There are no doubt a great many of you out there who, like me, are compulsive watchers of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Well, last night, those of us who suffer through the program week after week were treated to one of the most deliciously humiliating rejections EVER captured on camera. But just in case you haven’t caught up on last night’s episode yet, we’ll keep all of the SPOILERS safe after the jump. Continue if you dare! (And you must, really!)
Posts By Mark Graham
True Blood Recap: I Was A Teenage Nazi Vampire
If you, the loyal Best Week Ever reader, is anything like me, the Best Week Ever contributor, you’ve come to recognize that there is a dark side to the otherwise joyous time of the year known as summer. Yeah yeah yeah, there’s little sense denying the awesomeness of beaches, picnics and BBQs, but those of us who suffer from a paralyzing addiction to pop culture recognize that this otherwise joyous season is notable for its stunning lack of quality television. The major broadcast networks have long since given up on trying to launch anything compelling during the summertime months, instead choosing to flood the airwaves with tired repeats and substandard dreck like America’s Got Talent, So You Think You Can Dance and Wipeout. However, over the last few years, the creative sloth of the major broadcast networks has opened up some room for cable networks to counterprogram against the crap, a trend which gave birth to a few notable hits like Mad Men, Burn Notice and The Closer. And, as hinted at in the subject line above, True Blood!
With that in mind, we figured that more than a few of you have been staying up late the last two Sunday nights to catch the third season of True Blood. Hence, the following recap! Hope you enjoy…
Ron Artest Thanks His Shrink In World’s Most Awesome Post-Game Speech, Ever
Ron Artest’s long journey from being known as a mentally unstable thug to being known as a mentally unstable basketball champion was completed last night when his Los Angeles Lakers trumped the Boston Celtics in Game 7 of the NBA Finals (an event which, as tradition demands, was capped off by a feverish post-game makeout session between the two heated rivals). Artest, whose skill on the court has never been called into question, has long been maligned in both league and fan circles as a head case, a reputation that was solidified after he maniacally charged into the stands during a game and started brawling with fans back in 2005.
So how was Artest able to make the transition from being the most hated/feared man in sports to winning a coveted NBA championship ring? Simple! He spent some QT with a psychiatrist. And while it’s no longer taboo for athletes to admit that they confess their deepest fears to sports psychiatrists, most athletes tend keep their participation in these therapeutic sessions private. But not Ron Ron! He let his strong feelings for Dr. Melfi Dr. Sandeep be known last night during a euphoric post-game interview with the mildly shellshocked ABC sideline reporter, Doris Burke, a moment that felt less like an interview and more like an Oscar acceptance speech:
“I definitely want to thank my doctor, Dr. Sandeep, my, uh, psychiatrist. She really helped me relax a lot. Thank you SO much. It’s so difficult to play with all this focus, and so much emotion in the playoffs. And she helped me relax, I thank you so much.”
And if that wasn’t shocking enough, the unfiltered Artest deftly transitioned from confessional mode into promotional mode and plugged his new rap song, “Champion,” that hits the streets soon. Most awesome post-game interview ever? We say yes.
[Via SoupSoup]
Zach Anner Earns Our Vote As The Next Oprah
While the Internet is generally an unforgiving medium where cynicism and bad taste reigns, we here at Best Week Ever would like to borrow a few moments of your time to watch something that is genuinely heartwarming and altogether awesome. Over the weekend, when our ears weren’t ringing with the sound of vuvuzelas, we caught our first glimpse of Zach Anner, a young man who has dreams of hosting his own TV show someday. While the streets are cluttered with delusional people who fool themselves into thinking that they have the kinds of charisma and talent necessary to become a television star, Zach — who also happens to have cerebral palsy — seems to have the kind of unique talent that just might allow him to succeed where so many others fail. To wit, his undeniable enthusiasm and winning spirit have placed him in a good position to win the Your OWN Show contest that Oprah Winfrey is currently sponsoring.
If you agree that he has what it takes to earn a tryout with Queen Oprah, you should head on over to Zach Anner’s audition page and vote. And if you’re in the mood for your heart to get even warmer, we’ve got another video he made after the jump, one in which he thanks all of the fans who turned out over the weekend to support him. Awesome, awesome stuff.
Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” Video Shocks Us, Shocks Us, Shocks Us With Its Deviant Behavior
When a :30 clip of strong>Lady Gaga’s “Alejandro” videodebuted on the Larry King Live show last week, the artist formerly known as Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta promised everyone’s favorite suspender-clad senior citizen that the full-length video would sport a “homoerotic military theme.” While that’s certainly an apt description, Gaga’s latest epic contains so many taboo-goosing moments that her place as music’s reigning Queen of Controversy will be secure for months to come.
When Gaga isn’t busy sitting in a dilapidated, Edward Scissorhands-inspired castle watching a gaggle of shirtless men with haircuts by Moe Howard dance the lambada outside of her window, she takes a calculated swipe at the Catholic church by deepthroating rosary beads and wearing a Papal number that features an upside-down cross on her crotch (zing?). Not content with merely incensing religious groups, her passionate, S&M fueled makeout sesh with a dude sporting fishnets and high heels is sure to get Red Staters nine kinds of fired up. And oh, lest we forget, she also wears a bra outfitted with twin M16 machine guns while dancing with a crew of gents dressed not unlike the Gestapo! (And, dare we ask, what is that powdery white residue on the glass table in the video’s opening moments?)
