Posts By hopperd

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BWE SPORTS: Who Wouldn’t Rather Stay In College?

Billy DonovanSo it appears that I predicted the future on Friday when I joked that Florida men’s basketball coach Billy Donovan would ask Florida for his job back after signing a 5 year, $27 million deal to coach the Orlando Magic. Donovan is now trying to opt out of the contract so that he can stay within the college ranks, and, to be quite honest, I don’t blame him. There are are a million reasons why coaching in college is better than coaching in the pros. Here are just a few:

  • Pro athletes are coddled millionaires, making them nearly immune to discipline. College athletes will always fall in line if you threaten to take away their posters of Dave Matthews or John Belushi in the “College” shirt.
  • When pro athletes aren’t at practice, they can end up anywhere, such as, say, getting into a fight with a stripper at a club in Vegas. College players always leave convenient AIM away messages, such as, ” Making it Rain ;-)
  • Professional athletes can threaten to hold out or demand a trade if they are benched. College athletes don’t mind being benched, cause it’s usually more comfortable than their $120 Wal-Mart futons.
  • In professional sports, any mistake an athlete makes on or off the field is going to get nitpicked by a pantheon of jaded, self-righteous sportswriters on tv and in print. The only bad press that college athletes have to deal with comes from journalism students writing patronizing headlines in the school paper along the lines of, “Nittany Lions’ offense almost finds its rhythm in 78-36 loss.”
  • College coaches can show up at any frat party and cheat on their wives with any number of young, starry-eyed coeds. Professional coaches – even ones with multiple championship rings – have to settle for affairs with 43-year-old mothers of two.
  • Professional seasons are longer and more grueling than college seasons, and with the money and various distractions constantly thrown at pro athletes, keeping them motivated is sometimes an impossible task. With college athletes, you can always just quote “Office Space.”

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LISTEN UP: iPhone Might Be Too Cool to Hang Out With Me

iPhone

  • Apple’s iPhone apparently has some good taste in music, sporting the likes of Beck, Lily Allen, Feist, and Nine Inch Nails, among others, in its newest commercial. I wonder if it’ll also have my iPod’s bizarre sense of humor and go out of its way to play the same three Dinosaur Jr. songs every time I put it on shuffle. (Music For Kids Who Don’t Read Good)
  • Extrawack! has an interview with Vince DiFiore, the trumpet player from Cake, along with an mp3 of the band covering Black Sabbath’s “War Pigs.” Next up on their series of exclusive interviews: the dude from Mighty Mighty Bosstones who only dances.
  • The weather forecast for the East Coast is looking awfully Nico-ey for the next couple days. Prepare your tunes accordingly. (Art Decade)
  • I think listening to The Pipettes and Smoosh back to back might be intensely sugary enough to actually give someone diabetes. In a good way, of course. (Information Leafblower)
  • Finally, Pittsburgh’s own Gregg Gillis – aka Girl Talk – throws down this ridiculous remix of a Tokyo Police Club song. I haven’t been this proud of a band from my hometown since Rusted Root did that Peter Bjorn & John remix. Man, now I’m kind of wishing that were real. (I Guess I’m Floating)

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BWE SPORTS: The Week That Was (Full of A-Rod)

