Posts By hopperd

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BWE Sports: James Addiction

Lebron James

  • Lebron James missed the final shot in the Cavaliers’ 79-76 loss to the Pistons last night, just two days after James was criticized for passing instead of taking the final shot in Game 1. At the end of the next game, instead of shooting or passing, James is just going to sit and eat some porridge that is juuuuust right.
  • Former NHL player Rick Tocchet pleaded guilty to running a secret sports gambling ring. Tocchet, currently an assistant coach with the Phoenix Coyotes, is not likely to face stiff jail time, though he will probably have to give back the five trillion dollars he made betting against the Coyotes.
  • Cincinnati Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis apologized today for his remarks that the police were unfairly profiling his players because of their high stature. Lewis admitted he changed his mind after getting robbed yesterday by four Bengals players.
  • Danish cyclist Bjarne Riis admitted that he used performance-enhancing drugs during his 1996 Tour de France victory, but added, “The only effect I had was that I rode faster.” This is the most airtight, sensible argument since Barry Bonds claimed, “The only effect steroids had was that it helped me hit a whole f*cking lot of home runs.”
  • Finally, a former stripper in Texas was sentenced to 40 months in prison for conspiring to embezzle $1 million from an Austin bank in order to fund her NASCAR team. Suspicions were aroused after “Frankie’s Tassels n’ Such” and “Dr. Fenmore’s Abortion Clinic” signed on as sponsors.

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LISTEN UP: Boys of Sprummer

Two Hours Traffic

  • Hero Hill announces an early entry in the running for Song of the Summer – a pleasant little tune by Two Hours Traffic called “Stuck For the Summer.” Might take more than one song to get through nine Lost-free months, though.
  • Brooklyn Vegan shares a wealth of lengthy dance remixes, including a sweet track from Chromeo and a bizarre 8-minute Hot Chip ordeal. What’s a Memorial Day cookout without lots of really staticy, blaring dance punk?
  • So Much Silence lets us in on an extremely charming track from Albert Hammond Jr, which, of course, just sounds exactly like The Strokes, if The Strokes were made up of Magnetic Fields and Apples in Stereo and sounded nothing like The Strokes at all.
  • The Gossip allegedly formed in Arkansas, relocated to Olympia, Washington, released a live album from New York City, and currently reside in Portland. I’m pretty sure they’re just three kids from Connecticut making stuff up as they go along. And Beth Ditto is actually two midgets in a costume. (FreeIndie.com)
  • Finally, Music For Kids Who Cant Read Good introduces us to The Race, a Chicago-based band whom they aptly compare to Snowden. They sound just ok to me, but I got to be careful, I don’t want to come off as Racist.

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BWE Sports: More Like Andy Fraud-dick

Roddick Magazine

  • The Huffington Post yesterday confirmed tmz’s allegations that Andy Roddick’s biceps were Photoshopped to appear larger on his recent Men’s Fitness magazine cover. The truth is, Roddick is a flabby, unathletic mess, and this scandal is just another reason why Mandy Moore should be sleeping with me. Right?
  • Yankees free-agent bust Carl Pavano is undergoing season-ending elbow surgery, likely ending his tenure with the team. In accordance with Yankee team policy, Pavano will have his number retired, gain Hall of Fame entrance, and a two-hour piece, “Pavano: 19 Games of Glory,” will air daily on the YES network.
  • Card manufacturer Upper Deck has made an offer to purchase Topps, the lovable, nostalgia-inducing, hard-ass-gum-having baseball card company that I grew up with. It’s kind of like Sony making an offer to purchase Milton Bradley, or Pokemon making an offer to purchase Transformers.
  • Tampa Bay Devil Rays manager Joe Maddon elected to bench outfielder Elijah Dukes last night after he allegedly threatened his wife and child. Said Maddon, “The Devil Rays organization is not going to sacrifice its morals and dignity in our pursuit of fourth place.”
  • A welterweight boxer named Zab Judah had his father impersonate him on a promotional conference call as a prank to members of the media. Reporters caught on, however, when Judah kept mispronouncing names of bands, asking about really old girlfriends, and mentioning that he thinks Morgan Freeman is a very good actor.

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LISTEN UP: Does “Bee Movie” Have a Soundtrack Yet?

