Posts By Halle Kiefer

by (@hallekiefer)

James Franco Reminisces About Teenage Sex Tape, Applauds Porn Stars

Some people live their lives to hear a few words, like “I love you” or “You are not the father.” The words we have been waiting for? “James Franco sex tape.” Did your life just gain meaning too? When a Newsweek interviewer asked Franco the question “Is there a secret to landing a good kiss?,” James waxed nostalgic about a private screening, or rather, a screening of his privates. “Anybody who has made a home sex tape knows what feels best doesn’t always look best. I remember when I was 19 doing that, and then watching it back and thinking, ‘Oh, that looks horrible,” Franco admits. We find it highly unlikely that James would look that bad in the boudoir. Then again, we’d really only be able to tell upon viewing…

Franco, who finds out tomorrow morning if he snagged an Oscar nomination for 127 Hours, is humble enough to know that being a successful artist, soap actor and general insane person does not  mean he belongs at the AVN porn awards. “So you have a lot of respect for those actors in pornography, because they are really not just doing it, they’re really selling it! It’s the same thing with a kiss. It’s not just the kiss that feels best, it’s an image. Something different is happening if it’s a good kiss,” James explained. We’re not technically in the Academy, but if Franco doesn’t win a little gold man this year, there are worse ideas then releasing his own personal epic romance. For example, not releasing it.

by (@hallekiefer)

Steve Harvey’s Ex-Wife Puts The Funny Man On Blast

In the past, jilted spouses of celebrities often had to go through the trouble of publishing a tell-all novel. Today, if they have 20 minutes and a web camera, angry wives and husbands can ruin their exes’ careers in less time than it takes to watch an episode of Family Feud. In clips posted over the weekend, Steve Harvey’s ex-wife Mary Harvey rants on YouTube about his many extra-marital affairs. According to her extensive three-part video diatribe, Mary describing finding out about her husband’s girlfriend when she opened a package labeled “Confidential” to find a letter from Steve’s mistress and now wife, Marjorie. So, his mistress mailed him with written proof of their affair? Looks like Steve wasn’t exactly interested in Marjorie’s intellectual capabilities, if you get our drift.

Mr. Harvey is currently marketing himself as a dating guru with his books “Straight Talk, No Chaser” and New York Times best-seller “Think Like A Lady, Act Like A Man,” or as he’ll have to rename it, “Think Like A Pig, Act Like A Dirtbag.” Reportedly Harvey tweeted a response over the weekend, scoffing “I don’t respond to lies….God just keeps blessing and covering me….ISAHIA 54:17.” Given the stack of bills Mary shows at the end of the videos, we can only imagine what other dirt she’s planning to dish out about their 10-year-marriage if she doesn’t get paid. We, for one, can’t say we blame her.

by (@hallekiefer)

Michael Lohan Agreed To Pay Off Lindsay’s Accuser

Every time we think Michael Lohan has outdone himself in the terrible parenting category, he goes ahead and takes it to another level. After today’s scandalous reports about Lindsay Lohan paying off rehab accuser Dawn Holland, it turns out that father Michael Lohan agreed to pay Holland $25,000, and is blabbing about every detail. “Dawn has had her attorney meet with me, negotiate with me and even propose a ‘deal’ with me, her lawyer and Lindsay’s lawyer, Shawn Holly (Chapman) and while I agreed to Dawn Holland’s initial ‘number’, to procure financial stability due to getting fired, she got greedy and took it to another level,” Lohan admits. Michael must have been pretty impressed to have finally met his slimy match.