A-Rod Stretching

  • Alex Rodriguez had a crazy week, going 4 for 22 with a home run, seven walks, five runs scored, and two runs batted in. Oh, also, he did this and this. No biggie.
  • LeBron James turned in a legendary 48-point performance in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals to give the Cleveland Cavaliers a 3-2 series lead over the Detroit Pistons. Detroit head coach Flip Saunders explained the defeat, saying “We figured Zydrunas Ilgauskas was due, so we made sure to triple team him all game.”
  • After their 1-0 victory Wednesday night, the Anaheim Ducks are up two games to none on the Ottawa Senators in the Stanley Cup Finals. Sorry, Canada, but the Stanley Cup appears to be headed where it has always rightfully belonged – southern California.
  • Heavyweight boxer Antonio Tarver – aka Mason “The Line” Dixon from “Rocky Balboa” – now claims that he was drugged before a fight last June when he was KO’d by Bernard Hopkins. Authorities are speculating that this may be the work of the same person who drugged Dirk Nowitzki before the Golden State series a few weeks ago, and has also been drugging the Cubs for the last ninety years.
  • Billy Donovan, head coach of the back-to-back National Champion Florida Gators basketball team, is leaving the college ranks to coach the Orlando Magic. At his press conference, Donovan exclaimed, “I cannot wait to follow in the footsteps of other great college coaches who have turned pro – Pete Carroll with the Patriots, Steve Spurrier with the Redskins…” Donovan then paused in horror for five minutes, then sheepishly asked, “Can I have my college job back?”

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LISTEN UP: Daniel Misses You Too, Elton

Elton John

  • Elton John has a new “Number Ones” cd out, and if you think you’re too cool to buy it, go to The Canals, listen to “Tiny Dancer” five times, and come back when you, like me, are happy to admit you’re an Elton John fan. Anyone who’s got a problem will be subjected to my karaoke rendition of “Your Song.”
  • The Yellow Stereo posts an mp3 of “Huddle Formation” by The Go! Team along with a (not-new) Honda commercial in which the song is shrewdly featured. The commercial sorta reminds me of Teeny Little Super Guy from “Sesame Street,” making me love the song even more.
  • The laid-back sounds of Schooner are a perfect addition to any indie fan’s lazy summer afternoons. As is a can of Sparks. (Ear Farm)
  • Need some hip-hop to blast out of your car this weekend? Grab these two KMD tracks, “Black Bastards” and “What a Nigga Know,” which are two of my favorite songs to sing along to in large, public areas. (hangin’ out in 100b)
  • Finally, Music of the Moment has a bunch of live tracks, including Pink Floyd, The Doors, the book “Beowulf,” an Adam Sandler movie, and a bunch of other stuff you listened to a lot in high school.

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BWE SPORTS: A-Rod Goes From Midlife Crisis To Seven-Year-Old In One Day

A-Rod HAAfter yesterday’s infidelity-fest, Alex Rodriguez was all over the sports pages again today. Did he cheat on his wife again, this time with a DUI involved? Not exactly. Instead, during last night’s Yankees-Blue Jays game, A-Rod yelled “HA!” at a Toronto infielder while he was running past him on the basepaths, causing him to drop a fly ball. Toronto players were livid at the extremely childish act, and a full-scale fight almost erupted, but I did some research and discovered that this A-Rod incident is hardly the first time playground antics have found their way to a Major League Baseball diamond. Consider:

July 9, 1898Bill “Waspy” McCutcheon of the Brooklyn Bridegrooms steps into the batter’s box and yells at the opposing pitcher, “I dare say, sir, I would prefer that our mound opponent is a gentleman of the pitcher persuasion, and not, on the contrary, one of the belly itcher ilk! Or Italian.”

January 5, 1920 – Boston Red Sox owner Harry Frazee shows off Babe Ruth to the Yankees, but when Frazee foolishly lets the Yankees borrow Ruth, the Yankees quickly declare “No givebacks,” and the rest is history.

September 30, 1951Joe DiMaggio tells Ted Williams that baseball is cancelled for the duration of the Korean War and that all players are required to enlist, causing Williams to sign up for the armed services and miss most of the 1952 and 1953 seasons flying combat missions. DiMaggio later informs him that it was Opposite Day.

October 23, 1993 – In Game Six of the World Series, Toronto outfielder Joe Carter double dares Phillies closer Mitch Williams to let Carter hit a home run off of him to cost Philly the series. When Williams declines, Carter employs the rare but all-powerful triple dare, and Williams, by kid rule, is forced to oblige.

