So it appears that I predicted the future on Friday when I joked that Florida men’s basketball coach Billy Donovan would ask Florida for his job back after signing a 5 year, $27 million deal to coach the Orlando Magic. Donovan is now trying to opt out of the contract so that he can stay within the college ranks, and, to be quite honest, I don’t blame him. There are are a million reasons why coaching in college is better than coaching in the pros. Here are just a few:
- Pro athletes are coddled millionaires, making them nearly immune to discipline. College athletes will always fall in line if you threaten to take away their posters of Dave Matthews or John Belushi in the “College” shirt.
- When pro athletes aren’t at practice, they can end up anywhere, such as, say, getting into a fight with a stripper at a club in Vegas. College players always leave convenient AIM away messages, such as, ” Making it Rain “
- Professional athletes can threaten to hold out or demand a trade if they are benched. College athletes don’t mind being benched, cause it’s usually more comfortable than their $120 Wal-Mart futons.
- In professional sports, any mistake an athlete makes on or off the field is going to get nitpicked by a pantheon of jaded, self-righteous sportswriters on tv and in print. The only bad press that college athletes have to deal with comes from journalism students writing patronizing headlines in the school paper along the lines of, “Nittany Lions’ offense almost finds its rhythm in 78-36 loss.”
- College coaches can show up at any frat party and cheat on their wives with any number of young, starry-eyed coeds. Professional coaches – even ones with multiple championship rings – have to settle for affairs with 43-year-old mothers of two.
- Professional seasons are longer and more grueling than college seasons, and with the money and various distractions constantly thrown at pro athletes, keeping them motivated is sometimes an impossible task. With college athletes, you can always just quote “Office Space.”