The Bees

  • The Bees are straight-up, brassy, funky fun, even if they are more of a throwback than an orange Astros jersey with a Mr. Bubble logo on it literally being thrown backwards. (The Stypod)
  • Not to be confused with The Bees, The Maccabees also make a welcome iPod addition, if you dig Bloc Party. Indietastic only has three of their tracks, but they miraculously play for eight crazy nights.
  • Azltron is having a dancy Thursday with three tracks and a video from The Faint to prepare for their tour stop in majestic Buffalo. Will they be performing at T.G.I. Friday’s or Dave & Buster’s?
  • I have not met the uniquely cold-hearted individual who dislikes The Carter Family, even though they’re often depressing as sh*t. You know, someone should make a movie about June Carter. And have Reese Witherspoon play her. And call it, like, “Walk that Line.” (Sequenza21)
  • Finally, we discover that even on mp3s of Guided By Voices concerts, it feels like you’re getting sprayed by Miller Lite every time Robert Pollard opens his mouth. (Fluxblog)

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BWE SPORTS: Because Athletes Are Like Talented Celebrities

Durant 2BWE.tv has decided to dip its curious little toes into the world of sports, and they’ve given me, the resident sports nerd (and music nerd, and Simpsons nerd, and just outright, regular nerd) the honorable task of proving to you on a daily basis that the sports world is just as ridiculous as the world of celebrity gossip. Don’t believe me? Just wait until A-Rod flashes the world his vagina.

  • College basketball superstars Kevin Durant and Greg Oden will likely be heading to Portland and Seattle after last night’s NBA Draft Lottery. The pacific northwest hasn’t seen a duo like this since Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder, though hopefully, Durant won’t kill himself really young and spend the next two decades being overrated in music video countdowns.
  • A 61-year-old coach from my hometown Pittsburgh Steelers is in trouble with the NFL after inadvertantly forwarding a pornographic email to numerous high-ranking team and league officials, including the office of the NFL Commissioner. Not only is this plot completely stolen from “The Office,” but the dude even looks a little like Creed. If someone finds his blog, let me know.
  • A day after saying that Michael Vick’s involvement in a dogfighting ring wasn’t a big deal, Redskins runningback Clinton Portis clarified that he wasn’t condoning dogfighting, just saying that Vick was being unfairly treated. He then challenged anyone who had a problem with his comments to have their dog try to fight his dog.
  • The New York Daily News reports that Yankees first baseman Jason Giambi failed a test for amphetamines in 2006. Giambi disputed the test results, however, claiming that a false positive must have been created by the incredible, incredible amount of steroids in his bloodstream.
  • The Anaheim Mighty Ducks held off the Detroit Red Wings last night, 4-3, and will advance to the Stanley Cup Finals against the Ottawa Senators. The Ducks have never won a title in their thirteen year history, but they’re not feeling any pressure; remember, this team beat The Hawks, Team Iceland, and Varsity, plus Wolf “The Dentist” Stanssen doesn’t play for Ottawa.

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LISTEN UP: Hungry For Some Wolves

We Are Wolves resize

  • Any fans of Ratatat or The Knife might want to explore the heavy synth grooves of We Are Wolves featured over at Hate Something Beautiful. That’s right, another ‘wolf’ band, though they don’t sound as much like Patrick Wolf or Wolf Parade as they do like the bands Wolfie McWolfenstein and Wolf Wolf Wolf Wolf Wolf Wolf Music Wolf.
  • The Monolith Festival is shaping up to be another event that I’m going to hate because it’s not in New York; Each Note Secure celebrates the stacked lineup with an mp3 of the Flaming Lips covering Bowie’s “Life On Mars” sung entirely through a megaphone, which makes the whole thing sound like they’re trying to talk a music blogger down from committing suicide.
  • The next time someone tells you that a song is “really weird,” yawn really loudly in their face, go to this page on WFMU, play one of these mp3s for them, then in your D-baggiest voice possible, tell them to stop wasting your time. Mixing John Cage with Sun Ra is like mixing green olives with Calvinism.
  • I still don’t really like Spoon, but Culture Bully generously gives us an entire live concert of theirs from 2006. Which is kind of like being handed a giant bucket full of marshmallow Peeps. Feel free to dig into mine.
  • DJ Jazzy Jeff is back??? That’s awesome, but I could’ve sworn I grabbed him my the collar and threw him out of my house. (Kwaya Na Kisser)

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LISTEN UP: Morrissey Turns 48, Is Presumably Miserable