Michael still somehow believes that it’s Holland who is going to be injured by this exchange, not his actress daughter. “I believe that the courts and public will see, that this is a woman, who motives and intentions (sic), to set Lindsay up, so she could have financial gain,” Lohan explains. Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan’s lawyer denies she was involved in the sordid exchange. “I have never entered into any agreement with Ms. Holland or with any representative of Ms. Holland– on Ms. Lohan’s behalf or otherwise– for money to be paid to Ms. Holland, either directly or indirectly,” Shawn Chapman claims. We still don’t know if Lindsay knew about all these back-room deals, though once she finds out her father was involved, we doubt she’ll be surprised.

by (@hallekiefer)

Matt LeBlanc Reassures America That He Is Not Well-Endowed

In an interview about his new show Episodes, Matt LeBlanc reveals that he is pretty much average…all of him. While his character on the new program (also named Matt LeBlanc) is down-right cocky about his super-sized package, LeBlanc says “I guess it’s OK to point out that I am absolutely of human proportion, so fear not!” As far as we’re concerned, he could admit that he’s hung like an infant Chihuahua; no embarrassing truth can take away the $100 million LeBlanc made from Friends.

While in the past Matt felt pigeonholed by his successful sitcom role, he wasn’t exactly eager to take on a new role playing himself. “I had reservations at first. But it’s not a documentary, it’s a scripted character. Once I got my head around that, it became really fun to make fun of myself. I didn’t mind being the brunt of the joe…if it’s a good joke,” LeBlanc admits. We hope Episodes is a hit, given that a Friends reunion isn’t likely to happen. Here’s hoping the fictional Matt LeBlanc is as forth-coming as the real one.

by (@hallekiefer)

Macaulay Culkin’s Porn Star Friend Sure Has A Lot To Say About Mila Kunis

We as a society should know by now that if you are a famous person AND you consort with porn stars, one of said porn stars is eventually going to go rogue. Apparently Macaulay Culkin‘s porn star friend has advice for Mila Kunis, and we’re sure the Black Swan actress is just dying to find out what that would be. Spotted at “live sex club” Bagdad in Barcelona with the Saved! star, Spanish porn actress Irene Lopez explains, “If there is a possibility that he goes back with Mila, I don’t want to be an obstacle. The breakup is really fresh.” What could possibly be an obstacle about having your sex club buddy chat with the media about your ex-girlfriend? Except everything.

Unfortunately for any future hope that Culkin’s split from Kunis might not be permanent, Lopez just kept talking. “The last time I was with him, no one found out about it. I don’t know what happened this time that the newspaper heard about it,” she explained. Oh snaaaaap! So does that mean she and Culkin were “befriending” each other while he and Mila were a couple? As if that wasn’t scandalous enough, now Culkin’s photo is on the website of the sex club. Charlie Sheen must be shaking his head in recognition. Go mentor him, Charlie. Culkin must learn your ways.

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Antoine Dodson: The Next Big Reality Star?

Get your kids, your wife and/or your husband out of hiding, because it’s official: Antoine Dodson has his own reality show. Dodson, of Bedroom Intruder fame, will star in a program focused on his move from Alabama to West Hollywood and, we’re hoping, Antoine’s music career. We could not be more into this if every episode was Autotuned, though we wouldn’t complain if they are!

Dodson is currently in the process of shooting the pilot, produced by Entertainment One. Actress Kali Hawk from Get Him To The Greek and the upcoming Bridesmaids with Kristen Wiig will serve as executive producer, confirming what we always knew: Kali Hawk is a total genius. Apparently the show has yet to be named. Might we suggest Run And Tell That? Either way, one thing is clear: if you don’t watch this show, you are so dumb. FOR REAL.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Snooki And JWoww Land Themselves A Spin-Off!

In news that makes us want to beat up the beat, Snooki and JWoww are getting their own spin-off. According to a source, Nicole Polizzi and Jenni Farley will be in Long Island filming the pilot this weekend. Look, it’s not that we don’t love the other Jersey girls and boys. It’s just that we love Snooki and JWoww so much more. The show reportedly doesn’t have a particular hook other than Nicole and Jenni’s amazing personalities. The title might not be Snookin’ For Love, but we all know that’s exactly what they’ll be doing.

