Dubai, in its ongoing effort to be the most Dubai, announced plans for a new $120-million “Hotel Dream,” an underwater luxury resort comprised of retractable room-discs that can move above or below sea level while you’re getting blown by a golden robot moneyhooker (the last part wasn’t mentioned in the article but implied).
Check out the luxury hotel / ideal Bond villain lair in simulated operation in the video below. Also, the Swiss firm designing it is literally called “BIG InvestConsult”, because they’re a f***ing Dilbert comic:
Time Magazine is causing a stir with their Mother’s Day “Breastfeeding” cover, and after seeing it ourselves, frankly, we agree that it just seems needlessly provocative:
What does that even mean? And why is Brad Pitt a kid on a stool?? Just seems pointlessly controversial.
Here’s the first installment of a new Paul F. Tompkins webseries called “Speakeasy” where the comedian sits down with guests to discuss the prides and perils of drinking (you can watch the trailer for the series here.)
It’s a sponsored webseries for MadeMan.com, but for once, it’s nice to see a sponsor have the internet-wherewithal to just say, “Hey, let’s let this comedian and other funny people talk and we’ll film it cause that’s actually something people would watch.” I mean, it’s not “Jennifer Aniston water commercial” legendary, but what in culture is or ever will be again?
Here’s Episode One, with Paul talking to Modern Family star (and future Mr. Peabody) Ty Burrell:
Law and Order: Special Victims Unit has just been renewed for an astonishing fourteenth season, prompting some of you other SVU fans out there to probably ask, “Where can this show POSSIBLY go in a fourteenth season, considering it’s been absurd since like Season 3?” Nonsense! There’s plenty of ridiculous, pseudo-topical plotlines left for this show to tackle / add rapes to!
Here are 14 Possible Plots for SVU: Season Fourteen, in order of most ridiculous to also most ridiculous:
14. Prominent college baseball coach Barry Flandusky is accused of molesting children on the campus of Ben State University, but an investigation leads to a disgruntled ex-mascot who framed Flandusky after being expelled for practicing ritual Santeria animal sacrifice in the state-subsidized University dining commons. Both the student and Flandusky are killed in the episode’s final minute by the University’s current mascot, who cites “spiritual self-defense” as their conflict took place on his people’s sacred Mohawk burial ground.
13. The Federal gay marriage debate is dragged into the spotlight after the President of the United States’ daughter is sexually assaulted by an anti-gay bigot in retaliation for the President’s pro-gay-rights comments, though the bigot is later revealed to have been hired by a gay man who is militantly opposed to gay marriage but only because his brother got secretly gay married once and was murdered by the president’s daughter’s highschool classmate after threatening to expose her affair with the president’s daughter’s secret service handler (which was just cover for her gay affair with the president’s daughter.) Ice-T comments, “Some land of the free.”
Here’s a clip of newly-reelected Russian President Vladimir Putin participating in an exhibition hockey game between a team of Amateurs (Putin’s team) and a “Legends Of Russia” team of former Russian professionals.
The game went into a shootout, and sure enough, Putin himself scored the game-winning goal on a decent backhand move against a goalie who was definitely trying to stop him to embarrass his country’s president in front of everyone. On a totally unrelated note, the goaltender’s body remains completely uranium-free:
Perhaps some shades of Homer ‘beating’ the Stonecutters with his “Royal Sampler”?
Here’s a video of Jon Hamm responding to questions from teenagers in a segment called “Ask A Grown Man”.
Knowing the internet, the video seems like it’s gonna be a gimmicky bit/sketch, until you realize that Jon Hamm is just straight-up answering teenagers’ questions and doling out totally reasonable advice, and comes off even more entertaining and charming than your already-high expectations when clicking on a video with “Jon” and “Hamm” in the title.
“You’re probably too young to watch Mad Men, so, uh, enjoy The Hunger Games” – Best Sign-Off Ever:
This Big Lebowski GIF speaks for itself so perfectly, we don’t even need this current sentence explaining how well it speaks for itself:
It’s basically one Star Wars pug away from summing up the entire internet. Do we actually even need the rest of the internet anymore? Just direct Wikipedia to this GIF. Anyone searching for info on, like, The Bachelorette Season 2 will just be like “GIF! Cool” and it’ll be fine.
(GIF by Vincent Bator, via FilmDrunk)
By now, we all pretty much know the critical consensus on The Avengers: Super-fun, super-crazy, and a little scattershot but in a chaotic and entertaining way. The reviews themselves, however, are usually incredibly boring and repetitive, and rarely contain upside-down talking chin people.
Instead, check out this video entitled “Two Chins Review The Avengers,” in which two weird, sentient upside-down chins explain in chinly detail why they loved the movie. It is entertaining and fittingly internet-nonsensical (though their observation that Ron Howard really knows how to make a movie is SPOT ON):
Patricia Krentcil, the New Jersey tanning mom who achieved internet infamy last week, now has her likeness captured in toy form with this new $29.95 Patricia Krentcil action figure:
They clearly just took an orange crayon to some leftover Vince Neil action figures, but I guess they were on a bit of a time crunch to get this thing out while it was still topical, and they only missed that cutoff by however long it’s been since ten minutes after that story initially broke.
(pic via Splash News)
WAIT! Don’t shut the internet off yet, here’s one more cool thing! Artist David Waller made a humungous rainbow out of 6,000 colorful toy cars he’s collected since his childhood -
Click for giant version:
Cool rainbow car ring, guy who made that rainbow car ring!
Two more pics of the car-rainbow-ring are after the jump, and then you can go ahead and shut the internet off forever – we just had to sneak this one more thing in at the last minute (bye, internet! I’ll miss your Fantasy Football post-it-notes):