Posts By Mark Graham

by (@unclegrambo)

Christine O’Donnell Is Not A Witch

She is, however, a … really … slow … talker. Why so SLOWious? It’s as if she prepared for a 15-second spot, but was told by the director the moment that she arrived on the (really creepy and really witchy-looking!) set that she’d have to stretch it out to a 30 seconds for maximum viral potential. Someone really ought to have her work with Amy Sherman-Palladino (or perhaps Phil Davison) before her next campaign spot.

Oh, and while we’re on the topic of Christine O’Donnell’s outlandishly hilarious clairifications to the voting public at large, it’s worth noting that her father Daniel O’Donnell did NOT work as an officially licensed Bozo The Clown, as previously rumored. As he explained to Mark Leibovitch of the New York Times last night, “To be an official Bozo, you had to go to a special school in Texas … I was the fill-in Bozo.” Do with that information what you will.

by (@unclegrambo)

And The Survey Says: “Your Penis”

Oh no she didn’t! Actually, yes she did. We haven’t been watching much Family Feud since the departure of the great John O’Hurley, but this moment certainly caught our eye. When host Steve Harvey asked a contestant to “Name a part of your body that’s bigger than when you were 16 years-old,” she answered with the first thing that came to her mind. No, not “a boner” (although that HAS happened before); rather, she used the “medical terminology” (her words!) for the, um, male anatomy, which resulted in the prudish Harvey nearly passing out on the stage from shock. Geez, Steve, unprofessional much?

by (@unclegrambo)

Saturday Night Live Power Rankings: Vanessa Bayer Makes Her Mark

Rightly so, most of the conversation surrounding this weekend’s Bryan Cranston hosted episode of Saturday Night Live has revolved around Kanye West’s next level performances of “Power” and “Runaway.” Now that you’ve had enough time to digest those, we figured it was high time to start breaking down this week’s Saturday Night Live Power Rankings for you. After all, it was the first time that one of the newbies got an opportunity to play the lead in a sketch and, much to Lorne’s delight, it was totally F-Bomb free! So, please follow along and find out where Vanessa Bayer and the rest of her SNL brethren landed on this week’s Power Rankings.

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by (@unclegrambo)

Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown: Macaroni Rascals

Fellow Juiceheads, did you hear the news that our loveable guidos and guidettes from the Jersey Shore are now being syndicated in Japan? It’s not surprising that the antics of The Situation, Snooki, DJ Pauly D and the others are garnering them fame on an international level, but this is: The show’s title in the Land of the Rising Sun is The New Jersey Life of Macaroni Rascals!!! Which, of course, is obviously the best name for a television program since, well, Best Week Ever (R.I.P.). Shame on you, Sally Ann Salsano, for not coming up with this title first!

Now, on with this week’s Macaroni Rascals Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown!

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by (@unclegrambo)

Breaking News! Katherine Heigl = Still Awful

Ugh, is there anyone alive that’s more insufferable than Katherine Heigl? After winning turns on Grey’s Anatomy and the feature film Knocked Up back in the halcyon days of 2007, she rocketed from Roswell third banana to America’s Sweetheart™ status in near-record time. Since then, though, there has been nary a person that she has come in contact with that she hasn’t alienated in some fashion: Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, the entire cast/crew of Grey’s, and her co-workers on the set of The Ugly Truth and Killers all count themselves among the throngs who see her as the living, breathing embodiment of Cruella de Vil. And as if there weren’t enough evidence to support the fact that she’s a divalicious monster, this weekend’s New York Times profile of Heigl starts off like this:

An unsmiling Katherine Heigl, at work on a new movie in this Pittsburgh suburb in August, stepped out of a chauffeured black S.U.V. and strode onto the set. She briskly filmed her scene and decamped to her air-conditioned trailer. “I admit that I’m particular about the way I work,” she said, stopping to stare at a stuffed rabbit on the floor. She continued her thought, but not before giving the bunny a swift kick.

Need more evidence? Please, follow along to catch some highlowlights of her appearance on the Late Show With David Letterman earlier this week.

