspirational Speaker Matt Foley. Now, thanks to the magic of embeddable video, seemingly innocuous phrases such as “I HAVE A MASTER’S DEGREE IN COMMUNICATION!” and “IN THE MIDDLE OF DIFFICULTY LIES OPPORTUNITY!” have become the stuff of Internet lore, thanks to Davison’s ALL CAPS vocal stylings.
Oh, btw, we have no idea who Randy Gonzalez is, but we do know this: he better be sure to sleep with one eye open tonight. SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM!
[hat tip to Videogum]