October 22, 2000 – In Game Two of the Mets/Yankees famed Subway Series, Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens picks up a piece of Mike Piazza’s shattered bat and whips it back at Piazza as he’s running to first. Clemens later explains that a punch buggy drove by, but Piazza was not within punching distance.

May 29, 2007 – In the Yankees clubhouse, Alex Rodriguez brags to teammate Derek Jeter, “Tonight, I’m totally gonna bang this sweet blond chick in my hotel room after taking her out to a steakhouse then going to a strip club at the following times and addresses…”

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LISTEN UP: Does M.J. Stand For Musicmogul Jackson?

Beck Hansen

  • Michael Jackson is reportedly purchasing a stake in the back catalogues of various artists including Bjork, Shakira, Eminem, and – featured on The Music SlutBeck. Kind of interesting to see an influential black artist mooching off Beck, isn’t it? (I kid ’cause I love, Mr. Hansen.)
  • A new Bad Brains album is on its way out next month, and Culture Bully gives a sneak preview of one hardcore metal track and one laid-back reggae track from the cd. The songs are such wacky opposites, they’re getting their own sitcom called “Brainsies” on NBC this Fall.
  • This Mansbestfriend mp3 over at audiversity isn’t really up my alley, but they may have the greatest album cover I have ever seen.
  • Se questo disco a un primo ascolto può non sorprendere troppo FREE ART BRUT SONG sono sicuro che l’estate davanti a noi gioverà a queste undici canzoni. (Polaroid)
  • I don’t listen to much music that could be classified as “Boogie-Woogie,” mostly because I wasn’t born on a prairie in the 1930s, but Nine Bullets tosses us three tracks from Hillstomp that make us all wish we had been born on a prairie in the 1930s. And that’s including the Dust Bowl.

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BWE SPORTS: Analyzing the A-Rod Headlines

Post A-RodBy now, I assume you’ve heard that Yankees slugger/scapegoat Alex Rodriguez was photographed by the New York Post taking a busty blond girl who wasn’t his wife out to dinner, then to a strip club, then back to a hotel. My favorite part of this news like this isn’t the opportunity to jump on A-Rod – people have done that constantly for the last two years, regardless of circumstances – but rather the barrage of amazing pun headlines that have inevitably come pouring out in the event’s aftermath. Let’s take a look at some of the best headlines from the A-Rod scandal using my three criteria for evaluating a good pun headline:

1) General audacity, hilarity
2) Degree of pointlessly stretching information in order to extend puns
3) Amount of unnecessary/unprofessional judgmentalism included

We’ll award between 1 and 10 points in each category, 3 being your standard “Newsweek” headline, and 30 being a legendary NY Post achievement. Let’s see what we got, beginning, of course, with the wise old sage in such matters, the New York Post:

“Stray-Rod” (NY Post)
Audacity/Hilarity: 3
Stretching Info For Puns: 1
Judgmentalism: 4
Total Score: 8. It’s concise, it’s barely stretching his name, and it’s factually pretty reasonable. What’s going on, New York Post? You can do better.

“A-Rod hits ‘home run’ with mystery blond?” (The Online Wire)
Audacity/Hilarity: 5
Stretching Info For Puns: 6
Judgmentalism: 3
Total Score: 14. Better. I like the implication that A-Rod might not have made it past third base with the girl, as well as the humorously basic usage of “home run,” as though the author only knows one baseball term and forces it into every headline. Judgmental points docked because of the question mark.
Read more…

