Posts By hopperd

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CONCLUSION: What Is The Internet?

BWE Ending

Well folks, we’ve reached the end here at BWE.tv, and to achieve the proper closure, we’ve invited all the past contributors from the BWE.tv days of yesteryear to bid their farewells and impart their bloggerly knowledge unto you by answering the unanswerable question: “What Is The Internet?”

Here, offering their goodbyes, are Michelle Collins, Alex Blagg, Piper Weiss, Adam Winer, Sara Schaefer, Cory Cavin, Josh Lay, Tom Ganjamie, Eliot Glazer, Sarah Walker, Noah Garfinkel, Rohit Sang, Raphael Rodriguez, and Bob Castrone. Enjoy!

Michelle Collins (@michcoll)

Favorite Posts: These.

When I first started blogging, I was working in an office not unlike the basement where Gary Sinise locks up Mel Gibson’s kid in Ransom. The internet was my escape. It’s all our escapes. Going all the way back to those AOL chat rooms I used to a/s/l my way around when I was only 13/f/miami, the internet has been like the warm, strange hug you get from a guy high on MDMA at an outdoor music festival, ie perfect. And one day, when our children have grown and left the home to plug their brains into digital thought-controlling nano-pavilions at the nearest Winn Dixie, let’s remember back to those days when you could almost sometimes make human connections with real, amazing people over the internet.

In short, we’ve had a lot of fun Best Week Ever! I already miss your rainbow-colored smile. Thanks to everyone for reading and contributing over the years. Because this feels like the last day of school, there’s really only one thing I can leave you with… this:

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The 15 Greatest Posts In The History Of The Internet By Me

Over the course of my 5+ years at BWE, I’ve written a handful of posts that I didn’t hate immediately after publishing them – I’ve collected them here in what is certain to be the internet’s most important post ever, DANTHOLOGY: My 15 Favorite BWE Posts Of All Time.

Starting in July, I’ll be moving over to write for Jest.com, where you can expect plenty more transcendent works of art like the above “Best Of The Doors” Photoshop (although if you thought that was bad, just know that it took every fiber of my being not to title my ‘Greatest Hits’ post “Honkin’ On Danbo”.) You can also follow me on Twitter, where my inanity is at least character-limited.

And on that note, cue up “Reelin’ In The Years” and let’s GET TO THE LAFFS:

15. The 10 Actual Worst Things To Put In Your Coverletter

Some “Business” website made a list of “The 10 Worst Things To Put On A Coverletter,” but it’s BS, so I improved it – read my advice instead. Theirs doesn’t even mention penises, which I guess are awesome on coverletters??

14. Norbit Trailer Remix

I made this video for BWE in 2007 when I was still a Production Assistant, and a producer saw it and went “Yeeew’ve got…IT!” and that’s how I got my writing job (I tell people):

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The Ultimate BWE Television Recap Archive

Here’s an Archive of every TV Recap we’ve ever done here at BWE.tv, organized by show and season, for Breaking Bad, Lost, The Walking Dead, Game Of Thrones, Mad Men, The Office, Teach: Tony Danza (essential), American Idol, The Real Housewives, Boardwalk Empire, and Top Chef.

Feel free to read them at your recap-needing leisure, or all right now in a row (mini photo-spoilers):

BREAKING BAD

Breaking Bad Season 4:

Episode 1 – “Box Cutter”

Episode 2 – “Thirty-Eight Snub”

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60 Random Stock Photos To Use Up The Rest Of Our Photo Budget

Even though it’s our final week here at BWE.tv, we still have a full 2012 budget for Getty Images, the photo website that provides us with the high-res stock photos necessary to create masterpieces like this. So, rather than just let the site fizzle with a bunch of photo-money left unused, Halle Kiefer and I have taken the liberty of blowing our remaining 2012 photo allotment on the following list of 60 Completely Random Stock Photos For The Sole Purpose Of Using Up Our Photo Budget.

I think we can all agree, VH1′s money has never been better spent:

60.

59.

58.

