We guess we just never imagined an Olympian would go into sex work. Doesn’t every athlete get sponsored by Wheaties for the rest of their natural lives? We guess not, seeing as how ESPN reported today that three-time Olympic runner Suzy Favor Hamilton has admitted on Twitter that she’s also been working as an escort. Even more intriguingly, Hamilton claims she was “drawn to escorting in large part because it provided many coping mechanisms for me when I was going through a very challenging time with my marriage and my life.” Wow, the things we don’t know about stuff. Of course, we can’t pretend we don’t know a lot about celebs and sex work. Don’t worry, Suzy. You have plenty of interesting company when it comes to celeb escort scandals…
Oh boy! Rarely do we get two embarrassing videos in one day, so obviously we’re required to pit them against each other for in a cringe-off royale! First up is LeAnn Rimes‘ baffling X Factor performance with contestant Carly Rose Sonenclar last night. LeAnn’s rendition of “How Do I Live?” still makes us want to fall in love with a Southern convict who looks like Nicolas Cage, but her delivery was…well, let’s just say befuddling. LeAnn’s still got them pipes, but seems to have lost both her balance and her ability to retain the lyrics to her most famous song. “I mean are some people for real….what a joke,” LeAnn Twitter-scoffed at critics this morning. The cut to Britney Spears‘ face during their duet, however…well, her terrified eyes speak for us all.
Getting paid to mine your own life for humiliating moments is pretty much our dream job, so it’s only natural we pay Lena Dunham homage as one of the 12 Celebs Who Dominated 2012. Remember when Girls premiered on HBO on April 15 of this year and the internet exploded? Remember how that happened after Dunham had already made her first feature film Tiny Furniture in 2010? Man, we could write 5,000 about Lena’s awesomely brave Girls nude scenes or that time Hannah flies face-first off Adam’s bike, but chances are you’ve already seen them. If you haven’t…well, where were you this year?
Michael Bay, you had better not be jerking us around. You do not put Rebel Wilson uttering the phrase “penis magic” in a doctor’s office in the new Pain and Gain trailer unless the film gives Rebel the attention she deserves. There is nothing we hate worse than a trailer that shows all the good parts of a film. If those “good parts” is one measly scene featuring Rebel Wilson, we don’t know what we’ll do. Okay, we’ll probably rage impotently in a blog post. But still! If you have a Google alert for your name, Michael Bay (and we know you do), you are going to get a pretty unpleasant email relatively soon if you let us down!
Other than Rebel, the rest of the trailer looks…somehow amazing? John Turturro and Rob Corddry are in the movie, for pete’s sake! We love all the sweat-drenched tank tops, we adore the weird skinny dog and the pairing of Mark Wahlberg and Dwayne Johnson‘s quips with such serious music is downright hilarious. Never go back to the Transformers franchise again, Michael Bay. Unless Pain and Gain somehow ends up being terrible other than these few scenes. In which case, go crazy!
Count it! Man, we are like Nate Silver for celeb political careers over here. We’re not saying that we’re 100% sure Ben Affleck will run for Massachusetts’ soon-to-be vacant Senate seat as we predicted yesterday. We’re just 100% sure in our hearts he will after finding out that he went ahead and dropped out of his upcoming crime rom-com Focus. According to Variety, “while the actor very much wanted to do the film, the timing just couldn’t be worked out.” Timing, eh? Clearing his schedule for some heavy-duty campaigning and freeing up Kristen Stewart to get a younger, more age-appropriate leading man? We’ll vote yes on that!
In case you’re flummoxed as to why Ben would be diving into politics, we should probably point out that he’s actually in D.C. this week giving the House Armed Services Committee an “update on the evolving security situation in the Democratic Republic of Congo and implications for U.S. national security.” You know, like a politician would do. According to Variety, Ben is also allegedly focused on writing, producing and starring in his coming movie Live By Night. Not according to IMDB, he’s not, but we guess it’s possible Affleck might stick with his incredibly successful directing campaign for a tiny bit longer. Just a tiny bit.
