rnrnFor the last few weeks, we’ve been offering you opportunities to enter the “My _____ Got Better” sweepstakes, brought to you by VH1 and Dove®. Sadly, like all good things, this contest’s expiration date is coming to a close. Tomorrow, September 24, is the very last day that you’ll be able to enter the contest that will award one lucky winner a grand prize that’s worth $4,000. So, the time to act is now! Remember, the sweepstakes is made up of four distinct categories, each of which is meant to help enrich a specific facet of your life:rnrn Read more…
Posts By Mark Graham
“So there we were, just minding our own business, spending some time on the boardwalk with some lame photographer that our parents made us hire so we could get our engagement pictures in the Asbury Park Press. Just when we were starting to get in the right sort of mood, we heard the sputter of a ’69 Chevy with a 396 off in the distance, then POOF! The next thing we knew, Bruce Springsteen was sitting next to us, strumming along to a song we didn’t recognize and totally hogging the bench! He asked us, ‘What’s the matter, you didn’t buy Working On A Dream after I played the title track during the Super Bowl halftime special?’, and we were all, ‘Sorry, we flipped over to the Lingerie Bowl.’
“So he proceeded to play us every song from that terrible record on his acoustic, including weird B-sides and alternate arrangements we’d never heard before. Then he started crying, blubbering something under his breath about how time slips away and leaves you with nothing, mister, but boring stories of glory days. And we were like, ‘Sorry, Boss, I guess we grew up in more of a John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band household, that’s all.’ He trudged away, forlorn, but the worst part wasn’t that we hurt his feelings. We were just pissed that all the good light had gone away! What a waste of $75 bucks!”
For more Legends of Springsteen!, see below:
Ever since the dawn of time, people have been getting drunk. However, it wasn’t until one Ronnie Ortiz Magro (aka Captain Smush) introduced a potent concoction known as Ron-Ron Juice to the world just under one year ago on the debut episode of Jersey Shore that human beings were finally able to achieve a state of mind that the Dalai Lama (or was it Carl Spackler?) once described as “total consciousness.” Being the naïve souls that we are, we once tried to achieve this state by mixing watermelon slices, cherries, ice, some cranberry juice, a few splashes of Body Heat by BODman cologne, a teaspoon of indoor-tanning lotion, Peach Schnapps and some Nonoxynol-9 into a blender and hitting the Frappé button, but all that ended up getting us was a wicked hangover and itchy pubes. Fortunately for us, during an appearance on the Late Show With David Letterman just last night, Snooki was kind enough to provide us the recipe for the magical potion known as Ron-Ron Juice. Quite simply, it consists of “vodka, watermelon, cherries, blueberries and maybe some Jäger.” Mystery solved!
And oh yeah, did we mention that Alec Baldwin stopped by the Ed Sullivan Theater last night, too?
Did you watch Lone Star on Fox last night? Judging by the anemic ratings, the answer is pretty clearly “No”! While television industry analysts are virtually drooling on their keyboards with anticipation that the program might be the first cancellation of the 2010 Fall Television Season, we are hoping that cooler heads prevail because we enjoyed the hell out of it. Not only does it feature a long con that both Sawyer and Anthony Cooper would deem impressive in nature, but romance, intrigue and high stakes family drama all seem as if they’ll feature prominently throughout the show’s run. Plus, there is that teeny matter of us sinking our life savings into printing thousands of Team Cat vs. Team Lindsay t-shirts…
So, what we’re saying is this: Give Lone Star a chance, people! Stream it on Fox.com, set your DVRs, etc. Should you do so, however, we do have one warning for you: Just be sure not to stare at your television too long when David “Firestarter” Keith* comes on screen. We’re not quite sure what has happened to him in the years since receiving a Golden Globe nomination for Best Supporting Actor for his work in An Officer And A Gentlemen, but his ghastly visage now resembles a poorly constructed mashup of Arli$$ and Rick “Who Wants To Marry A Millionaire” Rockwell’s faces. Cue Joker laugh …. now!
*Not to be confused with Keith David, mind you.
Remember how annoying it was last Halloween when like nine Lady Gagas ran around your party singing “Poker Face”? Well, this Halloween, say bye-bye to Gaga and hello to guidos. Yes, that’s right, all the
cool kids creatively-challenged sheep will be decked out in their chintziest Jersey Shore wares a few weekends from now. It’s hard to believe, but at this time last year, no one knew the difference between a Snooki and a Situation, let alone a DJ Pauly D, so naturally they’re going to be this year’s big costume. (Side Note: Dear NBC Today Show producers, if you’re reading this, please please PLEASE don’t dress up Matt and Meredith and the gang as the Jersey Shore cast).
In fact, Jersey Shore costumes are SO popular that even DJ Pauly D is planning on going as DJ Pauly D for Halloween. In this vid he posted to his YouTube account, he tries on the Pauly D costume that thousands of jabronis will be wearing come October 31. The verdict? As much as we love Pauly D here at Best Week Ever, we think he’d be better off going as a Slutty Cookie Monster.