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10 Stupid Videos That Will Never Ever Stop Being Funny

Nu Thang Kid

Five years of watching internet videos has certainly taken its toll on my sense of humor, patience, hygiene, and general human decency, but as much as we make fun of this internet-shaped garbage heap that people call “the internet,” there are some internet videos that we just never, ever get tired of. In honor of BWE.tv’s final week here are ten quintessentially ‘internetty’ videos that we will never stop laughing at:

10. The Best Cry Ever

Waaaaaittttt for itttttt…

9. Kid Singing Nu Thang

The Newest Testament:

(Related: Ain’t Gonna Pee My Bed Tonight)

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The 20 Most Adorable Animal Lists Of All Time

View Photo Gallery

In honor of Bestweekever.tv’s final week, we’ve put together the following mega-list of BWE’s 20 Greatest Animal Lists Of All Time. We hope you find it useful, adorable, and “Whooooseeagoodpuppy!” yelling-at-your-screen-inducing. Meow! (Cat for “Enjoy!):

Browse through our gallery to get a dose of cuteness!

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WORST WEEK EVER: Bestweekever.tv Is Officially Coming To An End

BWE Ending

Some sad news, everyone – after six years, nearly 24,000 posts, and roughly 7 trillion dogs doing specific things, Bestweekever.tv is officially going off the web. Or whatever the term for ‘a website ending’ is. ‘Askjeevesing?’ Sure.

After this week, BWE.tv will no longer be updated, and VH1′s digital pop culture coverage will be rolled into VH1 Celebrity, VH1 Music, and the VH1 Blog. We’ll be spending this week doing a series of BWE wrap-up lists and blasting “I Will Remember You” and “End Of The Road” simultaneously on a loop, and Friday, June 15th be our last day of new content.

If you’re wondering why this is happening, long story short, the show Best Week Ever went off the air more than three years ago. We attempted to re-pitch BWE.tv to VH1 as a type of Wives, but it didn’t take, so I’m afraid this is officially goodbye.

We’d like to thank all of our loyal readers and commenters over the years, who’ve been UNBELIEVABLY passionate and kind (by both internet and human standards), as well as our fellow bloggers in the bloggocube for linking to us and finding crap for us to link to, and VH1, for actually paying us to do this and for giving us the autonomy to write about whatever topics we wanted, no matter how controversial they may be.

On a sappy personal note – I moved to New York eight years ago, and my first job (after quitting comedy-club street-barking on my first day) was temping for a phone service whose sole purpose was to call executives at companies to remind them to schedule their annual physicals, for eight hours a day, five days a week. Needless to say, the fact that I’ve been able to spend ANY time – let alone five years of my life – writing fun nonsense on a website and having people care about it, and this being my job, is both amazing and legitimately humbling.

Seriously, thank you all so much for the support over the years, it’s been ridiculously fun.

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The Time I Was Almost Murdered By The Uptown Girl Music Video

People are always coming up to me saying, “Dan, your writing is very annoying, but I’ve always wondered how annoying your voice is?” Well WORRY NO LONGER! (Spoiler: Very!)

I appeared on the very funny Flee The Scene Podcast this week to tell the story of my ill-fated trip to Amsterdam, which may or may not have culminated in me fleeing from terror from the Billy Joel “Uptown Girl” music video (click the pic below to listen/download):

Uptown Girl Video Podcast

Basically, it’s an hour of us d*cking around telling unfortunate stories, but it’s very amusing and you should listen to it, because it’s not like you have anything better to do except go outside and enjoy your weekend as soon as you finish reading this sentence. (But don’t! Listen to the Podcast)

Here’s the iTunes link. Subscribe! It’s funny!

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Who Needs The Triple Crown When We Have “Horses’ Day Off”?

Horses Day Off

I’ll Have Another, the horse that won both the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness, officially withdrew from the Belmont Stakes for precautionary reasons, ending his bid to be the sport’s first Triple Crown winner in 34 years.

On the plus side, I’ll Have Another is officially now retired, and his fellow horses took him out for a night on the town to cheer him up. I don’t know how or why this video exists, but it is outstanding:

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The Most Shocking Local News Story You’ll Ever See

NBC 4 New York just broke THIS CHILLING STORY which will shock you to death or somewhere near death with its shocking scaryness:

Kids? On…FACEBOOK?? No. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN???? [Storing gas in jugs as we speak, as the Road Warrior apocalypse has surely arrived.]