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by (@unclegrambo)

Time Is Running Out To Enter The “Speak Now With Taylor Swift” Contest

61786417rnrnAs we count down the days until the release of Taylor Swift’s highly anticipated new album, Speak Now, we thought that we’d remind you that there are only a few days left to enter the Speak Now With Taylor contest. Need a refresher on what it entails? We’re partnering with our friends over at CMT to send four lucky fans to the Speak Now album release party right here in New York City next month, where the winners will get to hang with Taylor for the night. But that’s not all! The next day, the four winners with fly to LA with Taylor Swift herself (!) and get the chance to interview her while on the plane. Always been dying to know what kissing Taylor Lautner is like, or what she really thinks of Kanye West? You’ll find out! rnrnThe deadline for the Speak Now With Taylor contest is this Friday, October 1. What are you waiting for? [Photo Credit: Getty Images]

by (@unclegrambo)

Saturday Night Live Power Rankings: It’s Fred Armisen’s Time To Shine

Share photos on twitter with TwitpicAfter Saturday Night Live went through one of its most active off-seasons in recent memory — two castmembers departed (one of their own volition, one not), while four newbies were hired — the cast and crew who call Studio 8H their home gathered to start working on the show’s 36th season. Creative turbulence issues aside, the show continues to go on, as it did on Saturday night when host Amy Poehler and musical guest Katy Perry’s Breasts kicked off a new season to strong interest from the public at large; Deadline.com reports that the show’s ratings were up a stellar 15% from last season’s debut.

Due to this increased level of interest and what can only be described as a bull market for television recaps on the Information Superhighway, we here at BWE.tv decided that we’d approach the show differently this year. Rather than doing a regular ole rundown of the evening’s sketches and musical performances, we decided to put our focus on the people who make the magic happen (or, depending on the night, don’t make anything happen whatsoever): the show’s cast. More specifically, our aim is to come up with a ranking system that illustrates how valuable each of the show’s cast members are to the show during any given episode and, subsequently, the entire season. So we’ve dusted off our Texas Instruments calculators and started doing some quantitative analysis that will hopefully show AND tell the importance of each of the show’s 13 regular castmembers1.

So, after one episode of the show, who do YOU think the show’s most valuable cast member is? Follow along for our highly scientific analysis.

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by (@unclegrambo)

Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown: Welcome To Lick-A-Lick

Ugh, this episode! Where to start with our beefs? First, how about the fact that the entire episode took place within a 24-hour span of time? Be more choosy with your scene selection, Salsano! And to save the (probably not that) dramatic fight between The Situation and Angelina until next week after using THAT VERY CLIP to promote this week’s episode? We can only assume that they were running low on usable footage. Also, there’s the little outstanding issue that nothing of any consequence happened during this episode whatsoever. Blergh!

Despite all this, our fair guidos managed to deliver a few lines worth repeating. So, if you will, take a journey with us as we walk you through this week’s Jersey Shore Top Ten Catchphrase Countdown!

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by (@unclegrambo)

Elisabeth Moss and Fred Armisen’s Divorce Is Getting Uglier By The Minute

Red Is The Color Of Anger, You Know!rnrnTrue story! Before I worked here at VH1, I was an editor for Vulture, which is New York magazine’s entertainment vertical*. In the halcyon days of January 2009, I wrote a brief post called “Fred Armisen Making Time With Peggy Olson” when I first heard the news that the SNL funny man was dating Elisabeth Moss. And you know what? Less than an hour later, I received an email from none other than Fred himself, a missive which: A) Thanked me for writing a nice piece and B) Explained how in love he was with “Lizzie.” Of course, this endeared me even more to them as a couple, a couple who I already felt was bringing more goodness into the world than evil. (As someone who writes about celebrities for a living, believe me, I rarely feel this way.)rnrnSo, naturally, it came as a total bummer when I read last month that the couple was calling it quits after just seven months of wedded bliss. But hey, these things happen, the two of them would surely play nice in the sandbox and peacefully move on with their lives, right? Wrong-o.rnrn Read more…

by (@unclegrambo)

Brangelina’s Twins Are Being Taught The Facts Of Life By Mindy Cohn

brangelina-nataliernrnQuick, name Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s most trusted confidante. Is it George Clooney? Julia Roberts? Matt Damon? Now, suppose we threw the name Mindy Cohn at you. Yes, that Mindy Cohn, the one who played Natalie on The Facts Of Life. Not someone you’d think would be besties with Brangelina, right? Wrong!rnrnAccording to a report in this week’s US Magazine, Mindy Cohn has just been revealed as the godmother (!!!) to Brad and Angelina’s two year-old twins, Knox and Vivienne. Apparently she’s tight with James Haven, who you’ll remember as possessing the other pair of lips in The World’s All-Time Most Awkward Kiss Between Siblings™, which is how she got to be in Brangelina’s inner circle. Weirdzies! We’re just going to go ahead and assume that Tootie and Blair were unavailable that day. [Photo Credit: Getty Images, NBC]