It should be no surprise to you that we’ve been moderately-to-severely obsessed with Chris Pratt for a long time now. (Damn you, Anna Faris, for marrying him first!) (Also congratulations! You two seem like a really top-notch couple.) So we felt qualified to weigh in on the Parks and Rec‘s actor’s amazing before/after/even bigger than before photos on Conan last night. Let’s be honest, because this is a safe space here: Chris Pratt looks incredibly good whether he’s crazy jacked for Zero Dark Thirty, or 60 lbs heavier for a future project. Some people can just pull that off. Let’s all acknowledge it and let the truth to wash over us.
The 24-hour news cycle can be so cruel. The truth is there are certain stories that deserve to be mulled over. Savored like a fine toilet wine. Leonardo DiCaprio’s love of colonics is a great example. Today’s wonderful story is the rumor that Lindsay Lohan clogged all the toilets on the set of Scary Movie 5. All of them. All the toilets. We know stories like this fade as quickly as summer blossoms, which is a tragedy because we still have so, so many questions about it, like…
Jeez, it’s not that we don’t think politics aren’t important. We do. We were thrilled when Alec Baldwin talked about running for mayor of New York for a hot second. It’s just that we love movies, and Ben Affleck potentially running for John Kerry‘s Massachusetts Senate seat would put a real crimp in our movie-going enjoyment. “Believe it or not, one name I have heard tossed around is that of actor-director Ben Affleck, the pride of Cambridge, who’s been active in Democratic Party politics for more than a decade,” CBS Boston’s Jon Keller claims. But..but what about Affleck’s plans to star in Focusacross from Kristen Stewart? Or his designs to remake The Stand? Are movie rumors no longer sacred?
Of course, the answer relies on the rumor that President Obama will be nominating Kerry to replace Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State this week, thus leaving his seat vacant. Luckily Keller also name checks a variety of politicians who might run, as well as basically anyone over 30 who can get 10,000 signatures. After examining Ben’s IMDB page, though, we realize he has nothing planned on either the acting or directing docket after Focus and the crime drama Runner, Runner with Justin Timberlake. Considering how successful Argo was this year, we doubt Ben Affleck would run for office so soon. On the other hand…we hate being wrong, so let’s say he’s going to scoop up that Senate seat like yet another Golden Globe. Oh, he’s going to win a Golden Globe too. We have so many Ben Affleck-related predictions to put out into the world!
Looks like we’ve got a regular John C. Reilly on our hands! (Note: John C. Reilly is our benchmark for a versatile acting career. The man was in The Hours and Talladega Nights, so…) Deadline reported today that Josh Hutcherson is currently “negotiating” for the lead in Paradise Lost, across from, you know, Benicio Del Toro playing the infamous drug king pin Pablo Escobar. Does that seem weird to you? Does the film’s description: “Nick, a young Irish surfer who visits his brother in Colombia. There he meets the love of his life — until he meets her uncle Pablo”? Well, it shouldn’t. Josh has basically been cycling through every film genre imaginable since he started in TV movies a decade ago. It was only a matter of time he hit “Drug Action Thriller” after starring in genres like..
Guys, sometimes a piece of gossip comes across our screens that reminds us how truly great life can be. Remember when Kathy Griffin was allegedly dating the Old Spice Guy, or that time CoCo’s butt was answering fan tweets? Today that wonderful rumor concerns how much Leonardo DiCaprioloves getting colonics. “Leo was introduced to them by [former] girlfriend Erin Heatherton and goes to The Piper Center for Eternal Wellness on Spring Street,” a source from the New York-based clinic reported to HuffPo. “While he was dating Erin, he went four times and was last seen leaving the center on Aug. 22, but hasn’t been back since he broke up with Erin.” Ah, the things we do for love. On a semi-related note, the joy we feel must be what the Grinch felt when his heart grew three sizes that day.
The source continued, “Like a lot of guys, Leo took a while to be convinced to try one.” Unlike us ladies, who love getting a hose filled with pressurized water shoved in our poopers! “It can be very embarrassing, but now that he has had one, he loves it,” they claim. He. Loves. It. Maybe it makes us bad people, but we feel like George Bailey running home at the end of It’s A Wonderful Life right now. Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building And Loan! Merry Christmas, Leonardo DiCaprio’s alleged love of manual colon cleansing!