Now, clearly, this isn’t the first time that Gaga has stoked the fires of controversy in her music videos. Nor, we hope, will it be her last. However, it’s clear to most anyone who watches the “Alejandro” video that Gaga has gone to new lengths to provoke her staunchest critics (including, apparently, Katy Perry!). The question to you, dear reader, is this: Do you think she’s finally gone too far? Or do you think that Gaga is just being Gaga by pushing everyone’s hot buttons? Weigh in below in our Comments section.
Related: The 20 Most Shocking Scenes From Lady Gaga’s ‘Alejandro’ Video [MTV Buzzworthy]
R.I.P. Gary Coleman (1968-2010)
rnrnSad news to pass along. Gary Coleman, the pint-sized star of Diff’rent Strokes, has passed away at the age of 42. After suffering from a reported brain hemorrhage which landed him in the hospital late last night, Coleman was taken off life support by his family earlier this afternoon. Our sincere condolences go out to his family and friends.
Catching Up With American Idol Champ Lee DeWyze
When Lee DeWyze was named this year’s American Idol over the odds-on favorite Crystal Bowersox on Wednesday night, he looked to be just as shocked as the rest of us. After an emotional performance of U2′s “Beautiful Day” (complete with confetti streaming down from the rafters of the IdolDome), we were able to catch up with the favorite son of Illinois — sorry Abe Lincoln, your time has passed — and chat with him a bit about how surreal his moment of victory was and what his upcoming plans for the summer are.
Grease Sing-A-Long Coming Soon To A City Near You!
With Memorial Day fast approaching, our minds are naturally turning towards “Summer Nights.” Not just as a rough concept, mind you; we’re talking, of course, about Grease! The timeless film is surely one of those rare movies that you and your friends not only know all the words to, but also enjoy singing along with every time that you watch it. Well, Grease fans, you’re in luck!
This summer, a special re-release of the film will be hitting select theaters for a limited two-week run beginning on July 8. Only this time, instead of just passively sitting there and silently watching the screen in the dark, audiences will be encouraged to sing their hearts out alongside Danny Zuko, Sandy Olsson and the rest of the gang! That’s right, Grease Sing-A-Long promises to be one of this summer’s most exciting releases. You can check out the official Grease Sing-A-Long web site to see if the film is coming to your town in July. And even if it isn’t, there’s something you can do about it! You and your friends can head over to Eventful.com and request that the film plays in your town. Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to hop in “Greased Lightning” and get this weekend started!
Grease Sing-A-Long [Official Site]
Bachelorette Contestant Learns That Premature Ejaculation Isn’t As Cool As It Used To Be
Meeting girls is a lot harder than it sounds. As a blogger who spends most of his day tied to a laptop, I know all too well the pitfalls that await me whenever I venture into the “outside world” and try to strike up a conversation with a member of the fairer sex. You know how it is, right guys? Just when you think you’ve landed on the perfect conversation starter, you find yourself getting all distracted by their pretty hair and pretty smiles and pretty smells. We’ve all been there.
That said, I’ve picked up a few tricks of the proverbial trade over the years and now find talking to women slightly less intimidating than I used to. I have been passing on the secrets that I’ve learned through a book that I recently wrote called How To Pick Up Trashy Women. Although my tips have saved countless dozens of individuals from conversational peril, I truly regret that I never had time to meet with 27 year-old construction engineer and Bachelorette contestant Derrick before he got some precious 1:1 time with Ali Fedotowsky, the titular Bachelorette, on the season premiere that aired last night. If I had, I would’ve surely explained to him that it would’ve been in his best interest NOT to share with Miss Fedotowsky the story about how he acquired the nickname “Shooter.”
Watch and learn, gents. Watch. And. Learn.
Casting Couch: Top Ten Actresses That Could Replace Megan Fox In Transformers 3
Hey there, Michael Bay! Not sure that we’ve been properly introduced. Here at The FABLife, we’re big fans of the way you are able to subtly wrench powerful emotional performances out of your actors, and we’re surely not the first to tell you that your mise-en-scène would make Truffaut weep with jealousy. Just kidding, we mostly love you because there’s no one better in the business at blowing sh*t up.
And hey, we heard the news that you fired Megan Fox from Transformers 3. We applaud the decision; after all, you can’t let some scrawny, hammer-thumbed bimbette tarnish the directorial legacy that you’ve been building ever since you first stepped behind the lens as the director of Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall! Gotta keep your eye on the prize, can’t let one bad apple ruin the bunch, we get it.
But since we’ve heard that you’ve already started filming the third installment of Transformers in Los Angeles, we figured you might need some help finding a new love interest for Shia LaBeouf. To that end, we have gone to the trouble of compiling a list of ten actresses who could replace that ungrateful harlot, Megan Fox, as well as the reasons you’ll want to talk to them. Hopefully this will save you some time and allow you to complete the film in time for its planned release date of July 4, 2012!
[Photos: Getty Images, Splash]