Morrissey

  • The Music Slut celebrates Morrissey’s 48th birthday with the ridiculous Smiths song, “Unhappy Birthday,” a song which I am extremely glad my parents never sang to me on my birthday. They usually did “How Soon Is Now.”
  • Culture Bully reveals some tracks by Broken Social Scene, Les Savy Fav, and The Raveonettes put out by, interestingly enough, Adult Swim. My question is, who does the Braking vocals? (lol’ing at self, getting punched by nearby officemates).
  • Recidivism offers up some classics (XTC, Big Star) and some perks (Battles, River City Tanlines) on what is perhaps the most weirdly comprehensive page on the internet. Besides the Wikipedia entry for “The Office,” of course.
  • The Veils hail from New Zealand, sing with fluttery, half-jarring vocals, and have a name made up of “The” and a random plural noun, scoring them a 68 out of 74 on the Indie-o-meter. They also score highly on the Actually-Good-o-Meter. (Water Cooler Gossip)
  • Finally, a re-examination of one of the most notoriously bad records in music history, Lou Reed’s “Metal Machine Music.” Download it and decide for yourself – is it really that bad? Yes it is… Or is it??? Yep. But… is it really? Yes, it absolutely, definitely is. (Jasonhare.com)

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LISTEN UP: Then a Heroes Finale Comes Along

Heroes resized

  • You Ain’t No Picasso celebrates the “Heroes” season finale with a bevy of hero-themed songs featuring MF Doom, Magnetic Fields, and the Beach Boys’ classic “Heroes and Villains.” What are The Smiths doing on the list, you ask? Because Morrissey can absorb powers by cutting open peoples’ brains, and he’s depressed about it.
  • Culture Bully recaps the 24-hour Human Giant marathon with tracks from Tapes ‘n Tapes, Albert Hammond Jr., The National, Mastodon, and good ol’ Ted Leo. I will take this opportunity to again point out that Ted Leo looks exactly like Steve Nash.
  • Indietastic.net posts a treasure trove of indie tracks ranging from Clap Your Hands Say Yeah to Black Rebel Motorcycle Club to Rogue Wave to Architecture in Helsinki to pretty much every other possible combination of nouns in the English language.
  • Rewritable Content posts two tracks from Baltimore-based synth duo Video Hippos, who are awesome not just because of their thick, dramatic production, but also because if you knock them down in Punch Out, they can’t get back up.
  • For no reason in particular, I haven’t spent much time on The Shins’ most recent album, despite perfectly good tracks like the one posted today on The KEXP Blog. Maybe there’s just something about a good band putting out a solid new album with nothing to complain about that just turns off music nerds.

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LISTEN UP: Blagg Thru Radio

Feist

  • If you’ve never checked out the highly useful site Breakthruradio.com, now is the perfect time, because they’re featuring none other than Alex Blagg and his music picks in their weekly “Bloggeratti” feature. Tune in to see which songs he thinks you should be listening to, though knowing Alex, I’m predicting it’ll just be the “Garden State” soundtrack in its entirety.
  • KNK Music taunts us because they’re going to the Feist concert tonight and we’re not. Yeah? Well at least I’m downloading your free Feist mp3s and listening to them a bunch of times. So, you know, take that.
  • I am Fuel, You Are Friends features an astonishing collection of some of my favorite bands, featuring Talking Heads, The Ramones, Guided By Voices, Pavement, and more stuff that’s so damn lo-fi, it’s not even recorded.
  • Speed of Dark has a sweet mp3 of My Morning Jacket covering George Michael’s “Careless Whisper,” as well as some Decemberists, Spoon, a live Radiohead, and some other stuff that’s disappointing because it’s not My Morning Jacket covering “Careless Whisper.”
  • Finally, Hate Something Beautiful sends us into the weekend with an uncharacteristically dancy track from Patrick Wolf, accompanied by colorful pictures of Wolf’s eccentric bandmates onstage. I think this page counts as an entry in the Tribeca Film Festival.

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LISTEN UP: Formed a (Lovable) Band

Art Brut orig

  • There simply isn’t another band right now that rocks like Art Brut while maintaining an unpretentious, legitimately laugh-out-loud sense of humor. Except maybe Keane. (Idolator)
  • Yay! New Animal Collective album coming out this fall! Their last two cds have been pretty ridiculous, but I’m going to boldly predict that this entire new album will be comprised of three minute swing songs. Who wants to bet? (The Music Slut)
  • Merry Swankster delivers an appreciably nerdy exploration of the numbers 14 and 15 in music, complete with a track from one of my favorite bands, Wire. Do I smell another awesome Jim Carrey movie in the works?
  • The Pelican’s Perch honors the end of the schoolyear with an mp3 of ELO’s “Mr. Blue Sky,” a video of The Decemberists covering “Mr. Blue Sky,” and The Polyphonic Spree’s “Light to Follow,” which is super uplifting despite never being featured on a Volkswagen commercial then every movie trailer for the next four months.
  • My goodness, there are a lot of mp3s available at Sonorama.NET, from AC/DC to Johnny Cash, to Beck, to Daft Punk, to “The Clsah“, to Ween, to an audio recording of this sentence I have just written.