Posts By Halle Kiefer

by (@hallekiefer)

George Clooney Contracts Malaria While Visiting Sudan

We might not be qualified to practice medicine in anyway, but we have access to at least three kinds of thermometers and are eager to help, knowing that George Clooney contracted malaria in Sudan. Scheduled to be interviewed by Piers Morgan on the British journalist’s new show this Friday, the host revealed Clooney’s diagnosis in a promo tweet: “BREAKING NEWS: George Clooney has contracted malaria following recent trip to Sudan. Reveals news on @PiersTonight tomorrow 9PM ET.” We’d say this is the only thing that would make us keep our mitts off the silver fox, but we are we kidding? Clooney would have to be wearing a blanket made out of mosquitoes before we’d stop swooning long enough to care.

Clooney’s rep confirms the diagnosis, explaining “George is completely over the malaria he contracted while in the Sudan during the first week in January.” Clooney spent time in Africa this past December as part of his ongoing humanitarian effort in the region. Joked Morgan after his initial tweet, “Clooney malaria update: now have 24,563 offers to nurse him. But his rep says medication’s worked and he’s OK. Sorry, ladies.” Make it 24,564, and really, we were not joking about those thermometers.

by (@hallekiefer)

Can Taylor Swift And Jake Gyllenhaal Seriously Be Back Together Already?

Nothing makes us want to push our glasses to the end of our noses and say “Girrrrrl” in a warning tone like news that Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal were spotted at dinner together. The pair were sighted in Nashville Wednesday night, dining at Bound’ry, a spot reportedly close to Swift’s apartment. “They did eat. They were cordial to one another, but not affectionate,” an eyewitness claims. “There was no holding hands, but they seemed happy together. They sat next to the fireplace just chatting away.” Hopefully this is just Taylor’s way of getting closure/extra song material, or else girl is going to end up with a death metal album by the end of this drama. Oh wait…do you think that’s what happened to Taylor Momsen?

Gyllenhaal sure has a lot of ‘splaining to do after not only taking his ex Jenny Lewis to the Golden Globes, but also making face time with Mila Kunis and Camilla Belle. All within a 48-hour time period! While Jake’s reps have since declared the actor is “not dating” Belle, Swift’s former rival for Joe Jonas, we suspect the damage might already be done. We personally are ready for the songstress to shut Gyllenhaal down and start plotting her next move. After all, there nothing that girl does better than revenge.

[Photos: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Justin Bieber Is The New Face Of Adorable Puppies & Kittens Everywhere

If you’ve ever wanted to take Justin Bieber home, make him a soft bed in a cardboard box and let him sleep next to an alarm clock wrapped in your t-shirtwell, you can’t. That would just be weird. After seeing Justin Bieber’s PETA campaign for pet adoption, however, taking home an abandoned dog or cat might just be next best thing. Already the human equivalent of an lovable pup, Bieber talks on camera about his pet papillon Sam. “We moved to a city where I didn’t really know anybody, so I kinda wanted a friend around,” Justin admits. If that doesn’t make you want to run out and get a homeless pooch or feline, then you, sir or ma’am, have no soul.

Justin joins other celebs like Lea Michele as part of PETA2, PETA’s young adult division, which offiers a refreshing change from PETA’s typical hot-ladies-covered-in-zero-clothes angle (no offense, Pam Anderson!). Bieber, who will be playing the Grammys with Jaden Smith and Usher, explains “It’s really important that people adopt. I really encourage going out to an animal shelter or a place where you can get a dog who has been abandoned or doesn’t have a home.” If we were an abandoned pet, we’d want Bieber on our side, too. Well, we probably wouldn’t know who he was because we would be dogs, but still. You get our drift.

[Photo: PETA2]

by (@hallekiefer)

Jesse James And Kat Von D Confirm Engagement, Will Suck Face For Eternity

Looks like we were right when we thought that huge classy diamond looked a little out of place on Kat Von D’s skull-covered mitt. Turns out that Jesse James and Kat Von D are engaged, and the ecstatic groom-to-be wants the world to know he couldn’t be happier. “You know sometimes the public and press gets it wrong. This is one of those times. 2010 was actually the best year of my life because I fell in love with my best friend. An amazing woman who stood behind me when the world turned their backs,” James gushed to People. Can’t imagine why anyone in the media would think that getting caught cheating on your Oscar-winning wife with a rumored neo-Nazi would make for an off year. Our bad! We guess that means 2010 was ex-wife Sandra Bullock‘s best year as well, since at least she got to stop being married to such a deluded egomaniac!