The girls join Pauly D in furthering their careers with more reality TV, despite the fact that their time at the shore has opened up a variety of outlets for their particular brand of awesome. Snooki’s about six months and a couple million dollars away from a media empire now that her novel A Shore Thing is a New York Times best-seller, while JWoww’s artistic abilities as an undergrad have recently come to light. These ladies are shaping up to be a regular Oprah and Gayle, but with slightly more weave-pulling and faceplants.

by (@hallekiefer)

Jesse James And Kat Von D To Marry Next Month, Bombshell McGee Against It

Now that the cat’s out of the bag about their upcoming nuptials, Kat Von D and Jesse James will wed next month. Why wait, when you can start grossing America out immediately? “Jesse and Kat don’t see any reason why they should wait to trade vows,” a source claims. “They are madly in love with each other and want to make everything official.” Von D has been showing off her engagement ring, a 4-carat platinum and diamond stunner from Neil Lane, but only has a few more weeks to parade it around before the couple’s small wedding, to be located somewhere outside of California. We can’t wait to see what insane, permanent mistakes they’ll slap on their bodies as a testament to their undying love!

As if were any of her business, Michelle “Bombshell” McGee warns that Jesse will cheat, as if that wasn’t so much of a given, he’ll probably put it in his vows. In a video message to RadarOnline, McGee admonishes “I was with Jesse during his marriage—the guy’s not faithful, he doesn’t have a faithful bone in his body!” The only reason we suspect this might not be true is that Kat seems to be exactly the type of women Jesse is draw too. Looks like he found the exact tattoo-to-skin ratio he likes, which seems to be somewhere around 12-to-1.

by (@hallekiefer)

Sacha Baron Cohen Filming Romance Movie Based On Saddam Hussein Novel

We know Hollywood is desperate for original story ideas (The Smurfs movie, anyone?), but there’s no way anyone could have predicted Sacha Baron Cohen making a movie based on Saddam Hussein’s novel Zabibah and The King. This is no military history or political drama, either; it’s a sweeping medieval romance that takes place in Saddam’s home town of Tikrit. Published in 2000, the plot revolves around a king who falls in love with a married peasant woman, and must fight to prevent democracy from taking hold of his country. How dreamy! Better bring the Kleenex, ladies.

While the famous novel is officially attributed to a source known as The Author, it’s an open secret in Iraq that the book was written by ghostwriters controlled by Hussein. Cohen’s adaptation, The Dictator, will hit theaters in May 2012. South Park has already mocked Saddam Hussein in every way we thought possible, so we’re looking forward to what the creator of Borat and Burno is going to turn out. We can guarantee one thing at least: the costuming will be…ridiculous.

by (@hallekiefer)

Let The Screaming Match Between Halle Berry And Gabriel Aubry Begin

Despite what sources might have told TMZ earlier this week, all signs are now pointing toward Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry heading into a custody battle. Allegedly Berry picks screaming fights with her ex if he steps out of line, meltdowns that reportedly drove Aubry to file a paternity petition for fear that Halle might try to restrict his access to their daughter Nahla. “Basically whenever Gabriel doesn’t do exactly what Halle tells him to do, or if he does something she doesn’t approve of or like, she goes crazy on him, screaming and shouting,” a source claims. Wow, is this the same Halle Berry we all� know and love? If this is even half-way true, Halle should get an Oscar for her finest role yet: pretending to be a normal human being.

Supposedly it’s Aubry’s luck with the ladies that really has Berry in a twist. “She was particularly angry that he had been so public, even going to a Lakers game one time, and she totally berated him, basically telling him that if he has to date, just date a nobody waitress that nobody will care about,” the source explains. To be fair, if we saw our ex on TV sitting courtside with Kim Kardashian, we don’t know what we’d do either, beside shut the game off. Things have gotten so bad, Gabriel suspects Berry of hiring a private detective to tail him around. Since most of these allegations sound like the ravings of one of Aubry’s disgruntled college buddies, we’ll going to go ahead and give Berry the benefit of a doubt.� If not, we’ll nominate Halle ourselves!

[Photo: Splash News Online]