[Hat tip to MikeTheSituation.com!]
…K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Actually, it was a Honda and not a tree, but why bother getting bogged down in the details? Earlier today, we introduced you to Justin Bieber’s new girlfriend, Jasmine Villegas. And while we gave you some initial clues as to who she is — she played the main squeeze of the Biebs in the “Baby” video, she loves long walks on the beach and can’t stop playing tonsil-hockey with the biggest pop sensation on the planet — we didn’t actually show you too much in the way of what she looks like. Until now, that is! So stop what you’re doing, dive in and check out the pictures of the older woman — Jasmine has been alive exactly 83 more days than Justin! — that stole Bieber’s heart (and possibly his virginity, too!). [Photo Illustration: Lauren Deiman, Photo Credit: Getty Images, ]
rnrnWell, that certainly didn’t take long! Mere hours after it was reported that Kim Kardashian dumped her latest football-playing squeeze, Miles Austin, rumors have begun to circulate that the purse-a-holic has found herself a new man. According to the highly-trafficked (but not always highly-reliable) gossip blog MediaTakeOut.com, Kim Kardashian is “dating” Chris Brown, the scumbag poster child for violence against women. rnrnNow, before you prepare to write nasty things on Kim Kardashian’s Facebook wall, here’s what’s up: According to MTO’s “snitch,” Brown hit up Kim’s little brother, Rob, for his big sister’s digits. Rob provided them, and ever since, Kardashian and Brown have been texting (sexting?) ever since. Since Kim is physically incapable of leaving her home without informing the paparazzi of her whereabouts, we are almost 100% certain that the two haven’t gone out on what any of us would call a date, let alone getting to the point where they enter the Bone Zone; if they had, we would’ve seen the pictures. Still, a rumor is a rumor is a rumor, and since rumormongering is one of our favorite pasttimes here at TheFABLife, we thought we’d pass this juicy goss your way.rnrnSo, readers, now’s your chance to weigh in. What do you think of this unholy union? If the rumors were confirmed, would you be so upset that you would stop watching Kim’s show? Or is it time to forgive Chris Brown and move on with our lives? Be sure and let us know what you think in the comment section below! [Photo Credit: Getty Images, Splash News]
At this point, Bruno Mars is probably best known as the singer of the hook on on B.o.B’s huge hit, “Nothin’ On You.” Well, sadly for him, the Las Vegas Police Department found something on him (get it?) at the Hard Rock Hotel early on Sunday morning. After performing a gig in the hotel, police confronted Mars — real name: Peter Gene Hernandez — in the bathroom and found him in possession of cocaine. And not just a bump or two, either; police claim Mars had 2.6 grams (!) of Bolivian marching powder on his person, more than three times the amount that Paris Hilton was busted with. Judging by the amount of sweat dripping off his forehead in the mugshot above, it seems as if Mars put a pretty good dent in an 8-Ball in a stall before getting pinched by the po-po. Whoops!
We’ll have to wait and see if the Las Vegas court system is as lenient with Mars as they were with the large-footed heiress, but you can bet that his record company is sweating the fallout: Mars was just named as the musical guest for the October 9 episode of Saturday Night Live earlier this morning. Developing!
[Photo: Getty Images]
Ever since the VMAs aired on Sunday night, everyone here at TheFABLife has been beyond obsessed with Kanye West‘s new song, “Runaway.” In particular, the song’s chorus of “Let’s make a toast for the douchebags / Let’s have a toast for the a-holes / Let’s have a toast for the scumbags / Every one of them that I know” has been ringing through our hallways all week long. This zeitgeist-grabbing chorus got us thinking about who are today’s biggest d-bags, a-holes and scumbags; so, of course, we compiled a list of the people that we would toast … with a giant mug of Haterade, of course! Below, you’ll find our Top Ten lists of celebrities whose boorish and obnoxious behavior landed them in one of these three groupings (and that includes you, Kanye!). Who did we miss?
Sadly, the reality television gods were not smiling down on us last night. Instead of showing a new episode of Jersey Shore, MTV decided to repeat the same show that they ran before the VMAs on Sunday (which we already recapped here, if you missed it). That said, your buddy Juice Springsteen has no plans to let you down.
For those of you starving for something, anything guido-related, the new(ish) video above of DJ Pauly D, Vinny Watermelon and Captain Smush beating up the beat in their hotel room to Yolanda Be Cool’s “We Speak No Americano” will certainly satiate your ravenous appetite for all things Sleazeside. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for a Sammi Sweetheart cameo! Speaking of which, if you are of the mindset that our girl Sammi may have gotten some pre-VMA work done, cruise on over to TheFABLife for our exhaustive investigation into the matter.
Until next week!