Having locked it down after less than a year of dating, James has been particularly mushy on Twitter lately about his lady love. “I have never met anyone so kind and loving and committed to making the world a better place every day. My love for her is beyond description. So honored that she said ‘yes.’ Growing old with her is going to be a f—-n’ blast!” Jesse squeals. Von D agrees, explaining “There is no one else for me. He’s the one.” Congratulations to the happy pair. Now you can finally get each other’s faces tattooed over your own, just like you always wanted!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

by (@hallekiefer)

Brooklyn Decker Hits The Sheets In Esquire

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Wife of Andy Roddick Brooklyn Decker bares almost all in February’s Esquire hitting news stands next Tuesday. As banging as her body definitely is, Decker has discussed her past eating disorders, explaining “I was always with other aspiring models. There were bingers and purgers, and everyone watched each other eat. It freaked me out. My father did an intervention and got me to stop obsessing about everyone else and wrecking my body.” Given that she’s also starring in the upcoming film Just Go with It with Adam Sandler, we’re hoping that helps Decker realize people can see her as more than a pretty face or expertly-filled out bikini.

As if this eyeful of her isn’t enough, Esquire also has an Brooklyn Decker app that can make the model appear anywhere you hold up your phone, which we hope is more than just a painful reminder that we will never be within 15 feet of anywhere Brooklyn Decker is standing.

[Photos: Esquire.com]

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by (@hallekiefer)

Lil’ Wayne Upgrades His Uno Game In Prison

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Of all the things we associate with prison time, card games you played with your bored babysitter would not have made the list. After being released after eight months of his one-year sentence in November, Lil’ Wayne opens up about prison life in Rolling Stone, including, most importantly, how good he got at the card game Uno. “I’d bust a n—a’s a– at Uno,” the rapper boasts. “We gamble for phone time. I’d take n—a’s commissary: Lemme get them cookies, lemme get them chips, get that soup.” Does a crazy-rich musician really have to take soup from his fellow inmates? We’re sore winners too, but come on.

While Wayne spent a month in solitary at the end of his sentence for having an iPod charger, an inmate named Charles took the rap for Yeezy. “He was a solid n—a. Shout-out to Charles…Solitary was the worst. No TV. No radio. No commissary. Basically you’re in there 23 hours a day,” Lil’ Wayne admits. Charles had better have a million in crisp $20 bills waiting when he when he gets out, is all we’re saying. When it comes down to it though, according to Wayne, celibacy was the hardest part of jail of his stay. “Anyone starts looking good in that b—-, Like, ‘Damn, look at HER with that uniform on, Mrs Officer!’” No amount of soup in the world can take your mind off the ladies in that case, huh Wayne?

[Photo: Rollingstone.com]

by (@hallekiefer)

Portia De Rossi’s Ex-Husband Ran Off With Her Brother’s Wife

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Apparently, before she was Ellen Degeneres‘ wife, Portia de Rossi was married to a man…until her husband ran off with her sister-in-law. Married to filmmaker Mel Metcalfe in 1996, de Rossi was stunned three years later when Metcalfe left her for brother Michael’s wife Renee Kappos. “When Mel left me and Renee suddenly sabotaged her marriage to my brother to be with Mel, Brother and I were left idiotically scratching our heads in disbelief,” de Rossi reveals. Despite the unexpected affair, however, Portia already knew that her days as a straight woman were nearing an end. “By the end of our first year together, despite my desire to be attracted to him, my latent fear of my real sexuality was simmering and about to boil,” Portia now admits. Seems like some blessings come in disguise, or by the name of Mel Metcalfe.