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LISTEN UP: Indie-an Summer

Get Him Eat Him

  • Get Him Eat Him aren’t nearly as willfully bizarre as their name would lead you to believe – they’re actually a great deal of fun, those liars – and Stereogum gives us two of their tracks, plus this picture of the band with their idol, George Harrison. If anyone asks, I did not type that.
  • If you haven’t heard Matt Pond PA, nab this track from Neiles Life, and it’ll pleasantly surprise you every time it shuffles by on your iPod. Just like the “Fraggle Rock” theme.
  • For our unreadable blog entry of the day, unless you retain more from your three years of Spanish than myself, Lito Music tosses us two extremely upbeat tracks from The Icicles. I’m not sure what their name means in English, though. Maybe “fire”?
  • Another Tegan and Sara song? Well, there’s two band members, so I might as well post them two days in a row. This precident does not apply when Funkadelic puts out their next album. (Dreams of Horses)
  • Bleedin’ Out posts a handful of tracks, including one New Pornographers, one of DOA covering Nirvana, and a live version of one of my guilty pleasures, Rush’s “The Spirit of Radio.” Also, I may or may not have seen Rush in concert. And they may or may not have had a big dragon projected onto a screen who blew fire and then fire flared up around the front of the stage.

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BWE Sports: Breaking Down the Cup Finals, Lost Style

Alfredsson and SawyerI am aware that our readership is likely not too familiar with (slash giving a s*it about) the NHL, besides those Senators fans who pleasantly surprised me by commenting on my first post, but I do know that our readership is very familiar with the show “Lost.” Therefore, I will perform the public service of breaking down the Stanley Cup Finals to you in terms of “Lost” characters, in the hopes that 1) It raises some interest in my favorite sport (NFL doesn’t count, it’s like saying “The Beatles” are your favorite band), 2) It helps people to not feel alienated when the two guys from Canada and/or Michigan at your job are discussing the series, or 3) It still doesn’t make anyone care but at least we get to talk about “Lost.” Here goes:

Ducks forward Teemu Selanne = Sayid
Selanne was a star in his first couple years in the NHL, then we forgot about him for a while, but he scored 48 goals this year and reminded us that he’s still fully capable of knocking someone down and breaking their neck with his feet.

Ducks defenseman Scott Niedermayer = Jack
He’s the Ducks’ Captain and unquestioned leader, plus he’s been a hero before (dragged the New Jersey Devils out from a burning car after he almost drunkenly jumped off a bridge). Like Jack, he’s also sporting a sweet playoff beard.

Senators forward Daniel Alfredsson = Sawyer
He’s a solid leader with a bit of a mean streak and a lot to prove, plus I’ve never really liked him. Aside from the nicknames that I imagine he gives people.

Ducks defenseman Chris Pronger = Kate
He’s sturdy, reliable, gets a a lot of ice time, and is probably pregnant with Alfredsson’s baby.
Read more…

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LISTEN UP: Stripes, Pornos, and Hamlet’s Dead Girlfriend

White Stripes magazine

  • Two more tracks off the upcoming White Stripes album have leaked, so gentlemen, start your opinions. I personally think “Too Bizarre to be a Single” is decent, but I prefer “Songs With Parenthesis in their Title are Really Inconvenient (But That’s Not Stopping Us.)” (Product Shop NYC)
  • Speaking of leaks, Brooklyn Vegan lets us in on a track from the upcoming New Pornographers album. At this point, Carl Newman and Co. have more or less entered the canon of artists whose material I’m pretty much going to just enjoy no matter what, joining the likes of Belle & Sebastian, Ted Leo, and Bel Biv Devoe (they’re still sitting 1 for 1).
  • Next up on Leakfest Monday, Idolator brings us a super-synthie track from Tegan and Sara’s next album. While they were buying the synthesizer at that 80s garage sale, it appears they also nabbed some of Ann Wilson’s makeup.
  • Ahh, the soothing, Swedish, psych-rock sounds of Dungen… Last summer, “Sexyback” entered our vocabularies, and this year, I’m predicting “Su Ska Inte Tro Att Det Ordan” will too. (Comfort Music)
  • Today is also the 10-year anniversary of Jeff Buckley’s bizarre, Ophelia-esque drowning death, and Sand is Overrated commemorates the dark day with three classic Buckley tracks. All these years and all these AIM profiles later, the songs still hold up.