It’s the Game Of Thrones Season 2 Finale, entitled “Valar Morghulis”, but we have no time to unpack that title cause we have 7,800 plots to wrap up, so let’s just go straight to the lightning round – the darting from plot-to-plot in this episode almost felt like the movie Magnolia, but with fewer dragons (there were a bunch of dragons in Magnolia, right? Phillip Seymour Hoffman was like 7 dragons himself, I think. Whatever, this is not what we came here to talk about. Magnolia-Dragon Night is Tuesdays.)
The episode opens with a classic eye shot reminiscent of our old recappin’ grounds LOST:
It’s the eye of Tyrion Lannister, who narrowly avoided a another shocking Game Of Thrones death in the second-to-last episode (at that rate, in Season 3 they would’ve had to kill off, like, George R.R. Martin, or at least one of his R’s). After some taunting from “The Maester of Slams”, Tyrion receives an unexpected visit from Varys, who explains that Tyrion is no longer Hand of the King, that he’ll receive no credit for his bravery on the battlefield, that Bronn has been relieved of his command too, and that Cersei instructed Mandon Moore to kill Tyrion during the Blackwater battle, and for good measure, a puppy Tyrion really liked was given chocolate by Ilyn. MONDAYS.
Tyrion is also visited by the slightly more pleasant Shae, and he removes his bandage to reveal his scar to her:
On the plus side, Tyrion now shares a face-scar with the other best character in HBO history:
8-Bit Radiohead albums, meet “Neutral Bling Hotel” – all the songs from Neutral Milk Hotel’s iconic album In The Aeroplane Over The Sea mashed up with various hip-hop songs. It’s as predictably awesome as it is predictable that someone on the internet would eventually do this. Keep up the good work, boys dot com!
Here’s the first track, “King of Ante Up, Pt. 1″:
In My G4 Over Da Sea by Neutral Bling Hotel
You can download the entire album “In My G4 Over Da Sea” here on a pay-as-you-want basis. Personally, I’m fanning bills onto the album not unlike the lady in the album cover.
(via AV Club)
This needs no explanation, it’s perfect:
(@kevinroose, via @jimbecile)
The Spider-Man daily newspaper comic still exists and is new every day (I assumed they’d just been rerunning old panels since 1969), and our friend @natekushner drew our attention to yesterday’s actual Spider-Man newspaper comic, which features the creation of a new terrifying supervillain who’s certain to be a HUGE HIT.
This is the entire comic for the day, and may be the greatest two panels in the history of Marvel:
CLOWN NINE! Because he’s on Cloud Nine when he wears a clown suit! That is both Amazing and Spectacular (to put it in pun-terms that Clown Nine would appreciate).
Aaaand sure enough, here’s today’s pun-tastic follow-up comic. Needless to say, I will be continuing to read the Spider-Man newspaper comic every day until Clown Nine is defeated, or until Clown Nine defeats Spider-Man and takes over the comic and renames it “Clown Ten” because he’s even more on Cloud Nine. Tim Curry movie pending.
(via Van Full Of Werewolves)
To be fair, Taco Bell was clearly already screwing around with the Doritos Taco and with their last seven menu items before that, but keeping with their ongoing tradition of new items that make you say “Hahaha, really?? Of course I’ll take one,” Taco Bells in Southern California have begun offering the new “Mountain Dew A.M.”, a breakfast-time concoction of Mountain Dew and orange juice:
My first reaction? What I just absolutely, positively, cannot believe, is that THESE PRODUCTS KEEP ONLY COMING TO CALIFORNIA FIRST. Come on, Taco Bell! Help us out over here! I live in NEW YORK CITY and I had to wait a year to get the Doritos taco, and now I can’t get one of your Mountain Dew AMs? (Also the thing itself is ridiculous but I can super-believe that part.)
Guess I’ll have to move to LA after all, unless I can figure out the recipe on my own. Hmmm…maybe, a hint of coriander?
(via Laughing Squid; pic via Allen Jacoby)
Here’s a clip from America’s Got Talent of 6-year-old Issac Brown, an unbelievably adorable kid from St. Louis performing a kid-tastical version of The Jackson Five’s “I Want You Back”. (A six-year-old singing “I Want You Back”? Crazy! That song’s totally written for someone who’s AT LEAST eight.)
I’m pretty sure Michael Jackson just aged-backwards into this kid, Benjamin Button style, with the MJ-creepiness morphing into hilarious charisma:
That Kid Is The… (Circle One): Best / SUPERBEST ?
Sidenote: It’s nice to see Howard Stern on America’s Got Talent – FINALLY he has the creative freedom he needs to really do his own thing.
The Game Of Thrones Season 2 Finale airs this Sunday night, and while we usually refrain from posting spoilers here on BWE (unlike SOME OTHER websites with the letters “EW” that also actually provide actual information), this one was just TOO SHOCKING not to pass along.
Behold, the final shot in the Game Of Thrones Finale:
Dun dun DUNNNNN!!!!!!
Before you say to yourself, “Does that joke even make sense?” I will answer your question with another: “What joke?” You Just WAIT.
In these days of too-many great Sunday night tv shows and two simultaneous sports-league Playoffs, the ‘Airplane Mode’ on my phone basically serves one function, albeit an extremely necessary one.
I’ve compiled the following statistically-accurate chart that I assume doesn’t apply to most people in the world, but prrrrobably applies to most of the other dorks reading this site:
Interesting statistical find, no? I mean, why not just name it “Spoiler Avoidey Mode?” or better yet “Only Way To Keep Dan From Checking Twitter 73 Times Before He’s Caught Up To Live On Mad Men?” Because that would confuse too many people who do actually use it on airplanes? Well SPOILER ALERT: F*** them. Ah, sorry, didn’t mean to lash out at you nice business traveler people, I just think you should re-arrange your priorities and DVR more 6-hour blocks of television.
Yyyyyep. Bullett just did a profile on True Blood and Battleship star Alexander Skarsgård which included a photo of the actor HOLDING A BABY LAMB. It requires, and will receive, no further elaboration.
(Click for Full Size):
Although to be fair, Skarz, how adorable would you really be if you put the lamb down? Aha. Still very adorable. I see. Carry On, then. “On” is short for “One With A Buncha Wool,” which is the lamb’s name, and I am telling you to literally resume carry it.
Here’s the latest amazing painting from the mysterious celebrity-themed street art parodist Hanksy – A portrait of a very literal “Marty McFly”:
How has no other artist thought to paint this in the entire millenia-long history of human artistic expression? A semi-significant portion of this time was, admittedly, before Back To The Future existed, but that’s no excuse.
I’m seriously asking. HELLO, MCLITERALFLY??? (Attempts to knock on fly’s head, fly flies away, gets onto tiny hoverboard, hovers over water, hoverboard stops, fly flies away anyway because it’s a fly.) Free Back To The Future 4 script right there, by the way.
(Bowery Boogie via The Daily What)