Portia opens up about her divorce, eating disorder and more in her new memoir Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain. Despite what some have suggested, Australian-born Portia did not marry her hubbie to stay in the U.S., explaining “I actually married him, for a green card. But I didn’t get my green card through him—I couldn’t do it at the end.” Luckily there’s no lingering bad blood between Portia and her ex, so we guess it worked out for the best for everyone in the end. Oh, wait, except for Portia’s brother. Oh yikes…

[Photo: Getty Images]

by (@hallekiefer)

Seth Rogen Reveals George Lucas Is Planning For The Apocalypse

There’s nothing we love more than a celebrity who cannot keep his mouth shut no matter what. According to Seth Rogen, George Lucas believes the world will end in 2012. “George Lucas sits down and seriously proceeds to talk for around 25 minutes about how he thinks the world is gonna end in the year 2012, like, for real. He thinks it,” says the Green Hornet star about a meeting with the Star Wars director and Steven Spielberg. “[Lucas is] going on about the tectonic plates and all the time Spielberg is, like, rolling his eyes, like, ‘My nerdy friend won’t shut up, I’m sorry…’” The craziest part of this story isn’t George’s rant about Armageddon; it’s that Seth would leave a meeting with two of the biggest heavy hitters in Hollywood and tell everybody how crazy they are. There goes his chance at being cast as Jar Jar Binks in the remake of The Phantom Menace

Part of us is reluctant to believe anyone could be so unhinged as to predict The End Times, but Seth is nothing if not honest. So honest, in fact, that Rogen also revealed that he’s tossed out all his pornos. “I had a lot of porn, a huge collection. I’d leave it on a side table and rest my beer on it. I had a ton of porn, like volumes of it, libraries,” Seth admits. “I thought back to when I was a kid and where I found my porn, and it was in a bag in a park somewhere. And so I thought well I should carry on the tradition so I put it all in a bag and left it in a school park.” Don’t worry, Rogen assures us, he can still access plenty of filth via modern gadgets. “Luckily with technology I can j–k off to my iPhone,” Seth crows. Before you pledge eternity to this guy, Lauren, you seriously need to discuss what “having a filter” means.

by (@hallekiefer)

Mel Gibson Allegedly Facing Charges For Domestic Abuse

If this news surprises you at all, we have one million bridges we’d like to sell you. Allegedly Mel Gibson will face criminal charges for domestic abuse, unless his lawyer can successfully intervene on his behalf. According to RadarOnline, prosecutors met with Gibson’s attorney Blair Berk yesterday in a last-ditch attempt to head of charges of domestic violence/corporal injury, which could be prosecuted as a felony or misdemeanor. Sources close to the case, however, say the wheels are already in motion. “The District Attorney has a very strong case, there is a lot of information that the public and Mel Gibson are unaware that the DA has,” an insider revealed, making the only thing shocking thing about this news is why it didn’t happen months ago.

As of this afternoon, District Attorney Steve Cooley says the case is “actively in review,” but has not decided whether charges will be brought. In case you can’t remember which parts of the eternal ballad of Mel were illegal rather than just morally repugnant, the charges would stem from Gibson’s admission that he slapped ex Oksana Grigorieva, which she remembers as a much more brutal attack. Guess all those threatening phone calls were just a freebie! The news comes just days after officials at the SXSW Film Festival announced The Beaver will premiere there in March. Looks like Mel will get out just in time to shoot the sequel. Or if we luck out, never.

by (@hallekiefer)

Khloe Kardashian Rocks That Carrot Top-Meets-S&M Chic In YRB Magazine

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Following her sisters’ forays into fashion, Khloe Kardashian models a face mask for YRB Magazine like the super-fierce Hannibal Lector she is. After posting the pics on her blog Khloe explains, “This shoot was actually part of the inspiration behind my decision to dye my hair red. I had been considering it, but then the shoot went so well so I decided to go for it that day! I guess I was just in changing mood LOL.” Who knew blending 1 part Conan O’Brien with 3 parts Lady Gaga would turn out such fabulous results? Don’t get any ideas, Gaga…or Conan.

Unfortunately we’ll never know if Khloe took her S&M-themed mask home after the shoot, because hubby Lamar Odom vows the couple will never have a sex-tape. “When people see us in person, they see Khloe’s not small,” Lamar inexplicably told Playboy. “I’m not small [either]. People see us and are probably like, ‘Damn, I wonder how that looks.’ We wouldn’t have anything to be ashamed about, but no, that’s not going down.” While saying your wife isn’t little out loud might seem like a facepalm is in order, we actually love that Khloe isn’t miniature like her sisters. Big girl, big shoes, big style. Keep bringing it, lady!

[Photo: Khloe Kardashian's Blog]

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